Hell NO, you're not the only one who felt that way! And try having a mate who plays too! Sometimes I still have a hard time not talking about it.
But when it takes up such a large portion of your time, what do you expect? You talk about what you're interested in and what matters to you and what consumes most of your time. I know people who are completely obsessed with work. It's funny how, if you spend all of your time at the office, talking about work to people who don't give a flying rip about it, it's ok. (generally) People don't bat an eyelash if you're a work-aholic. But if it's a game that's plaguing your thoughts and taking up all of your time and monopolizing your conversation, you've "got a problem". People who are addicted to work tell "gamers" that it's "Just a game." But I say, "It's just a job". But that's just ME.
Pretty much anything, when used in moderation, can be good for you. But, when the same thing is abused, it becomes a problem. Look at alcohol. A glass of red wine with your dinner several nights a week is GOOD for you. But drinking a bottle of wine with your dinner several nights a week, is bad for you. The indiginous tribes of South America/Mexico chew on Cacao leaves. The same leaves that are used to create the harmful drug, cocaine. They are extremely healthy and the leaves are very good for you, and have wonderful medicinal properties. But cocaine, extracted from the same leaves and chemically altered and refined is terrible for you. I could go on like this all day, giving a different example every two minutes, and never reach the end of it.
People can be addicted to, and obsessed with ANYTHING. Life is all about Balance. Balancing your interests with your responsibilities. Your wants with your needs. Your income with your bills. Just keep working toward balance. That's what makes your life work.
Re: I lost everything in my life, because of this game...
The whole "reality check, this is only a game" is so familiar to me also, something we gamers told each other for years and years, sometimes as a way to continue denial, a way to push the person who was questioning some of the unhealthy dynamics away.
Quote:
When you all played the game for more than 20 hours a week, were you always able to keep your reality in-check? When somebody ****ed you off in the game could you leave it in the game and then shut off the computer and go have dinner with your family without bringing that to the table, or lashing out at a family member?
No, I was not able to stay real, my gaming flowed over into the rest of my life, I was pretty much always thinking about it. The style of gaming I did involved a lot of text, was entirely text driven in a chat room, all we players co-created an environment and interacted in it. I usually even when not directly playing was thinking on the game, thinking on various writing projects related to it.
Emotions are emotions. We get ****ed off in a game because we are human, we are not the robots some gamers would like us to be emotionally. Emotions do cause physiological changes. Adrenaline etc. This is real, this does effect us. We aren't able usually to just switch off our emotions like a light switch.
Part of my recovery involves really really knowing that I am human, I get to be human. I am not a robot, I am not able to play out dramatic gaming stuff then just always cool and collectedly do something else.
Quote:
I had a hard time doing that and I don't know why.
Something to think on also, who was telling me that -I- needed to be different? Folks who themselves seemed to be doing all they can to stay stuck in the game. Now, I can only do my recovery, their business is their own. But for me, listening to what proverbial drinkers/gamers say to me back at the bar/in the game is not that helpful.
Quote:
Could it have been when I played in the game I was always wanting to know about the people who drive the characters. I was always trying to encourage them with real life issues (my co-dependent thing I guess). I knew that most of us that played all night and day had real life issues we were hiding from. At least that's what I thought.
I myself found out that I cannot assist folks much online, through the gaming lense and chat. The best I can do is suggest they get help, tell someone real, get off the computer. I can be an example of someone who has done well with therapy and real life activities.
Fellow players who tell me their woes, who seem to be suicidal and in bad relationships, who are in any sort of abusive situations.......I too got caught up sometimes in trying to help. But this causes burn out and isn't productive. They need to get offline and reach out. To hot lines, crisis lines, sliding scale counseling, anything.
We are human, many of us are going to be curious about the players behind the characters, and many players do drop hints about what all they are going through.
Gaming online can create an artificial sense of intimacy.
Quote:
Surely I'm not the only one whose felt like this. I don't think I would know how to behave any other way.
I know beyond doubt that you are not the only one who has felt like this. I have, many many folks I've spoken to have and do.
For me, gaming causes anxiety, confusion, distraction, short temper, lost sense of time. Ultimately it wasn't a case of me needing to game differently, think differently......it was a case of me needing to stop.
Some folks can perhaps moderate their use of these purposefully designed to be addictive games. I myself am not one. And it is okay that I am not.
Re: I lost everything in my life, because of this game...
Quote:
When you all played the game for more than 20 hours a week, were you always able to keep your reality in-check? When somebody ****ed you off in the game could you leave it in the game and then shut off the computer and go have dinner with your family without bringing that to the table, or lashing out at a family member?
The events of the virtual world took a HUGE precedence over what I did out here in reality. I didn't work as many good gigs as I was offered, because I knew they would cut into my playing time. I have only this year gotten back into an activity I LOVED because for three years, I didn't involve myself in it.
I could never leave it in game when someone ****ed me off in game. I was often locking horns with my fellow officer of the guild. He had a different set of priorities and beliefs. I would often be so focused on the guild messageboard when I was at work, that the classes I had to teach were a real distraction to the "important" business of replying to the debate raging there. Even though I wasn't actually "IN GAME" I was focused on it at every waking moment.
The emotions of the game were very real, and carried themselves to the outside. I'd get furious-- I mean absolutely white hot mad-- at my students, because I was really mad at some guy in South Carolina I have never met, and never will.
I pulled away from my wife, because I had an "ally" against this other officer... she was also an officer in the guild, and we worked "together" to try and make the other guy see reason. She was the good cop, and I was the bad cop. We'd chat all day long on Yahoo. We'd call. We'd even visit. Soon, our relationship grew beyond that, to what we both thought was something more. I see now, of course, it was as illusory as everything else in Everquest. But the point is, she became the focus of my attention, my affection, and even my love, to the detriment of my wife.
When my son was born, I would get VERY irritated, when my wife would drop him in my lap at the end of a very long evening for her. She would just need for God's sake TWO minutes to herself, to shower, or eat, or SOMETHING, and she'd give him to me and I'd get VERY mad because it was game time.
And I'd basically ignore the crying and squirming child in my lap.
----------------------------------------
(Several more thoughts...)
----------------------------------------
"Reality check... only a game. " Yes, I had to say that to myself, and I had to say it to my fellow officers in the guild a few times. And ultimately, they had to say it to me, in order to get me to quit EQ. It wasn't their intention, of course, they just wanted me to stop being a pain in their ass... I was the guy who didn't want to require raids. They did. I reminded them about people having outside lives. (if only I knew). I made them uncomfortable by pointing out their-- and yes, my-- screwed up priorities.
Eventually, I grew to be too much for them. If they had not kicked me off of their ruling council, I never would have quit. Not until my wife left me, I am almost sure of it. They did me a favor, by giving me that ultimate reality check. They just wanted me off the council; instead, I got off the game.
Sadly, it seems to me that they still need the check themselves. They were maybe more well adjusted than me while in game. They probably had a better way of dealing with their real lives. When they quit, it won't be this ugly situation that I had. And it will be on their own terms, not those of their "adversaries." At least I can hope... their recovery from quitting EQ will be smoother than mine, I have no doubt. I was a huge basket-case. They will go thru withdrawl, but at least it will be a happy withdrawl as opposed to a bitter and angry one like mine was. But I know, I mean I know that their conflicts with me and others, and their arguments within the game, and their focus on game goals consumed them just as much as it did me.
One officer quit her job. I don't know why, but it sure seemed like so she could play more EQ. At least two of them stopped with outside recreational activities, because they got in the way of EQ. One guy was talked down about and behind his back because he was never around, not "hard-core" enough. Never mind he was finishing his residency. Another fellow was sent to prison for a crime he probably didn't commit, and the only real concern was when he would get back to fill his role in the guild. Nobody from inside-- none of his closest "friends" bothered contacting him during his sentence, except for one person. All they cared about was the next raid, the next mob, the next zone. And I was as guilty as they were. And when he was released, only AFTER I had quit, I lashed out at him too, because I associated him with those people. As if he had anything to do with it... He'd been gone for ten months! (How's THAT for not separating life and game?)
/shame on
There are well adjusted players out there. I wasn't one of them, and neither were any of my "friends." With the filter of six months of clarity out of game, I now see that were were all allowing-- even encouraging-- that kind of behavior among one another. They are still there, and one day, they may wake up. There's no telling them this, of course, that they need to get a grip on "reality." I was no angel, and to be all "I told you so" is hypocritical. It's not my place. My job is to focus on my life and help those who visit OLGA with theirs if they need it.
These are the short-sighted judgement calls that get made when one is in the game.... a "REALITY CHECK" is just what I needed at that point in my life.
Taryhn said, Quote:People can be addicted to, and obsessed with ANYTHING. Life is all about Balance. Balancing your interests with your responsibilities. True, there are many things in the world that tempt us and are easily addictive. That is why there are places like AA, NA, and OLGA. Each addiction can affect us quite differently, so there's a separate need for support groups of each type of addiction. We don't exist because we simply want to, we exist because there is a need.
I have no idea if this guys story is legit or not...it sure looks like it. Who cares if the english is perfect or not? Bottom line is if his story isnt true I am sure there are many who this story does apply to so in a way it IS true even if it isnt for "tommy".
I too have a lovely wife and young daughter and I feel I spend wayy too much time playing Unreal tournament. I have spent up to 20 hours a week playing over the past 5 years. I am too busy these days to play that much but at times if I am alone I will play for like 3-4 hours at a time. After reading tommys story I decided this is a waste of time and life. There is no benefit to it--there are a million better things I could be doing. I am not as bad as I used to be but in a way--the little free time I have should not be spent playing a stupid game. I am very good at the game...but really..who friggin cares ? Only other players who probably are wasting more of their life playing than I am. The lure in unreal tournament is the competition---so addictive. But after reaqding tommys story--I deleted the game and broke up the CD's. I am glad I was able to stop myself before I TOO lost everything.
Re: I lost everything in my life, because of this game...
When I was addicted to RTCW:ET I would play for hours and then make a mad dash between maps to urinate. Defecation was out of the question till at least it was time to go to bed.
I laughed all the way through this story. I just cannot believe its true. In fact, part of me suspects that it isn't. Surely no one is this sad?
For Gods sake, someone restore my faith in humanity and tell me this guy is winding us up.
Okay, you've had your joke, and we believed it all for a minute. But you can tell us the truth now. It was all a big scam to fool us into thinking someone can be such a @#%$.
No one in the human race could possibly but such a sad case as this. No one.
youve obviously never played everquest before. you realise he wasnt sad during the story? he was happy, but he was blinded of RL, he was getting satisfaction from accomplisments in the game, thats all he paid attention too, its all he cared about.
We left Daniel's post there, because believe it or not, that is a common response I get from people who have never been addicted to games and do not know anyone who has been.
They cannot believe it. They have not experienced it, so they do not understand, and cannot have empathy for those who have.
We who come here, have experienced it, and DO believe it, because we have seen it with our own eyes.
Yes, you had a problem. But, provided you're telling the story accurately, some of the blame rests with your wife too. I mean, she didn't exactly put much effort into trying to help you with your problem. If you were escaping reality by playing EQ, your real life must not have been very rewarding by comparison, and in a marriage, your spouse is a large part of your life.
To just run off with another dude, taking your kids with you (they are YOUR kids too, you know), is just wrong. She left you over a video game, man.
Re: I lost everything in my life, because of this game...
Goodluck buddy ive been watching people do this for a while. Glad ya woke up and re-entered the real world! Virtual friends vs Watching TV w/friends is not the same social interaction! You are an addict in denial if you believe this!
Re: I lost everything in my life, because of this game...
Co-habitation with another man while married should be illegal. Seriously, people who play video games are pathetic loers who are wasting away their lives and making people die. I hate how people continue to play worthless games and ignore their families and God.
Re: I lost everything in my life, because of this game...
Quote:I hate how people continue to play worthless games and ignore their families and God.
I love how you use the word "Hate" to describe your feelings and "God" in the same sentence.
I understand that you have strong feelings against the harm that video games can do. I do too. I wish that nobody has to go through the torment that being addicted to a video game can cause. I wish that children didn't suffer neglect from parents who are addicted. I wish the video game designers would not have designed the games to become to addicting.
But seriously, not every person is like you. SOME are able to play a game, without it affecting their family or personal life. Not EVERY person who plays a game is pathetic.
Anyone that thinks that EQ is not addictive is either in denial or is still getting exp from the orc pawns at newbie lift. Tobacco and alcohol couldn't hold a match to EQ in my case.
In the early 90s I smoked 2 packs of Marlborough Reds a day and drank cases upon cases of beer, not to mention 2 or 3 bottles of liquor per week. I backed off on drinking because my shifts increased at work (job required that I carried a few high-powered firearms, so showing up drunk wasn't an option.) Around this time I started dating a new girl and she wasn't much of a drinker, so I backed off from the bottle quite a bit. I think I went almost 2 months without any alcohol during that time and never experienced any withdrawl symptoms. I figured out later it was more of a ritualistic habit than a chemical addiction for me, meaning that if I was around certain friends, alcohol had to be in the equation... But once those friends weren't around, I didn't have the desire to drink.
The tobacco use... I smoked, dipped snuff, and chewed tobacco. On the side of smokeless tobacco... I played baseball growing up and through high school. All of the players either dipped snuff or chewed Redman. I only had to have it while practicing, playing or hitting at the batting cages... Just a stupid habit.
I mentioned that I smoked 2 packs of smokes per day... It started out that I only smoked when I drank. Everybody used to smoke on the balcony of my dorm during parties, so when I went out there I felt the urge. Little things like whenever I started my truck, the next step was to push in the lighter, roll the window down, light the cig, then back out. My most extreme habit was smoking because it just seemed like there were way too many steps in everyday life that would set the "urge to smoke" off. I met another girl (married this one =) and had our 10 year anniversary last Feb) and she was disgusted by the way smokers smelled. I lived in Lousiana at the time and she lived 3.5 hours away in Texas, and when we were together I never smoked. I was in TX visiting my parents and I was going to leave shortly to pick her up for a date. I started my truck, popped the lighter in, rolled the window down, lit the cigarette and backed out. I started thinking about how serious the relationship was getting and how much she hated smoking, so after about 3 or 4 drags I threw out the last cigarette I ever smoked in my life... I never had withdrawl symptoms, wore a patch or chewed the nicotine gum. It was a change of scenery, a way of thinking and a little will power that got me away from a nasty habit.
Everquest... This was by far an addiction for me. Everone's read the stories about how EQ's affected (or infected) their lives. My story isn't much different except that I was able to cut myself off before I lost everything. I remember going 2-3 days without sleeping during the work week. When I did sleep, I dreamed all night long about the game. It was competitive to the point that I would miss work or take extended lunch breaks to get more accomplished within the game. When I was at work, all I could concentrate on was EQ... If I was on a computer, I was on one of the major EQ websites. I played 3 characters to 65+. I only played for a little over 2 years but within the first year I watched my 6-pack stomach turn into a keg. I went from a 208 pound toned soldier to a 233 pound butt of my brother's jokes.
I couldn't quit, so I almost jumped branches to the Marine Corps so I could go away to basic training and infantry training... places I wouldn't be able to touch EQ with a 10 foot pole. The wife find out and about lost it, so I didn't do it... plus they would have knocked me down from a SGT to a Private, which are slightly different pay brackets. I did take another job within the Army and was sent away for a short time. I still wanted to go out and buy the game and still had the EQ dreams. I actually experienced depression for the first time in my life as a 30 year old man. I was sick for the first time in 10 years (not alcohol related). I used to think depression was for the weak minded, but my views on it have changed since mine occurred. I've made friends within EQ that I hung out with more than my RL friends. I struggled with letting them go. I struggled with the 2+ years of character building that was just going to be flushed down the toilet.
I ended up selling the accounts (had 2) to a few guys in a high end raiding guild. I'm done with these types of games. Maybe some of you won't ever be affected by EQ as an addiction. Everyone's different... Just ask yourself, "If I had to quit tomorrow, could I?"
First, let me thank you for your service, and I honor you and your brothers and sisters in arms this Memorial Day.
Your story sounds a bit like mine (the EQ part, that is) but it's the first time I've ever heard anyone speak so candidly about tobaccy and alcyhol. QUitting EQ was among the hardest things (if not the hardest) that I've ever done, I never had to quit the other things... so I had no point of reference.
So thanks for your perspective and story. It made me thoughtful and thankful.
in regards of the first post, I almoast know the feelings you could have felt. I lost all my desire to live a real life playing the game Ragnarok Online..I quit my school, lost my friends and everything. I was in so deep even professional help didn't help me at all. I have now quit the game just recently from my own free will, but it left it's mark on me. The thing that helped me lose any desire to play the game now, I just remembered was quite a simple one. I had a maximum level priest in the game and I loved PVP a lot, as a competitive person. So the day I quit, I had the offical highest defense for a priest on the server with no other priest even coming close. That was enough to make me forget about the game.. I'm glad
I too am in the Army. Have been for 20 years. I have been playing online games for the past 6+ years. UO/EQ/Asherons Call/DAoC/ and the newest addiction EQII. For months now I have been frustrated, been trying to get away from EQ, but it is hard. My wife and I play together now. We have a guild we started together. It has been fun. But now I know what it was like for her to go to bed alone for so many years.
I started playing aftere going through a divorce, I too was in deep depression. I would come home during the Ultima online days to ensure I had not been booted offline while "macroing". I would also skip work, go in late, cancell appointments etc etc, just to get more time in playing ANY of my online games. Seems so silly even thinking about the time of my life gone to a **** video game. And what do I have to physically show for it? NOTHING.
I have a 5 year old son, I have been playing these games his ENTIRE life. How many stories could have been read? How many games (not video) could have been played? I get ****ed just thinking about it.
I have justified my addiction like any other junkie...it's just a game...I play to relax...Everyone else watches TV I just play EQ. But we all know that is crap. Most people shut the TV off at 10 or 11 and go to sleep without worrying if a certain piece of armor would have been better for thier Paladin vs. thier Shadow Knight.
Last night our guild had typical drama going on. I got angry just thinking that my wife and I were discussing these stupid people on a game we had never met and never will meet. So I cancelled my account. My wife says she is not going to play if I don't.
Maybe I can start getting a full 7 hours of sleep again. Maybe I can finish reading a book again. Maybe I will even write a book. Maybe I can live a normal family life again.
I am going to go say goodnight to my 5 year old. How many, many nights have I not done that over the course of his life because I was afraid to leave my group, afraid my Char might die...how friggin stupid.
I will let you all know how it goes. Thanks a lot for your stories. You are helping me let go of something I should have let go of 5 years ago.
Re: I lost everything in my life, because of this game...
SargeScott,
Thank you as well for your service this Independence Day Weekend. I never served, and I have a great deal of respect for all of you that did--and currently do-- so schlubs like me wouldn't have to.
A lot of the stories I've read here on OLGA have been from members of the military-- perhaps the pull of escapism within the game is especially strong among men and women in uniform.
Anyway, it's good to hear that you've made the decision to pull the plug so to speak. I know that many people-- the vast majority, in fact, can handle the games just fine. But like you, a time came when I started to get more worked up over online conflicts with people I had never (and would never) met, than I would with real life interactions. At that point, like you, it was time to move on.
Others can keep the game and the petty guild politics, the repetitive gameplay, and the pointless leveling and gearing up; as for myself, I play other things, do other activities, and save my happiness and anger for people I actually see in real life.
Oh, and politicians. I save my anger for them too.
you didn't lose everything because youre addiction,you lost it because you are an idiot. if you are dumb enough to ignore youre wife and childeren for a game then you had it coming. let me give an example which does not come from whiners as the likes of you,my own example:
i have been playing wow for six months now,hours a day.addicted?yes you can say so.but unlike you people i fully understand the need for a social live. i still pay hours of warcraft a day and also enjoy the company of friends and going somewhere together.
now you come here in search in help but in fact its a long whine where you show yourselfs to be idiots who cant handle themselves. you whiners blame videogames,go blame yourself for the idiots you are.
If people want to ask for help to accomplish something in their lives, there is nothing wrong with that. We are on this earth to help ourselves and each other. We are not hermits. We do not have to do everything ON OUR OWN! That kind of independence is why a lot of us go where we are today. Have you ever heard, two heads are better than one? We are not solitaire human beings.
If you think you have to do everything on your own, go on ahead and live that way. I, personally, would rather do things with others. That does not make me or you wrong. We each are living our lives, our own way.
Knock off your judgementalism, and learn that we all don't have to do it YOUR way.
Re: I lost everything in my life, because of this game...
Firstly, let me say I belive Tommy. Of course it could just be made up or the spelling mistakes could be because he is a not a native english speaker (like myself)
Yes I am an addict and will always be. But I am also a respected business woman in a suit in day time and no one could ever suspect me of being a hard core gamer addict.
It started out as a nice way to pass time. It ended in divorce, therapy and eating happy pills.
My son started playing Atari a long long time ago. Then came play station and we had to shout at him to come and eat. I read some articles about children in Japan getting sick from playing and about the violence. So I decided to test it so I knew what he was doing and I knew what he was talking about.
I did and found playing rpg amusing.
In 1995 I tested chatting for the first time. I found it to be sexually refreshing but I quitted.
My son showed me a new kind of game a year ago. It was called WoW and the beta version had just been released in the states.
So I bought the beta and it was fun and a challange for a 42 year old "slow typer". I immediately found friends, even if I was the oldest and a mum I was befriended and respected and I felt very good about myself. In fact, I smiled more than I had in a long long time. I laughed out loud and I played for hours.
Then the live version. In short I played every minute I could. I joined a very competetive guild and wanted to be the best, beat the best.... Some guys fell in love with me in a puppy sort of way that I could only smile at. They were younger than my own son.
One of the players, the younger brother of the leader of the clan, became my mentor. He was a very experienced player, had lots of patience and was very intelligent and smart. He was so much fun.
I met him after a couple of months and had sex with him. The shame I should have felt. I could only think of him playing me in the game, fooling everyone.
Reality check: My husband took my computer and said quit or leave, my daughters hated and pitied me. (the exception being my son who knew what I had gone through) I now go to therapy and eat medicin. I am going to move out soon.
I hate myself a lot but I will learn to love myself in time
But I have (I think) identified what "inside" me made me an addict. It is what I am paid to do at work and what people recognise as a good thing about me. My ability to get engrossed in things and to make even the most difficult projects a success.
If sennin had bothered to read the entire thread instead of just the first post he would have realized that in fact Tommy D really did lose everything...
What good will name calling do him now?
If you're going to come here and flame, have the courtesy to read the D*** thread first, okay?
This is SO sad. Not just the beginning of it or the the middle or the tragic ending. It brought me to my own tears because in so many ways it has been my life. It reminds me of the horror, the shame and guilt, the aloneness and isolation and ultimately the fear and despair.
I was married for 7 years, he was everything in the world to me, honestly-- he WAS my entire world. I would have done anything for him and you know what? I did.
I remember to this day a year after we were married going to Target with him hand in hand as he purchased EQ. I was so excited for him because he seemed so happy.
And then I sat. I think I knew sometime shortly after that deep down inside that something was wrong at that point. Because I began to feel left out. I never played EQ. I never once logged onto it (never even crossed my mind even when he used to tell me not to touch it and mess anything up)But somehow the game transformed me over time. Sure I yelled and screamed and pleaded and bargained and everything else you can imagine and of course nothing worked, nothing I could have ever done would have. (I've learned this in hindsight of course).
He bought me a laptop and created this little bunny for me and my time filled with making online friends, watching TV or creating a website while he played on with EQ. Our son was born back in 2000 and that took on a life of it's own with me. He became my ultimate love and my parenting took precidence over everything. I became obsessed with being the perfect wife and the perfect mother and the perfect everything. I guess I thought the more I could do he would eventually love me or do all the things I wanted him to do. Power and control began to emerge and I played my role just as he did his. Truth is, I didn't know how to fix anything anymore than he did. I was just as lost as anyone.
I felt lonely every night going to bed alone. Taking care of a baby all by myself and felt all alone in that task with no help, love or support. I served him dinner every night at the computer desk as he played on and I remember feeling so rejected and lonely sitting at that dinner table every night (just me and the little one). I felt worthless as a human being that I was somehow not good enough for him to be with me, with us or even want to. The power of addiction I've learned is a family disease, and it effected me in such hard places. I always felt like I was in the marriage by myself and I always had to explain away where my husband was (yes, I was the co-dependant always covering for him and EQ, saying he was sick or busy or blah blah) truth be told, I was just as embarrassed and ashamed, not so much of him- but of me, that I somehow let it happen, that I was to blame, that I had somehow failed.. him, myself, the marriage and life altogether.
I sat and lived that life for over 6 years with him. We became strangers in the house to each other. I had no idea how it happened and then that fatal night came when I found out. He was in love with this girl from EQ. He never admitted it of course, he said he didn't know which one to choose and it broke my heart into a million pieces. It wasn't his fault though. It's not mine either and I won't place blame on anyone, nor the game. Life just happens sometimes and it sucks.
So the little one and I moved out. Mind you, I made about a million mistakes myself but I too am only human and I was filled with pain, despair, hurt, rage and saddness. I originally asked for some time to heal and then it went downhill from there. He moved her in with him and I filed for divorce. It's been almost a year now and they are still living together, playing EQ together (married in game now) and have moved on I suppose in their next raid, while we are still in the process of the divorce.
And as far as myself, I have been in a 12 step recovery program for almost a year now. It's the only thing I could do to find myself again. Somedays are still hard and some are pretty good. The little one and I are doing better now and I'm actually going to a 12 step convention this weekend. I guess all I'm really doing here is admitting that I too was in this guys place for many years and I humbly accept everything that has happened. I do wish him well and happiness even after everything that has happened and I will take with me all the years we did have together. I also just wanted others to know that what this guy posted I do believe happened, afterall, it was my life too pretty much. I lost all of it to the game that I didn't even play.
It really is one day at a time and I trust that God will bring me to where I am supposed to go with my own life, until then, I will just enjoy my son and my life.
A A A A I've been reading this thread pretty thoroughly, until I realized the time that had flown by. I skimmed through the last half, IaEU(tm)ll have to come back to finish. I honestly don't know how I missed seeing this site for so long. IaEU(tm)ve done the Google search for 'online game addiction' beforeaEU|somehow this site popped up this time. A A A A Aside from keeping a personal journal during the last portion (a year or so) of my game addiction, I've never really written out a detailed chronicle of what happened, or what it meant to me. I'll come back and post more on what happened later tonight or tomorrow. A A A A The whole question on rather mmorpgs can be classified as addictive or not seems like a silly semantics argument to me. At what point do we just acknowledge that mmorpgs have enough addictive qualities (in their fulfilling of the different basic human psychological desires of growth, relatedness, recognition etc.) that we can simply call them addictive, and that they're **partially** responsible for the situation an increasing number of people find themselves in? Is heroin not addictive because a few people are immune to it's addictive properties?
There are plenty of gamers who are able to balance gaming and their outside lives, and a lot who found they canaEU(tm)t. Is it a numerical argument? When enough people come forward about being addicted to these games weaEU(tm)ll be able to balance the aEU~blameaEU(tm) a little more? I just donaEU(tm)t see how itaEU(tm)s possible to throw all of the blame on either aEU~peopleaEU(tm) or the aEU~gamesaEU(tm), when it seems like a mix of both.
A A A A This board is a wonderful resource, and I hope I can be a help to some of the people here trying to overcome their addiction, or finding their way down the road after. IaEU(tm)ve been aEU~cleanaEU(tm) of gaming for almost 2 years now, and I would be a liar if I said I wasnaEU(tm)t still tempted sometimes. Being able to help some of the people I know are out there in my old situation as a gamer would be a great relief.
Yes, it is a know fact, that these games are purposely designed to be as addictive, compelling, immersive and persistent as possible (per John Smedley, President of SOE).
The issues of whether games are addictive or not is as mute as if alcohol or food or gambling or drugs are addictive or not. The point is some people can do them or use them in moderation, others cannot. It is for the gamer and their loved ones, who cannot moderate their gaming, that we are here for.
We are people helping people. We are here to support each other through this. I am glad you are here! I hope you will be here for a long while!
I was going through the posts looking for something else, and what do I see? A post from our Tommy! It is in the Miscellaneous section - p198.ezboard.com/folgafrm1.showMessage?topicID=942.topic from November 17 of this year.
Quote:Forum posting can be just as addictive as online games.Yes, it can be and it's 100 times more boring and time consuming than taking out enemy UAV and Artillary with C4. Ron
"Get a Life!" Ron Jaffe AKA Diggo McDiggity OLGA Admin and Member since 2001 eMail: ronjaffe@cfl.rr.com
Quote:Yes, it can be and it's 100 times more boring and time consuming than taking out enemy UAV and Artillary with C4. Battlefield 2?
I played that game ><
Forgot about that one. Hmm. I think that, forum posting is a good step down though from playing the games. As are other things i suppose, that are computer related. But, just an opinion. :P
Re: &: I lost everything in my life, because of this gam
This is probably not a literally true story. But it could be. Worth another look anyway, its held the record for longest thread for many years now, looks like the record will be broken shortly. We'll see. :|
Re: &: I lost everything in my life, because of this gam
"Xandtar " wrote:
This is probably not a literally true story. But it could be. Worth another look anyway, its held the record for longest thread for many years now, looks like the record will be broken shortly. We'll see. :|
This is post (and poster) is what got me to first ever register and post my own story on the forums. I think about the poster often and hope he is well wherever he is. Love, Solei
Re: &: I lost everything in my life, because of this gam
Dude, dude, dude.....let me let you know that unless you don't stop gaming I'm gonna smash your little baby computer to bits, delete your EQ account and sue the company ;)kidding, dude. Just relax. You know they call it Ever Crack, right?So, bbbBOOYAH, keep comin' here and let our words wash over you, and y'know, have fun, go to da beach, cook somethin' up take a trip to your state capital or like one that's near you. Check out the parks and rec association fo yo town and find somethin' cool, like rowing or tennis. Jus let dat and knowing that everything ya do outside of the gamin box make a difference will make ya feel a whole lot better. Don'tshut us out, kay? talk to me, bro.
Re: &: I lost everything in my life, because of this gam
Very thought-provoking story and discussion. I'll be digesting all of this for some time. Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories and perspectives. Their worth carries on months and even years after your post.
Re: &: I lost everything in my life, because of this gam
I too went through a divorce and I can definitely tell you not to dwell on the things that you have no control over. If you are seeing your children that is great. Mine moved out of state at a very young age and it was so hard for me. Please try to focus on the positive things in life. Love your children and be as much a part of their lives as you can. Your story really got to me and I sincerely hope that everything works out for you. I am trying to overcome my addiction to WOW at this time and it is absolutely hard for me. I hope you meet someone nice. You deserve to have a good life and should'nt beat yourself up anymore over this. Worry about today at first and tomorrow will take care of itself. Make yourself as busy as you can. Volunteer for things like habitat for humanity. I believe that you can come out of this situation a better person than you were before. Lifes adversitys make us stronger.
Re: &: I lost everything in my life, because of this gam
Thank you for this post. It scared the hell out of me. It truly exposes the potential perils of gaming addiction. It can be an unbelievably destructive force that ruins lives. I honestly had no idea that it could get this bad.. but then that is the denial talking.. in truth I'm on the same path as you were, and if I don't change, I will end up in a similar situation. Thanks again.
Re: &: I lost everything in my life, because of this gam
I am sorry for what happenned to you. Sometime this drama runs to an extreme. But it could have been a lot worse. You lost your job, kids and wife and all I lost was my health. I will never be the same and neither will you but we learn and rebuid the best we can. I wish you the best in your recovery.
Re: &: I lost everything in my life, because of this gam
Dear Tommy, Thank you for your sharing. I am certain that your post will help some people to have a good look on their own gaming, and I certainly was reminded of why I deleted my Second Life account. I also have two children, and I have a wonderful husband. I know all about guilt after having neglected your children in particular. And I know that guilt is the worst thing we can give ourselves and our kids. :( So I acknowledge myself for having feelings and allow them to be there, but then my focus has to be on the positive. Negative thinking and dwelling only pulls me down into depression, and then my thinking gets unclear and I risk going back to the game even more. Stay focused Tommy. You've gone through the worst part I hope. I am sure you are a wonderful father to your kids and that you can have a close relationship with them. Focus on that and what you want in your life. You can have it all. Love Anne
Re: &: I lost everything in my life, because of this gam
Thank you for sharing your story with everyone. You have no idea how many people you may have helped. I am sure you probably don't even check in around here anymore, but I felt compelled to write something. Your story made me break down into tears because I see my husband in everything you described, and I just don't want to lose him.
Re: &: I lost everything in my life, because of this gam
wow that is a impressive story. i did play wow and was going down the same path as u every thing suffered kids wife job. reality slapped me in the face when i found out my wife was having an affair because i no longer paid attention to anything but the game. i cried when i read your letter it hit home so hard. i have not played wow in a month and i am trying to save my marriage have not lost it all yet. wish me luck. i think people should be required to read this before starting to play these games. wish me luck still have a chance.
Ok... first i would like to say that i don't wanna be mean here or anything. I'm a EQ Player. been playing for 2 years now. I'm somewhat "addicted" the game itself is really fun, *important notice*: Just like any game!. I see people addicted to WC3, MOHAA, CS, etc... I'm a gamer, and I know that I have a life too. Right when you started to bring a pee pot in the room was the moment when you should've realized that it was too much... I didn't read the whole story, but I saw some words about court and things, it got pretty bad as i see... but I still don't see how someone can break up a life... for a game?! Anyway, as long as i understand myself i'm ok. I just don't understand.... oh and by the way, this is not addiction, this is obsession.
If you can't understand it then your very fortunate to have never been as addicted as some. Congratulations but please be aware that some people are more prone to addiction that others and in the case of computer games the word "obsession" goes hand in hand with "addiction".
I have never played Everquest, but I have been addicted to the MMORPG WoW for 2 years now. These games can take over your life, but I have to say some parts of your story are very extreme Tommy. Some of the things you mentioned are cookie-cutter stereotypes of video game addicts, I have a very hard time believing them. It seems like you took the typical MMMORPG addict and amplified it by 10. Again, maybe I am not in the same situation as you, but my gaming addiction has ruined parts of my life I will never be able to reverse. My condolences if your story is truthful. It takes a lot of willpower to overcome that kind of addiction.
I have no trouble believing this story. It happened to me too, almost exactly the same way....kinda scary. I had many regrets at first. Looking back I know everything was not as perfect as I made myself believe, and I was hiding from a bad relationship in truth. But still my fault and I really feel horrible for the things I put my wife through. I never brought in a port a pot...bathroom was about 10 feet away, so I had to use it during LOADING PLEASE WAIT.....omg how pathetic I was. This was also the time to run for a drink or a bag of chips. To those posting about how this game is not addicting etc.....I wonder how many are still playing today.
Hell NO, you're not the only one who felt that way! And try having a mate who plays too! Sometimes I still have a hard time not talking about it.
But when it takes up such a large portion of your time, what do you expect? You talk about what you're interested in and what matters to you and what consumes most of your time. I know people who are completely obsessed with work. It's funny how, if you spend all of your time at the office, talking about work to people who don't give a flying rip about it, it's ok. (generally) People don't bat an eyelash if you're a work-aholic. But if it's a game that's plaguing your thoughts and taking up all of your time and monopolizing your conversation, you've "got a problem". People who are addicted to work tell "gamers" that it's "Just a game." But I say, "It's just a job". But that's just ME.
Pretty much anything, when used in moderation, can be good for you. But, when the same thing is abused, it becomes a problem. Look at alcohol. A glass of red wine with your dinner several nights a week is GOOD for you. But drinking a bottle of wine with your dinner several nights a week, is bad for you. The indiginous tribes of South America/Mexico chew on Cacao leaves. The same leaves that are used to create the harmful drug, cocaine. They are extremely healthy and the leaves are very good for you, and have wonderful medicinal properties. But cocaine, extracted from the same leaves and chemically altered and refined is terrible for you. I could go on like this all day, giving a different example every two minutes, and never reach the end of it.
People can be addicted to, and obsessed with ANYTHING. Life is all about Balance. Balancing your interests with your responsibilities. Your wants with your needs. Your income with your bills. Just keep working toward balance. That's what makes your life work.
The whole "reality check, this is only a game" is so familiar to me also, something we gamers told each other for years and years, sometimes as a way to continue denial, a way to push the person who was questioning some of the unhealthy dynamics away.
No, I was not able to stay real, my gaming flowed over into the rest of my life, I was pretty much always thinking about it. The style of gaming I did involved a lot of text, was entirely text driven in a chat room, all we players co-created an environment and interacted in it. I usually even when not directly playing was thinking on the game, thinking on various writing projects related to it.
Emotions are emotions. We get ****ed off in a game because we are human, we are not the robots some gamers would like us to be emotionally. Emotions do cause physiological changes. Adrenaline etc. This is real, this does effect us. We aren't able usually to just switch off our emotions like a light switch.
Part of my recovery involves really really knowing that I am human, I get to be human. I am not a robot, I am not able to play out dramatic gaming stuff then just always cool and collectedly do something else.
Something to think on also, who was telling me that -I- needed to be different? Folks who themselves seemed to be doing all they can to stay stuck in the game. Now, I can only do my recovery, their business is their own. But for me, listening to what proverbial drinkers/gamers say to me back at the bar/in the game is not that helpful.
I myself found out that I cannot assist folks much online, through the gaming lense and chat. The best I can do is suggest they get help, tell someone real, get off the computer. I can be an example of someone who has done well with therapy and real life activities.
Fellow players who tell me their woes, who seem to be suicidal and in bad relationships, who are in any sort of abusive situations.......I too got caught up sometimes in trying to help. But this causes burn out and isn't productive. They need to get offline and reach out. To hot lines, crisis lines, sliding scale counseling, anything.
We are human, many of us are going to be curious about the players behind the characters, and many players do drop hints about what all they are going through.
Gaming online can create an artificial sense of intimacy.
I know beyond doubt that you are not the only one who has felt like this. I have, many many folks I've spoken to have and do.
For me, gaming causes anxiety, confusion, distraction, short temper, lost sense of time. Ultimately it wasn't a case of me needing to game differently, think differently......it was a case of me needing to stop.
Some folks can perhaps moderate their use of these purposefully designed to be addictive games. I myself am not one. And it is okay that I am not.
This is a great discussion, helps me a lot also.
Sarah
The events of the virtual world took a HUGE precedence over what I did out here in reality. I didn't work as many good gigs as I was offered, because I knew they would cut into my playing time. I have only this year gotten back into an activity I LOVED because for three years, I didn't involve myself in it.
I could never leave it in game when someone ****ed me off in game. I was often locking horns with my fellow officer of the guild. He had a different set of priorities and beliefs. I would often be so focused on the guild messageboard when I was at work, that the classes I had to teach were a real distraction to the "important" business of replying to the debate raging there. Even though I wasn't actually "IN GAME" I was focused on it at every waking moment.
The emotions of the game were very real, and carried themselves to the outside. I'd get furious-- I mean absolutely white hot mad-- at my students, because I was really mad at some guy in South Carolina I have never met, and never will.
I pulled away from my wife, because I had an "ally" against this other officer... she was also an officer in the guild, and we worked "together" to try and make the other guy see reason. She was the good cop, and I was the bad cop. We'd chat all day long on Yahoo. We'd call. We'd even visit. Soon, our relationship grew beyond that, to what we both thought was something more. I see now, of course, it was as illusory as everything else in Everquest. But the point is, she became the focus of my attention, my affection, and even my love, to the detriment of my wife.
When my son was born, I would get VERY irritated, when my wife would drop him in my lap at the end of a very long evening for her. She would just need for God's sake TWO minutes to herself, to shower, or eat, or SOMETHING, and she'd give him to me and I'd get VERY mad because it was game time.
And I'd basically ignore the crying and squirming child in my lap.
----------------------------------------
(Several more thoughts...)
----------------------------------------
"Reality check... only a game. " Yes, I had to say that to myself, and I had to say it to my fellow officers in the guild a few times. And ultimately, they had to say it to me, in order to get me to quit EQ. It wasn't their intention, of course, they just wanted me to stop being a pain in their ass... I was the guy who didn't want to require raids. They did. I reminded them about people having outside lives. (if only I knew). I made them uncomfortable by pointing out their-- and yes, my-- screwed up priorities.
Eventually, I grew to be too much for them. If they had not kicked me off of their ruling council, I never would have quit. Not until my wife left me, I am almost sure of it. They did me a favor, by giving me that ultimate reality check. They just wanted me off the council; instead, I got off the game.
Sadly, it seems to me that they still need the check themselves. They were maybe more well adjusted than me while in game. They probably had a better way of dealing with their real lives. When they quit, it won't be this ugly situation that I had. And it will be on their own terms, not those of their "adversaries." At least I can hope... their recovery from quitting EQ will be smoother than mine, I have no doubt. I was a huge basket-case. They will go thru withdrawl, but at least it will be a happy withdrawl as opposed to a bitter and angry one like mine was. But I know, I mean I know that their conflicts with me and others, and their arguments within the game, and their focus on game goals consumed them just as much as it did me.
One officer quit her job. I don't know why, but it sure seemed like so she could play more EQ. At least two of them stopped with outside recreational activities, because they got in the way of EQ. One guy was talked down about and behind his back because he was never around, not "hard-core" enough. Never mind he was finishing his residency. Another fellow was sent to prison for a crime he probably didn't commit, and the only real concern was when he would get back to fill his role in the guild. Nobody from inside-- none of his closest "friends" bothered contacting him during his sentence, except for one person. All they cared about was the next raid, the next mob, the next zone. And I was as guilty as they were. And when he was released, only AFTER I had quit, I lashed out at him too, because I associated him with those people. As if he had anything to do with it... He'd been gone for ten months! (How's THAT for not separating life and game?)
/shame on
There are well adjusted players out there. I wasn't one of them, and neither were any of my "friends." With the filter of six months of clarity out of game, I now see that were were all allowing-- even encouraging-- that kind of behavior among one another. They are still there, and one day, they may wake up. There's no telling them this, of course, that they need to get a grip on "reality." I was no angel, and to be all "I told you so" is hypocritical. It's not my place. My job is to focus on my life and help those who visit OLGA with theirs if they need it.
These are the short-sighted judgement calls that get made when one is in the game.... a "REALITY CHECK" is just what I needed at that point in my life.
Hi, my name is Gundark, and I'm an alchemyholic.
Taryhn said, Quote:People can be addicted to, and obsessed with ANYTHING. Life is all about Balance. Balancing your interests with your responsibilities. True, there are many things in the world that tempt us and are easily addictive. That is why there are places like AA, NA, and OLGA. Each addiction can affect us quite differently, so there's a separate need for support groups of each type of addiction. We don't exist because we simply want to, we exist because there is a need.
_________
John Suit
cipher_nemo@hotmail.com
I have no idea if this guys story is legit or not...it sure looks like it. Who cares if the english is perfect or not? Bottom line is if his story isnt true I am sure there are many who this story does apply to so in a way it IS true even if it isnt for "tommy".
I too have a lovely wife and young daughter and I feel I spend wayy too much time playing Unreal tournament. I have spent up to 20 hours a week playing over the past 5 years. I am too busy these days to play that much but at times if I am alone I will play for like 3-4 hours at a time. After reading tommys story I decided this is a waste of time and life. There is no benefit to it--there are a million better things I could be doing. I am not as bad as I used to be but in a way--the little free time I have should not be spent playing a stupid game. I am very good at the game...but really..who friggin cares ? Only other players who probably are wasting more of their life playing than I am. The lure in unreal tournament is the competition---so addictive. But after reaqding tommys story--I deleted the game and broke up the CD's. I am glad I was able to stop myself before I TOO lost everything.
Ron,
Thank you for sharing your story.
Welcome back to your real life, and your family.
I bet they are so happy to have you back!
I wish you success!
Please feel free to come to the OLGA meetings on Thursday night in www.recoverychat.com in the OLGA room - 9:30 eastern time.
Liz
Liz Woolley
When I was addicted to RTCW:ET I would play for hours and then make a mad dash between maps to urinate. Defecation was out of the question till at least it was time to go to bed.
This is @#%$.
I laughed all the way through this story. I just cannot believe its true. In fact, part of me suspects that it isn't. Surely no one is this sad?
For Gods sake, someone restore my faith in humanity and tell me this guy is winding us up.
Okay, you've had your joke, and we believed it all for a minute. But you can tell us the truth now. It was all a big scam to fool us into thinking someone can be such a @#%$.
No one in the human race could possibly but such a sad case as this. No one.
Just tell us the truth - you made this story up.
youve obviously never played everquest before. you realise he wasnt sad during the story? he was happy, but he was blinded of RL, he was getting satisfaction from accomplisments in the game, thats all he paid attention too, its all he cared about.
Edited by: bbum at: 1/24/05 10:31
Hello bbum,
We left Daniel's post there, because believe it or not, that is a common response I get from people who have never been addicted to games and do not know anyone who has been.
They cannot believe it. They have not experienced it, so they do not understand, and cannot have empathy for those who have.
We who come here, have experienced it, and DO believe it, because we have seen it with our own eyes.
Liz
Liz Woolley
You have my support. I never got to that point because I'd always heard stories. You may have things beyond EQ and all of us probably do as well.
Tommy,
Yes, you had a problem. But, provided you're telling the story accurately, some of the blame rests with your wife too. I mean, she didn't exactly put much effort into trying to help you with your problem. If you were escaping reality by playing EQ, your real life must not have been very rewarding by comparison, and in a marriage, your spouse is a large part of your life.
To just run off with another dude, taking your kids with you (they are YOUR kids too, you know), is just wrong. She left you over a video game, man.
HTH.
Was their an agreement for shared custody or anything like that?
Goodluck buddy ive been watching people do this for a while. Glad ya woke up and re-entered the real world! Virtual friends vs Watching TV w/friends is not the same social interaction! You are an addict in denial if you believe this!
Edited by: NOLOSERHERE at: 3/10/05 16:24
To that HTH guy...dont blame the wife...thats sad!
Edited by: NOLOSERHERE at: 3/10/05 16:31
Co-habitation with another man while married should be illegal. Seriously, people who play video games are pathetic loers who are wasting away their lives and making people die. I hate how people continue to play worthless games and ignore their families and God.
Edited by: HunterTen at: 5/1/05 20:43
Quote:I hate how people continue to play worthless games and ignore their families and God.
I love how you use the word "Hate" to describe your feelings and "God" in the same sentence.
I understand that you have strong feelings against the harm that video games can do. I do too. I wish that nobody has to go through the torment that being addicted to a video game can cause. I wish that children didn't suffer neglect from parents who are addicted. I wish the video game designers would not have designed the games to become to addicting.
But seriously, not every person is like you. SOME are able to play a game, without it affecting their family or personal life. Not EVERY person who plays a game is pathetic.
Edited by: mariegt at: 5/9/05 6:21
Anyone that thinks that EQ is not addictive is either in denial or is still getting exp from the orc pawns at newbie lift. Tobacco and alcohol couldn't hold a match to EQ in my case.
In the early 90s I smoked 2 packs of Marlborough Reds a day and drank cases upon cases of beer, not to mention 2 or 3 bottles of liquor per week. I backed off on drinking because my shifts increased at work (job required that I carried a few high-powered firearms, so showing up drunk wasn't an option.) Around this time I started dating a new girl and she wasn't much of a drinker, so I backed off from the bottle quite a bit. I think I went almost 2 months without any alcohol during that time and never experienced any withdrawl symptoms. I figured out later it was more of a ritualistic habit than a chemical addiction for me, meaning that if I was around certain friends, alcohol had to be in the equation... But once those friends weren't around, I didn't have the desire to drink.
The tobacco use... I smoked, dipped snuff, and chewed tobacco. On the side of smokeless tobacco... I played baseball growing up and through high school. All of the players either dipped snuff or chewed Redman. I only had to have it while practicing, playing or hitting at the batting cages... Just a stupid habit.
I mentioned that I smoked 2 packs of smokes per day... It started out that I only smoked when I drank. Everybody used to smoke on the balcony of my dorm during parties, so when I went out there I felt the urge. Little things like whenever I started my truck, the next step was to push in the lighter, roll the window down, light the cig, then back out. My most extreme habit was smoking because it just seemed like there were way too many steps in everyday life that would set the "urge to smoke" off. I met another girl (married this one =) and had our 10 year anniversary last Feb) and she was disgusted by the way smokers smelled. I lived in Lousiana at the time and she lived 3.5 hours away in Texas, and when we were together I never smoked. I was in TX visiting my parents and I was going to leave shortly to pick her up for a date. I started my truck, popped the lighter in, rolled the window down, lit the cigarette and backed out. I started thinking about how serious the relationship was getting and how much she hated smoking, so after about 3 or 4 drags I threw out the last cigarette I ever smoked in my life... I never had withdrawl symptoms, wore a patch or chewed the nicotine gum. It was a change of scenery, a way of thinking and a little will power that got me away from a nasty habit.
Everquest... This was by far an addiction for me. Everone's read the stories about how EQ's affected (or infected) their lives. My story isn't much different except that I was able to cut myself off before I lost everything. I remember going 2-3 days without sleeping during the work week. When I did sleep, I dreamed all night long about the game. It was competitive to the point that I would miss work or take extended lunch breaks to get more accomplished within the game. When I was at work, all I could concentrate on was EQ... If I was on a computer, I was on one of the major EQ websites. I played 3 characters to 65+. I only played for a little over 2 years but within the first year I watched my 6-pack stomach turn into a keg. I went from a 208 pound toned soldier to a 233 pound butt of my brother's jokes.
I couldn't quit, so I almost jumped branches to the Marine Corps so I could go away to basic training and infantry training... places I wouldn't be able to touch EQ with a 10 foot pole. The wife find out and about lost it, so I didn't do it... plus they would have knocked me down from a SGT to a Private, which are slightly different pay brackets. I did take another job within the Army and was sent away for a short time. I still wanted to go out and buy the game and still had the EQ dreams. I actually experienced depression for the first time in my life as a 30 year old man. I was sick for the first time in 10 years (not alcohol related). I used to think depression was for the weak minded, but my views on it have changed since mine occurred. I've made friends within EQ that I hung out with more than my RL friends. I struggled with letting them go. I struggled with the 2+ years of character building that was just going to be flushed down the toilet.
I ended up selling the accounts (had 2) to a few guys in a high end raiding guild. I'm done with these types of games. Maybe some of you won't ever be affected by EQ as an addiction. Everyone's different... Just ask yourself, "If I had to quit tomorrow, could I?"
Welcome, Trezzt.
You are among your own here.
I am glad to hear that you were able to stop the slide.
I too am lucky enough to have a fine wife who keeps me on the straight and narrow...
Good luck to you.
Leveling in Real Life
Trezzt-
First, let me thank you for your service, and I honor you and your brothers and sisters in arms this Memorial Day.
Your story sounds a bit like mine (the EQ part, that is) but it's the first time I've ever heard anyone speak so candidly about tobaccy and alcyhol. QUitting EQ was among the hardest things (if not the hardest) that I've ever done, I never had to quit the other things... so I had no point of reference.
So thanks for your perspective and story. It made me thoughtful and thankful.
in regards of the first post, I almoast know the feelings you could have felt. I lost all my desire to live a real life playing the game Ragnarok Online..I quit my school, lost my friends and everything. I was in so deep even professional help didn't help me at all. I have now quit the game just recently from my own free will, but it left it's mark on me.
The thing that helped me lose any desire to play the game now, I just remembered was quite a simple one. I had a maximum level priest in the game and I loved PVP a lot, as a competitive person. So the day I quit, I had the offical highest defense for a priest on the server with no other priest even coming close. That was enough to make me forget about the game.. I'm glad
I'll never be what I used to be!
it's a bummer
Edited by: meguchan at: 6/2/05 6:12
Welcome, Meguchan.
I am glad you are here.
I hope you stay and help us as we rebuild both our boards, and our lives as recovering gaming addicts.
Good luck to you.
Leveling in Real Life
I too am in the Army. Have been for 20 years. I have been playing online games for the past 6+ years. UO/EQ/Asherons Call/DAoC/ and the newest addiction EQII. For months now I have been frustrated, been trying to get away from EQ, but it is hard. My wife and I play together now. We have a guild we started together. It has been fun. But now I know what it was like for her to go to bed alone for so many years.
I started playing aftere going through a divorce, I too was in deep depression. I would come home during the Ultima online days to ensure I had not been booted offline while "macroing". I would also skip work, go in late, cancell appointments etc etc, just to get more time in playing ANY of my online games. Seems so silly even thinking about the time of my life gone to a **** video game. And what do I have to physically show for it? NOTHING.
I have a 5 year old son, I have been playing these games his ENTIRE life. How many stories could have been read? How many games (not video) could have been played? I get ****ed just thinking about it.
I have justified my addiction like any other junkie...it's just a game...I play to relax...Everyone else watches TV I just play EQ. But we all know that is crap. Most people shut the TV off at 10 or 11 and go to sleep without worrying if a certain piece of armor would have been better for thier Paladin vs. thier Shadow Knight.
Last night our guild had typical drama going on. I got angry just thinking that my wife and I were discussing these stupid people on a game we had never met and never will meet. So I cancelled my account. My wife says she is not going to play if I don't.
Maybe I can start getting a full 7 hours of sleep again. Maybe I can finish reading a book again. Maybe I will even write a book. Maybe I can live a normal family life again.
I am going to go say goodnight to my 5 year old. How many, many nights have I not done that over the course of his life because I was afraid to leave my group, afraid my Char might die...how friggin stupid.
I will let you all know how it goes. Thanks a lot for your stories. You are helping me let go of something I should have let go of 5 years ago.
SargeScott,
Thank you as well for your service this Independence Day Weekend. I never served, and I have a great deal of respect for all of you that did--and currently do-- so schlubs like me wouldn't have to.
A lot of the stories I've read here on OLGA have been from members of the military-- perhaps the pull of escapism within the game is especially strong among men and women in uniform.
Anyway, it's good to hear that you've made the decision to pull the plug so to speak. I know that many people-- the vast majority, in fact, can handle the games just fine. But like you, a time came when I started to get more worked up over online conflicts with people I had never (and would never) met, than I would with real life interactions. At that point, like you, it was time to move on.
Others can keep the game and the petty guild politics, the repetitive gameplay, and the pointless leveling and gearing up; as for myself, I play other things, do other activities, and save my happiness and anger for people I actually see in real life.
Oh, and politicians. I save my anger for them too.
Hi, my name is Gundark, and I'm an alchemyholic.
you didn't lose everything because youre addiction,you lost it because you are an idiot.
if you are dumb enough to ignore youre wife and childeren for a game then you had it coming.
let me give an example which does not come from
whiners as the likes of you,my own example:
i have been playing wow for six months now,hours a day.addicted?yes you can say so.but unlike you people i fully understand the need for a social live.
i still pay hours of warcraft a day and also enjoy the company of friends and going somewhere together.
now you come here in search in help but in fact its a long whine where you show yourselfs to be idiots who cant handle themselves.
you whiners blame videogames,go blame yourself for the idiots you are.
Sennin,
You are really a jerk.
If people want to ask for help to accomplish something in their lives, there is nothing wrong with that. We are on this earth to help ourselves and each other. We are not hermits. We do not have to do everything ON OUR OWN!
That kind of independence is why a lot of us go where we are today. Have you ever heard, two heads are better than one? We are not solitaire human beings.
If you think you have to do everything on your own, go on ahead and live that way. I, personally, would rather do things with others. That does not make me or you wrong. We each are living our lives, our own way.
Knock off your judgementalism, and learn that we all don't have to do it YOUR way.
Liz
Liz Woolley
Firstly, let me say I belive Tommy. Of course it could just be made up or the spelling mistakes could be because he is a not a native english speaker (like myself)
Yes I am an addict and will always be. But I am also a respected business woman in a suit in day time and no one could ever suspect me of being a hard core gamer addict.
It started out as a nice way to pass time. It ended in divorce, therapy and eating happy pills.
My son started playing Atari a long long time ago. Then came play station and we had to shout at him to come and eat. I read some articles about children in Japan getting sick from playing and about the violence. So I decided to test it so I knew what he was doing and I knew what he was talking about.
I did and found playing rpg amusing.
In 1995 I tested chatting for the first time. I found it to be sexually refreshing but I quitted.
My son showed me a new kind of game a year ago. It was called WoW and the beta version had just been released in the states.
So I bought the beta and it was fun and a challange for a 42 year old "slow typer". I immediately found friends, even if I was the oldest and a mum I was befriended and respected and I felt very good about myself. In fact, I smiled more than I had in a long long time. I laughed out loud and I played for hours.
Then the live version. In short I played every minute I could. I joined a very competetive guild and wanted to be the best, beat the best....
Some guys fell in love with me in a puppy sort of way that I could only smile at. They were younger than my own son.
One of the players, the younger brother of the leader of the clan, became my mentor. He was a very experienced player, had lots of patience and was very intelligent and smart. He was so much fun.
I met him after a couple of months and had sex with him. The shame I should have felt. I could only think of him playing me in the game, fooling everyone.
Reality check:
My husband took my computer and said quit or leave, my daughters hated and pitied me. (the exception being my son who knew what I had gone through) I now go to therapy and eat medicin. I am going to move out soon.
I hate myself a lot but I will learn to love myself in time
But I have (I think) identified what "inside" me made me an addict. It is what I am paid to do at work and what people recognise as a good thing about me. My ability to get engrossed in things and to make even the most difficult projects a success.
Edited by: Medea at: 9/17/05 9:21
If sennin had bothered to read the entire thread instead of just the first post he would have realized that in fact Tommy D really did lose everything...
What good will name calling do him now?
If you're going to come here and flame, have the courtesy to read the D*** thread first, okay?
I corrected my post.
Edited by: lizwool at: 12/2/05 17:27
Leveling in Real Life
This is SO sad. Not just the beginning of it or the the middle or the tragic ending. It brought me to my own tears because in so many ways it has been my life. It reminds me of the horror, the shame and guilt, the aloneness and isolation and ultimately the fear and despair.
I was married for 7 years, he was everything in the world to me, honestly-- he WAS my entire world. I would have done anything for him and you know what? I did.
I remember to this day a year after we were married going to Target with him hand in hand as he purchased EQ. I was so excited for him because he seemed so happy.
And then I sat. I think I knew sometime shortly after that deep down inside that something was wrong at that point. Because I began to feel left out. I never played EQ. I never once logged onto it (never even crossed my mind even when he used to tell me not to touch it and mess anything up)But somehow the game transformed me over time. Sure I yelled and screamed and pleaded and bargained and everything else you can imagine and of course nothing worked, nothing I could have ever done would have. (I've learned this in hindsight of course).
He bought me a laptop and created this little bunny for me and my time filled with making online friends, watching TV or creating a website while he played on with EQ. Our son was born back in 2000 and that took on a life of it's own with me. He became my ultimate love and my parenting took precidence over everything. I became obsessed with being the perfect wife and the perfect mother and the perfect everything. I guess I thought the more I could do he would eventually love me or do all the things I wanted him to do. Power and control began to emerge and I played my role just as he did his. Truth is, I didn't know how to fix anything anymore than he did. I was just as lost as anyone.
I felt lonely every night going to bed alone. Taking care of a baby all by myself and felt all alone in that task with no help, love or support. I served him dinner every night at the computer desk as he played on and I remember feeling so rejected and lonely sitting at that dinner table every night (just me and the little one). I felt worthless as a human being that I was somehow not good enough for him to be with me, with us or even want to. The power of addiction I've learned is a family disease, and it effected me in such hard places. I always felt like I was in the marriage by myself and I always had to explain away where my husband was (yes, I was the co-dependant always covering for him and EQ, saying he was sick or busy or blah blah) truth be told, I was just as embarrassed and ashamed, not so much of him- but of me, that I somehow let it happen, that I was to blame, that I had somehow failed.. him, myself, the marriage and life altogether.
I sat and lived that life for over 6 years with him. We became strangers in the house to each other. I had no idea how it happened and then that fatal night came when I found out. He was in love with this girl from EQ. He never admitted it of course, he said he didn't know which one to choose and it broke my heart into a million pieces. It wasn't his fault though. It's not mine either and I won't place blame on anyone, nor the game. Life just happens sometimes and it sucks.
So the little one and I moved out. Mind you, I made about a million mistakes myself but I too am only human and I was filled with pain, despair, hurt, rage and saddness. I originally asked for some time to heal and then it went downhill from there. He moved her in with him and I filed for divorce. It's been almost a year now and they are still living together, playing EQ together (married in game now) and have moved on I suppose in their next raid, while we are still in the process of the divorce.
And as far as myself, I have been in a 12 step recovery program for almost a year now. It's the only thing I could do to find myself again. Somedays are still hard and some are pretty good. The little one and I are doing better now and I'm actually going to a 12 step convention this weekend. I guess all I'm really doing here is admitting that I too was in this guys place for many years and I humbly accept everything that has happened. I do wish him well and happiness even after everything that has happened and I will take with me all the years we did have together. I also just wanted others to know that what this guy posted I do believe happened, afterall, it was my life too pretty much. I lost all of it to the game that I didn't even play.
It really is one day at a time and I trust that God will bring me to where I am supposed to go with my own life, until then, I will just enjoy my son and my life.
Cheers to you all!
Edited by: bunniefuu at: 9/30/05 10:56
A A A A I've been reading this thread pretty thoroughly, until I realized the time that had flown by. I skimmed through the last half, IaEU(tm)ll have to come back to finish. I honestly don't know how I missed seeing this site for so long. IaEU(tm)ve done the Google search for 'online game addiction' beforeaEU|somehow this site popped up this time.
A A A A Aside from keeping a personal journal during the last portion (a year or so) of my game addiction, I've never really written out a detailed chronicle of what happened, or what it meant to me. I'll come back and post more on what happened later tonight or tomorrow.
A A A A The whole question on rather mmorpgs can be classified as addictive or not seems like a silly semantics argument to me. At what point do we just acknowledge that mmorpgs have enough addictive qualities (in their fulfilling of the different basic human psychological desires of growth, relatedness, recognition etc.) that we can simply call them addictive, and that they're **partially** responsible for the situation an increasing number of people find themselves in? Is heroin not addictive because a few people are immune to it's addictive properties?
There are plenty of gamers who are able to balance gaming and their outside lives, and a lot who found they canaEU(tm)t. Is it a numerical argument? When enough people come forward about being addicted to these games weaEU(tm)ll be able to balance the aEU~blameaEU(tm) a little more? I just donaEU(tm)t see how itaEU(tm)s possible to throw all of the blame on either aEU~peopleaEU(tm) or the aEU~gamesaEU(tm), when it seems like a mix of both.
A A A A This board is a wonderful resource, and I hope I can be a help to some of the people here trying to overcome their addiction, or finding their way down the road after. IaEU(tm)ve been aEU~cleanaEU(tm) of gaming for almost 2 years now, and I would be a liar if I said I wasnaEU(tm)t still tempted sometimes. Being able to help some of the people I know are out there in my old situation as a gamer would be a great relief.
- Auriex
Edited by: Auriex at: 10/21/05 22:41
Hello Aurex,
Welcome to OLGA.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Yes, it is a know fact, that these games are purposely designed to be as addictive, compelling, immersive and persistent as possible (per John Smedley, President of SOE).
The issues of whether games are addictive or not is as mute as if alcohol or food or gambling or drugs are addictive or not. The point is some people can do them or use them in moderation, others cannot. It is for the gamer and their loved ones, who cannot moderate their gaming, that we are here for.
We are people helping people. We are here to support each other through this. I am glad you are here! I hope you will be here for a long while!
Sincerely,
Liz
Liz Woolley
I was going through the posts looking for something else, and what do I see? A post from our Tommy! It is in the Miscellaneous section - p198.ezboard.com/folgafrm1.showMessage?topicID=942.topic from November 17 of this year.
Liz Woolley
Forum posting can be just as addictive as online games.
Quote:Forum posting can be just as addictive as online games.Yes, it can be and it's 100 times more boring and time consuming than taking out enemy UAV and Artillary with C4.
Ron
"Get a Life!"
Ron Jaffe AKA Diggo McDiggity
OLGA Admin and Member since 2001
eMail: ronjaffe@cfl.rr.com
Co-Founder of OLGA and member since 2002
Quote:Yes, it can be and it's 100 times more boring and time consuming than taking out enemy UAV and Artillary with C4. Battlefield 2?
I played that game ><
Forgot about that one. Hmm. I think that, forum posting is a good step down though from playing the games. As are other things i suppose, that are computer related. But, just an opinion. :P
This is probably not a literally true story. But it could be. Worth another look anyway, its held the record for longest thread for many years now, looks like the record will be broken shortly. We'll see. :|
Leveling in Real Life
This is post (and poster) is what got me to first ever register and post my own story on the forums. I think about the poster often and hope he is well wherever he is. Love, Solei
-6 Years Free of Online Gaming-
You would think the first poster would come back on here and let us know how he's doing in life.
Dude, dude, dude.....let me let you know that unless you don't stop gaming I'm gonna smash your little baby computer to bits, delete your EQ account and sue the company ;)kidding, dude. Just relax. You know they call it Ever Crack, right?So, bbbBOOYAH, keep comin' here and let our words wash over you, and y'know, have fun, go to da beach, cook somethin' up take a trip to your state capital or like one that's near you. Check out the parks and rec association fo yo town and find somethin' cool, like rowing or tennis. Jus let dat and knowing that everything ya do outside of the gamin box make a difference will make ya feel a whole lot better. Don'tshut us out, kay? talk to me, bro.
Very thought-provoking story and discussion. I'll be digesting all of this for some time. Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories and perspectives. Their worth carries on months and even years after your post.
I too went through a divorce and I can definitely tell you not to dwell on the things that you have no control over. If you are seeing your children that is great. Mine moved out of state at a very young age and it was so hard for me. Please try to focus on the positive things in life. Love your children and be as much a part of their lives as you can. Your story really got to me and I sincerely hope that everything works out for you. I am trying to overcome my addiction to WOW at this time and it is absolutely hard for me. I hope you meet someone nice. You deserve to have a good life and should'nt beat yourself up anymore over this. Worry about today at first and tomorrow will take care of itself. Make yourself as busy as you can. Volunteer for things like habitat for humanity. I believe that you can come out of this situation a better person than you were before. Lifes adversitys make us stronger.
Thank you for this post. It scared the hell out of me. It truly exposes the potential perils of gaming addiction. It can be an unbelievably destructive force that ruins lives. I honestly had no idea that it could get this bad.. but then that is the denial talking.. in truth I'm on the same path as you were, and if I don't change, I will end up in a similar situation. Thanks again.
I am sorry for what happenned to you. Sometime this drama runs to an extreme. But it could have been a lot worse. You lost your job, kids and wife and all I lost was my health. I will never be the same and neither will you but we learn and rebuid the best we can. I wish you the best in your recovery.
Dear Tommy, Thank you for your sharing. I am certain that your post will help some people to have a good look on their own gaming, and I certainly was reminded of why I deleted my Second Life account. I also have two children, and I have a wonderful husband. I know all about guilt after having neglected your children in particular. And I know that guilt is the worst thing we can give ourselves and our kids. :( So I acknowledge myself for having feelings and allow them to be there, but then my focus has to be on the positive. Negative thinking and dwelling only pulls me down into depression, and then my thinking gets unclear and I risk going back to the game even more. Stay focused Tommy. You've gone through the worst part I hope. I am sure you are a wonderful father to your kids and that you can have a close relationship with them. Focus on that and what you want in your life. You can have it all. Love Anne
Thank you for sharing your story with everyone. You have no idea how many people you may have helped. I am sure you probably don't even check in around here anymore, but I felt compelled to write something. Your story made me break down into tears because I see my husband in everything you described, and I just don't want to lose him.
wow that is a impressive story. i did play wow and was going down the same path as u every thing suffered kids wife job. reality slapped me in the face when i found out my wife was having an affair because i no longer paid attention to anything but the game. i cried when i read your letter it hit home so hard. i have not played wow in a month and i am trying to save my marriage have not lost it all yet. wish me luck. i think people should be required to read this before starting to play these games. wish me luck still have a chance.
Good luck to you, lost and found. I hope it works out for you.
"Small service is true service while it lasts. Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one
The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,
Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth
If you can't understand it then your very fortunate to have never been as addicted as some. Congratulations but please be aware that some people are more prone to addiction that others and in the case of computer games the word "obsession" goes hand in hand with "addiction".
I have never played Everquest, but I have been addicted to the MMORPG WoW for 2 years now. These games can take over your life, but I have to say some parts of your story are very extreme Tommy. Some of the things you mentioned are cookie-cutter stereotypes of video game addicts, I have a very hard time believing them. It seems like you took the typical MMMORPG addict and amplified it by 10. Again, maybe I am not in the same situation as you, but my gaming addiction has ruined parts of my life I will never be able to reverse. My condolences if your story is truthful. It takes a lot of willpower to overcome that kind of addiction.
I have no trouble believing this story. It happened to me too, almost exactly the same way....kinda scary. I had many regrets at first. Looking back I know everything was not as perfect as I made myself believe, and I was hiding from a bad relationship in truth. But still my fault and I really feel horrible for the things I put my wife through. I never brought in a port a pot...bathroom was about 10 feet away, so I had to use it during LOADING PLEASE WAIT.....omg how pathetic I was. This was also the time to run for a drink or a bag of chips. To those posting about how this game is not addicting etc.....I wonder how many are still playing today.