our baby is 6 months now and i can't get his father off the computer not even for a couple of hours so i can go somewhere by myself, i am sick of arguing with him over it and whenever i look upset he asks whats wrong as if he didnt know, it's always the same thing i have just given up talking to him about it, i am supposed to keep the house clean, look after a baby, cook his meals, do the washing and his excuse for not helping is he WORKS....i don't know what to do, he is playing games first thing in the morn before work, when he gets home from work straight to the computer till he goes to bed and on the weekend all weekend, it's driving me nuts and he even told me the computer is more interesting than me, ffs all i do is baby baby baby he gives me no chance to do anything on my own so i do have something to talk about, oh and he smokes pot i think that goes hand in hand with gamers anyway doesn't it? i have told him that he is on the computer too much and he doesn't care i am thinking of kicking him out, i am doing it all on my own anyway......before i go that drastic anyone got any ideas?
Right now your priority should be taking care of you .. and your baby..
Do you have any family nearby.. or anyone to give you a bit of help? If he isn't in a place to help you, you might want to think about finding a babysitter for a few hours a week to give yourself a break..
I suggest that when you talk to him, only do it when you can be calm... and as unemotional as you can.. Don't make ultimatums unless you fully intend to follow through.. and while you need to be rational.. don't expect him to be.... There is a lot of support on this site for family members with loved ones who are excessive gamers so read as much as you can.. there is tremendous support here....
Again you will have to do whats best for you and the baby... That has to be your priority...
And honestly, there isn't any magic that will make your partner leave his gaming. He's going to have to make that decision for himself...
And .... to you .. :(( I am sorry you are going through this.. It is so hard to see a loved one sucked into a gaming that that way...
thanks for your comment it is a big help, i have been so patient, maybe too patient with him. He wants me to have dinner for him and lunch for work etc but he won't do anything for me......:(...been a pushover i guess, feels like i am his mum and not his gf. whenever i do try to talk to him, the only time is when he is playing coz he is always playing he camplains and asks why every chick does that, it makes me laugh in a way....EVERYTHING was sort of ok before he got the internet connected.......except there was the game fallout then, which is a game i like to play too. I suppose for any gamer addicts reading this it is hard but you really need to make time for your families, even if it starts out small for a few hour a day, if you look at it, it really isn't that much time out of your day.........
I think you'll find that all of the recovering gamers on this site (me being one of them) will tell you that gaming was a waste of time and stupid to not be devoting that time to family, work, friends, etc...
My wife stays home while I work, and I would spend hours on WoW just ****ing my life away every night.
Joe
Dear Gamer's widow,
Your baby is only 6 months old and he's like this? :(
I fully agree with everything Alana has mentioned here.
If you feel like you are being a pushover, you might be enabling him; it sounds a little like he treats you like his mother, which you definitely are not. I've done this many times in every relationship I've been in too.. unfortunately it's very easy to, but luckily there are resources out there which help explain why some behaviours actually make things worse for a couple.
If you have the time, I'd recommend reading and learning about co-dependency, which tends to go hand in hand with addiction. Here's one link, but there's plenty more if you google this term (and others like 'enable'):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency
If he thinks you're supposed to look after the baby _without him_, cook for him, clean the house, simply because "he works", then his idea of a girlfriend or wife is sadly very similar to that of a maid. In this day and age, you do not have to be treated like a maid, or let yourself be treated like one. You two have a child together, you're equals. (Unfortunately, at least for the moment, maybe you actually have 2 children...)
I expect that one day my boyfriend might be unemployed while I work; I'm not going to expect him to cook and clean for me, or take care of our children without me, if we have any. It would be a double standard of anybody to find my behaviour reasonable, and to find your partner's behaviour reasonable, at the same time.
Sorry, this became a long comment. Anyway, Alana's point about you and your baby taking priority is excellent; if he's addicted (and he sounds like he is), then that's unfortunate, but you do not have the time or resources (right now, at least) to have the luxury of helping him.
Take care,
Jenny
Runescape - Jagex's way of helping you Run and Escape, for $6 a month >:)
Gamers widow, I am sad to hear what you are going through. It is indeed very frustrating and exhausting. I have been where you were and in someways, still struggle with it today. Flashback 10 years ago, my hubby was the same way. He used the same excuses. I'm not supporting his behaviors, however I do see that it is him--his choices of how he deals with stress/pressure..or maybe just his personal view of how things should be. Sadly, I have yet to find anything that will 'open up his eyes'. It's really up to them(the addicts). What Alana said is great advice..use your energy to take care of yourself and less focus on what he is/or isn't doing.
I hope he come he comes around sooner than the 10+ years it's taken for us. The longer it goes on, the harder it is. Other things will feed into it and create baggage of resentment, distorted perceptions, and issues that will cloud the source of what's really contributing to it.
Stay calm..and it is hard when there are so many emotions playing inside and words unsaid, but as small of a step as that is..it is a step closer to progress. Reacting emotionally will most likely cause him to react to the 'lashing of emotions' instead of the message.
HUGS.