Pregnant & stressed out by gaming BF :(

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Fed.up
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Pregnant & stressed out by gaming BF :(

Hi all, I am first time user here and will be grateful for any advice or response. Nearly two years ago I met my partner on SL. He had always been a gamer (WoW/Final fantasy/CoD...Etc etc) and I also enjoy games (in moderation). We finally met up in real and everything was going so well. Very happy. We both left the game SL to enjoy the real world together.

Although we both live in different countries the relationship was working for us. Using Skype to communicate and also playing WoW to pass some time away for fun. Then he decided to take a longer stay here (in the UK) which we we're both so excited about. He was here for 5 months in total. It was amazing. In December I found out I was pregnant. We we're both thrilled :) Then January came it was time for him to go home for a while. He arranged to come back for our 2nd baby scan in April.

Anyway he arrived back at his home two weeks ago and since then it's like I have been living a nightmare. He bought the game Star Wars and is constantly gaming. He refuses to answer my calls, Doesn't reply to messages, Turns off his skype phone and we are no longer friends on Facebook. The only way i have contacting him is through his mother, Who is very angry with him and as been my only support the last two weeks. This game as taken over his life. If I finally get any time to talk to him, Its Star Wars this - Star Wars that. I have shouted at him, Cried at him, Talked calmly to him... But he honestly doesn't see what the problem is. It's like talking to a brick wall.

The bottom line is I am scared. I am so worried he is using this game to escape reality. I can't get through to him :-( I just wanted to know if there is anyone else out there who as been in this situation or anything simular.

Thank you for your time :-)

Patria
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Joined: 06/02/2011 - 1:55am
Hi Fed.up.  I am so sorry

Hi Fed.up. I am so sorry you are going through this, but you are not alone. There are many people here going through--or have gone through--what you are experiencing.

We can't advise on whether to go or stay with him, but it would help you a lot to get some support from others who have gone through this.

He sounds like an addicted-excessive gamer to me.

Take this test for him and see where he is at:

http://www.olganon.org/?q=self_tests_on_gaming_addiction

Read the posts here in the forum for families of gamers, there are many wise words here.

For face to face meetings, try Nar-Anon (this is for addicts of all substances):

http://www.nar-anon.org/Nar-Anon/Nar-Anon_Home.html

Please keep in mind, that you didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it. Only he can do that.

Right now you need to take care of yourself and your baby. That comes first. Do the things you need to do to help yourself and baby. If he participates, fine. If he does not, you have to be prepared for that.

The truth can be harsh; if he's an addict like I am (quit gaming 7 months ago) then he has to face up to his addiction and deal with it. But you can't do it for him.

I just found the following quote somewhere on Facebook:

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs."

Fed.up
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Thank-you Patria :-) I

Thank-you Patria :-)

I actually asked him this evening, 'Will you completely quit gaming for me and your unborn child?' His reply was 'No'. As crazy as this might actually sound I have been given a little comfort from his reply. I have spent many sleepless nights the last 2 weeks thinking that all this is my fault, but after that reply I realise this man obviously as bigger issues than I can deal with. This isn't my fault, It's his gaming.

Hopefully he will wake up and realise what he as lost before it's to late. For now I must channel all my energy into my baby.

Patria
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Big hugs to Fed.up! at least

Big hugs to Fed.up! at least you know the truth, as painful as that is (I would hate that also)...but better the truth, then believing in fantasy and lies.

At least now you can take charge and do what you need to do. At least his mom sounds likes she's supportive of you. I'm glad.

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