Feeling ignored and unwanted- Husband has a addiction

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shortstuff12shor
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Feeling ignored and unwanted- Husband has a addiction

I have some mixed feelings about everything at the moment. Im happy to see that I am not the only one that has a husband that has a gaming addiction, he is in complete denile about it. I tried to confront him many different times, but he ignores what I say mumbles very hurtful things under his breathe thinking that I cant hear him. hes short tempered, Yells, throws tantums, cusses me out for bothering him or asking for help with the child or around the house. I dont know whether its me just being selfish or if its just something else that I'm doing wrong. I knew he had a small problem before I married him, but he was able to stop playing games when he saw how unhappy I was. Now its like, he doesnt care anymore. He gets angry when I wont want to be emotionally or sexually involved with him any more after he will make me feel so unhappy and unwanted by him all day.

We have a daughter together who is 9 months old, shes a happy bug, but she bothers him while on the computer he will sit there and call her the worse names I have ever heard. I look at him like, I dont care what you say to me, but calling her these hurtful words will not be okay. (Some examples, will be calling her a fat cow, or cussing at her for trying to get him to play, ect). I feel like a single parent. Plus we got another one on the way.

I hate to say it but Im thinking about divorcing him! He will play minecraft or WoW from the time he gets home from work to 4am/all day and night on weekends.

I need help. I dont know what to do, im at my last end.

CliffH
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Hey shortstuff, It's not

Hey shortstuff,

It's not you. I hope the time you've spent looking through other stories shared here has shown you that. Asking for help from your spouse in raising your child or caring for your collective space isn't unreasonable; that's what partners are supposed to do.

The one thing that stands out about your tale is the violent reactions you describe: tantrums, and especially throwing things. While there's a lot of lattitude in deciding how to deal with an addicted partner, if you or your child is in actual physical danger, that slims your options down significantly. The maxim "take care of yourself" in that case becomes "protect yourself." If you're in harm's way, you need to get yourself to safety first, and then you'll have the luxury of taking your time to consider what to do next.

Be safe.

Cliff

HeatherS
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Shortstuff, So glad you

Shortstuff,

So glad you found this forum... It does help to find others who have had the same experience with game-addicted loved ones.

My husband is addicted to gaming, too, and I'll tell you what: if he EVER called our daughter a name... that would be the END of it. Let alone tantrums. You already have a child - he is supposed to be the grown up. UNACCEPTABLE.

If you decide to leave (and honey, these are all glaring warning signs of what will escalate into violence not only with you but your children), reach out and get the support of loved ones. There is no shame in being married to an addict: whether it's drug, alcohol, gaming, shopping, what have you - addiction is addiction. You didn't Cause it. You can't Cure it. The only thing you DO have control over is You. And no one deserves to be treated the way your husband is treating you (and your daughter!!!).

There is help for you. You have options. You are in the position of being the only responsible parent at this moment. Listen to your gut, and value your feelings and observations. Sometimes it's very easy to question ourselves when we live with madness. Overcome.

You're in my prayers, hon.

Heather

kella
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Hi Shortstuff,It makes me

Hi Shortstuff,

It makes me sad to read your story. My story is similar, except that my husband does not have violent reactions, nor cuss at me or our daughter... (well.. maybe at me when we get in a very big argument). We also have a 9 mo. old daughter, but I do not have another on the way. You are in a tough spot, and I feel your pain! Personally, I would not tolerate if my husband were calling our daughter ugly names. At the point that you are at, I would have to leave for a week or 2 to see if he even noticed or missed us, hoping that it would open his eyes. If not that, maybe give the ultimatum, or call for a family intervention (with his parents/siblings / close friends). It's hard to say which step to take since I don't know him or you personally... But I want you to know that I KNOW HOW HURTFUL this addiction is to you. I will pray for you as well. Right now, that's the #1 thing that I am able to do in my own situation.

Other ideas are... do things that you did in the beginning of the relationship to make him "want" you. Even though it's not fair that you have to be the first to initiate, try showing him affection, looking at him with adoring eyes, cooking his favorite dinner (but don't bring it to the computer), speak to him softly, make yourself attractive to him. I know it's hard with a little baby, but I'm just throwing out ideas. One can only hope that he will see what he's been missing all this time. Maybe buy a sentimental gift for him just because...

Every single day is a struggle for me. My husband holes himself up in his office ALL WEEKEND playing his silly videogame. The only interaction between us is usually if I make the first attempt, or if I GO IN THERE. He won't come out in the open. It's sad. He only spends time with our baby for a few spare minutes when he wakes up, and maybe when she goes to bed. The rest of the time, all weekend, I am the one doing everything. Some days are better than others, and for those days, I am so thankful.

It is sad that our husbands play and play and play in a fake world with fake achievements that lure them into a fake existence. One day they will look back on their lives and wish they could get that time back to spend with the ones who loved them.

The more your game comes first, the more I come last.

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