slow's post-game thread

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slowwildebeest
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slow's post-game thread

Day 9 since quitting computer games and quitting drinking alone.

Just got back from a huge social vacation. I felt in real danger of going insane from self-loathing. I guess sometimes I don't do so well at parties, heh.

Here's where I'm at: I can't die (everyone would freak out. I am horrified of dying). I can't live (I don't feel hope for anything. I hate myself. Etc.). I'll exist, to be sure, but it doesn't look to be all that much fun.

Oh well, maybe on day 32, after a month, sudden magical bliss will happen, and I'll be ok. But until then, this hurts a lot.

lizwool
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Re: slow's post-game thread

Hello slowwildebeest,

ummmmmmm, it all happens on the 32 day. You will be okay.

Have you looked at the 12-steps, yet? They maybe helpful, so you can forgive yourself. p198.ezboard.com/folgafrm18.showMessage?topicID=6.topic

You will not grow, as long as you are kicking yourself. You need to treat yourself with love and tender care, so you can blossom.

Where are you located?

Liz

Liz Woolley

anonymous (not verified)
Re: slow's post-game thread

Slow, it is pain, often excruciatingly heavy pain.

But then, as you have written - dying is not an option. Living the way you lived is not an option either. Not any more.

Contrary to what Liz says, I canA't say it all happens on the 32th day, even though I know that sometimes it does against all expectations.

For me, even on my (counting) approx. 140th day it is difficult to not play at all (the preferable option and definitely my long-term choice and what I aspire to) ... or even if I play to not play too much.

But it does get easier day by day and thing by thing that you find worthy in your life, without MoM.

Take care brother

Maxim

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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.

lizwool
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Re: slow's post-game thread

Maxim,

I was giving the guy hope!

It all happens on the 32, 33, 34, 35, etc. Every day that you live, is another chance to heal more and get better. Those feelings do even out and you can float more in your real life, rather than always fighting the high and lows of them.

Liz

Liz Woolley

anonymous (not verified)
Re: slow's post-game thread

Liz, I know... and I did too in my way

It can happen on the 32th, or on the 33th or on the 5th... but it also might not.

And hope is not about deluding oneself. Hope is about taking a fair look at the present and at the future.

I know and appreciate your intent and I thought it witty and good.

It all disappearing on the 32th day is great funny and fully possible. I just added my thoughts. I did not want to make yours look bad by any means and from what i have learned so far of slow I thought he would understand.

I remember slow is an atheist - or at least and agnostic, so he might not have as much experience with miracle healing

Every day I live I heal more. Still giving a guy hope is good if it sounds real to him, I only put a rough touch on the shiny new promise so it looks more realistic.

Hope you can follow me, I would never correct or oppose you, when you try to help someone. As I said, I fully saw what you wanted to do and thought I could help. Think of it as me seeing your strategy and deciding that I could add something to it to make it more successful.

Hugs

Max

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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.

slowwildebeest
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Re: slow's post-game thread

Day 14. Feeling better. I'll just need a better strategy/approach/frame of mind for the next social occasion/party I guess! Already dropped a couple excess pounds! Ran 9 miles straight yesterday! How I can do that while weighing 221 lbs. is... a miracle! I still think of MoM, and I would play if there were any strategy that could always win... so if I were addicted to some open-ended online multiplayer game, I don't know how I would have *ever* quit. Anyway, feeling more hopeful, although for now I'm just sitting around playing poker on the net all day, which is not how I want to make my living long-term. Next few months it will have to do. Thanks for your kind thoughts! More later. How to forgive myself for self-induced 11-year coma, which is kinda what it feels like... I'll tackle that eventually. 18 more days to day 32, yeah baby!

anonymous (not verified)
Re: slow's post-game thread

Nice to hear wou are well slow. 9 miles is a lot, I remember I did something similar...I think on christmas day of 2002 or 2003. Ran some 20km without preparation, my knees hurt for 2 weeks after it, but it was worth it
Quote:How to forgive myself for self-induced 11-year coma, which is kinda what it feels like... I'll tackle that eventually.

You will ... I am sure.

Wish you the best with loosing weight and loosing sadness.

Somehow they always seem to get lost at apropriate moments.

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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.

slowwildebeest
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Re: slow's post-game thread

WELL my no-drinking-at-home streak ends at 14 days. HOWEVER that's ok, because I'll set a longer 2nd streak. Kampai!

slowwildebeest
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Re: slow's post-game thread

day 23, june 13 '06 -- end of relapse, lost about 9 days there. oh well, start again. that has to be the end of it, there is *finally* nothing left to think of to try in that stupid game.

anonymous (not verified)
Re: slow's post-game thread

Slow, take it easy. We all have our good and bad times.

Maybe you need another thought:

there will always be something left to try in the game. It is a big game, and if you are looking for ways to "challenge" yourself, you will always find some.

The question is rather: how long do you want to waste your time with illusioary challenges when there are real challenges waiting everywhere.

My proposal: go and work somewhere for a charity organization. You get food and shelter, maybe a bit pocket money, but get computer-free quality time and you will be able to set and solve challenges that would really mean something for you and even more so for other people - be it homeless kids, or poor people, or disabled. Does not matter.

At least that would be my idea.

The thing is, as long as you try to exhaust the game you will always fail. Computers have more endurance than we do. You only exhaust yourself, and that has to stop.

Soon.

Look ... some people, like my dad and there are much much worse, work their whole lifes only to realize they were struggling through illusory challenges, hunting illusory riches.

You are 30 or so you said ... you have aborted your PhD etc. etc. So what, I have a fried who just did her PhD at 45, after she started to study at 40. And one does not need the studies for much anyway. She studied Psychology, so she can work with people.

Your life is in a deep potential way meaningful... but itA's only you who can find out in what way.

Take care

Max

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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.

lizwool
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Re: slow's post-game thread

Hi slow....

Why don't you try somethings in your real life, instead of in the game?

See how many adventures you can go on there....

Liz

Liz Woolley

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