I am addicted - badly.

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Epoch
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I am addicted - badly.

So I never understood just how addicted I was, until about a week ago. There I was, playing my mmo of choice, and my gf started to get upset about it. I literally told her to shutup because I was going to raid and need to concentrate. Well this ****ed her off and she flipped the breaker to the room with my computer. Obviously this outraged me. She cam back into the room and told me to stop playing the **** game. Well, I punched her straight in the face, flipped the breaker back on, and booted my computer back up. I didn't even feel bad about until the next morning. She is staying at a friends house currently.

dan1
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You are right--you are badly

You are right--you are badly addicted. You need to quit playing your mmo completely right away.

You may or may not be able to ever salvage your relationship, but it certainly won't even be possible until you quit.

The feeling of rage you had came from your out-of-control- addiction, yes. It isn't an excuse for getting violent, but that is where it comes from. You are lucky not to be in jail. Please decide to quit immediately and start recovering the person you used to be.

I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.

exazzy
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Agree with everything Dan

Agree with everything Dan said. That relationship is probably over. What you do next is for yourself, not to regain your girlfriend.

The good news is that there is help available here. Keep coming back, read all you can, come to a meeting at 9 pm eastern.

Twelve miles into the forest, 12 miles out.
Left my poisonous game July 4, 2012. Left online communities June 4, 2013.

andy.n.jax
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Hi Epoch, Your behavior sure

Hi Epoch,

Your behavior sure sounds addictive to me. Anger, especially when someone interfered with my gaming was one of the signs to me. The big thing for me was that I was using the games to cover up my feelings. In particular, I was getting scared about things in my life so I "escaped" into WoW. Of course, when I stopped paying attention to my real life, things got worse, so I "escaped" more. That cycle got real bad, real fast.

OLGA has helped give me the support to face my REAL LIFE. That's where the REAL fun is. Keep coming back - it works.

Game free since 11/24/2011 (Thanksgiving Day). One Day at a Time.
Available by phone (904)437-0761.

Rainmaker_9 (not verified)
Welcome to Olga... Rage is a

Welcome to Olga... Rage is a common emotion to gamers. If not dealt with it can and will escalate. I agree you're lucky to not be in jail....that being said its obvious you need to change your life. Coming to Olga meetings saved my life. Hope you keep reading posts and come to the night chat meetings... They help tremendously.

Realization
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When addicted gamers play

When addicted gamers play their game, at that moment, nothing is more important than the game. We would do anything to keep playing, which develops into vioence. It's time to calm down, and bring yourself back to real life. Welcome to Olga, Epoch.

You can't erase yesterday, but you can change tomorrow.

Epoch
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I have given it some

I have given it some consideration and have decided, we should blame our parents.

Kate1song
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Epoch wrote: I have given
Epoch wrote:

I have given it some consideration and have decided, we should blame our parents.

Parents do have a big influence..

Recovery though, is about realizing how our past has influenced our maladaptive behavior of the present... and then moving on to more healthy actions.

You are an adult, and your choices.. are your responsibility .. alone.

hugss

There are nightly open chat meetings (9 p.m. EST) in the Olga chatroom.

mubb (not verified)
Epoch wrote: I have given
Epoch wrote:

I have given it some consideration and have decided, we should blame our parents.

I'm not agree with this. Our parents might make mistakes, they're human, they're not perfect. I think that the problem we have is basically in us, i'm not saying that it's our fault also, it's just how we're born, then certain experiences during our lives could lead us to play games excessively with the only purpose of escape, what are you escaping from? that's different from each person.

At the end, it's not about find a guilty here, it's about recognize the problem and then do something about it.

Gettingalife
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Epoch wrote: I have given
Epoch wrote:

I have given it some consideration and have decided, we should blame our parents.

That gave me a good chuckle, Epoch. Thank you for that.

Blame is a pretty useless action every single time it's done for whatever reason - who dropped the dish?! who the hell cares? the dish is broken, let's get it cleaned up.

Now, as for the part our families of origin play in our current condition? They contributed, no doubt, as did every one of our ancestors to a much lesser degree, but a host of factors made your mother who she was and a host made your father who he was, just like a host have resulted in you and in me. It's useful to look at our own past experience only in as much as it helps us understand ourselves and others, and in understanding, have compassion and move forward.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

Kate1song
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Epoch wrote: I have given
Epoch wrote:

I have given it some consideration and have decided, we should blame our parents.

I am wondering Epoch.. since this is your only response since your initial post.... why?

and who is we?

It just comes off a bit odd to me...

There are nightly open chat meetings (9 p.m. EST) in the Olga chatroom.

Silvertabby
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I agree!!!  It's all our

I agree!!! It's all our parent's fault!!!! Ok, I'm just kidding. That's what therapists are for...to help us get over all the mistakes our parents made in bringing us up and take responsibility for our own life now. And I agree with what everybody else said....there's some very good points here.

 

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson

Bangowango
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Epoch wrote: She cam back
Epoch wrote:

She cam back into the room and told me to stop playing the **** game. Well, I punched her straight in the face, flipped the breaker back on, and booted my computer back up. I didn't even feel bad about until the next morning. She is staying at a friends house currently.

?

exazzy
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What was confusing there?

What was confusing there?

Twelve miles into the forest, 12 miles out.
Left my poisonous game July 4, 2012. Left online communities June 4, 2013.

annabelle61
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We all have issues, my mum

We all have issues, my mum had an alcholic father she is not an an alcholic but worries we may be I do resort to a few wines?! My son lost a best friend to cancer, that is part of his problem, life at times does suck as we say over here in Aus, but we need to help ourselves and take the right path not the wrong one, as one wise teacher preaches to her children at school. And sometimes we stray... we wouldn't be human if we didn't. Life is what we make of it and we do give our children issues but we all have them. just my thoughts.

today is the first day of the start of the rest of your life

Andrew28
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Epoch wrote: I have given
Epoch wrote:

I have given it some consideration and have decided, we should blame our parents.

Parents can be blamed for some things, but it only goes so far. You can't blame them for the choices you make. My parents weren't perfect either, but I don't blame them for my choices.

Stopped Gaming: June 22nd, 2014.

Patria
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I'm not sure, we "could"

I'm not sure, we "could" blame our parents; God knows I did often. But can't do that anymore. They have both moved on from this plane of existence.

But, as an adult I am responsible for my own decisions, and if those gosh-darned parents are "making" me do something now, I need to find a good therapist, a rabbi, a priest, a reverand, or sponsor, and then ask them to help me get over it.

operetta
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How are you doing, Epoch,

How are you doing, Epoch, are you still playing?

"She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)." --Lewis Carroll

operetta
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How are you doing, Epoch,

How are you doing, Epoch, are you still gaming? (And if so, what does it matter who you choose to blame?)

"She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)." --Lewis Carroll

Epoch
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Off and on, not as much as I

Off and on, not as much as I did before.

Epoch
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Interesting that you caught,

Interesting that you caught, hmm, I wonder what the implications could possibly be? A mystery perhaps.

starryeyed
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Epoch seems to be playing a

Epoch seems to be playing a bit not just his game but perhaps the forum? Best of luck anyway Epoch in figuring it all out. I hope your gf doesn't decide to press charges.

Ellymae
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There is no doubt, I am

There is no doubt, I am badly addicted, I have been playin about 3 yrs and tryin to quit for over a year now. The rollercoaster is unbearable. I say that yet, I go back for more of the ride. Life is so unsatisfactory I cant seem to find my way. This addiction has a deep hold on me, I suppose , because I can hide in it, but can I really?. Hell no! Everywhere I go there I am. Interesting I hear myself say this, so the game I play is within myself and im not winning. I pray today I do not login to the game of deadend and waste my life to nothing.

operetta
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Hi Ellymae, I'm glad you're

Hi Ellymae,

I'm glad you're here. Please do not give up. Many people have relapsed multiple times before successfully quitting, but it is very possible. Also, I think each time it becomes a little bit easier to quit. Of course your life is unsatisfactory right now. But if you quit games it will start getting better, within a couple of months probably, in ways that you may not be able to foresee right now, but that your brain will be able to figure out once it's freed from the constant pull of the addiction.

I am rooting for you. See you at the meeting tonight?

"She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)." --Lewis Carroll

dan1
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Ellymae, I didn't struggle

Ellymae,

I didn't struggle as much as you are struggling to quit, but I have other issues that I have struggled with to no avail, for a long time. I have issues with mental illness, with other kinds of chaos in my life, with grief and loss, and more. Over the past few years I have received a lot of help for many of these issues. While it was all helping to some extent, I felt stuck. Very stuck and I did not know why. Not until I quit playing games. Now that I have done that, I have been able to see that 1. The gaming had a bigger impact on my life than I ever thought, 2. I was more helpless to control it than I thought and 3. It was keeping me from being able to make progress on many other issues. Now that I have quit and am working the 12 steps, I am beginning to make some real progress. I used to have no hope for my life to get any better, and even no hope that *I* would get better. I still don't have any hope for my life to get better (because the circumstances of our lives are never really under our complete control), but I am starting to have hope for myself. Two days ago, I walked out of a building and stopped in my tracks. I said to myself, I am me. This is me. And I felt a flood of my old memories come back, a flood of feelings that represented my old self, my true self, that I had not felt for years and years. It was an amazing moment. I got a big piece of myself back in that moment. And I know I have been getting bits and pieces back all along. It is agonizingly slow, but it is really happening. I'm grateful. If I am me, if I can be my true self, I can stand anything the nasty people send my way. They tried to destroy who I am, and they almost succeeded (they did succeed, for a time). But I'm coming back now. I will be stronger than I was. That's my hope now.

So what I want to say to you is that there is hope. Yes, everywhere you go, you take yourself. But you do not have to take the addictive cycle in your brain with you. Your real self does not have to be in chains, locked in a back room with no windows. You can be you. And when you quit, you will start to become free. And it will feel very good. NOT the first few days, but soon. There is hope, and we are all rooting for you.

I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.

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