WoW has ruined my husband, our family, and our marriage!

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BellaVita2010
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Last seen: 13 years 6 months ago
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Joined: 09/26/2010 - 10:32am
WoW has ruined my husband, our family, and our marriage!

I don't know where to really begin this at. So, I will just start.... I have been with my husband 9 years this December, married for 5 years in April. We have two amazing children together a 3year old little girl and a 20month old son. My husband is military and we are stationed at a really crappy base right now. Well, my husband walked out on myself and our children last month and moved in with a friend and his newly wed wife for 3weeks, 2days (yes I kept count). Prior to him leaving he drank every night and played wow from the time he walked in the door from work until the time he went to bed. He has been playing wow for about 2.5-3years now. Only since moving to this base has it gotten worse. His friends from work mostly all play and I thought that I could pick it up just so I could spend some time with him and that didn't work out for me. I have quit playing and won't get back on it again. It was starting to consume me and I can't have a game take over my life. Well, my husband moved back in with our children and myself, he was back here with us for almost 2weeks before he had to leave for some military training stuff. The whole two weeks he was here, he played just as much if not more than when he left. So I asked him one night to get his 25man icc out of the way so that way he and I could go out and have a date night before he left for 3.5week training stuff, he agreed. Come the day of our date night, he was busy working on his car and he thought he had it fixed, so he said he was going over to his friends house to borrow his laptop and take it with him on the trip so he could play wow while there. He didn't come back home until 7pm. He said his car messed up once he got to his friends house and he had to get it fixed again before coming home. So, our one date night was blown out of the water. I was devistated, but kept it to myself and let it go, couldn't help that his car broke on him.

We have gone through marriage counceling and we went in and talked to the lady like she was a friend we were going to hang out with for an hour. After he moved out, his boss man highly recommeneded that we go to see a councelor. So, we did just that and we went two times while he was still away from the kids and myself and he was all for a divorce and he wasn't changing his mind. Well the third time we went to see her, he had already moved back in and had dropped all of the crazy divorce talk. I still am not sure what made him change his mind and come back, but he did and I am not going to push that subject. I am happy he is back, so are our children... but the game is still a major issue in our marriage. I really could use some advice on how to get him to stop spending so much time on that virtual world and more with myself and our kiddo's.

Serena
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Last seen: 11 years 2 months ago
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Joined: 03/06/2010 - 2:40am
Dear BellaVita, I have not

Dear BellaVita,

I have not had this situation personally but there are some standard "laws of addiction." Usually a video gaming addict will not stop until they are ready to. They have to really desire it because it is usually not easy to stop if they have been playing a video game for years. Sometimes the non-gaming partner or spouse will simply have their internet shut down, or change it to dial up, or give ultimatums (and then have to leave if the ultimatum isn't met, if that is what they threatened), etc.

But you are a young dependent mother (I think) and I think it would be irresponsible to suggest those actions to you. You have been with him since you were 15 years old; is he about the same age as you are? If you had very supportive parents you could possibly give him the ultimatum and take the kids to your folks if he didn't stop but I don't think that you would want to do that, and hey- he's going on a training mission anyway. "Nagging" doesn't seem to work with video game addicts. It really seems like they need to decide to quit. No one else can get them to stop.

From what I have read here, WoW is a very tough one to break the habit of (it is important that you understand that.) Since he was numbing himself with alcohol and then burying himself in WoW, it sounds like he has been checking out of his life, and escaping for some reason(s.) It is important to say how you feel, I think, about him 'not really being there,' but it also sounds like the counselor you found wasn't quite there for you; you said that you both talked to her "like she was a friend we were going to hang out with for an hour." Maybe another counselor would be better?

It is great that he came back after he moved out to the gaming newlyweds for a couple of weeks and also stopped talking about divorce. Either he really missed you guys, or realized what a jerk he was being, or maybe a mixture of both. I am wondering if there is another couple with small children that you socialize with? He is a soldier and willing to fight for his country. I hope that he will step up to being there for his family. It sounds to me like he has been abandoning his family emotionally by first heavy drinking and then heavy video gaming.

He might need to grow up to the fact that he is a dad now more than he has been. He might even need to know more about what a dad does. That is partly why I asked if you socialize with other families like yourselves. Can you have people over for a bar-b-que or something before he heads out? I know that you haven't been at the base very long. You really need some friends there who are supportive to you and that you and your husband can have fun with together. Seek out to make some connections. You need them anyway when he leaves for his training. Maybe even ask him if he knows another couple with a kid(s) that you could invite over. Another dad would be a better source for "good dad stuff" to "rub off" on him rather than the video gaming newlyweds without kids (or responsibilities.) You know what I mean?

Anyway, you have definitely come to the right place. Keep posting and reading here. Welcome to OLGA, BellaVita. Hopefully life will become more like your name!

Serena

"A person starts to live when he can live outside himself." Albert Einstein

"You don't get to choose how you are going to die. Or when.
You can only decide how you are going to live. Now." Joan Baez

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