PLEASE HELP..24 year old son not working, not going to school .....

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blackmonangel
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PLEASE HELP..24 year old son not working, not going to school .....

Hi,

I am so glad to see that there are places that I can reach out to with this issue. My son is 24, living at home with no job and is not going to school.. I husband of 23 years passed away almost three years ago..we have no income now..and he is not looking for a job..I have another child (adult) at home who is 19 but she had medical issues and is trying to go back to school.. My issue is that he is not helping..lost his car..didnt really seem to care... He is getting people to mail him new hard drives, new video cards..come on these are 200.00 items..I looked them up..and he is NOT paying for them..I seen the receipt from these items..coming from ebay..seems strange to me.. We are living with my fiance..and he is fed up also ..he works..I am disabled..but do what I can around here... But my son ..is now to the point where his bedroom is never clean..he doesnt even take showers.. I cant tell u the last one he had..must have been weeks ago...he hasnt shaved..he is in the same clothes for a week now.. I have tried all I can...he sleeps all day..and up all nite.. I have taken the router..since he is wireless..at night..but that is such a pain ....to baby a 24 year old..like he is two..I emailed him..texted his phone..which we pay for..I talked to him..... he does very little..and is about to get kicked out..since he is not helping at all... like I said he does a few small things around here...and then thats it.. Occasionally we get him out of his room..he seems great..happy ....funny.. then back to his zone.. and oddly enough ...I sent him to college for game design..he loved playing games back in 2004 NOT addicted then...so i thought why not..let him make an great income doing what he loved...big mistake.. I have tried to help him..get jobs..at least building web pages..for freelance..I cant get him to do the work..I asked and asked and asked...

I am at my last straw.. please help!!!!!!! Please

Lori

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Dear Lori, welcome to

Dear Lori, welcome to OLGA. What a terrible situation! You must be worried sick about your son.

I would strongly advise, first, learning all you can about video game addiction. It seems crazy, but it's a real, psychological addiction and it ruins lives as surely as being addicted to drink or drugs. Under the stimulation of years and years of playing, your son's brain structure has literally changed from where it was before he started. MRI's of people with "impulse control addictions" (like gaming) show structural changes, isn't that amazing?

It sounds as if you are talking until you are blue in the face to your son. Begging, threatening, setting ultimatums, bargaining... and he repeatedly blows you off. It seems as if there haven't been any major consequences to his disregarding and disrespecting you and your fiancee's rules. I know you know - and I also know how hard it is to do this! - that's going to have to change.

One thing to know and understand is that you and your fiancee have the right to set the rules in your own home. Something that might really help would be for the two of you - or possibly include your daughter also - to sit down and decide what the rules are going to be. You can require your son to either obtain employment or attend some kind of educational program. If he can't find a job, he can volunteer. He can contribute toward the family finances. And... this is very important... you can require him to attend counseling or 12-step meetings (we do have several in FL). If your son chooses not to comply, you can set the boundaries for what will happen. It will be painful, but the alternative (letting him live in the house and game his life away) will be much more painful. The key here is to determine what the consequences will be for breaking the rules, and then to stick to them - no matter how much it hurts.

One final note, your son is getting the money to buy computer stuff from somewhere (unless he's ripping the people who are sending it to him). Be sure you keep a good eye on your own finances; unfortunately sometimes addicts do steal from their loved ones to facilitate their habit.

Read here, there is much to learn and you will soon see, you are not alone.

Jane in CT

blackmonangel
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Hi Jane,   Yes I do know

Hi Jane,

Yes I do know that there is a lot to learn..its just a matter of where to begin. I liked your ideas about either getting a job or voulnteering somewhere...I never thought of that one.. We do need his help with the income, since we are paying for everything..including all the cell phones, his car insurance, food, cable, and internet..you know the list goes on...

To be honest he has had this problem since he started college ..where they had tournaments for gaming..which was the program degree he was in.. And then he started meeting people who played more and more.. I had no clue, or I would not have encouraged him getting a degree in it. But then again that was 2004. Since he did work a full time job with his dad in 2007, where his dad was killed on the job site. My son didnt see the accident. I have since taken him to doctors, psychologists.. they say he is ok..its a mild depression mainly at holidays.. but he himself tells me he is fine..just needs to find meaning in his life. See his dad did everything for him. But when he worked with him, he worked hard, construction. But the gaming is nothing new the addiction to gaming is not new.

Please direct me to the right area...to learn what is best, everyone says kick him out..well I dont know that I can do that. But I see my fiance work and come home and help out.. my daughter and I both hurting and doing all we can..and here is my son, in his room sleeping until we are all going to bed..then he gets up ..eats and drinks all the sodas..I have to label all the food..and drinks.. its sad. but like you said ..I have done all I know how to do.

WoW Parent
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Welcome, Blackmonangel.  I

Welcome, Blackmonangel. I really don't have anything to say since it sounds like you have already established that your son has mild depression, at best. So, let me ask you this. Imagine that you are 24 years old and unemployed. You are provided with a roof over your head, food in your stomach and have no responsibility that extends you for more than minutes at a time. Otherwise, every waking moment of your life is spent in a virtual world and you enjoy it.

Why would anyone choose to change that? I am sorry that you don't think you can throw your son out the door. But you have a life, a marriage/husband and a daughter to consider, too. Your son is an adult and it's time he start acting like one. My advice would be to give him a deadline for finding a job and tell him that he can no longer game in your house. PERIOD. If he can't or won't abide, use that deadline date to put $25 in his pocket and drop him off at the nearest homeless shelter.

My marriage of almost 30 years was hanging in the balance when we were dealing with our son. He was only 17 at the time and he was our biological son. You must have married an unbelievably good man. I can't imagine many who would tolerate the situation your son brings to the table every day. It is time for you to be a wife; you have already been a mother to your son and you need to be there for your daughter, too.

gsingjane
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Hey, one place to start is

Hey, one place to start is to start letting go of the guilt you seem to feel for your son's being in this situation. I understand that you thought it would be okay for him to be a game designer for a career - lots of people do that and they don't wind up addicted gamers. Most of us with minor kids actually bought our kids their games and their gaming systems. I look back on it now, it's like I bought the kid a rock of crack or a fifth of gin. But who knew?

From what you say, your poor family has been through the mill. I am so sorry about your husband's death, that must have just been catastrophic for you and your kids. And your daughter... well suffice it to say, we are also dealing with chronic health problems in our family and it's no easy road, that's for sure. I understand how life can just feel like a series of recurring crises, lurchng from one to the next with no time for reflection.

Your son is suffering from an illness, addiction. Because he is sick, though, does not absolve him of personal responsibility for his choices. It is different, in that way, than other illnesses. Even though he has a very strong compulsion to play, the fact is that every day he makes the decision to log on. Inside, many gamers are scared and nervous and embarrassed at how this seemingly "innocent pastime" has gotten them into so much trouble. Especially for someone like your son, who has already seen so much disaster as a result of his gaming, he must know, somewhere inside him, that things can't go on like this indefinitely. But he is helpless to stop.

Nobody here wants you to be cruel or callous to your son. The vast majority of parents love their children and want the best for them, and I am sure you do as well. (Otherwise, why would you even be here?) But as the song goes, sometimes you do have to (appear to be) "cruel to be kind." Your son is suffering mightily from your reluctance to impose limits, structure and rules. Again, I completely understand how you all got to this day, and the last thing I want you to feel is judged.

It would be very helpful if both you and your fiancee could spend some time here, reading posts and stories from parents of other addicted gamers, and also do some research on addiction generally. I have learned a lot from reading books about other addictions, since there isn't a lot out there specifically on gaming.

It took a long time for your son to get to the point he is at right now, and he's not going to recover right away as soon as you take away the computer or set rules. But recovery is possible. I know that with time and love, your family can recover together.

Jane in CT

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Jane and WoW Parent have

Jane and WoW Parent have given you good advice. Your son is an adult and it's time he started acting like one. You cannot make him do anything he does not want to do, but you also do not have to allow him to do anything you do not approve of when he is living rent-free under your roof. If finances are tight, I would suggest immediately cutting off the payments for his cell phone. Cell phones are a completely optional accessory for most folks. Setting a deadline for him to start getting a life is an excellent idea, and if you are worried that he will not survive if you kick him out of the house, get a copy of the book "Scratch Beginnings: Me, $25, and the Search for the American Dream" by Adam Shepard. If you think your son would not take seriously a threat to kick him out, give him the book to read when you finish it, and tell him you are confident that he can do the same as Adam did. You live in FL and summer is coming. He will not freeze to death if you put him out.

The bottom line is that NOTHING is going to change if you don't do SOMETHING. Yes, it's scary, and yes it's hard (and I can so relate to the router thing--had to remember to unplug the wireless network every night for 3 years when my son lived here--man that was a pain!).

Keep reading, and keep coming back here for moral support. You are not alone.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

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Hello Lori. I'm an addict. I

Hello Lori. I'm an addict. I try to say this to all parents, spouses who came here after I joined. 1st: it takes us a shock,. A click. Something to trigger in our minds that mindset "Hey.....my life is passing by. I have to stop gaming." For some people, it can be to see your mom crying on your doorstep. For others, it might be, your kid starving to death at your home while you were playing on a Lan house, To me, my fiancee telling me the situation was unbeareable did the trick. To others in the community, it took losing their jobs, losing their families, and losing support from realtives to click. Different for everyone. 2nd- When I spoke to my mom about my addiction, she told me, she used to this. Sometimes I would fall down and get hurt alone in my room or any other rooms and I'd cry like crazy. My mom would eventually come but instead of coming in, she stayed at the doorstep. I'd cry louder and louder but eventually, I realized nobody would come to my rescue. She would stare as I tried to get up, fall down a few times, get angry, cry again, but, eventually I was back up. On my own feet. By myself. Then.....only then she'd come and hug me and kiss and heal the booboo. :) She's not cruel. She's the best and I'm ever thankful for her letting me get up on my own sometimes. Lori, it's never late to learn. Let him get up by himself. There's gonna be ups and downs. But he needs to learn how to deal with his own problems. I truly hope your son clicks soon Lori Pazos

dark (not verified)
Hello, Here is a small tip

Hello,

Here is a small tip not a solution. Put the wireless router or any other router in a cupboard you can lock. Add an extention cord and an electronic timer - the kind you can buy at any hardware store or supermarket. Set the timer to the router to whatever hours you like. Lock the door.

- dark

blackmonangel
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First ..I want to say thank

First ..I want to say thank you to everyone here.. Just knowing that we are not alone helps so much... and knowing that yes ..I need to be aware that it is very hard on my family..my fiance who works all the time..and a son who is able to work and do things around the house ..and does nothing..unless I start yelling.. I hate being that kind of person.,, But I know that things have to change. I just really felt that I had to get support. I will read everything I need to..that will help me. I will lock up the router/modem and put under a timer and locked up...sad.

One thing I dont get..one of his best friends who plays the game..is married for a long time now..with 4 kids..who is not a addicted as he is.. A different guy his close friend/adpoted brother (like family I helped to raise him) is in Texas..married with 4 kids..doing great..not on the computer..but at times he ignores him..and I have to make him call..and talk to him..

But the bottom line is that EVERYONE says that they all tried to help him..and now wash there hands of him... leaving me..with him . ( really doing nothing..but talking..addicts dont listen..this I know first hand ..hence his dad..) .knowing that emotionally I am drained.. and phyiscally ..I am limited..and stress doesnt help..

So thank you all for your input..and support.

Lori

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Dear Lori, I hear you, I

Dear Lori,

I hear you, I really do. It must all feel like way too much to bear, especially after all you've been through. As I mentioned above, the last thing I want you to feel is judged or criticized. ALL of us have plenty of that to deal with in the outside world.

What we want you to know is that, while your family circumstances have obviously contributed towards your son's turning out the way he has, HE is the one who has made the decisions that led him to this day. Yes, he is under a compulsion to play, but, no, that compulsion is not your fault. And you are not the person who is going to remove it from him, no matter how hard you try. In a way, it seems particularly unfortunate of your son to be exploiting, in a sense, the fact that you are physically limited. (Note that our own son did something very similar: when his dad was in the hospital having treatment for cancer and he was supposed to be in charge, he took advantage of that circumstance and gamed for hours and hours on end, and completely neglected all the responsibilities with which we had entrusted him.)

I wonder whether your fiancee could be of more help to you here? I know he is probably reluctant to intervene in matters involving your son, since your son isn't his biological child, but perhaps he might be willing to join forces with you and help do what needs to be done? Just a thought in terms of something that might take some stress off you.

Finally on the issue of the other players: yes, there are plenty of people (in fact, probably the majority of people) who play where it doesn't become a compulsion. Just like you or I can take a drink at a party and it doesn't turn into 20. Why? No reason, it just is. But, the fact that most people can play responsibly doesn't automatically mean that everybody can. Another thought, too, is that, as I know you know, people's marriages can look great from the outside but from the inside, be quite troubled. You can never really know how things are playing out once the door is shut...

Jane in CT

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Testing to see if  I can

Testing to see if I can post, came up that i'd spammed. So wondering if someone hacked my account.

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Hi Hi...don't think so...but

Hi Hi...don't think so...but if you double click a post, it'll do that. Prolly no problem, though. :)

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Hi Hi, blackmonangel and

Hi Hi, blackmonangel and welcome to OLGA. Wanted to link the tough love site for you...it's about how love sometimes requires consquences for behaviors. Another site is Coda...Codependency Anonymous, for family members of addicts. It teaches detachment with love and not enabling addict behaviors. Hope these help. So glad you're willing to learn about ways to help your son.

http://www.4troubledteens.com/toughlove.html

http://www.codependents.org/

person
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Hi Lori,  Welcome!  Sorry

Hi Lori, Welcome! Sorry you had to come here but I too know the relief and comfort that can be found here so again welcome and big hug. My son 21 year old moved out a couple of months ago over WOW. Starting Aug. 31 with an inpatient hospitalization over depression, suicidal plans, because gaming had totally taken over his life. It gets complicated with medication etc. but he did end up at home but we wouldnt let him game so he left as soon as he could. I am sorry you have to go through all this and I cant add any other advice because I totally agree with what has already been said with regards to the "tough love" stuff and forgiving yourself. I just wanted to encourage you that you are a good mom and you could not have known when you were helping him that he would go overboard gaming. I have 6 kids and stepkids and none of them have a problem with gaming like this son does. Your son is a man now and even with great sympathy and compassion about the loss of his dad you know there is more to your boy than this. In our case I would have caved in numerous times and let my son play or pay for his expenses if not for this site and my husband. The guilt, pain, regret, and for a time his mental state left me in such despair and seeing his pain with withdrawal was awful but coming here helped me see how the addiction was the reason for all of his problems. Well I guess there is underlying ones as I suspect there are with your son but I dont think until they deal with the addiction honestly can they get to those problems. My son alone has to suffer the consequences to ever have hope of being free or at least moving to freedom. In the meantime me being miserable and unhealthy wasnt in any way going to help him. Al anon literature, support from family and this site, my church and forgiving myself and in a way him, help alot. Take care. You are not alone. You have the right to a peaceful and happy home. You have the right to set the rules and standards in your home. He has the right to stay in addiction and even to be mentally unstable but HE has to support those decisions HIMself. Even a mom does not have to live in bondage to a capable adult. Again take care. We know this is real. Sincerely, Jonna

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blackmonangel
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Ok ...I am back..with

Ok ...I am back..with nothing really changing. I have looked for the book that Scratch Beginnings by Adam Shepard...I was not able to find it yet..still looking.. But either way ...the only thing that changed was that I was able to get him out...cut the grass..did some chores around the house. I yelled at him once again, that he has no more time ..and needed to do his laundry..since it has not been done in months..and that he will be lucky to have the weekend..which he did do things around here..looked for a few jobs..but still I have to wake him up ...once I am able to. I had to go out and get a part time job..just to help with the bills around here.. I pray that I can actually do the work...Its been 10 years since I worked..and with my disabilities.I pray I can do this work.

I have tried to shut off the braker to his room..but its wired crazy..so it shuts off the power in the living room too..so I cant do that.. I tried to figure out how to move the router...but my firance said that hard to do..and he willl go in our room and turn it on when we are not home..If we move it to our room... I explained the locking it up and putting on a timer..and my fiance said this is a silly he is 24 why do we have to do all this ...so STOP him..make him stop or he will leave. I understand that..totally ..since here I am a widow that is disabled ...that is having to find work.. and there he is perfectly able to work... He did apply at one job yesterday ..and cut the grass again..that was it...

I know tough love..but honestly ..I dont see anyone ..willing to take him in..If i throw him out..where will he go..I need to figure out a way to password protect the router..maybe find someone to help me with that..

I just cant believe a GAME will cause all this ..

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I'm sorry to have to tell

I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but nothing will change. He needs to go. You have to find the courage to make that happen. You are loving him to death. He is not paying for, nor suffering the consequences, of his actions. It's time he face the music, whether good or bad.

Your approach has not changed things. Your son is 24 years old and smart enough to know what has to be done to live in the real world. Until you do something different, you will be coming back here with the same stories. You will get the same advice. Either decide to accept that things will never change and live with it indefinitely, or do what you know you need to and toss him out on his keester.

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4troubledteens.com wrote:
4troubledteens.com wrote:

Basically, the Yorks detached from the situation and allowed their child to determine the pace of her recovery. They concentrated on regaining their own emotional and physical health and prayed for the well-being of their child. Eventually, the family was reunited

Thats an extract of the text, on the website Laurel shared with us. The family had an out-of-control daughter. They didn't work on her. They didn't try to do stuff for her. They concentrated on themselves. They allowed their child to determine the pace of her recovery. If you don't let him on his own, if you don't change, then things won't change.

If you don't change, things won't change.

Pazos

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Hi, Lori, You were looking

Hi, Lori,

You were looking for the book, Scratch Beginnings...it's very expensive, purchased brand new, but you can get it online at half.com for only 3.00 plus ship, and on amazon for 3.94 plus ship. The links are below.

http://search.half.ebay.com/Scratch-Beginnings_W0QQtgZinfoQQprZ64389654?rvr_id=2272593804

http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0979692601?ie=UTF8&tag=addallbooksearch&linkCode=am2&creativeASIN=0979692601

However, I don't know that you really want to wait another week to get the book, plus another week or more to read it, give it to your son to read, and THEN not be sure if you want to act upon it! Sooo...maybe you'd just rather take a shortcut, read the summary, some of the 5 & 4 star reviews to get a taste of what it's about. Link below. OR, IF you're ready, take a 2nd look at WoW parent's extremely simple advice above about the $25 and the homeless shelter.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0979692601/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=&seller=

But, before you say "So long" to your son for awhile, please be sure to forgive him from your heart. Then you will have no bitterness or anger for him not working, helping, being the son you had hoped for...

Things and he could change, but you need to change first, and be free of him, and not be chained to him. Especially by unforgiveness.

Most sincerely, with prayers,

IHS

BTW, if you'd like some good and lifesaving info on unforgiveness, feel free to PM me, and i'll gladly send it.

ElizabethJ
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Lori: Listen to me and

Lori:

Listen to me and listen good. This is what you wrote:

"Please direct me to the right area...to learn what is best, everyone says kick him out..well I dont know that I can do that. But I see my fiance work and come home and help out.. my daughter and I both hurting and doing all we can..and here is my son, in his room sleeping until we are all going to bed..then he gets up ..eats and drinks all the sodas..I have to label all the food..and drinks.. its sad. but like you said ..I have done all I know how to do. "

YOU HAVEN'T DONE ALL YOU CAN DO, because you won't accept the responsibility for initiating the move that will get your son out of your home. I'm not going to sugar coat this. EVERY PARENT WHO ALLOWS THIS BEHAVIOR IS AN ENABLING PARENT. Sure, it's much easier to say "What can I do, I can't get him to stop, he eats all my food, he doesn't come out of his room, he won't work'., etc. etc.

I know this. I've experienced this. My son moved out almost 9 years ago after graduating college because as he put it "Would you have allowed me to stay at home, not work, you support me, you feed me, you take care of me, and I play games all day long, WOULD YOU HAVE ALLOWED THAT?" I said "are you out of your mind, what kind of mother allows this?" and he replied "Now you know why I left".

I NOW UNDERSTAND IT ALL. The addict's mind revolves around him and the addiction. Not about what they are doing to the family. You have to start being SELFISH AND THINK ABOUT YOU. You have to set the wheels in motion. You have to evict him. Do you know that you you just can't change the locks and lock him out of the house? He can have you arrested for doing this. At least in NYC this is so. I checked. The adult child, because this is his primary residence, well HE HAS MORE RIGHTS THAN YOU DO.

Here in NYC, if we want to evict an adult child, it has to be done through the Family Court System. It has to be done legally, with notification and it's a PROCESS. The adult child is served with papers and he has to respond. Usually the judge gives him time to get out.

It is not a 1 2 3 thing. It takes time. I haven't heard of ONE PARENT WHO WANTS TO DO THIS. I checked on this information for a friend who has an adult child in the basement and he won't do anything. I confirmed what I just wrote to you.

I even went up to a policeman in a police car and said the following "how do parents get their adult kids out of the house'? Want to know what he said "Lady, that's the biggest problem we have and every night we go on routine domestic calls and parents want to kick their sons out of the house, and we have to tell them "YOU HAVE TO GO TO FAMILY COURT,"

Parents do not know this. Years ago, parents just threw the kid out (and the kid didn't know that he had rights and could fight it). Kids NOW KNOW THEIR RIGHTS.

I suspect this is true in all the states, but if a kid doesn't know he has rights, then the parent goes to the local police deparment and if the local cops have brains and want to help the parents, the cops show up, tell the adult child "you have 24 hours, to collect your things and leave".

But I also suspect the mother WON'T ALLOW THIS, because mothers are all in "mommy mode" and the guilt is crippling. Yes, the GUILT, that should NOT EVEN BE THERE, is crippling.

I know heartbreaking stories about adult alcholics living in their rooms and the parents wring their hands and say "What can we do, what can we do?" When I gave them the information about WHAT THEY COULD DO, my friend said "I could NEVER DO THAT, I COULD NEVER LIVE WITH THE GUILT".

That's why there are so many people in and out of rehab. Because unless the ADDICT wants to change, NOTHING WILL CHANGE. He has to hit rock bottom.

Believe me, as long as your son has a roof over his head, food to eat, and a phone, and he's getting stuff for free, he has a LONG WAY TO GO BEFORE HE HITS ROCK BOTTOM.

And do you want to know who will suffer along the way as this progresses?? YOU!!! your health will deteriorate from all the stress.

Believe me I know what I'm talking about. Your son is an addict. Doesn't matter if it's crack cocaine, booze, whatever. The mind set is the same.

He will guilt you for the rest of your life, UNLESS YOU CHANGE.

Not easy to hear, I know.

Try and get the strength to do what you know you have to do.

Like I told my friend "Stop making this about what you can't do and cannnot do, make this about what is best for your son". Evict him!!!" She couldn't do it. He finally moved out and she said "oh thank god, now I don't have to feel guilty"

It's a darn shame what these kids are doing to their parents. They have no remorse, they have no accountability, no nothing.

Believe me, if my son had not moved out of the house 8 years ago, and he didn't get off of his butt and find a job, he wouldn't be living at home. I would feel no guilt. I worked since I was 13 years old. My son was a college graduate, and he left home and had the temerity to inform me "all I need to do is get on SSI, then I'll have it made". I lost all respect for him then. He has never put anyone else's needs before his own. It's all about him.

And it's only going to get worse, with all the new game systems and games coming out.

So try and get the strength to do what must be done. It's not going to be easy on your nervous system. Print this out and re-read it whenever you need to get a kick in the behind.

Your son is living off of you. He will continue t do so until he gets a lightbulb moment. He will NOT get his lightbulb moment if you are holding his hand (figuratively I mean).

I composed this post with love and compassion, believe me.

ElizJ

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Good one Eliz, I like the

Good one Eliz,

I like the expression Lightbulb moment.

There are IMO two kinds of addicts - those who can get that Lightbulb moment, and those who never will.

For the former - parents, spouses and society must stop enabling. When they do there is a chance the addict will get it.

Those that wont or never will - we have to consider it like an incurable disease. And in some societies that means providing them with the basic necessities but with the knowledge they will not lift themselves out of their condition. In other societies they will end up on the street or homeless. I suppose being on the street or homeless could in and of itself create a Lightbulb moment, but thats an ideological discussion thats probably outside the scope of this post.

- dark

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Elizabeth, I hardly ever put

Elizabeth, I hardly ever put on my lawyer hat on this board, and for a good reason. However, please understand - and, yes, I do have a pretty good handle on this because my husband is a real estate lawyer in New York City - that not every parent, in every jurisdiction, is required to go to Family Court in order to have an adult child removed from the home. In New York City, there are special considerations as a result of rent control or rent stabilization laws that would necessitate a special process. People, like my husband, make their living negotiating NYC's extremely complicated and burdensome landlord/tenant regulations and courts.

However, most areas do not have these sorts of laws, and I think it is both unnecessarily frightening parents, and complicating the issue, to make a blanket statement that court process will be necessary in every case. If a parent were truly concerned, he/she could always seek legal advice, and this is what, in fact, I'd advise a parent to do if there were any question. But this is truly beyond the scope of the support that we provide or offer here.

Jane in CT

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Lori, I'm right there with

Lori,

I'm right there with you. Everyone before me has said it and it can't be said enough. YOU ARE NOT ALONE....look at all of these people are with you. You didn't cause this. You can't control this. You can't cure this. Keep telling yourself this. Even when you don't believe, keep saying it over and over and over...in your head and outloud.

With that said, I know the feeling "where would he go? what will become of him?" But, you know what you have and it's not working for you or your child. It's easy to get to the "worse-case-scenario" when thinking about telling your son to leave...but there are a lot if "in-between" options and there is the "best-case scenario"...he COULD start to work on himself and a recovery. Worry is only our fear that God won't do what we want Him to do. Worry and fear are not a good enough reason to allow your child to continue on this path...the path to nowhere.

Last, I got some very good advise from a recovering addict...someone who is now teaching other addicts how to live sober. He said that I needed to follow the 3 Ls. 1. Love unconditionally. 2. Let him go. 3. Leave the rest to God.

I will be praying for you and your family.

Angela

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Jane. You are correct in

Jane.

You are correct in everything you said. I'm going to chalk it up to my having a "hard time being a mom moment". It happens sometimes from the stress. Didn't mean to offend anyone.

I have been thoroughly chastised and will get off my soapbox.

Deep down, I really did mean well.

elizj

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well I am having a very hard

well I am having a very hard time with things..everyone telling me the same thing..i go to talk to him ..and he cries blames us for not including him in things..

I think I figured out what MY issue is with not being able to get strength to throw him out. #1 I am still weak emotionally from the death of his dad, #2 When I was 17 my dad passed away..and I went to college full time and work full time, and my mom had my 31 year old sister throw me out of the house, because I didnt have time for her. She took away the car my dad gave me before he passed away..

No one will help me..follow thru ..support me.I feel weak and lightheaded when I try to handle all this alone.. Fiance is there but never says a word..

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Have you looked for an

Have you looked for an Alanon meeting in your area? You don't have to say what your loved one's addiction is, but there you can learn about the typical addict behaviors, like trying to put blame back on you. You can also learn about how to take care of yourself first. Another group you might look for is called Tough Love.

Any chance you can sit down with your fiance and come up with a plan to give your son a deadline to move out? It would make more of an impression on your son if you present a united front. Your fiance must be getting pretty frustrated with your son by now, even if he doesn't say much.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

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I am now 28.  When I was 24

I am now 28. When I was 24 I lived at home, slept all day long, and played WoW all night. I was employed for 2 1/2 years until I was 26. I wasn't going to school. My mom was furious with me all the time. At the age of 26 on January 1st, 2008 I stopped playing video games all together. I was working a crappy a temp job at the time. After a year I got laid off. So I decided to go back to school for a masters in occupational therapy. I took 6 prerequisite classes at a community college and had a 3.72 gpa. I just got rejected from every occupational therapy school I applied to. I am going to take 6 more classes this year and will reapply to all the schools again next year. Not to pat myself on the back but I think I am doing a lot better and maybe your son will improve too. I haven't played video games in almost 2 1/2 years.

PS - There were so many responses to your post that I could not possibly begin to read them all. However I did read that one person said to give your son a date and if he doesn't shape up by then kick him out and possibly drop him off at the nearest homeless shelter. I strongly disagree with kicking your son out. My mother would never do that to me and I believe I would feel extremely angry and deeply betrayed by her if she did and I don't know if I would ever forgive her.

Just do not let your son play video games in your house. Period. If he needs the internet to play, get rid of the internet. You don't NEED it, do you? You can always go to the library or bring a laptop to Barnes and Noble, Starbucks, or another wi fi store. I am positive you can find a way to get by without the internet in your house. I use the internet all the time but could make due without it in my house.

If he plays games single player on his computer, take it away or smash it; same with with a console. Just make it impossible for him to play in your house. I think you can do that, don't kick him out. He will probably improve when you take away all his games. Best of luck.

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Adam, I'm one of the parents

Adam, I'm one of the parents who strongly believes in letting a bird use his wings and fly. I think independence (financially independent, contributing citizenship) for children is a primary goal of a parent. You don't say whether or not you still live at home. But we can all agree that 24+ years is plenty of time for any parent to keep a roof over their child's head.

The internet has become a way of life. No parent should have to do without it because an adult child can't control gaming. Who is suffering the consequence? When our (then minor) son was at his worst, I worked out of my home in a very challenging position which required me to use the internet. Even when we managed to stop his gaming in our home, it continued outside of it. It doesn't sound like Blakcmonangel's son has any interest in quitting. That, too, poses a problem since complete removal can lead to strong emotions and in some cases, threats of suicide and/or violence. I know, since we've been there.

Our son has been on his own twice, both times at our insistence. The first time was when we sent him to rehab, and the second is right now. He's learning a lot from it. We haven't pulled the financial plug and will still pay for his tuition, auto insurance, medical insurance, etc. But he's learned what it takes to go to school and work and on top of that, do grocery shopping, prepare meals, take out the trash, etc. He knows that we love him and always will, and he will always be a vital member of our family. When he comes home, we have a wonderful time and get and receive hugs and kisses.

I believe he's matured tremendously and know that he will be able to take care of himself. That's clear to me since he realizes that we didn't kick him out to hurt him, but rather, to let him learn and grow. The longer that opportunity is delayed, the harder it becomes for the parent and it becomes almost impossible for the adult child, too.

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Adam, that was probably me

Adam, that was probably me who said that about kicking a kid out. You will note that I did advocate giving him plenty of lead time before doing it, but the bottom line is that some of these kids will sit in the house playing games FOREVER if someone doesn't do something. I have always advocated that parents of an adult child should declare their home a game-free zone, but practicality dictates that this is almost impossible in the face of a determined gamer, as most of these kids are. I was lucky. My son is not very aggressive and I think somewhere deep inside him he saw the wisdom in taking away temptation. Other parents have not been so lucky. Keeping our home game-free involved installing locks on two doors, carrying keys with me at all times (and running back downstairs when I forgot them), unplugging the internet at night, and forgoing any travel involving just my husband and me for three years. And that was for a kid who acquiesced rather easily to the plan. Why should a parent have to go to Starbucks to use the internet when they are the ones providing everything for the gamer?

I'm glad it didn't come down to getting kicked out of the house for either you or my son, but for some others, it may be the only way to wake them up.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

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I guess I'm opposed to just

I guess I'm opposed to just kicking your kid out on the street and letting them become homeless if they don't get it together. What is your guys take on letting your kid become homeless? I think I would send my child to rehabiliation clinics, assissted living facilities, have them work with vocational workers and get help through organizations and VESID to help them become independent...

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We sent our son to rehab and

We sent our son to rehab and it worked wonders. We're still paying for it, but have no regrets. He has a life again...work, school(finishing his 2nd year of college), workouts (has lost almost 100 lbs.), tons of friends and a girlfriend, too.

As for the homeless part. I have an alcoholic/drug addicted nephew who is now 38 years old. He's been through rehab 3 times and is in rehab again. I think the biggest mistake made with him was NOT kicking him out and letting him figure life out for himself.

Not long after my last post I got a phone call from my son, letting us know that he had to be up with the birds for work and wanted to sleep here since it's close to his place of employment. He came home to dinner and a special dessert, stayed for a while (long enough to take an online exam and get 100%) and then left to spend some time with a friend. We enjoy our time together tremendously. Adults need to be adults, but some kids will stick around forever if they aren't forced to face all of the responsibilities of adulthood.

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Hello everyone,   I thought

Hello everyone,

I thought I would give an update and as for more information. Ok well Wed, I woke my son up at 1 pm and I calmly said Ok you need to go now, we are all done, he woke up very numb and took trash bags from kitchen and started putting his clothes in. I then said we cannot do this any more. You can stay here IF you WORK , help out around the house, Leave your door open and be more part of the family , talk to everyone, do things with us. He calmly did a few things on computer brought the computer to my bedroom..and I went on to my second shift job..that day I worked both part morning and long afternoon evening shift. Wed night he was fine...then yesterday ..again He needed to get one of his other resumes off his computer, so I allowed him a few mins with the computer, and he got the information off the computer he needed..I made sure the computer was back in my room before going to work again,...I work from 4 to 10pm on that shift.. OK here is where the problems begin..

I NEED A REHAB PLACE TO TAKE HIM without insurance, we are on food stamps now..and I just started this next to nothing paying job..just about minimum wage job and happy to have it..

But here I am at work..and my 19 Yr old daughter and fiance didnt want to upset me at work. But my son went crazy..he was having a meltdown. They said he was creepy.. He was blaring radio, putting tv on in living room, watches 10 mins of it..said he F*** that ..walked out with tv blaring, Radio blaring ..walks outside ..goes into his late dads, tool box..and was pacing inside and outside..like having major withdrawls..was yelling at my daughter..hiding things he is taking out of the shed..hiding behind a big tree we have in back yard..taking things out there..in rolled up jeans..(daughter seen that..said he had that and flashlight) we live in wooded area..he was creepy...cant sit still...just like an addict on drugs they said.. I get home..and they dont know where he is..they said he took off..with flashlight in woods..and rolled up dirty jeans..with something in them.. I lock him out..until he comes back.. he does I asked him what was going on..he yells ..cussing..what the ..blah blah I cant do anything, sit in dark outside if i want..I have to watch tv.. He was just strange..i cant explain.. He needs help..my daughter was afraid to be alone with him..

Yesterday when it was just him and her alone..she was filling out her college thiings online and he was trying to print out his resume..and was having issues..he yelled at her ..why is it messing up..throwing all the papers at her..like it is all her fault.. she had a migraine..and he asked if she had a headache,,,she said YES..and he turned the radio up even more.. so he is being an ass.... and this is with only 28 hours without computer.. thats crazy..

When i got home he was still jumpy..and yelling when talking to him..I asked about him digging thru shed for items..hiding things in woods..and sitting in dark in back yard..alone staring..

he said what the ******** does it matter I cant do anything.... If he is not happy with his gaming all hours of the nite..eatting us out of all our food stamp money during the night and leaving a total mess in kitchen ...and not helping house at all then he is not happy.

WHAT DO I DO NOW? I did this with his dad..who was a drug addict..I left him for 1 1/2 years..he got clean..and then we got back together... 7 years later..he started using again..I was not sure..until his death....where he had a urine bag taped to his leg..and thats what made then test for drugs..of course it was positive..a very small amount was in his system.. so that is why I and my kids get NOTHING financially from any companines.. so now I have such anger myself.. I told my son ..he is just like his dad..has an addiction ..and needs help NOW..He didnt say a word.

What kind of place do I take him..esp with no insurance.. He needs help.. and he cant scare my daughter..she said if he is like that again while i am gone she will lock herself in her room..both myself and fiance said if he is bad call 911 and us..we will get right home..

This is sad..i cant do this addiction thing again.. the first time with my husband was enough.. the stress levels were so high ...I ended up with losing my life also from it all... I was not able to work any more from my own health issues, at the same time my mother passed away. when dealing with him and all his crap...I cant do this anymore..I have no more tears for anyone like this..even my son. I am NUMB now..and that alone scares me.. as I am a caregiver..thats my work job too.. I just have no more for him..

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If you are on food stamps,

If you are on food stamps, can you get him on medicaid? I don't think any of the rehab clinics accept medicaid though, but maybe there is some kind of addiction treatment available. Is there a federally qualified mental health clinic near you? They operate on a sliding scale fee, and services might be free if your income is low enough to qualify for food stamps. You could make regular appointments a condition of living in your home.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

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Adam, you should read the

Adam, you should read the book I recommend called "Scratch Beginnings: Me, $25, and the Search for the American Dream". It was written by a young man who was graduating from college and wanted to prove that it is possible to make it in this country even when you are starting from nothing, so he voluntarily made himself homeless. He stepped off a train late at night in a randomly-chosen city with only a backpack, a sleeping bag, and 25 bucks in his pocket with a goal of having a job, a working vehicle, an apartment, and a significant sum of money in the bank by the end of the year. He purposely left his college degree off of his resume. He reached his goal in 9 months and learned a LOT along the way. Being homeless does not mean sleeping on the street. Homeless shelters these days offer all kinds of support services for those who are willing to be helped. They keep people accountable for their actions though, and there is a limit on how long they will try to help someone. It was an eye-opening book. I would not necessarily want my son living in a homeless shelter, but if the alternative was to have him living in my house and treating me like crap, I would seriously consider it after giving him a set time to get it together or leave.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

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Hi, it does sound as if

Hi, it does sound as if pretty soon your son is either going to wind up in the mental health system or the criminal justice system. It is a real shame that a person can't be helped until they end up in one of those two places.

Have you heard of Job Corps? I am sure you qualify financially... my friend's son, who has had ongoing problems with addicted gaming, joins and goes away with them at the start of June. They spend six weeks working on work skills like interviewing, following orders, being organized, etc. and then the person gets to learn a trade like automotive, carpet laying, masonry, etc.

Another thought for you is the military. Can you at least talk to your son about it?

It's clear that something radical needs to change, and soon. In not very much time, your neighbors will call the police, or your daughter will, or there will be a fight and all kinds of trouble. Do what you can to get him out now before any of that happens.

Jane

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Here is the website for Job

Here is the website for Job Corps, check it out!

http://www.jobcorps.gov/home.aspx

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Your son's reaction reminds

Your son's reaction reminds me a lot of our son's, the first time we removed his PC. It shocked and scared the heck out of us, since we never expected such an intense reaction. You have to understand that you are dealing with an addict, just like you did with a drug addict. It took us a very long time to get our arms around that simple fact.

As with any addict, you know that delaying the inevitable by returning the computer/internet will just make it worse the next time. You need to do whatever it takes to make your decision final, even if that means calling the police and/or having your son spend some time in a psychiatric setting. He won't recover until he does it on his own, and for himself.

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Actually he knows the

Actually he knows the Ironworker construction trade very well.. but there is where his dad was killed on the job site he worked on.. My son made excellent money 20.00 HR with ..and I know he wishes he could go back to it..he did try construction ..again ..but it was to hard for him..memories.

He is doing a lot better today.. I bought him a pack of ciggs..and we him and my daughter and i went to taco bell..he was laughing and bonding again..talking about work..he is looking..maybe he was just down and was thinking i would give in to him last night..but I didnt..

As far as military He tried..i was with him..he didnt pass the physical part..he had knee reconstruction from high school injury.. so he cant do that route..i see that he has tried many things..and they are not working out for him..as things were not for me either..just took a lot of hard work and prayer on my end too..

Thank you all for all your support..and help ..

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You are not alone.  Keep

You are not alone. Keep sharing take care of yourself as best you can and stand firm you do deserve better. Jail or a mental ward would keep your daughter safe I hope it doesnt come to that but please take care. Big hug, Jonna

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Oh you poor dear. You are

Oh you poor dear. You are going through such torture. I think the only way you can get him out is to call the police. Or better yet, go the police station and tell them what is happening and ask them what you need to do to get him out and into rehab.

That's what my friend did with an alcohlic family member. He was abusive, the cops came and the court ordered him into rehab. Didn't cost a thing.

Give it a try.

This will wind up killing you unless he leaves.

You are in my prayers.

Elizj

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Your son's story is kind of

Your son's story is kind of similar to mine. I am in mid-20s, fortunately I got finished with my BS and MS degrees before I got addicted to games. Then one summer I discovered a particular MMO game that has completely captivated my interest. Since it was summer and I had 3 months period between finishing up my masters and going off to PhD program to which I was accepted I started playing it all day long. Lost about 10 pounds of weight, but I thought it was OK. I had no addictions in my life ever, and had no idea what is going on. I played games before and it seemed like I was just playing another one. Only this one proved to be basically a drug.

What followed was about 3 years of failing out of two PhD programs, being unemployed in between, staying up all night long playing this game, and dissociation from reality. After I failed out of second program I moved in with my boyfriend who provided me with roof over my head like you are providing your son with living quarters. They say that brain of a gamer undergoes some changes due to the gaming addiction. It is true. Things started to seem less real. Emotions of other people stopped to matter much. You are yelling at your son or begging him? My boyfriend used to do that too. Only it didn't register in my head. I felt he was slightly upset over me playing games, that is all, nothing to make a huge fuss about. He would take me out, like you take out your son, and I would have some fun, we'd talk about all sorts of other things in life. But my thoughts kept returning to the game. Then I would come back home, start up the client again, and in this manner months flew by.

Eventually my boyfriend broke up with me. He got a job in another place and suddenly I was faced with having to provide for my own. Survival instincts kicked in - did not want to be homeless and unfed. But I know I'll have trouble keeping any job from my past experience. I briefly held a job when I just started gaming. And I remember all I could think about at work is how I will come back home and play the game again. That is all that mattered; there was no happiness no life outside of it. I would do my work like a zombie thinking about what I am going to do in the game that night. So thing is that even though I got a place and am looking for a job, I still have to deal with this thought pattern. And that's the hardest part.

There are really two issues that your son needs to deal with. First is recognizing he has a problem and it is a serious one. It is ruining his life alike doing hard drugs. Many gaming addicts just brush it off "meh it is just games, at least I am not taking cocaine". They are wrong in this but because of weak grasp on reality don't understand it. And we lose sense of time, so months and even years can fly by like days, and it does not concern us at all. Second is that gaming addiction works alike all other addiction. When he starts pulling away from the game, he will have a lot of bad feelings that will make him want to go back. Like me he will fantasize about playing games again. And can relapse. Withdrawing from gaming addiction is alike withdrawing from substance addiction. He needs to know that it will be hard. To deal with these negative emotions he has to find things to do in real life that give him sense of achievement and satisfaction. If his job it boring, he needs to find fun hobbies that will not involve his computer; he needs to date around, may be take a trip somewhere, do some volunteering for local organizations, and so on. If he just gets a boring job to pay for his place, he will come back home and spend every evening gaming without having anything else to do in his life.

It does sound like he is suffering from depression and has trouble finding meaning in life or some cause and goals to work towards. It is not abnormal for people in their 20s to have trouble with this. College and school are structured environments where you know what your goals are. And somebody else sets those goals for you. The a person can graduate and feel utterly lost in this crazy world. Some more sensitive young people during this time experience a lot of anxiety and even panic. They can get paralyzed by their emotions and just not do anything. At this time some are in danger of developing problems like bulimia, alcoholism, and well gaming addiction. Gaming is especially easy to get addicted to because it seems so harmless at first that you can spend years tricking yourself into thinking that there is nothing wrong with you. Your son will most likely benefit from speaking to a psychologist in your area, somebody specializing in addiction or depression would probably be best choice.

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Lindau, I am sorry to hear

Lindau, I am sorry to hear what you're going through. It's definitely tougher to take action when you have a legal adult on your hands since you can't force them to do anything.

The sad thing is, the individual must see the problem and want to correct it. The experience most parents have had is similar, and most of us have ended up taking the "tough love" approach, withdrawing all financial and physical support until and unless the gaming stops and some earnest interest is taken in work and/or school.

My son was in treatment away from home and with no access to technology for 10 months. But, he was a minor so we were able to send him against his will. It's been almost 4 years since he returned home and he's a great kid. There are still a few residuals from his gaming days, but generally speaking he's about as good as any parent can hope for. Just know that it is a long, hard struggle and there is no magic pill.

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Welcome lindaua81! 

Welcome lindaua81! WowParent is correct that adult children are very difficult to deal with. Your only power is financial. You do not have to support him and you do have the right to decide what does and does not happen in your house. It sounds like your son may have some serious pschiatric issues, so tread carefully. Getting professional help is a good idea in this case.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

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Hello All, You will never

Hello All,

You will never know how thankful I am to find a group of people who are experiencing the same situation that my husband and I are. Oh my goodness!! I did not realize that so many people were dealing with this same issue!!! I did not know a support like this was even available. I found you through a google search.

Our son is 21 and still living at home. He can't hold down a job, refuses to go to school, sleeps most of the day and plays on line most of the night. He flunked out of 3 semesters of college and almost didn't graduate from high school. He would take friends to school, drop them off, and go to sleep in his car while they were in school. They would meet him after school and he'd take them home, come to our home, and then be on line all night again. We discovered this just before he was at the point of not being able to graduate! His father and I totally "falling apart" in his face seemed to make a difference, and fortunately he was able to graduate from high school. But he has totally wasted 3 years now and countless thousands of dollars in tuition and living expenses. He doesn't keep himself or his room clean - and after reading these posts - I'm moving the router, adding a timer, and locking it up the first time he is out of the house!! (Unfortunately it's in his room at this time - but not for long!)

My husband and I struggle every day with this - and did not realize that anyone else was experiencing the same thing. At least I know I can discuss difficulties here, and somehow just knowing that so many of you are having the same problems gives me a sense of community. What's the old saying, "misery loves company". Thank you for being here and being willing to listen, support and offer suggestions.

johnnyrsmith782...
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I too need some help and

I too need some help and direction with my 23 year old son, we left the state of KY to get away from him as he was on drugs, violent and taking money from us hand over fist to support his drug habit or he would abuse us and whenever he'd get out of jail or juvie he'd just come after us harder and worse than the last time so we fled the state and moved to Texas.

After our arrival he blew up or phones 24/7 begging for money and after I'd caved in and western union'ed him 700 dollars I took a trip back home to check on him and when I got there I noticed his meager apartment and his living conditions and well wouldn't you know I caved and felt like a heel even though he was 21 at the time. Well I came back to Texas and a few weeks later I called him and offered him the chance to move down here and start his life over without the drugs and start over clean. He agreed.

Well from day one here I had him a job as a custodian at the local emergency room. Wasn't much but it was job, he refused to take it and now he's had several jobs all of which he quit and nothing has EVER been his fault according to him so now he sits on my couch playing RIFT 24/7. We have high speed internet but noone is supposed to use it when he is becasue of ping spikes and game lag.

He lords over the internet and refuses to even shower but once a week if we're lucky, he knocks on the wall and has his mother who suffers from Multiple Schlerosis to come in and fix his food and drinks and then yells at her if she comes into the living room more than once or twice a day, she's expected to stay in our bedroom silent until he needs something and then go away.

I come home ask him about a job only to hear, "F**K You, Eat me, or some other deragatory comment and then he'll always say "You begged me to come to Texas and the more you keep pushing me to get a job the longer it's going to take...." If I push the issue he comes up swinging and fighting. A week or so ago I made a ultimatum statement and he chased me into our bedroom and knocked holes in the door trying to get to me and then came in and mock swung at me and said, "Flinched didn't you? b****!" then spit in the floor and walked out.

We are our wits end we need some real help, he's violent and evil and even as a child his therapist told us he was a sociopath with no concience. that he could kill us and never lose a moments sleep over it, we've done all we can to help him and now we do not know what to do, he's my son and the only one I'll ever have and I love him and don't want to hurt him or me or my wife or daughter to be hurt but we can't keep living this way we need real help now......

goincrazy
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Wow, Johnny, you are in a

Wow, Johnny, you are in a tough spot. But welcom to OLGA. First of all--protect yourself. DO NOT remove the gaming until you develop a plan to deal with him. It sounds very likely that if you removed or restricted the gaming, he would become violent. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. It seems as if he has transferred his addiction from one substance to another. Do you have any financial resourced to get him into a inpatient setting? One thing for sure--you have to quit enabling him over and over again. The only way he is going to take responsibility for his own life is through hitting bottom and not having you shove a mattress underneath. I'm sure you've heard all this before. I'm not really familiar with dealing with violent children, hopefully someone will come along to give you more advice on this difficult situation.

"But if I ran the zoo," / Said young Gerald McGrew, "I'd make a few changes. / That's just what I'd do..."
Dr. Seuss

janjordano
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Wow parent, What rehab did

Wow parent,

What rehab did you send your son to?

WoW Parent
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It has closed (was in my

It has closed (was in my home state) but was owned by Aspen Education group. When my son started (back in 2007) he was the only gamer but was soon joined by a couple more. I spent quite a bit of time introducing them to online/video game addiction and I think they "get it."

jim columbo
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blackmonangel wrote: Hi, I
blackmonangel wrote:

Hi,

I am so glad to see that there are places that I can reach out to with this issue. My son is 24, living at home with no job and is not going to school.. I husband of 23 years passed away almost three years ago..we have no income now..and he is not looking for a job..I have another child (adult) at home who is 19 but she had medical issues and is trying to go back to school.. My issue is that he is not helping..lost his car..didnt really seem to care... He is getting people to mail him new hard drives, new video cards..come on these are 200.00 items..I looked them up..and he is NOT paying for them..I seen the receipt from these items..coming from ebay..seems strange to me.. We are living with my fiance..and he is fed up also ..he works..I am disabled..but do what I can around here... But my son ..is now to the point where his bedroom is never clean..he doesnt even take showers.. I cant tell u the last one he had..must have been weeks ago...he hasnt shaved..he is in the same clothes for a week now.. I have tried all I can...he sleeps all day..and up all nite.. I have taken the router..since he is wireless..at night..but that is such a pain ....to baby a 24 year old..like he is two..I emailed him..texted his phone..which we pay for..I talked to him..... he does very little..and is about to get kicked out..since he is not helping at all... like I said he does a few small things around here...and then thats it.. Occasionally we get him out of his room..he seems great..happy ....funny.. then back to his zone.. and oddly enough ...I sent him to college for game design..he loved playing games back in 2004 NOT addicted then...so i thought why not..let him make an great income doing what he loved...big mistake.. I have tried to help him..get jobs..at least building web pages..for freelance..I cant get him to do the work..I asked and asked and asked...

I am at my last straw.. please help!!!!!!! Please

Lori

jim columbo
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hi. there have been studies

hi.

there have been studies linking these problems to obesity. when people are young and have dissabilities and health problems that are so severe that they can not work or go to school it is usually due to learned behavioral overeating and poor self controll awareness of being.

Andrew_Doan
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jim columbo
jim columbo wrote:

hi.

there have been studies linking these problems to obesity. when people are young and have dissabilities and health problems that are so severe that they can not work or go to school it is usually due to learned behavioral overeating and poor self controll awareness of being.

And obesity, as well as the other sympotoms, have been linked to excessive gaming too!

Andrew Doan MD PhD

My Videos: Internet gaming disorder is real & my story 

*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy or Department of Defense.

Mamalovson
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Sorry. There is a center

Sorry. There is a center which is free of charge, I believe mentors on this site can direct you to this home.

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