New to site...husband goes through cycles of gaming addictions

I have realized that gaming like any addiction is a cycle. If you have access to the "addiction" then it is bound to reoccur time and time again. Just like an alcoholic can't consume a drink, a gamer can't just play a "little" bit of a game and not fall back into old habits.

My husband and I have been together 9 years and have 2 children. He was a Halo player when we met, but stopped to spend time with me. When we moved in together it became Call of Duty and WOW. He told me it was his way of connecting with his co-workers. (He's in the IT field and all his co-workers would run raids together nightly.) Then it was after we had a kid he would stop. He did for a month... maybe. I have so many pictures of him holding the baby in one hand and his computer mouse in the other hand, staring at the computer.

He finally stopped playing computer games all together after we I threatened to leave and we went to marriage counseling where he was told flat out he was and addict by a third party not just me. He said he didn't realize how much time he was wasting away on the computer. Things got better for quite awhile and we went on to have a second child together. A couple of months after our 2nd child was born he was unfortunately laid off, and turned to gaming again to ease his depression. (So he says.)

Thankfully, he became employed after a few months, but we had to move 4 hours away from our families and rebuild a new life for us and our kids. The first job he took he was underpaid and still depressed, but it took care of our bills. He kept on gaming through that time. He said he missed his family, hated his job, and needed an outlet. Okay. After a year he found a new job that he loves, and stopped the computer games again. However, the Xbox One had to be released and now that's his addiction.

He comes home from work connects to Destiny, stops only to eat which he is late to the dinner table and eats as fast as possible, then it's back to playing until we put our kids to bed around 8:30. He takes a 5 minute break to tuck them in and back at it until he goes to sleep. When he does come to bed with me, he watches videos of people playing games on his iPad. If he forgets to charge his iPad he takes mine or our kids. I mean really, who can sleep without watching their iPad?

The one thing that bothers me the most about his addiction is the lack of time he spends interacting with our kids. I know he loves them and he holds them, but only while he's playing his game. He can't just sit down and read a book with them, or go to the park without staring at his phone... that's if he can even leave his recliner to come with us.

It has taken a toll on our marriage as well. We used to have a healthy sex life, then after our second daughter came and he was laid off we would go for 2-3 months in between times. I told him that I was way too young to live in a sexless marriage. Things improved temporarily, but since Destiny came out, we are back to once every 5-6 weeks, which is just pathetic and completely not okay with me.

I have done things to improve myself over the years, since his gaming addiction drives his life. I am a stay at home mother, but went back to school for my Bachelor's, I constantly do things with my kids whether or not he wasn't to join us. We always have an open invite to him to join in whatever we are doing, but find ourselves doing things on our own a lot.

I got really fed up with things earlier this week and told him once again that I'm tired of him not paying attention to the girls and acting like he has no interest in me at all. He came home from work early yesterday, and had bought the kids some workbooks that they can start doing together in the evenings, which I thought was a great sign. He also showed some interest in me as well when he first got home. Then an hour later he was back on Destiny all afternoon and until he came to bed... whenever that was... I was already asleep.

Gaming addiction is a vicious cycle. I love him and we have been through a lot health wise, and he does financially support us. I just wish he'd really put the controller down at least a couple times a week and focus on the real people around him that love him and need his attention. Being here... is not the same as BEING HERE.