Hi there,
i have been married for 6 years and my husband has been gaming since about 2 months after we got married. I now know that he has always loved computer games- he is very competitive and says he loves it because of the competition. He likes to play games with friends from work and HAS to play every night or else he is an absolute monster. We now have one sweet little baby. Guys, I have tried EVERYTHING I could think of over the course of 6 years and it obviously didn't work. I have felt extreme emotions of annoyance, desperation, loneliness, and anger. A little about my husband- he is a wonderful father and he is extremely good with people. He is a very hard worker and never neglects his responsibilities. I have so much fun with him. But every night at 8pm when we put our baby down, he has to play his game. He plays probably an average of 4 hours every single night. He is a very rational and logical man until it comes to his games, he becomes emotional, angry and childish. I feel so hopeless. I definitely have said very hurtful things and have lashed out in desperation. He tells me that he wishes I didn't feel like he was choosing his game over me because he loves me, but this is his hobby and he loves it too. He tells me I am also selfish when I tell him to not play/choose me over the stupid game. I feel so incredibly lonely but also like I should get over it since he makes sure to ask every night and doesn't shirk responsibilities. I honestly hate the gaming so much and I don't feel like I will ever be happy unless he stopped playing completely. Please help me.
It sounds like the problem is that he turns into a monster if he cannot play. Does he ever take nights off to do things with you? What is he doing after work and before the baby goes to bed?
I dont think its reasonable to expect him to “stop playing completely” as there isn’t harm in playing as long as it’s not affecting the relationship and neglecting responsibilities.
Also, would you really be happy if he stopped playing completely or are there underlying issues which would still make you unhappy even if he stopped?
Welcome heyoverthere
You cannot sit on your feelings. I really recommend you talk this over with a counsellor who will help you identify what is going on inside you, which will then empower you to move forward with this.
If he is not spending reasonable quality time with you because of the game coming first then you do have a right to feel neglected.
Start taking care of you while he is gaming. Do things that you want to do ... get a new hobby Learn about detachment and stopping enabling. If he asks permission do not give it if you are resentful about doing that. He is only asking you so he can feel better about doing it.
Think about the kind of life that you would have going on if you could change his actions and why you want that.
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
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I feel the same way you do HeyOverThere. I just recently got engaged on January 31st and it seems the last month or so and the last few weeks he is obsessing over PUBG.... If he is not at work he's playing, any free moment he has even late into the night. We don't live together yet, he is moving in soon. His room at his house is always in disarray and has become even more forgetful lately. If he isn't playing PUBG he is telling me about it or sending me texts of pictures and videos of his playing. To make things worse he is on the top of the North American rooster for kills so this has only motivated him to play more to try and stay on the top. He has now started streaming his games live he thinks it will bring attention to him. Last night he went home played his game and then went to his brothers to visit him said he forgot his stuff to come over to my place so he went back to his house and played more until almost midnight after he said he would be over by 9 pm..... I can't express that I am upset because he thinks im crazy and irrational and says that if i loved something or had a hobby he wouldn't care. BS!!! If i was at the gym for four- five hours a night he would have a fit or anything else that took up that much of my time. His idea of a fun Friday night is sitting in gaming and when I don't want to he gets irriated. I am not sure what to do or how to approach this situation. I love him more than anything and he is a wonderful person and treats me like a queen, but I can't stand this obsession any longer.
Welcome Engaged
It sounds like he is putting the game before you. These games are designed to be addictive. If you cannot get him to wake up from what he is doing then now, what hope do you have further down the line ?
This is not a good basis for a realtionship if you want to eventually raise a family. Don't waste your time if he cannot control his gaming and thinks you have a problem.
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here