My life since my husbands video gaming began has taken a downward spiral, if you will, into a black abyss. I feel empty, alone, not good enough, not worthy, not interesting, worthless, etc. My husband has been addicted to several different games. America's Army, WoW, any video game really. It's just now at the point where I see my children suffer, myself suffer (mentally, spiritually, emotionally) that I've had enough. He was surprised when he got his truck done on pimp my ride that there wasn't an XBOX 360 in it! I could have killed him! I've walked out the door twice in the last 2 months. We have 3 kids, a 5 year old, a 13 month old and a 4 month old. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS GAMING ADDICTION! I've laid down a plan that "If he does X then I will do Y" but it's not going anywhere. He plays and plays. He wrote me a letter that said it's all he can think about, that he has been consumed with it, he knows he's "****ing His Life Away" and says he can't help himself. I took this letter he wrote me to one of my 2 counselors, she says he can help himself, he just chooses not to. I agree. He feeds his gaming addiction, he always will. So, hopeless as this may sound, I will probably be a WoW widow, losing my life to a man consumed by video gaming. Thanks for listening to my vent. Amy
"This is the end...." The Doors
Your husband really probably can't help himself, but if he wants to, and you're willing to try to help him, you still have a chance. Maybe take him to a psychologist or a couples therapist to get some outside perspective and agree with them and each other on some house rules you both think you can live with. Take it step by step, and know that it's a real addiction just like alcoholism. I hope you figure it out!
" I feel empty, alone, not good enough, not worthy, not interesting, worthless, etc"
Nonsense! Don't let this guy or any other addict take you down the road of co-dependency.
You ARE good enough, you ARE worthy, you ARE interesting, you ARE NOT worthless.
No matter what this guy thinks.
He has made his choice, and he wants to take you with him. But you don't have to go.
There ARE other options, painful at first but ultimately better for you. It sounds to me like you should carefully consider them.
Good luck to you.
Leveling in Real Life
With seeing 2 psychologists, they don't see how we're going to make it unless he steps into RL and fast. We have 3 small children, I am currently unable to work until my work comp case settles, and can't leave. I think he knows that and takes advantage of it. I would have dumped boyfriends in the past for much less than this, but married with three kids and a huge emotional scar, who's gonna want me if I left? Maybe when I'm 60 and kids are grown... maybe then I can have a mate without a computer addiction? I do know that working on myself and working inward has helped me be stronger and see things with fresh eyes. It just feels bad right now to have to feel like a video game is priority over myself.
"This is the end...." The Doors
i can empathize to a degree. my wife and kids were in a similar position. i wouldnt/couldnt understand or comprehend how my 'playing a simple video game' affected others in such a dramatic way.
it took one of my kids leaving a written note taped to the screen of the monitor asking me if i was going to leave her for my 'friends' on the computer.
all i can say is, some may need far more help. i think i was lucky. i came within inches of my wife leaving. im not so sure i would have been so patient had it been the reverse.
you have to think of yourself and the kids. it may take hitting rock bottom for some to realize they need to want to help themselves, before anyone can help them.
I think so... He laughed when he found the message boards. First sign he's in denial that he, or anyone else could have a gaming problem. I think in his eyes, I am the problem, not the game, because I can't let him play for hours on end.... I guess rock bottom might be the best solution... and whatever the counselor says Saturday may weigh heavily on packing his bags and throwing him out.
"This is the end...." The Doors
Well, things sound rough.
But things will take care of themselves.
I highly recommend you keep careful records of what he says, what he does, and what he doesn't do that you have asked him to do, both for you and the children,
so that when the comp case clears, you have the strongest case possible, either for therapy or for legal action, if things come to that.
As for who would want you? Don't be too hard on yourself, there are lots of guys out there who love kids, even those who don't share their DNA. If you believe in yourself, others will believe in you.
You will see. Hopefully he will too, in time.
Good luck to you.
Leveling in Real Life
Hello SnowWhite,
Thank you for coming and sharing your story. I am so sorry for what is happening to you and your husband and your relationship and your family because of the games.
There is HOPE!
Believe it or not!
Quote:I feel empty, alone, not good enough, not worthy, not interesting, worthless, etc.
PLEASE read this post about co-dependency. p198.ezboard.com/folgafrm33.showMessage?topicID=22.topic
SnowWhite, not too many months ago, I felt the same way you did because of a relationship. I just wanted to die because it did not work out the way I wanted it to. I am still angry at him. But, I was diagnosed as co-dependent and started going to these meetings. Now, I am working on myself. I cannot control him. I cannot make the relationship the way I think it should be. I CAN work on myself, so I feel better about myself, so I can start taking care of myself, so my life is not dependent on someone else, even if I am in a relationship with him.
There IS SOMETHING YOU CAN DO! I would suggest you hold off on throwing him out. From what I hear you saying you do not want to divorce him.
Find a CODA (codependent anonymous) meeting in your area.
Here is more information in this post. Look at this website and to find the CODA meeting - THEY ARE ALL OVER! p198.ezboard.com/folgafrm23.showMessage?topicID=73.topic
Please call me if you would like to talk about this. Healing ourselves takes time, but it is worth it.
Sincerely,
Liz
612-245-1115
Liz Woolley
I am so grateful for the support, the warmth, the feedback I am recieving. Thank you so much. I might be calling you - I'm putting your number in my cell just in case we have a blow out and I need to talk. Thanks Liz
"This is the end...." The Doors