Lost!!!

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Owensal
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Lost!!!

My 21 yr old son is addicted to online fantasy games. He played literally from 8 am to 1 am all weekend long. During the week he will go to work and as soon as he gets home it's straight to his room. He has a blanket he covers his head with, says he's cold, but I've read this is a way of shutting out the real world. He also is " married" to a lady in the game and in real life she's 47 and they are having am online " relationship" . They Skype and call and text all day when not gaming. Her son is older than him. He had a gf in high school but is still a virgin and commits all his time to this old woman and he in the prime of his life. I'm scared the longer I let it go he's gonna end up 30 and still living with his mom. When I say something he comes back with " I go to work and I pay my bills, at least I'm not out partying and drinking, and sleeping with every girl in town" I can't argue much with that!! Please help!

Gettingalife
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Find and go to a local

Find and go to a local Al-anon or CoDA meeting and start working a 12 Step program for YOU. That will have the greatest benefits for both of you. You'll find support here too, of course, but addiction, dysfunction is a family affair and each part of the whole can become part of the solution.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

LearningSerenity
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What GaL said.  As an

What GaL said. As an addict, when I am in the grip of my active addiction, there's nothing anybody can do to get me to stop. I have to decide that I want to stop before anything positive can happen in terms of recovery, and your options as a parent of an adult child are extremely limited and usually very painful for both of you. Support groups for people who are closely related to addicts could help out a lot, both with deciding what to do and with actually following through on whatever your plan of action winds up being.

There are 3 things that are usually worth saying though, and I'm going to run through them real quick. These are sometimes called "The 3 C's of addiction"...

1) Cause...you didn't cause it. There are lots of choices involved in becoming an addict, and the people who make those choices typically have no idea what they're getting into by making those choices. Blaming yourself (or anybody else) is usually counterproductive at best.

2) Control...you can't control it. It's your son's addiction, not yours. Until he starts making choices for recovery, he's going to remain mired in his addiction. Trying to control an addict usually backfires and drives the addict further into the addiction. If there's any way in which you are screening him from the consequences of his addiction, I would strongly recommend that you stop, but allowing someone to experience the natural consequences of his actions is not the same thing as twisting somebody's arm to get him to stop something.

3) Cure...you can't cure it. This one is tough to accept for addicts and non-addicts alike, but there's nothing anybody can do to cure addiction. The best medical science we have today says that addiction in incurable. At best, its continued progress can be brought to a halt, and that usually only happens through working some kind of 12 Step program. The addict is the one who needs to work the program, and you can't work it for him.

Working a 12 Step program for YOU like GaL suggested might go a long ways toward helping you take care of yourself during this time, and that would be beneficial for both you and your son. Hugs...

When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom

Patria
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If he is working and paying

If he is working and paying his bills, how about he find his own apartment? Sounds like he's old enough and responsible enough to take care of himself.

Yes, get to CODA meetings, and Nar-anon meetings. There is no reason to live a miserable life just because your son is going through an addiction.

WoW Parent
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Joined: 05/06/2006 - 2:01pm
My first thought was the

My first thought was the same as Pat's. He may be able to afford living at home. I'm assuming he doesn't bear the full brunt of paying for food, preparing meals, doing his laundry, paying utilities, rent, cleaning, etc. I have a 21 year old at home and I preach to her daily about the fact that she really has no idea what it takes to support herself. If he wants to game away every spare moment that he's not working, let him do it in his own place. My guess is he won't be able to afford it or it won't last long.

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