Hi all, I signed up a while ago but haven't had much involvemtne until now. Forgive me if the topic has already been covered, I did a scan of posts but didn't spot anything like it.
My husband, on top of his excess gaming, has been constantly playing numerous erotic videogames/ dating sims and interactive porn games (some of a disturbing theme including sex slavery, cheating and with characters who look very child-like) and neglecting our marriage and sex life because of it (he would rather play his games than be intimate 90% of the time), lying to me about his computer activities and becomming very irritated when he doesn't have a lot of time on the computer alone (I use our computer room to study on my laptop as all my reference material is in there). After already having dealt with his emotional affair with an ex a couple of years ago and all his associated lying, my confidence (especially in the bedroom) is completely gone and I have no desire to be around him currently.
I am posting because I have always had a bit of an issue with my husbands gaming (since we started dating 7 years ago) but I had, for a long time, accepted it as his hobby and left him to play pretty much as much as he liked, which was about 4-12 hours a day both with others online and by himself. When we moved in together after a year I would keep myself busy with my university study while he gamed. I would head to bed and he would be up hours later, still gaming. He would get moody sometimes if I was having periods of staying up late studying in the same room with him, later excusing himself being grumpy because he had 'low testosterone because he didn't get the chance to watch porn' because of my presence (I thought this odd, but thought maybe it was a legitemate reason being male and all and the fact that low testosterone made men moody). He also had an emotional affair via facebook with his ex that was on and off for a couple of years at intervals of about 6 months.
Years down the track we have built a home, and he is still playing 4 to 12+ hours a day. Still sleeping in late when work shifts allow for it and staying up into the early hours. Still getting up at odd hours to play on days off and sleeping once I am up. I have found out recently though that he has had an extensive history for playing erotic, interactive adult games since we began dating, and still plays them now. I have found he has paid money to play them, keeps his bank statements hidden and has lied about what he has been playing while I have been out at work or asleep. I have caught him numerous times closing windows as I approach, and getting very annoyed and nasty when I have done so. He neglects the housework, his family and myself to play the huge amount of games he switches between on his computer and phone. I could be out at work to come home and nothing has been done, and that he's hardly moved from his computer chair while I have been gone.
My biggest issue was being put second to videogames, now it is being put second to videogames where he seduces animated women, interactive porn characters, buys and sells women in pimping games and conqueres sex slaves who look like little school girls. Needless to say my self esteem was crushed for a couple of years after his emotional affair, but I had slowly got back to my old self, only to find that all the times where I was convincing myself he was just playing his usual videogames with his mates rather than thinking he's flirting with ex's or other girls, I find out he's been neglecting our relationship and sex lives by playing these games (I'm not too against the games themselves, just the context of their use, though some I have found a little disturbing and wouldn't have thought he would play ones with certain themes). Though I have always been honest with him about my occasional use of porn sites, he has always lied to me about his use, and never once mentioned these games, even when I have asked curiously if there are any we could play together in the attempt to open lines of communication. After finding hidden games on the computer and in the history I am not happy, and feel that this discovery on top of his usual gaming is just not on. He should know by now that it is cruel to be putin me behind videogames, especially this sort. We have always had a healthy sex life too so I have no idea why he feels the need to be playing out fantasies to this extent rather than speaking to me and making suggestions.
Anyway, if you have made it to the end, thank you for reading. Any insight would be appreciated.
My main issue is not that he shouldn't be doing any of this at all, but rather why is he doing it to such an extent and lying to me so much when he knows I have already been put through hell before from his deception. And why does he turn it back around onto me and everyone else when it comes to how many hours he spnds gaming.
Thanks for reading.