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Sharing our experience, strength and hope to help each other recover and heal from problems caused by video game addiction.
Welcome to OLGA, and thank you for your painfully honest share. And congratulations on day 3! Great job making the very difficult and smart and crucial decision to quit games.
I'm a recovering game addict, today is day 44 game-free for me. I remember the first week after quitting being particularly rough with withdrawals. I suffered big-time anxiety, exhaustion stemming from sleep deprivation, depression, stomach problems, headaches, and maybe a couple of more. They mostly relented between weeks one and two.
There is a lot in your story I can relate to: the obsessive thinking about the games; the violent behavior in-game; the fact that gaming was inconsistent with my values but I did it anyway; the impaired family and social relationships; the dishonesty.
I'm really glad you've reached out for help. Addiction is a serious disease. There is no reason to try and beat it on your own. I tried to quit by myself many times, and failed every time. Finding the OLGA community and starting to work the 12-step program is what is keeping me sober from gaming.
You're right that this isn't who you're supposed to be. There really is hope for a happy, fulfilling, game-free life. I encourage you to stay off games, one day at a time; continue posting in the forums, reading other experiences, educating yourself about the addiction; connect with other members by sending PMs, entering chat, and especially attending the scheduled meetings; and find a sponsor and start to work the recovery program. You may also want to enlist the help of a qualified mental health professional and/or a spiritual adviser you can trust.
Again, welcome, great job quitting. I encourage you to stick around and get all the help you can handle :)
I just found OLGA yesterday. I read your story and I can relate to it. I have a little brother too. He was my gaming buddy since childhood. He and I used to role play with our imagination before gaming. I would be Golden Sonic, and I told him he can "Golden" Knuckles too. :D. He found I lied. Now, he quit high school and locked in his room most of the time. He'll get burst of anger from time to time. He even punched my dad once. He's recently turned 18. Now that you mention it, I feel that I should also follow your steps and not only quit gaming for myself, but also to be a role-model for my brother. Thank you for that.
I used to own Call of Duty: Black Ops. I was good; I got high on kill streaks also. I sold my gaming system in order to quit gaming, but now I found myself hook on League of Legends and Guild Wars 2. I deciding to quit yesterday. Today, hopefully, will be my first day free of gaming.
Today I felt the chills you mention. It was strong. When told myself I wouldn't play today, it hit my like a wave. I lied to myself that I wasn't really going to quit, and the chill stopped. I realize that not only my mind, but my body was addicted to gaming; this scares me.
I really hopes eventually gaming would be part of the past for you; for both of us.
I hope the members of OLGA will be able to help you. They were very nice to me today.
Best of Luck,
Welcome to OLGA, Fishyyy. You aren't at all alone with facing this, and the fact that you're starting to realize some of the depths to which your addiction has brought you will be helpful if you decide to start working the steps with a sponsor (which I would highly recommend doing). It was great to see you at the meeting the other day, and there's not much to say beyond the saying that is often used to close the f2f meetings I go to..."It works if you work it and it won't if you don't."
There's a lot that goes into working the program, but some of the important things seem to be showing up to meetings, calling people, and working the steps with a sponsor. I look forward to seeing more of you around the site, and yes, there is hope. Hugs...
When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom