Hello, I'm new here. My husband of 5 1/2 years has always been a gamer. Recently I learned exactly how much time he spends playing games. He's self employed so he works when he wants too. He plays in the morning, he comes home around 1-2 and then plays at 9:30-12 almost every night. I work 7:30-4:30 and take the kids to daycare so he has free reign of the house. On the weekends I discovered he takes a hand held vita device to his office. Everytime I bring it up he snaps at me. I've actually been checking his ipad conversations with his gaming buddy to see what he's been up too. It just makes me insane! How do I approach him to let him know how I feel without the fighting and threatening to leave me everytime??? It seems to have got worse since Destiny came out... i hate the lieing and sneeky ness... When not playing he's texting his buddy about the game. It's just too much. Nmh
Welcome Nmh
Sorry to hear about your problem.
If you haven't seen this introductory thread already, you may find it helpful. http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/4233
I would suggest you try to understand what problems there could be between you (for example, is it addiction or just he's got nothing better to do and being selfish) and the various options you have to sort things out.
When you talk, it may be best if you warn your partner you wish to have a discussion with him about things when he is ready and let him chose a time rather than springing it on him. Rather then attacking his choices and the fact that it isn't 'normal' behaviour which might be making him feel defensive, start with your own feelings and needs about it. For example, "I feel sad when you do not have time to spend with your daughter", "I feel rejected because you have been gaming every night" "I need a partner who wants to spend time with me and cares about my needs" You could suggest marriage therapy and see how he responds.
It may be that there is nothing you can say that will break through to your husband. We cannot control their choices. Trying to control what we cannot control just makes us sad. In which case we would suggest that your detach from his gaming behaviour as dwelling on that is upsetting to you. By detaching and stopping sniping and nagging it may take the pressure off. You can work on yourself to make choices you can control. You can chose not to enable his behaviour. If you detach from his behaviour and make yourself into an awesome person with a new life, you just may get his attention better than nagging him. Please read other peoples stories to get ideas about what you can do for you.
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