So further to my posts regarding my 21 year old son and his gaming addicition, he has now stopped playing WOW. I'm not sure if it was because a) all his "friends" moved on, his team disbanded and he had no social contact in the game anymore or b) all my nagging finally clicked in. Either way, I'm glad he's not playing anymore. He doesnt seem to be playing any other games either and is not on his computer much at all anymore except to check email and perhaps do a bit of surfing. This all happened a couple of weeks ago.
My concern now is his mental state. He appears to be in a depression. I think he had depression before but now it seems more evident. He doesnt want to leave the house, spends the majority of his time, eating, sleeping or watching TV/movies. He's gone 3 days without a shower - this is where I drew the line and MADE him get in there. Nothing seems to excite him. He has no passion, no interest in anything, no future thinking. I have explained to him that it is depression and it is treatable - not to be embarrassed to ask help. He refuses counselling.
Last night I managed to get him out of the house to go see a movie. He seemed to enjoy it okay but barely said a word in the car there and back. I did suggest that if he wont go to the doc to seek help and maybe anti-depressants that perhaps he could try St. Johns Wart - my sister-in-law had success with it for mild depressions. He did agree to try it but getting him to take it might be a problem.
Anyway, I guess I need some suggestions on how to help him get out of this. He has NO friends - the real ones he had all left when he made gaming his #1 priority and they are no longer options for him anymore. I tried suggesting a trip away for him and me - just a weekend somewhere - for a change of scenery but he said he said no offence but he doesnt want to go anywhere with his mom. I guess I can understand that but I'm not sure what more to do to help him.
The first several days are very difficult, and depression is to be expected. Trying to get him to do stuff is good, but I can understand him not wanting to hang out with his mom. Is his father available and willing to help? If not, do you have any other male relatives that you could enlist? Uncles? Grandfathers? Maybe someone could take him out to a baseball game or the racetrack or fishing or bowling or something. Keep encouraging him that things will gradually get better and that you understand how depressed he is feeling right now. It might help him to read a little book called "Questions and Answers on Addiction" by Howard Whetsman. It explains the changes that are happening in his brain in very simple terms with very clear diagrams. It's a very slow process, but things do get better.
"Small service is true service while it lasts. Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one
The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,
Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth
His dad is still with us at home but their relationship is very strained. I'm sure that itself contribues a lot to his problems. We have no family around, his only uncle lives in Holland and we're not close at all with the rest of our relatives - believe me, I thought of sending him somewhere but I can't think of any options - that's why I brought up the idea of a trip. I've been surfing on the net trying to find some sort of Wellness center for young adults with depression but all I can find are drug or alcohol rehab facilities.
I know it won't be easy for his dad, and I certainly don't know what-all has gone before, but this might be the time, for the sake of his son's mental health, for Dad to reach out to him. Like I said, you know better what has happened in your family, but it might help.
"Small service is true service while it lasts. Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one
The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,
Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth
I hate it when dads are emotionally distant. That's what has happened in my family and it's usually the moms trying to keep things together when the heavy weight of the distant father is constantly pulling things apart. It is a losing battle and a big reason why people lack value in their own opinions - simply because their dad's didn't value them. It really annoys me. Even to this day my dad is emotionally distant from the family, and you can see my brother (the game addict in the family) mirroring when my dad is happy and sad (my bro is 24 now btw been addicted since 16). If my dad just spent more time with us then a lot more things would be solved. I bet it's the same for your family. I suppose we can't make the dads do anything, even if they are so obviously the answer - I think it's best for your son to learn life values first hand now, if you spoon feed him from now on he will just become more depressed. Send him to college or uni far far away from home.
"You're blessed when you're content with just who you areaEU"no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought."
The bible
As a recent WoW-survivor :) (4800 hours over 2 years - quit 3/13/09) I can totally relate to your son's mental state right now. I've copied the following from the "Withdrawal Symptom" link on the homepage at this site. Show them to your son, I felt everyone of them very intensely during the first two week period - by the middle of week three they abated dramatically and now I feel fantastic! The ones with *'s I didnt have: As with other addictions, withdrawal symptoms often occur. Among the most common are: Anger and verbal abuse, sometimes extreme A feeling of emptiness Depression Relief A disruption in sleep pattern Fantasies and dreams about the game The urge to go back to gaming and try to control the time played Thinking about the game for extended periods of time Uncontrollable feelings or rampant mood swings *Excessive crying Anxiety Fear Irritability or restlessness Sadness Loneliness Boredom/inability to find an activity of interest Lack of motivation/direction Excessive amounts of time spent sleeping *Nausea Difficulty facing obligations, procrastination Feeling as though a return to gaming will make you feel better *Physical illness aEU" colds, allergies Restless, unfulfilling, taunting dreams