Lonely, Depressed, and Unsure of What To Do

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mistyabella
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Lonely, Depressed, and Unsure of What To Do

My husband's social time is all online. He used to spend time with me. I know he loved me when we got together and I fell madly in love with him. He cared about our family until about this last year. His gaming has taken over his life. He does it at work, he gets off work and then plays until 1 or 2 am. He puts in 52 to 60 hours of gaming a week now and only works 40. There is no time for me. I am lonely and desperately unhappy. I cry all the time. He is more and more defensive, paranoid and angry over his gaming. He turns it around. He used to be a gentle, caring, and funny man that I was so proud of. I am ashamed of myself for putting up with the it. I don't have stories of what we do together to anyone. I don't play the games and my life is slipping away. I don't believe that he sees the whole picture. Everything is my fault to him. I hear him laughing and talking with all those people in his headset. He used to talk to me like that. He goes days and weeks at a time without sleeping with me in our own bed. I feel so stupid waiting and hoping he will spend time with me. Holidays are non-existent now. That's when he can game all day and night. I know he likes it when I work out of town, because it takes away his guilt. If I call him, he doesn't talk anymore, just clicks away on his game. I am lonely and instead off trying to have an affair, I seem to be isolating myself even more. I need help.

Rainydayz

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Hi

Hi and welcome to OLG-Anon. Thanks for your share.

You need to keep coming back here and read the stories of other spouses. You will see your story is so similar. The sticky posts of both spouse forums will show you experience and advice to help  you move forward. You have found you cannot change him, you need to change what you are doing to move forward.

He is displaying typical addict behaviour. That means that gaming has rewired his brain and he cannot respond like a normal human being. He needs to feel consequences to want to change. You can start by stopping enabling him, and then by "detaching with love". Find out what this means and how you can apply it to your situation.

Take care of yourself. Get out and do things without him. Make yourself awesome. Seeing a more confident you might make him take notice. But if it doesn't, you have still invested in you. It will not go to waste.

Keep coming back. You are not alone.

 

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author Unknown

BrandNewDay
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Joined: 12/11/2015 - 7:41pm
Hi mistyabella

I agree with Polga that reading posts on here is really helpful. Wish you all the best.

BrandNewDay

"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home

mistyabella
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Last seen: 6 months 6 days ago
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Joined: 05/27/2016 - 7:29pm
Thank you...I am hoping for

Thank you...I am hoping for the best. Taking the advice given to me. I am reading a lot of the posts. At first, it seemed so hopeless...if recovery is so bad, why try? I do love him and am willing to try. I am going to do things for myself. Funny, I came to that determination about 2 weeks before this post, but began doubting myself and I felt worse than ever. I feel a little more sure, now.

Rainydayz

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Start by making small changes

Start by making small changes and keep going, then you will see how far you have come.

Perhaps try a  al-anon meeting. you will be with other people who live with addicts and learn how to take care of you. They are free and probably take place somewhere  near where you live.

 

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author Unknown

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