My Wife And Her Secret Gothic Vampire Avatar Family And Online Affair..

12 posts / 0 new
Last post
Coffin_nail
Offline
Last seen: 13 years 4 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 09/16/2010 - 8:32pm
My Wife And Her Secret Gothic Vampire Avatar Family And Online Affair..

aEUC/I have been married for five happy years. I am an English man and my wife is Filipina..Our wonderful son is almost three years old, I love them both so much.. My parents have just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary so I come from a background with two parents just as my wife does.. But as I wrote some months ago in this forum she had become an IMVU gaming addict, playing twelve or more hours a day. She still plays many hours a day and now also Farmville on Facebook. aEUC/ One recent night we had a knock on the door, she answered it, which gave me long enough to go into the bedroom and see what she was doing.. On the computer screen was IMVU, a bedroom scene, ( If you don't know this game, you can create not only buildings and settings, but what you look like, clothes and mannerisms, actions and positions. She was also on Skype, and and live on screen was a young blond guy under a duvet, I could see his naked torso.. What could I deduce from that,? She came back in the room pulled out the plug and refused to speak, I begged her with tears in my eyes to tell me what was going on..It seemed obvious to me that she was having on line sex with this guy in both Gothic Vampire form and live on web cam.. She just said her heart is locked and went to bed.. No sleep for me that night, drowning in confusion. aEUC/ .I'm sorry to say that after these months of secretness, turning off the game if I walk in the room, refusing to speak about anything concerning the game, after all that I put a key logger on the computer.. I really didnt want to do it, everyone has the right to privacy. But when one's spouse is communicating and playing with secret individuals for 8 to 14 hours a day, enough is enough.. . aEUC/ And so for the last few days I have got an insight into her online actions.. As soon as I go to work on goes the game, We live in Korea so morning playing here is evening and night in America and Europe, and ideal time to game..Most of the dialogue I have seen is abreviated words in English and Tagalog.. She doesn't use the email and facebook accounts we created together anymore she now has 3 new seperate facebook accounts, I noted their passwords and had a quick peek.. The first one is for her friends..76 of them, the second is for her fellow gamers 71 of them..There I could see her info about herself, her secret name and photos. Her and her ' family ' are Gothic Vampires , there was a list of players, sons, daughters, sisters , etc , plus her ' husband '..Guess what... its the same guy I saw on skype.. Then I took a look at the third account, It is only used to write to him, and there were lots of love messages, everyday they write to eachother and play together and I presume have online sex together. ( While my adorable son watches on..)aEUC/ Last week I was at home, so she didn't have the chance to play, so she stuck to hours of Farmville.. But at 6pm one evening I walked in the room and there was IMVU on screen, but she wasn't sitting on her chair she was folding clothes, so I sat on the chair .. Inadvertantly getting between her and her months of creativity and secrets, when I again asked her to share her game with me , she angrily replied that she will take our son away from me.. Which is the worst thing that she could say as I am so devoted to him.. I shouted back that if she did I would search for her and take him back.. I reacted in that way not only because of her words but because of the fact she smiled when she said them. Not a nice smile, a malicious smile, a posessed smile, its almost as if there was a dark entity behind her eyes.. This frightened me.. aEUC/ So what should I do ?.. She is so deeply involved in this game. aEUC/ Next spring our plan is to return to England taking my wife and child and start a new life, where she can start work and my son can make English speaking friends and go to school. And there will be so much more to do than here in our isolated world. I am hoping this might fill her world with healthy people and events and so she will lose interest in IMVU and internet addiction.. aEUC/ But that is months away.. What should I do now.. ? aEUC/ If I face her and give her a choice between us and the game that will unleash that dark entity and I will be scared for both me and my son.. aEUC/ Should I write to this 'lover' of hers ? He has a girlfriend should I write to her..? aEUC/ I haven't told my parents or sisters or friends in England because I think that would be unfair to her when we get there . . aEUC/ Should I just live in denial ? aEUC/ But the knowing that she is certainly playing that game as I write this at work and seeing those love notes in my mind, makes me feel such sickness and pain. I feel so many negative things , rejection , anger, confusion, helplessness. It has stripped me of the ability to concentrate at work, to trust anything my wife does or says, and I can't sleep at night.. And when I do I am I dream I am seaching for my son, and I enter a room and there is my wife and she is with another man and is laughing at me. aEUC/ Please somebody give me some advice, some chink of light to help me cope , to give me a direction in which to turn.. aEUC/Pleeaase.................

gsingjane
gsingjane's picture
Offline
Last seen: 12 years 11 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 06/05/2007 - 2:28pm
My goodness, what an awful

My goodness, what an awful story. This seems to fall under two categories, one of them being your wife's compulsive gaming and the other, her adultery/philandering. I don't think we know too much about that second category, except that we can certainly confirm for you that, even if your wife doesn't "feel like" or "think" it's cheating, it still is. And, also, many compulsive gamers become extremely dishonest, sneaky, and sly around their gaming habits, and even more so when they are acting out sexually or in a manner that they know is wrong.

I honestly don't know whether you should consider giving your wife an ultimatum now, or wait until you get to England, or what. It's really impossible to know what would be best, except that obviously there has to be somebody paying attention to and taking care of your child. If you really think your wife will positively ignore him to game, then it's your responsibility to see to it that he's taken care of by someone else, possibly in day care or with a nanny or whatever you can afford. If something ever did happen, you would never forgive yourself.

I am very sorry to hear about all this and wish you luck in a very tough spot. I just hope you can find a good real-life support system, and possibly start making some plans to move on with your life and find someone who actually loves you and wants to be with you.

Jane in CT

starryeyed
Offline
Last seen: 10 years 10 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 03/23/2010 - 7:18pm
It really sounds like your

It really sounds like your wife has fallen into the "dark side" of online gaming or else she has a side to her that you are just discovering. Gaming is one thing but online adultery is really insidious. I met many online who were very cavalier about this aspect of certain gaming websites. They felt it was ok because it is not actually in the flesh. How people can divide themselves, delude themselves, rationalize it and separate rl from online life eludes me as any emotional relationship is very time consuming in my experience. It eats away at real life relationships and robs your real life family of precious time and emotions. It robs some people of a real life as well eventually.

I don't know what advice to give you except that you should get some counseling and also some legal advice regarding your son. You should not have to put up with this or threats from her.

I don't know what the laws are regarding children and custody in Korea and I hope you are able to return home to England without incident.

This situation sounds very serious considering she will not communicate to you at all about it or about how you feel. I wish you all the best with this and posting here you will have support from those who have been through similar situations.

Silvertabby
Silvertabby's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 1 month ago
OLGA memberOLGA moderator
Joined: 11/23/2010 - 4:42pm
Wow, coffin_nail.  I'm

Wow, coffin_nail. I'm sorry to hear of your plight. It really is terrible. I think putting a key-logger on her computer was a good idea. Have you confronted her with what you've found out? I totally agree with starryeyed that you need to find a counselor. Would your wife be willing to talk to one? She definately needs help. What about your marriage relationship? You said you were happy....has she been happy in your marriage? It seems to me that if she were happy, she wouldn't find the need to have online affairs. But I also know this is a common occurance among gamers. I've known many people that were married in real life but had online "spouses" and didn't seem to think anything was wrong with it. I was one of them, as a matter of fact. I must say though, that for me, my conscience bothered me about it and I stopped any kind of online "romance", no matter how innocent it was (like getting "married" in a game with just a male friend).

I think, if I were in your place, the first thing I would do is find out if your wife is willing to talk to a counselor. If not, then go to one yourself. They are trained and should be able to help you. Good luck to you and don't give up hope.

 

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson

Hacks
Hacks's picture
Offline
Last seen: 13 years 3 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 11/12/2010 - 4:36pm
I agree with Starryeyed

I agree with Starryeyed completely. You need to seek expert advice. Yes, counseling, BUT YOU NEED LEGAL ADVICE. Talk to someone who knows about divorce and custody both where you live and back in England.

Maybe you need to take action now, maybe it would be better to wait until you're in England. But get a lawyer. Perhaps your wife can be helped...

but I am a gaming addict. I love my wife and daughter more than I can say. In my height of addiction, I would have chosen my game over family. Which sickens me.

You cant force her to get better. And you need to protect your son. Especially if it sounds like your wife is willing to use your child as leverage, AND your could be separated in different countries.

Keep a detailed record of everything you find out. I suggest not confronting her right now, and get advice from a good lawyer.

-- There Is No Spoon --

starryeyed
Offline
Last seen: 10 years 10 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 03/23/2010 - 7:18pm
PS I just read a bit about

PS

I just read a bit about IMVU (had never heard of it). There are a number of these virtual chat worlds springing up. It supposedly is similar to Second Life but the difference seems mainly in age of players -there is no age verification in IMVU and apparently most are teenagers or under age 25 compared with SL where I think the largest age group ranges from 25 to 45 mainly.

mycity
Offline
Last seen: 13 years 3 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 11/26/2010 - 9:33pm
Hacks wrote: I Keep a
Hacks wrote:

I Keep a detailed record of everything you find out. I suggest not confronting her right now, and get advice from a good lawyer.

Exactly what I was going to tell you. I also do not know or pretend to know the laws of where you are, but in general in the states mothers get favored in custody cases, even when they REALLY should not be. So ge that advice and build as strong a case as you can to protect that sweet little boy of yours. You don't want to take the chance on anything happening to him right? And if as you said she gave you the creepy smile who knows what she is capable of doing. Start logging times she is playing these games, use a software if you can, get as many details as you are able to, keep a DATED journal of any details you can. That way if and when you go to court you are prepared and have done your job to ensure that you and your son stay together.

I also say wait to confront her, and just build up evidence for yourself. That way you won't worry as much about her doing something crazy just to get back at you. I know it's hard but when it gets tough and you really want to snap, close your eyes and see that boy of yours smiling and playing. That will give you the strength to do ANYTHING you need to do. I really hope everything works out well for you and that one way or another when all is said and done you will have a loving family surrounding you. Good luck.

mycity

Xandtar
Offline
Last seen: 9 years 7 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 04/09/2003 - 7:42am
Hire someone to join her

Hire someone to join her gaming world and find out what's going on... someone who will be in a position to testify at the custody hearing, because it doesn't sound like your child will ever see England any other way.

Leveling in Real Life

Kate1song
Kate1song's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 years 2 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 10/15/2010 - 10:19am
 keylogger software...

keylogger software...

AmberWalkerTheS...
Offline
Last seen: 12 years 3 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 11/26/2011 - 9:45am
To coffin_nail Thank God I

To coffin_nail Thank God I found and read your post. My boyfriend is Filipino as well. We live in the USA. We had been together for almost two years and then called me to tell me he didn't have any feelings anymore. He said he couldn't tell me things because I would judge. ... Yeah right. He and I lived with each other for some time as well. I am in my mid-thirties and he in his late twenties. Anyhow, he dumped me over the phone after all we had been through together and I had an inkling that it was this girl who he was on the Sims Social with. You see, this woman is married. She is from the UK, but lives in South Carolina. She was his "Soulmate" on the sims and let me tell you, I know exactly how you feel when it comes to that betrayal and sick feeling, not being able to sleep at night. I shared do much with this individual and was really shocked at the secretiveness of it all. He was even posting comments on yahoo answers saying that he knew he shouldn't have been with me and knew that he couldn't marry me or have kids with me, but that this married woman was the type to be with and how hedge gave him the courage to let me go and how he can't stop thinking about her. Wow, so I find this out I confront her. She tells me "oh my gosh, he is such a jerk and drops him from Facebook. Meanwhile he gets mad at me texting me saying "you ruined my day. You ****ed it up. She was my friend!" Then he's like, "Don't talk to me anymore!" a month and a half goes by I call him I talk to him. I see all of these almost half-naked girls on his Facebook. In the meantime the "soulmate" girl tries to act supportive but then... Get this, drops and blocks me. Interesting.

Now, after a while we are back together, but I feel so angry. I want to talk to this girl and tell her what I really think of her being "supportive" while she lied to me and was carrying out an online relationship for nearly two months. Yes, I went back to him and I feel awful about it. He no longer converses with this girl because he found that she was unstable. But this woman is a man hunter and is married and my boyfriend does not seem to understand my paranoia or anger. I ask him what was discussed between he and her over that time period and all he can tell me is "it's private". He has a friend who used to work with him at this storage facility. And he has always been a bad influence. He is one of those "baby daddy" womanizer lady's man types and persuaded my guy to add his ****-looking friends on his page. So now, I have been continuing to be suspicious and mistrusting even though this guy left the job and now that my boyfriend has shown fidelity and loyalty and wants me to worry about nothing... I still have questions and I am ****ed. After I saw th movie, The Descendants last night it brought all of these feelings back. I know the pain you feel. I am so happy I found your post even though our circumstances aren't quite the same.

sasabeng
sasabeng's picture
Offline
Last seen: 12 years 2 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/25/2012 - 3:20pm
Um, I'm sorry. Reading your

Um, I'm sorry. Reading your story just fueled my anger. That is sick and it crosses the line when involving your son. She allowed him to watch???!!! I lose my respect for people when they involve innocent children in their (ugh i'm so angry i can't think of a proper word) "evil doings". I'm Filipina and the situation is flipped in my case. I haven't had the courage to snoop in his account because I'm afraid I would do something really out of my character if I found out he was doing some dumb crap like that. I would take a sledge hammer to that computer of hers. I'm sorry I don't usually support violence but that just really gets my blood boiling. Ok I better stop. This is probably not helping much, but I don' t think there's any saving her. Get a divorce, and keep your son away from that crazy woman.

I Hate Evony =)

Kate1song
Kate1song's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 years 2 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 10/15/2010 - 10:19am
The anger is totally

The anger is totally understandable.. Addicts put anons through hell.. the only thing is.. that they use anger showed by the anon to fuel their addictive behavior..

Its another excuse they can use to justify the excessive gaming.. as an escape...

Log in or register to post comments