One month in

Its been nearly a month since I first found this site and posted my story. I have since detached and my husband has started to notice not that anything has changed with him - he is unable to be away from the internet and specifically his games for more than 10 minutes at a time - even when he decided to have a barbecue the game was on the phone next to the fire and he was playing it. He cannot swim for more than 10 minutes before needing to check something or play some form of game. In many ways it is very sad.

I however do feel better. I feel more in control. While we have had one fight recently, mostly I am just getting on with my life with my kids and making decisions. I have found that I do not need him much which in some ways is quite sad, but at the same time he is not providing the things I need from a husband anyway and has not been for a long time. I have been going to bed much earlier instead of waiting up for him and that has also helped me a lot as I was utterly exhausted through dealing with everything alone and then staying up late in the hope we could have some conversation.

I feel more confident in myself too as having detached from him I do not get rejected like I was being even if that is just because I no longer ask for anything. I have started taking care of myself and getting out with the kids alone instead of waiting for him to have the time to do so. I have started disciplining my children more effectively too now that I have detached as I do not feel like I have to agree with him here - no one can discipline from a computer, so it always was my responsibility - he just wanted me to use his methods and they did not work and I feel more calm when my children throw tantrums or when the day is long and I am tired as I have no expectations for him to be there and help so there is no disappointment.

There are still deep hurts regarding my marriage and what I had hoped for there, which means if he does try to engage with me I will have great difficulty and will expect the rejection I have been used to. I am not sure what to do about this either if he ever does decide to try to be with me again.