Hi, I have an issue with gaming excessively. It used to be worse than it is currently, Mainly it is only on my phone now and does not affect my ability to function, my work, and I personally think I have a decent balance of time spent per day.
My girl and I live together, we've been together for 5.5 months. About a month ago I went through a spurt were I was playing games almost all day if I wasn't working that day, my girlfriend became upset and I could understand why and I made efforts to correct this and now I spend plenty of time with her every day, but if I go smoke a cigarette for 15 minutes and I get caught on my phone playing a game she blows up and starts saying that id rather be doing that than spend time with her. I still game but mostly its after she goes to sleep because I obviously cannot do so around her because she will immediately create a scene or make comments and make me feel guilty and stop. But if I game at night then she complains that Im taking time away from her by sleeping later. Now, I spend a range of 90mins to 4 hours gaming a 24 hour day on a day that we are not working and less if at all if I am working that day. All other free time is spent with her at home, I don't go out, I don't devote time to anything else. She gets so angry ever since a month ago when I was bad about it. I don't feel like Im in the wrong here but I need some opinions aside from her Myopic, jealous and overzealous ones. I know that this is an anti gaming site but I was looking for unbiased opinion here anyhow.
Im not sure if this is relative, but my girlfriend is also my boss at work.
Hi B
This site is not anti-gaming per se, but obviously we do not promote gaming on this site. We understand that many people can have a balanced life with gaming. We repect peoples choices. This site is really to support addicts who want to recover or their loved ones who are in distress. So your question could be outside the bounds of our mission.
Having said that, there are some things you may want to consider.
For some people there is a risk that their life becomes unbalanced when they game. Hours increase. Their personality changes, they start to neglect their loved ones, they start to neglect themselves. Many of our members testamonies from both addicts and loved ones show that often the addict is not aware of these changes and the harm caused by neglect until they have quit games and recovered. While they are gaming they think they are right and everybody else who wants them to stop is unreasonable. We also hear that many gamers think they are only spending x amount of time on their phones or computers, when the spouse can prove that its more than twice that amount of time, for example. The gamer is not 'lying' but just totally unaware of the true extent of their play time. Maybe this could be relevant to you, or not.
We also know from testamony that sometimes a sensitive spouse can be very controlling towards a gamer, in a way that does not help the relationship. This could be relevant to your girl, or not.
It's not really possible for us to say either of you is wrong or right. We only have your side of the story after all.
If you want to resolve this you need both to be honest with why both of you are upset about the current situation and what is acceptable behaviour within your relationship in both your eyes. Maybe agree some boundaries but then you need to stick to them and not break them.
Perhaps think about what you would do if it became a 'me or the game' ultimatum. If you think this person is 'the one' but you would be prepared to consider leaving the relationship so you could continue to game ( even if you rationalise it as leaving her because she is "controlling"), this could tell you something about how important games are to you, over a relationship. What you really love the most. People do not want to be number two in a relationship. It sounds as though that is what she is trying to tell you. She is not wrong to have those feelings ... you can't tell her that having feelings is unreasonable, but you can explore where they might come from together and respect each other's reasonable needs.
There is a self tests here to see if you are moving towards 'addiction' http://www.olganon.org/self_tests_on_gaming_addiction .
I have also read on the forum somewhere that research shows a good indicator of gaming addiction (without going through a lengthy assessment) is people who play 4 hours or more per day.
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