Greetings,
I am new to this group and I come here because I am in dire need of assistance. First let me give an account of what has been going on with me up to date.
I am an avid gamer, not really online games but I LOVE video games and it is really ironic that I would find myself in my current position. I am 33 years old and my current girlfriend is now 31. I had my first pc at age 12 and have been playing video games ever sense. You could almost call me a first generation gamer.
I am going on my third year in my relationship with my current girlfriend and am about one and a half years into her Warcraft addiction. I was actually the one that bought the game for her and I wish that I never had. I used to play with her and for a long time I was very excited that I found a girlfriend that I could actually play video games with. Things started getting really bad about eight months ago. Although I am very much into video games I have NEVER let them consume my life. I have a very healthy social life and many friends who I spend time with on a regular basis. I paint and write and I play games in between all of this as a compliment to my life, not a substitute.
My girlfriend now spends every moment she has free playing wow. Even when she is a work all she does is pour through the forums and go through wow related web sites. She constantly chooses to play the game rather than be with me and I find this very distressing. We currently live in a new home together that we bought jointly and things are absolutely miserable. I have on many, many occasions breached the subject of how I feel and it all ways turns into a seriously bad fight because she all ways blows up when I mention it. She sees nothing wrong at all and feels that I am trying to some how impede her pursuit of happiness by asking to cut back on the game play. She all ways tries to reverse the argument to where I am the bad guy.
I hate to get this personal but our romantic life has come to a complete halt because of the game also. She would rather play the game than enter into any kind of romantic situations and I find this VERY distressing. She is constantly late to work because she plays too late into the night and on the week ends she plays non stop for sometimes up to 12 hours. I have seen her start playing around 6 oaEU(tm)clock and not come to bed until about 7 in the morning. She goes completely nuts if I bring it up and it is very hard to approach her regarding this. She KNOWS how I feel about this game and does not seem to care at all about how I am feeling.
To give you a perfect example of how things are yesterday she approached me at work (we work together) and asked me if I wanted to hang out tonight and watch movies when we get home. I was excited because this is the first time in months she showed any interest in hanging out with me without any kind of Warcraft interaction, well so I thought. So we get home and after feeding the dog and setteling in she stood up and said aEUoeok, going to go play nowaEU. I was shocked and told her that I thought we were going to watch movies together and she again blew up in a rage saying that she did not mean that we were going to watch all night. So she left the room and did not come back until 1:30 in the morning (we go to bed at 2:00) and acted like she still wanted to watch something. She tells me she just wants to relax by playing after work but I donaEU(tm)t think that she realize that this means that hanging out with me quietly together is not relaxing to her and this hurts me a lot.
I love her very much and I am at my wits end and I have no idea what to do. I have contemplated breaking up with her many times but I hate the idea of doing that over a game of all things.
Please, any advice is welcomed.
Thank You
J
Edited by: wowburned at: 4/11/06 16:29
Hi J, I feel for you. This situation seems awfully wrong and I too have no good suggestions how to go about it. For some people here, writing a letter had worked.
From what I suspect, she does realize somewhere within that she does not behave right. In my opinion she would not throw tantrums or become as defensive if she were really indifferent to your opinion about her.
He understands that something is not right with her, but does not want to consciously realize it as that would impede with her playing.
At least that is what I suspect, being an addiction prone gamer myself.
If you write her a letter, you give her a lasting evidence of your situation and opinion, which she cannot conjure away with a tantrum or an argument. The paper is indifferent to her words and she will have to confront the writing, whether she likes it or not.
Thats what comes to my mind
Take Care
Maxim
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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.
I would agree with Maxim. If you haven't tried a letter then that would be a good way to go. Try to give it to her at a time when she has been away from the game for a bit, maybe in the morning. And start it out like a love letter, tell her all the things you love about her personally and have enjoyed sharing with her over the years. Then tell her all the things you would love to be doing with her in real life. Just a suggestion, but the more you keep it about what you would like to see your life together look like instead of what she is doing wrong, I would think she would be less defensive about something like that. Maybe she would be willing to come to this site and read some of the other stories, that really helped me.
It is hard dealing with an addict,(im all too aware of this from both sides ) you are in my prayers, I wish you the best
Debbie
Thank you all for the input!
I will again try with the letter concept because when I tried this before it was not quite what you guys suggest. I sent her letters in email form many times already but I was all ways really angry when I wrote them and I think that came out in the email.
I have another concern too. I think that she may have developed a more than friendly relationship with someone in the game. On many occasions when I have walked in on her playing she has jumped and clicked over to a new window quickly and I have noticed that she was typing on her guild web forum. She has activly refused to let me ever view her writings on that board and it is guild only so I can not view it myself. This has happened at least 20 times in the last month and of course she shouts "your jelous of a video game?" if I say anything. On another occasion when I was actually playing the game I got flamed verbally by someone in her guild because he knew I was her boy friend. He began threaten me and was jumping all around me in an angry way.
Hi J,
A quick note on the letter. You should write it in your own writting, this accomplishes two things. First, it is much more personal and second it gets her off the computer (hehe).
As far as the possible in game affair, this is a road I have walked down (My story is posted on OLGA for Gamers and it is titled Hi...) I am married and have children and so stood to lose alot and once I came to that realization it was enough for me to stop what I was doing. Not knowing your full situation it is hard to say whether she is actually having an affair and if so what would be the best route for you to take.
I would definately bring it up and if she responds with the old stand by 'your jealous of a game?' then as calmly as you can tell her 'yes, hun I am, I am jealous of anything that takes up as much time as this game does because I want to jealously guard my time with you and our relationship means the world to me' or you know...something along those lines, lol!
J, It is difficult dealing with an addict in their comfort zone so to speak...If you can get her to go away for a couple of days something to get her away from the computer and let her mind clear out a bit that would be ideal.
Best wishes to you,
Debbie
Thank you Debbie for the input. This is a crazy situation for me to be in and I appreciate the advice.
J