I'm at my wits end here ppl and need some help. We started playing daoc about 14 mos ago, my husband and I. We both got hooked fast. Long story short, I had an awakening in August and decided my kids were suffering and I quit... no more super-GM, no more alliance leader, just no more. My husband tells me all the time ppl of Nightmare (our guild) miss me and why don't I return. He tells me I'm hurting our marriage by not playing D.A.O.C. with him. (Dark Age of Camelot) Our kids are tired of it (ages 6, 8 and 14), I'm tired of carrying the full load of things, and yet when he is not on the game he is VERY angry and grouchy which makes me wish we could just get home so he could go play. We've been married 12 years and I don't wish to leave him but I can't take this... does anyone have any suggestion on how I can get him to kick this habbit?
Hi,
Welcome here.
I hurt my family and my kids and when I read your words I feel very bad. But I changed. I left my family, not to play more, but to get well. I have good contact with my kids and my husband and I will become a proud human being and a mother once more.
I only have one advice, say you are going to leave! and do it.
You cannot change your husband. He can change himself and he can make his choices.
Helene
dont leave your husband because of something stupid like that, talk to him let him know how you feel. sell the computer if he cant help himself. dont leave him. think what you could do to your children!
Do what you have to do, for your childrens' sake and then for your own sake. If that means an ultimatim backed up by a firm plan, fine. If ultimatim time is over, and there is no longer any hope, and the children are being harmed by this destructive pattern, it is your responsibility to break the pattern.
But what that break is, we can't say from here. We don't know all the details, we don't know the price of choice A vs. choice B. And every choice has a price, make no mistake.
Whatever you decide, I wish you the very best.
Good luck to you.
Leveling in Real Life
Quote:He tells me I'm hurting our marriage by not playing D.A.O.C. with him.
This is twisted addict logic, and I think he really believes it when he says it.
I would advise you to read the boards in the "friends and family" section, see how other people have decided in such a situation.
There are good tips there:
One approach I am aware of, is writing a letter to your husband. ANother might be a controlled approach to how saying particular things:
not going: "stop playing, you are doing stupid things", but "Are you aware how much you are hurting me and the children by your playing?"
I have some education in using language "right", when I have time, and a bit more insight into the board and situations such as yours, I might post some more tips.
Do what feels good for you and the children right now. You are a very brave woman and your kids will surely thank you some day for coming back to them again, instead of dwelling in some virtual place.
What might help too, would be to think of your husband as "sick". He has literally no choice in his behaviour, he is not sane - insane. For me, reading the big book of alcoholics helps, maybe it would help you too.
Get some community support, maybe go to a meeting of wifes/husbands of alcoholics.
Remember that addicts, who have gone through their addiction often grow mightily in character - I would try saving your husband - and father of your children.
But thats just me and the others were right, you did not give much info, maybe you want to write all your frustrations out, this helps, and we might have some more information to work with.
Faith
Maxim
"Live without dead time" Guy Debord
he is so badly addicted he spend 20 hrs a day if not more playing he hasnt had a job in 9 1/2 mo he is depressed unmotivated. he eats and gets what little sleep he does on the floor in the computer room not in our bed anymore. he is always irritated when speaking to him. he spends no time with me or kids and has no interaction... does nothing to help me with kids or house or any responsibilities. we live in same house and dont even talk or see each other.
he allowed my son(11 yr old) to play and then he also became addicted and started lying and everything actually about hw being bad in school and at home so Itried to forbid him to play but my husband would let him play while I was at work finally I got him to agree not to let our son play but I even still catch him trying to sneak on even though forbidden. so this morning i called and cancelled my internet serv on my ph bill and took my husband off as changer on the acct. he threatend to leave and i told himto do what he feels like he needs to do because i wont participate in his sickness anymore he called me all sorts of names and threatened to leave then tried to bargain with me that hed only play 2 days a week so what I told him was to give himself 30 days to heal and get a job and go to a dr and get medicine if he needs(because he says he is depressed) and live a normal computer free life and then in 30 days we can see where hes at and then maybe I will put on internet and possibly agree to the 2 days a week. which deep down I know even thenhe will probably go right back to same old thing I wish he would agree to just stop all together but for now this is my solution to the problem and in 30 days will re evaluate at that time... dont know if this helps at all.... I could use advice to actually feel very cornered to a wall by all this.....
congratulations.
we are all on your side here.
You go girl!
Leveling in Real Life
congratulations!!!!
And no, donA't agree to the "only 2 days". It would end up where you are now, only with even more scattered hopes.
Wish you luck
Maxim
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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.