Everyday is so painful and i hate myself. I don't know what i am doing with my life. I hate myself so much. But i just can't find a way out of this desperation. Every night, after hours of gaming, i went to bed and i just can't sleep with this feeling of being guilty. I promise myself to give up gaming on the next day, but i never succeed. I broke my own promise. I lied to myself. What am i doing with my life?
Glad you found information about Internet Gaming Disorder and Addiction. Join the online meetings:
http://olganon.org/?q=node/46551
Andrew P. Doan, MPH, MD, PhD
My Gaming Addiction Videos on YouTube: YouTube.com/@DrAndrewDoan
*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy, DHA or Department of Defense.
Hi veryfreebird
im in the same boat as you. I just got here a few days ago and I was feeling the same things. I've hurt some people because of my gaming and I loathed myself for it. One thing that really helped me was to tell some of those people. It was very emotional, but I felt so releived afterwards. Maybe you're in a similar situation and could try that.
Also, I agree with Andrew. Go to meetings. I went to my first one last night and it was very enlightening. It helped a lot to hear other people's stories and that they are in recovery. I also stayed after and talked with a few members. It was so relieving to have people who can listen and relate to what you're going through.
Hang in there!
These are the times in life where you've hit some sort of "rock bottom", there's no where but upwards from here. Use that to your advantage and slowly make them needed steps to remove the addiction from your life and recover.
Something that helps me alot is thinking of the positives of stopping and the negatives which continue to feed at me if I don't stop. I'll give you some examples that I have, if I stop I'll feel as if I can socialise with people more. If I continue to endulge in gaming i'll more than likely go into a pattern of no social life, impeed my capabilites to go to the college I want and do what I want to do in life. The advantages of substaining from games are pretty much the opposites to the negatives!
You need to find that thing or things that drives you on and to remind yourself everyday why you keeping off gaming, but that first step is all it takes to get the wheel going.
Welcome Freebird! I too was stuck in that cycle of gaming and hating myself and when I did finally go to bed after hours and hours of gaming, lying there full of fear and guilt and turning around and repeating it over again. With the help of other recovering gamers here, coming to the meetings which Andrew's post above show their time each day and location, I've been able to get now to a little over 8 months game free and feel peaceful and hopeful and compared to where I was not too long ago, that is miraculous. Hope to see you in one of the meetings. Hang in there.
Hugs, Lisa Video game free since 4/17/2014
The only thing I want to tell you is that you can't get out of this vicious cycle by yourself. Beside meetings on this site and so on, I would encourage you to talk to real and trustworthy people. It may be a friend, a teacher, a priest or a parent. You and all of us here have some sort of social problems so being in contact with people is very beneficial. Force yourself to get out of your room and do something outside. Usually, staying too much in a room is called imprisonment. I did the same thing and it's bad.
"The future is determined by our choices in the present." - Anonymous Author
Welcome freebird! I completely relate to your feelings of guilt and hating yourself. I am sure you have heard the saying "the truth shall set you free" I never apreciated this until I stopped gaming and stopped telling the lies to myself and my loved ones. Quitting is not easy and probably impossible for most addicts without the help of others like the group here.
"Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, Thats why it's called the Present"