I am a 42 year old female word processor/help desk tech. I have been married for 5+ years to a 12 year younger man, who (generally) has been a wonderful sweet companion, friend, and father to our three kids. But now, life as we have known it is completely in shambles.
My husband is a computer geek, and technician. He does not have a paying job right now, so he is home with our children while I work a 40 hour job. I gave birth to twin boys in 2002, so he has his hands full - 2 newbie toddlers and a 4 year old girl.
In his time at home the only thing he does is play his games and somewhat take care of the children. (His obsession was Ashron's Call (hence the name "Ashronswidow") but now it is Star Wars Galaxies.) Nothing is done in the house. I have come to expect when I get home from work that the household is exactly the way I left it that morning, just with more trash and toys on the floor (also dirty diapers...he will never throw them away). Last night my daughter looked like she was a urchin off of the street, her hair was ratted and her face was dirty, and she hadn't even changed from what she had slept in the night before - I got her into the tub. My sons were so hungry that I spent quite a while filling them up. I can't seem to get it across to him how upset and disappointed in him I am - he only will say that I am right and that he should be doing more - then I expect him to start helping in the house, but those words have only been said to placate me so that I will stop being upset and let him get back to his game.
I don't think that he is involved online with anyone, but I could be wrong. He did have a friend playing AC (19 yo girl from Colorado) that he didn't take off of his Messenger list after he stopped playing the game. I tested him by deleting her off of his list and he hasn't put he back on. I think it was nothing.
I love my husband very much, but at this point I am really at the end of my rope. I can't do it all - we married into a partnership (just like a business) and he is not doing anything for the good of the partnership! I could be single and have a less stressful life if he wasn't with me, but I love him and I really want my kids to have a married mom and dad.
Well, there it is. I hope this convinces you that I am truly sincere in joining this group, and would like the chance to learn and get help from other's experiences.
I am so sorry to hear about your husband's addiction to AC. If you took time to read my story "I lost my wife and marriage to AC" you can see that we share a parellel situation. Only my wife chose the men (I call them spineless, immature little boys) in the game over me. My advice to you is that if he cannot drop this idiocy at once on his own you need to drag him into counseling now, and not a day sooner. I went into counseling on my own hoping my wife would follow... but to no avail. The morning I literally pulled the plug on her 70+ hours per week AC playing by taking away the computer it sparked a rage in her I had never seen before. I knew it was too late for her and our marriage at that point and gave up the fight. But it may not be too late for your marriage. Entrust close friends and family to help intervein in this situation and put the spot light on him. At first he will be angry and most likely lash out in some form but if he's any kind of man... husband... Father... he will thank you for it. My Prayers and hopes are with you that this will all work out and you'll get your husband back and your children will have a Father.
Sincerely,
Bob L.
Colorado Springs
I AM REALLY SADDENED. I THOUGHT I WAS ALL ALONE. IT SCARES ME THROUGH AND THROUGH TO SEE HOW MANY MARRIAGES ARE BEING DESTROYED BECAUSE OF A GAME. MY HUSBAND IS ADDICTED IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD TO EVERQUEST. HE LOVES THOSE PEOPLE MORE THAN HIS FAMILY. HE FELL IN LOVE WITH A GIRL ON THERE AND SECRETLY PLANNED TO MOVE TO BE WITH HER. I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN PUT THESE KIDS THROUGH AND HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE BEFORE I LEAVE. I WANTED THE MAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH BUT NOW I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I WANT HIM ANYMORE. I HAVE TO BE IMPORTANT TO HIM OVER THIS GAME AND I AM NOT. I AM CRYING FOR ALL OF US.....WIDOWS OF THE GAMING WORLD