From reading some of the posts I see it is futile to try and keep flogging a dead horse. So on to me and my son. How many of you have children? I mean if it was just me I would just go do other things and leave but I have a 4 year old little boy...so I understand that I am to stop doing my husband's laundry, don't help him play his game, like don't get him anything....don't make it easy for him to play the game..I also thought of this...if I am going to bed and he won't come to bed because he is playing the game then I walk to the couch put a blanket and some pillows on the couch to let him know he is not going to lay in bed with me....nor is he going to wake me up in the middle of the night when he finally gets around to going to bed...I have to get up and be to work in the early morning.
So what else? How else can a gamer's wife not be helping him? What else do I need to do? I am not going to go to bars or anything and I am not going to go out, I spend my extra time with my son ....I can't go find other interests. My little boy needs to have fun and spend quality time with me. So what else? What am I missing?
Also I have been down this road before and I am frankly tired of begging my husband to come to bed at night..so I am not going to do that this time.
Thanks in advance.
Twiggs.
You can control your recovery. Join Olga-anon and/or CODA (http://www.coda.org/).
Stick around here and talk to the other recovery families.
And us ex-gamers, too. We like to help. My husband is not a gamer but he is an alcoholic and even though he's not drinking (due to illness) living with an alcoholic is every bit as hard as living with a gamer.
*hugs*
Twiggs, another program to consider is Celebrate Recovery (CR). I like CR because it is all inclusive: drugs, alcohol, addictions, anger issues, family members, codependency issues, and for people living with addicts. Success rates are high but will vary with the quality of the program/organization.
http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/27369
Edited: 7/5/2011
I also have children... My kids were 3 and 2 when my wife packed up, filed a restraining order, and moved in with her parents 3500 miles away. Almost everyone laughs or giggles in disbelief when I tell them the "video gaming addiction" story because I am completely different now than I was 10 years ago. My in-laws, however, do not laugh... they saw the horror and destructive force of video game addiction in my life. I know firsthand the pain you're going through. I was blinded by video games back then, but now I cry, feel ashamed, and regret what I did to my wife and kids.
Andrew P. Doan, MPH, MD, PhD
My Gaming Addiction Videos on YouTube: YouTube.com/@DrAndrewDoan
*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy, DHA or Department of Defense.
I'm not sure if this would work for you, Twiggs...but you are the one making the money in your household, right? Can you live without internet? Maybe its time to shut off the games at the source? If he's playing on his phone, are you paying that too? Another bill you could stop paying.
Empowering him to game is a place you can make significant changes.
Good luck to you, hon.
ElizA
.Left the games behind Tuesday, March 28, 2011...I have a new left knee and a lot more appreciation for the word "recovery"....blessings come in the darndest forms!
.
Hi Eliz
Thanks for the advice. I actually have free wireless so I am not paying for the internet. Although I will not even talk to him about any of it. The other night he was talking with some football star and he found that interesting obviously and felt good that one of his friends on Facebook that he plays this MMA game on is some football star and I ignored him. And every single night he is on when I go to bed I put the blankets and his pillows on the couch and walk away without speaking to him. He has spent the last 4 out of 5 nights on the couch.
The other day I said if he isn't going to do the piece work and I lose $200 a month I don't know how we are going to survive and get this....I am working four 12 hour shifts a week 48 hours right and he told me I could make up the extra 200 dollars. I said there is no way I am working another 20 hours a month. Unbelievable!!!!
Anyway thanks for your advice I am definitely open to it. I found a way to get my son out of the house two days this week, so I know he had some fun....I will only be working 36 hours next week so I will be able to spend more time with my son...I am praying. Thanks.
Twiggs,
The fact that each night you're putting the blankets and his pillows on the couch near where he is gaming tells me a couple of things (I think.)
1. You love your husband and want him to sleep nights and be warm.
2. Every night your husband is excessively playing online game(s) and falling asleep in front of the computer and not making it in to his bed.
The fact that you are doing this for him might be perceived as "enabling" him to comfortably play. Do you also prepare food for him and bring it to the computer?
Stop making his bed. Stop preparing him food. Stop treating him like a baby if you want him to again take responsibility for himself.
Only he can decide not to play. But you don't have to make it easy for him.
Serena
* I edited this post after reading the below post!
"A person starts to live when he can live outside himself." Albert Einstein
"You don't get to choose how you are going to die. Or when.
You can only decide how you are going to live. Now." Joan Baez
HI Serena
The gamer is my husband, not my little boy. I decided not to put the blankets out there anymore though.
I also am not doing his laundry.
Thank you so much.
Twiggs,
I'm sorry that I misunderstood! You work so hard. I hope that you can find friends or relatives to do some fun things with and find time to relax more. Don't spend all your free time trying to fix him. It won't work. You could leave him a note so that you don't disturb him and let him know where you've gone for dinner, bowling, a movie, a walk, a class. The best thing that you could do to wake him up from his hypnotic online gaming trance is to go out of the home and start having a life without him. Stop focussing on him. That is what he is doing...focussing on an online life without you. Trust me; he'll begin to notice after you begin to do it too (just not online!)
Keep it healthy!
Serena
"A person starts to live when he can live outside himself." Albert Einstein
"You don't get to choose how you are going to die. Or when.
You can only decide how you are going to live. Now." Joan Baez
Serena
That sounds like good advice. On my days off ( I spend my spare time with my little boy) we can just leave and keep leaving. I don't know how long until my husband notices that we aren't around much. You know when my little boy is asleep instead of staying in the bedroom all night I should go see some friends or even just go for a drive. My husband is there so maybe I could go out, I never go out.Thank you for your advice.