&: Crossroads

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Muhi
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&: Crossroads

When we come to the crossroads.

How do we know that it has taken over our life? How can we accept this?

Anon can be a great thing at times. We can shut our world out and not deal with things that are going on around us. How do these things come to light? Our lives were filled with laughter a long time before this, but the addiction is overwhelming, and happiness no longer reigns. Why did we let it get this far? The absolute awe of the whole environment impressed us, and the compulsion began. A new world, a better world, one where we don't have to work 9 to 5, where we can be whatever we want to be, where we can shut ourselves away and no-one knows who we are, neither do they care what we look like, we can be whatever we want.

Suddenly, life becomes pointless, as we do not interact with life no longer. We interact with a make believe world, a world where, yes we are where we want to be. Why do we want to stay there and resent anybody that tries to take it away from us? Life is boring, life is pointless, there is no excitement any longer. We know we are in trouble now but it doesn't matter. We can put the letters away and hide them, it no longer matters. We want to stay here, we want to stay in this safe world. We adventure into the deep caverns of the unknown, we stick together, we cheer together and we accomplish things together. We must get further in our goals. There is no end to what we can do here. We must get to that higher level, we must get those items of power.

We forget how we once enjoyed the things that we did. When we walked in the grasslands of the countryside and cherished the moments, with the birds singing and the sky ice blue. How the people we held dearest was at our side too.

Instead, hurt reigns. We hate ourselves and we hate the people around us. We hate what we do, and we hate the people that try and stop us. Our goals are close, we are so close to achieving them. Unfortunately, once we achieve them there is always something else we want to achieve. Our friends online encourage us; we can't let them down, we want those things too, we don't want them to have them, we want to show we are needed too. But the comradeship of the guild is there, they know why we are there, they agree with us too.

We now start to see the people outside as enemies. Why do they interfere so? Why do they want to take the pleasure that I get away from me? Why do they still stick around? Why are they still here? We have now forgotten how it use to be, how it use to be before. This is how life should be, you argue, there should be no 9 to 5. This is how it should be. All our inhibitions.

People say you have got a problem, and you are turning inwards on yourself. You can no longer interact with people, what have you got to talk about? You see them as interfering and doing you no good. What could they possible know? I'm in control.

Then it happens one day.

The crossroads for us all.

A choice.

A choice we must make. Depression has set in, and we see no point to life. But maybe there is a chance.

A chance to drag yourself out of this hole, it doesn't have to be like this. It could be so different.
Remember back on the happier days, where we enjoyed life.

The game has become a ritual, we no longer enjoy it, we need it but it does us no good. The game is a job, so a job consumes us 24/7, we have a breakdown. We need a break from this. Can't take it any longer, something must give. What gives is your choice. Let's hope it's the right one.

A light is shining bright, and we can shine so much if we let it.

There is no need for all this pain, we can beat it. We can change things around, nothing is ever too late. We have become in need of the game, because that is all we have now, but we must break away from it. It is our way of ignoring problems, of dealing with problems, and yet we can give up so much just because of it.

It is not easy. It is not easy to try and regain what we once had. What will people think of me? They know what has happened and I'm ashamed. I am ashamed of how I could have had let this happen. I don't want people to think of me in that way, that I am weak, that I could give up so much over something like this.

But there is hope.

You get one life.
What do you want to achieve with your life?
There is so much out there, there is so much, so much you could do.
All those different things you want to accomplish, why can't you?
Do you really give everything you've got to a particular thing, except the game?
Do you want to be on your own for the rest of your life?
What would you want people to remember you by?
If you had a choice of doing anything or changing your life to the way you want it, what would it be?

We sometimes get confused on our journey, the most important thing is to re-find the way.

A small change can lead to a greater one. You will be surprised how much better you feel if you just take one day to yourself / or with someone and do something completely different. Make that one day, two. Take back up the old hobbies you once had. Start to find an interest in something else, preferably a sporting activity, or outside, as this can work wonders. Being outside on a beautiful hot day, or listening to the nature of what is around you, can be relaxing. Remember, if you have played that game 24/7, you have basically had no breaks whatsoever for months and months. No wonder you feel snappy, anxious, moody, depressed.

There is no shame in admitting what you done. The important thing is to remember that you are now on the road to recovery and to a better life. A better life where one day you will say "xxxx game doesn't interest me no longer, what a waste of time". Where you will once cherish the important things in life.

Addiction can be overcome and can be controlled. Sometimes, it is a means of an escape, even if you don't think you are escaping from anything. I know one thing that can be off putting is when people categorise, and don't really offer any sort of words of help. "About time you snapped out of that", to me leads to more resentment and doesn't address the situation.

Your in control of you life, not your on-line games, not your guild who wants you to stay to kill UberMob_01. Learn to say no and mean it. After all, do they really appreciate what you do to help them? That you have sacrificed some time with your family to kill something for them? No, they will just want more the next time. Is your family really, really worth, giving all that you have, up?

 

 

 

lizwool
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Re: Crossroads

Muhi,

Thank you for sharing.

Liz

What you do may seem insignificant, but it's important that you do it. - Mahatma Gandhi

Xandtar
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Re: Crossroads

This is one of the most moving posts I have ever read.

It so sums up all the human tragedy in this "victimless" addiction.

When I read it, it encourages me to never, ever find myself at those crossroads again.

With God's help, I never shall.

Leveling in Real Life

Gundark Viresdator
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Re: Crossroads

Incredible.

And accurate.

Thanks for sticky-posting this one at the top.

Diggo McDiggity
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Re: Crossroads

Well, even if you sink your life into gaming oblivion, you will still have real life to contend with - Why not just make the most out of real life? It's pretty amazing how easy it is to turn your life around once you've decided it's what you want to do.
But you have to find compelling reasons to do so. Find other people in your real life to focus on instead of focusing on yourself. Gaming addicts hyper focus on themselves and their own problems and this becomes a downward spiral. Focusing on external things and people helps break you free of this.

I read posts like Betatest's and it brings back memories to how things were in my past at various times. But those were times when I was more worried about my own problems and feelings than I was others. When I turned my focus outwards, things started fixing themselves automatically, somehow.

The world works in strange ways.

Ron

"Get a Life!"
Ron Jaffe AKA Diggo McDiggity
OLGA Admin and Member since 2001
eMail: ronjaffe@cfl.rr.com

Co-Founder of OLGA and member since 2002

Diggo McDiggity
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Re: Crossroads

Truly a brilliant post, and thank you Xandtar for saving it amidst the turmoil of a 'sacked' EZ-Board message board farm.
But I also wanted to point out one part of that post:Quote:We now start to see the people outside as enemies. Why do they interfere so? Why do they want to take the pleasure that I get away from me? Why do they still stick around? Why are they still here? We have now forgotten how it use to be, how it use to be before. This is how life should be, you argue, there should be no 9 aEU" 5. This is how it should be.This part above is what those in the depth of their 'addiction' are feeling. But there is an interesting irony here... Many who finally free themselves adopt that same militant attitude back toward those who are still drinking...or playing...or who are still spiritually lost, etc. Take a second and re-read the above from the perspective of someone who has stopped playing, or drinking, or who has found God. Fits, doesn't it?
In my dealings here and in the real world with others who have found sobriety, or religion, or other 'healing,' some have become so militant in their views that they actually become hostile towards others who are now where they once were. This can be to such extreme that those persons who are now in pain from their addiction are pushed away and shunned...how can those folks who are hurting so ever trust those who do not remember where they came from?

It is our challenge as guides and healers to exude a feeling of understanding and tolerance toward others to let, not only those who come to us with open arms be welcomed...but also those who have come to us for help but who do not yet realize it. Sometimes it is a fine line to know when those disruptive individuals will create more of a hinderence to healing, but that is our challenge to figure this out.

To those who have approached and passed through the crossroads, I ask that you seek within yourselves the strength to accept that those people who are most hostile with our mission here are the ones who most need our help. You must remember that you are no longer where they are and that their pain is NOT your pain. You must remember that you have crossed the crossroads and any residual pain from doing so will only make you stronger.

Having passed through the crossroads myself...I am no better than those who are still playing 10 hours a day. A person who is sober is no better than those who are still drinking and a person who has found "God" is no better than those who have never started looking.

When we feel that we are better than those who have not yet walked where we are walking, then we instantly lose our healing potential and our credibility.

Thanks again, Xandtar for saving that post.

Ron

Ron Jaffe AKA Diggo McDiggity
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On-Line Gamers Anonymous

Co-Founder of OLGA and member since 2002

Xandtar
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Re: Crossroads

An excellent post, Ron...

Well worth mulling over...

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lizwool
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Re: Crossroads

Quote:Having passed through the crossroads myself...I am no better than those who are still playing 10 hours a day. A person who is sober is no better than those who are still drinking and a person who has found "God" is no better than those who have never started looking.

"To thine own self be true."

I don't think people quit playing games or stop drinking to be better than those who do. I personally, have, so I am a better person to live with. I want to get the most out of MY life that I can. I don't want to be controlled by a gaming company or under the influence of alcohol. I want to be ME - sober and straight.

I do not hang around people who do have addictions, because that is no longer of interest to me. I have compassion for them, and hope that one day, they will see what they are missing, by running away from themselves.
I do hang with people who are recovering, as we are all actively trying to make our own lives better. I need that encouragement and support.

I have encountered other things here on this earth, that has made my life more bearable. One of them is God, and another is a spiritual life. My life has an entirely new perspective by having a spiritual life, and by gowing and maturing my personal relationship with God.

Liz

What you do may seem insignificant, but it's important that you do it. - Mahatma Gandhi

Betatest
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Re: Crossroads

Crossroads? For all of us. My addictions have cost me pretty much everything, and I've all but made up my mind to end my life. In my limited interactions with you people, you all seem very nice, but I'm way too @#%$ up to live any longer.

lizwool
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Re: Crossroads

Betatest,

Please don't harm yourself.

Call me at 612-245-1115.

You are not the only person to have messed up your life.
ANY Life is a gift.

Liz

What you do may seem insignificant, but it's important that you do it. - Mahatma Gandhi

Xandtar
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Re: Crossroads

Betatest,

There is more than one type of crossroads out there. I know. I've been at yours-- and took the suicide route. Only dumb luck, and a friend whose mother had committed suicide when she was only eight, kept me alive that August night, some twenty years ago now.

Suicide is surprisingly easy, for the person who does it. At the point when I accepted my death, and all the sadness and fear and everything else faded away, it was so easy. Nothing, and I mean nothing, mattered anymore.

Its much, much harder on all of those left behind.

The road of recovery is a much, much harder road. It is hard to make that effort when all seems pointless and lost. But it CAN be done. And the person you will be at the end of that road may look back, as I do, at the day you were at that crossroads as one of the defining moments of your life.

I wish you the very best.

Good luck to you.

Leveling in Real Life

nthexwn
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Re: Crossroads

Wow,

That's pretty much where I'm at. Deciding whether ot not to sink into a gaming oblivion or to make something of my life. The way this has been put really makes life seem like it's worth living. 2 days ago I was leaning towards consciously abandoning everything and making a gaming zombie out of myself, now that just seems rediculous!

I only hope betatest found a way.

Heh, I've been reading too much and need to go to bed, I could spend as much time reading the archives on this site as I did playing games on the net in the first place! :-O

ajlsmith
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Re: Crossroads

J, I created a thread for you, let me know if you want to change the title so it suits you or maybe you just want to open one up on your own. The "new thread" button is usually on the upper right, and you have to push it to open up a new topic.

Your post is here: p198.ezboard.com/folgafrm...=277.topic

hope it suits you

Maxim

Edited by: calm force at: 2/15/06 5:08

ajlsmith
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Re: Crossroads

Thank you. I saw it and saw some of the replys. After all the tears of the past week I feel like there's some light. I would like to sign onto the meeting tomorrow evening - I don't know if it reequires some special password. If so, would you send it to me?

thx. a

shiva
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Re: Crossroads

Hi a.

the meeting is not protected by password, just go to the site at the apropriate time, I can't participate as I live in a different timezone.

If you wish to get a password to the members section (wanting to work with the 12 steps as I do), either write a short notice to Liz, or post your desire

Maxim

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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.

Xandtar
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I'm keeping this thread

I'm keeping this thread sticky. I recommend everyone read the OP, visitors, OLGA, OLG-Anon, everyone.

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Xandtar
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Re: Crossroads

I hope some of our many visitors right now see this thread. It is so powerful. And so true. :|

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Katesha
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Re: Crossroads

Thank you for sharing that with us relative newcomers as well Bruce!

Morrik
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Re: Crossroads

This post... is heart moving. Honestly and true. I'm trying to hold back the tears.

Xandtar
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Re: Crossroads

Yeah me too. Those of us who are here, who have made the hard choice, often feel the temptation to cross back again. It is our salvation and our privilege to reach back to those who stand there now and whisper, "you CAN do it, reach for us, we'll help you". Not a shout, for we don't do pressure here. But if you need a hand, we're here to give it-- in the hope that one day it is YOU reaching back, for the next person to stand there, despairing and unsure. That is a lesson Ron had to teach to me, and it is one that I hope to pass along as well. There is hope. There is life. There is still you, behind that character. And its you, not the character, that matters to us. Good luck to you. :|

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Arthur84
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Re: &: Crossroads

Truly moving post, touching the soul of every addict. It is never too late to start the road of recovery.

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