After eighteen years my wife left her entire family and her life to move to Pennsylvania to be with a man she met online while playing Final Fantasy. We fought for several months last year over her addiction to the game. When she left me two weeks ago she said that I destroyed her last year. Why is it that her playing the game eighty to a hundred hours a week was okay, but my confronting her destroyed her. Now I am dealing with my seventeen year old son and his game playing. I refuse to sit idly by and watch it destroy him too. For the last year the only thing his mother and he ever talked about was Final Fantasy. I do not believe that it has the control on him that it did and does on her. Any advice on how to deal with his game playing would be greatly appreciated. It is really sad that she has been gone for two weeks and the only time she has called him is to tell him she got there and was working on setting up her computer to play the game. He has only played FF a couple of times since she left. She was there both times.
sigh...
I wish I knew what to say. I left my first wife over gaming, and in retrospect it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
At least you still have custody of your son. Perhaps you can convince him to uninstall the game, he can't be happy about the whole situation...
I leave more comments for others. I am sorry about your loss.
Leveling in Real Life
Yes, this is one of the stories where I am lost for words. The daughter of some friends was just left by her friend and is now left with 2 kids and social security. Beautiful and intelligent woman, wonderfull kids.
Sometimes our emotions and weaknesses make us do such stupid and foolish things.
If you can, get the game out of your sonA's heart and mind. Take care to not blame/attack his mother. No matter what she has done to you two, she is still his mother and he needs to be able to respect her, and you should help or at least not hinder (else not so good things might develop in his relationships with other women... though he is quite grown up already)
What else ... treat your fugitive wife like an insane, very ill person. Because she really is. And when she wakes up from that dream she is having right now, itA's gonna turn into a nightmare for her very quickly.
Your greatest proof of courage and bravery and humanity would be to still be there for her and to help her through it - maybe not as her husband any more, but as her friend.
Sorry if I canA't write anything more encouraging.
Wish you three well
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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.
Hey HBinTexas,
I feel really sorry for you or anyone that something like this happens to. You're not alone as you can see on these boards many people are going through similar circumstances.
This is a common reaction toward a gamer's addiction. The gamer isolates themselves from the real world, the people involved in the gamer's real world grow concern and try to penetrate that isolation. The addict is in denial and have lost control of their ability to choose. So the addict retaliates by creating higher barriers, real life feelings, emotions, sexual needs are still missed by most gaming addicts and they desire to have them. The gamer can't go to the source (real life circle) to get their fill on real life feelings because that would be letting their barriers down.
So the addict needs real life but needs the game to be the center of it all. This is a time when many online relationships through their game of choice start to manifest into the real world. This is often the time when family members plan their escape into their new life that is centered on the game.
Personally, I already lost my romantic relationship before I took flight to escape all the trouble I made for myself. I found a way to relocate and thought I was in a safe spot where no one will be affected from my gaming. I left behind a business, rentals, friends, family. I just left without a word. When I reached my new designation I realized there were new problems and I needed to find a way out but wanted the game to still be the center of my life. So the vicious cycle continued.
Anyway to say it in short, When a gamers real life no longer supports the gamers addiction then it becomes a necessery evil for that gamer to make a new real life from within the game.
Result is usually the gaming running off with one of their gaming mates.
Your son needs to stop playing the game completely. You should talk to him about doing so. You see the addiction and the dangers of gaming play out before your eyes. It separated a lifetime commitment with your wife.
Allowing love ones to play these games is like handing a gun to them and letting them play Russian roulette. Sad thing is must people don't know the dangers involved.
Who would ever think a game could cause so much heartache? People laugh at it and think it's a joke. It's hard man.. I feel for you, I do hope you and your son can establish a relationship with her.
Let your boy know that he deserves better than to have to log onto a game to visit mom.
Also if you can get them both to visit this board and have them read through some of the post, it maybe useful for your own situation.
best regards,
Dan
Just thought I'd let everyone know what's happening. my son at my insistence has reduced his online playing time drastically. I have not taken it all away from him but told him that I would if I had to. We talked about the fact that his mother left to be with someone who she met on the game. I told him I would not allow it to ruin him also. I am very fortunate to have a son who in many ways is very mature. we started going to church last week. Something we have neglected in the last few years. We enjoy it. My advice to anyone who has a problem with a spouse or child playing online games. Do something to get through to them. Remember though that until they recognize it as a problem it will be tough. Don't wait as I did with my wife til it is too late. thankfully I don't believe my son is as far into it as she was because he is able to deal with real life friends, problems, and achievements. Those are the things I believe drew her into the fantasy world that she came to view as reality. I do believe that she is in for a rude awakening because she carried that fantasy world into the real world when she left.
Sounds good! Church is a good place to go. Glad that you and your son are making it.
Keep us posted
Maxim
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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.
Yes indeed,
God bless
That is so sad. I am going through the same thing right now. I didn't understand what you meant by not waiting until it is too late. Unless I misunderstood your story, it sounded like it all happened very quickly. Were there other children involved?