Hi everyone, you can call me KK. i don't require any help with my addictive siblings because i really hate them. i just need to share my feeling because of some reason my parents neglected my feeling, and friends don't really understand my feeling. my english is pretty bad, since english is not my native language but i'll try my best. i'm 24 years old, female, unemployed and just finished my study. i'm once addicted to online game,especially mmorpg game. i played this game from 2 years ago and decided to stop 3-4 month ago. it's hard. but my life is harder when i'm still active in the game. there was many times when i'm about to wake up from sleep, at that moment i'm thinking which character i want to log for that day. at first it was funny thinking that i'm having confusion between reality and game world,but later it is not when i can't get the game out of my head. my study drop really bad and i'm not proud at all about my final result. i spend most of my time playing game and sometime skip sleep for it. this continue for more that a year.
during my first month stop playing the game, it was hard. i feel like my life become empty. i got no direction and motivation. i end up filling all the free time with sleeping. my life at that time was either study, eating or sleeping. i admit it was a sudden decision. i cry about my result( i end up repeating another 2 semester) and decided to uninstall and remove all my game. i have spend lots of real money on game. but i admit here that i'm not regret all the resource i spend on game. i have good time with game and i accept that all the bad things happen to me is because of myself-because i'm unable to control myself. not because of game. although the bad final result of my study, i still can smile when remembering my time playing game and all the people i met. but, all those sweet memory still wont get me back to game ever.
i'm stiil recovering and i'm now i'm still looking for things to fill up my schedule. there was this moment that i want to install back the game, thinking that i got better self-control now. but, to overcome this addiction, i understand that i need to delays this intention and keep myself busy with other things. i hope i will forget about my addiction in time.
my sibling is onto game too. and knowing game at such young ages do serious damage to them, to my parents and to me as the oldest sibling. my brothers are addicted to online shooting game. this game solely on pvp mechanic. the problems are they steal my parents money to go cybercafe. sometime they sneak out at 1 am just to go cybercafe that open 24 hours. they have become more aggresive especially when my father tried to stop them from playing game. since they are older now (16-17 years old), they often talk back to my parents in a very rude manner and since they are bigger and stronger they sometime threat to hit my parent. they are not doing their study and got very bad result for importance exams. when i tried to advised them, they humiliate me saying that i play game too and is worse than they are and i'm not fit to tell them what is right and wrong. they become very rude with me. this end up bad relationship between me and my sibling. we are like enemies. there was this one time, while i'm using the internet my brother threat to beat me because he got lag while playing game. out of anger, i break his computer keyboard. next morning, he threat me with knife to get him new keyboard. he look insane crying while holding the broken keyboard in his arm. he looks like he lost his child. i'm not joking when i said he became somehow very stupid too. i got my own temper too and i got snapped when he threat to hit my mom for new keyboard. t go to the kitchen and grab a knife and using that knife i broke the computer and i forced him to get out of the house while i'm still being considerate to not kill him. i was very angry at that time that i went histeric and my hand trembled while holding the knife. there is this problem with spiritual side too. my parents is religious. they send my brother to religious scholl. to tell the truth, we're muslim. and there is this prayer that we are need to perform five times a day. i realised that they often skip prayer because of game. this is really bad. because when god hate you, you are doomed. i tried to help them but they refused my advised, and they disrespect me saying that i'm worse than them. worse is, because they are schooled at a religious school, they even think that i'm worse than them in term of spiritual. even when i'm still addicted to game, i never left any prayer intentionally because of game. they refuse me because thay have planted in their head that i am in any aspects are worse than them. i feel really sad. i have tired of crying and replaces my sadness with anger. i never talk to them until now, because i hate them really bad. i hate them.
and here is some extras: my parents really proud with their son and simply neglected their daughter. to tell the truth,i'm not a very good child. i'm rebellious. i've made my parents cried very bad few times, they got tired with me and decided not to care anymore about me. i was 9 when i yelled to my mother to go died and she never care about me until i went to further my study at 18 years old. since then, distance really got us and we become more like mother and daughter should be. and because of these sins, my father always talk bad about me, about my attitude and about my education of not going to religious school. i never really talked with my father till now. they always biased with me and are so into their son. eventhough their son threat to hit them, 10 minutes later they can still talk nice and smile to them. it tooks me 9 years to get back to my mother! they are blinded by their 'good' son. when they feel remorse or in a bad mood, they will let it go on me. talking in a rude and bad manner to me. when they feel good or in good mood, they will took the sons to eat together, buy things for them. i feel very sad.