Real Life Grind

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Solei
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Real Life Grind

I woke up this morning and told myself that this would be a successful day 3 without World of Warcraft.

I had played WoW on and off since the open Beta, and before that Ultima Online. This last attempt to play WoW casually has failed miserably.

These games were a quick and inexpensive vacation from my reality.

When I got out of bed I felt the same emotions I had felt the previous two days: emptiness, abandonment, and fear.

What am I going to do with myself all day.

When I think about it ~ logging onto WoW made decisions for me. The second I logged in came the stream of tells "Hey, wanna run UBRS?" "Wanna farm in Sithilus?" Decisions were made for me ~ and I just went with it from there. All I had to do was get on a flight path, conjur some water and spam spells. Very easy.

But that is not an option today. WoW is uninstalled from my PC and the disks are no where to be found.

Happy that I didn't dream about WoW last night. I had no dreams at all, in fact. Was also happy that I stayed in bed last night watching TV and resisted the temptation to get on my PC.

Today: I would like to clean my kitchen which was neglected due to my insatiable urge to play my WoW character. It seems like such a -normal- thing to do. And simple, really. I am a 27 year old college graduate and teacher. Why can't I just get up and clean my kitchen. It's needed cleaning ever since I reinstalled WoW at the beginning of the summer. Every Tuesday (WoW maintenance day, meaning game is off-line) I would promise myself that I would clean the kitchen... but always managed to procrastinate and sit in Wow IRC or read WoW forums.

It is 1:30 PM on a Saturday. I am still in pajamas and on cup 2 of coffee. Normally I would be on WoW doing an instance, or, just sitting mindlessly in IF jumping around and inspecting people's gear. What an existance.

The stories on this board have helped me so much ~ to realize ~ what a clutch WoW had on my life and my mind.

Before WoW I -know- I had other interests and passions. But my dedication toward WoW ~ and progressing in the game ~ far surpassed and overtook any other interests that I might have had at the time.

I need to build an existance for myself outside of my computer room.

The first steps are hard.

Enough rambling ~ going to clean the kitchen.

-6 Years Free of Online Gaming-

Xandtar
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Re: Real Life Grind

when you're done, can you clean mine?

good for you!

Leveling in Real Life

Solei
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Re: Real Life Grind

I cleaned the kitchen a little.

Albeit ~ I was thinking about WoW while cleaning the kitchen, I did unload the laundry and put away some dishes.

I also thought about laundry and the fact that ever since I created my most recent character, I'd been wearing nothing except pajama bottoms and tshirts and slippers
-all- summer long.

Exception being the occasional, frantic run to the grocery store for chips, beer, and ezmac. I would throw on old clothes, not caring if they were clean, unmatching flipflops and pull my hair back into a messy ponytail.

I remember being in such a daze while driving and shopping and doing anything to rush the hell out of there so I could come home and resume gaming.

-6 Years Free of Online Gaming-

Azzle
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Re: Real Life Grind

Welcome to the family Solei! One day at a time. Tell me, what were those former interests of yours?-- Scratch that, I see them from another thread.

I tend to give advice too much on this site, so you can ignore everything I say, or take it with a grain of salt. I know, however the feeling of complete... breakdown and shattered self esteem that comes from being in this position. Hope something here helps

You could start by going to counseling with your husband. I have a feeling being told on his honeymoon that you loved another man hasn't helped him. I'm not trying to be harsh, but I could only imagine my feelings of hurt, shame and inadequacy if my current girfriend did that to me were I to propose.

Secondly, I can tell you from experience that aerobics, while "seemingly" less fun will actually be pretty refreshing, especially if followed up by a nice relaxing bath. Heck, you may think of WoW the whole bloody time, but the feeling of satisfaction you get will be incredible. Getting back to running for me was a big thing (and now I'm at home with torn ligaments in my knee from an assault, how ironic.) So I switched to lifting weights. Physical exertion, I've found, has a very purging effect.

Convince your hubby to take dancing lessons, or badminton, or something similar with you. It will help you establish a relationship outside of MMO's as well as get you into the community. Pick something you're both new at. That way you can learn together. Then it becomes a learning process, relationship building and (from taking rhumba and chacha) oddly romantic.

Edited by: Azzle at: 7/22/06 20:06

1RealityCheck1
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Re: Real Life Grind

hang in there, it does get easier, and so so much better!
Hugs,
Debbie

Solei
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Re: Real Life Grind

Today is day 5 with no WoW. No message boards, no IRC, no vent.

I am still corresponding some with my "guildmates" over AIM, but they have not tried to persuade me to reactivate my account or anything like that.

Today I go to my psychiatrist at 10 and am prepared to tell her that I had been immersed in a fantasy world for the past two years. I hope she doesn't think I am too terribly crazy.

I think the most difficult part of this is, for me to detatch, is realizing that I have no "friends" anymore. Due to my depression/biopolarity/social anxiety, making "RL" friends does not come easy to me (although it used to... )

For awhile, it got -easier-. I was on an antidepressant called Effexor which made everything in life really really simple for me. However, several coworkers would comment that I was too cheerful, too chipper ~ and it got annoying to them. Little did they know that my alternative was to sit at home infront of WoW slowly gaming myself to death.
Since my latest reactivation of WoW (May of this year) I stopped taking my Effexor.

Last night I went to dinner with my parents and boyfriend/fiance and I was so uncomfortable the entire time. Granted, the majority of my meals lately had been in front of the PC, but I still felt out of place and ill at ease.

Yesterday was my best day so far. I did not experience as many crying spells as the previous days and I really enjoyed going to bed at the same time as my boyfriend. I didn't have the longing to get out of bed and hop on WoW/Message boards like I used to.

I just hope it continues to get easier...

Thanks again for listening.

-6 Years Free of Online Gaming-

lizwool
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Re: Real Life Grind

Hi Solei,

Read this post. I think it is kind of interesting ---p198.ezboard.com/folgafrm30.showMessage?topicID=179.topic

I hope you like it.

Liz

Liz Woolley

1RealityCheck1
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sounds so familiar

Quote:Today I go to my psychiatrist at 10 and am prepared to tell her that I had been immersed in a fantasy world for the past two years. I hope she doesn't think I am too terribly crazy.

I think the most difficult part of this is, for me to detatch, is realizing that I have no "friends" anymore. Due to my depression/biopolarity/social anxiety, making "RL" friends does not come easy to me (although it used to... )

I so remember the first time I walked into my therapists office and thought of telling her how I was having an online affair with a man I had met in a computer game! I was so emeshed in online sexual roleplay I didn't know how my marriage hadn't fallen apart. I was certain that I should just measure myself, to save her the trouble, when she fitted me for my straight jacket as well as bring in a self addressed stamped envelope for her to send my new 'padded cell' address to my family.

But you know what...all she did was listen, have compassion and tell me the steps we were going to take to get through this and she has been there for me every step of the way. I have had to work through many other issues as well, the computer is the symptom not the disease in my case. I also alienated all my friends and am working my way slowly back into social situations. I actually have a tan this summer!

I truly wish you all the best Solei,
Debbie

(p.s. liz I checked out your link, that post is GREAT! )

Edited by: 1RealityCheck1 at: 7/24/06 16:09

Solei
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Re: sounds so familiar

Dear Debbie,

Your situation sounds strangely familiar to mine ~ in some ways, especially finding a compassionate therapist. I would love to e-mail you about it.

It's definitly not easy at all, but for me, admitting that I have a problem has helped tremendously.

Hope to talk soon,

Katey
kateystarlite@yahoo.com
IM: kateystarlite

-6 Years Free of Online Gaming-

Solei
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Re: Real Life Grind

Day 7 without WoW!

Going very well ~ gaming wise... I am not tempted to reinstall or reactivate like I thought I might be.

Yesterday I went to the mall!! I forgot how much I used to love to shop at places other than the IF Auction House!

I walked around the mall for 4 hours ~ woke up this AM with horrific leg cramps ~ a true sign that my sendentary days need to come to and end.

Found some old highschool pals on myspace... They're all married... kids... careers... post grad degrees... timeshares... Where did I go wrong!?!?!?!?

Today plan to clean and tutor.

-6 Years Free of Online Gaming-

1RealityCheck1
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Re: Real Life Grind

YAY!!! sounds great! I have been spending more time in Malls as well. My shopping spree's had gotten short and sweet, get in get out and get back to gamming. The first time I actually just went window shopping and people watching was ...this is going to sound stupid..but almost surreal...it has been a hard road getting back to rl, but I am enjoying it. Hubby and I have actually gone shopping together and he has bought me some new clothes. He loves it when I wear what he bought when we go out. speaking of going out...that is something we actually do now! We are currently in marriage counseling but things are really going much better.

Congrats on the One Week Marker! Hang in there,
Debbie

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