is it considered a suicidal thought if i just think about what would happen if i did commit suicide? i think that to myself sometimes but i always tell myself i would never commit suicide..i am going to the doctors tomorrow..when they ask about suicidal thoughts should i say something? i know i would never do it i even telll myself i wont. what do you think?
the docs. always would tell me that considering it as a option is a sign that something is majorly wrong.
not that i consider the pros. and experts, but i think they have a point.
personally, i only think about suicide when things are really bad, not when i am having a good day.
i hope you find what you are looking for
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leveling in steps, serenity, sponcys, sponsors, exercise, and sleep, (sanity has been downsized) sober from all electronic games since 11/19/2010
Thinking what life will be like without you in it is just as bad a wanting to commit suicide because it will lead to that anyways. Attack the thought while it is new and budding before it blossums is my suggestion!
I have never wanted to kill myself over a game, more like relationships and hardships.
Same here.I have considered Suicide many times,but somehow Im afraid to actually do it.I dont know why.Maybe because I love my mom(she's the only family i have)too much and cant see her in pain.
Well, since I like my life, but had some problems with going out in general since last year, I've had slight depression and completate doing this, but I realise that the world needs to have a bright flower, and my mood goes up and down in regards to this
Well, since I like my life, but had some problems with going out in general since last year, I've had slight depression and completate doing this, but I realise that the world needs to have a bright flower, and my mood goes up and down in regards to this
Everyone plays an important role in the world. Like our body, we have different parts and different roles. I almost killed myself in the height of my addiction 12 years ago when my wife separated from me for 6 months. My life has been so blessed since then and I thank God for saving me. Because of Him, I have my wife back, my family, my friends, my surgical career, and companies making a difference in this world. We all are important!
Flamevild, please, please reach out to someone you love in your real life and tell them what you're thinking. I'll also quote lizwool original post in this thread:
lizwool wrote:
Are you considering suicide? If so, please go to the Emergency room nearest you and tell them OR contact your local Crisis Center. Call 911, to get connected OR call the Suicide Hotline at 800-784-2433. No matter how far down you are, NOTHING is worth taking your own REAL life. YOU ARE WORTH SAVING! Sincerely, Liz
Here are more resources for "immediate support":
Nineline - 1-800-999-9999
www.nineline.org
is a wonderful resource for helping people through crises. For example, some groups that call our hotline often are drug and alcohol abusers who are sober but need to talk through particularly bad urges; family members of substance abusers who talk through their concern and wish to explore their options; current substance abusers who want to talk through their problem and seek help, whether it is a counseling referral, detox referral, or whatever next step seems right for them. I have only taken one call from a recovering gaming addict, but it seemed to help him get through his urge, and given my first-hand experience with MMO addiction, I see every reason to suggest that the Nineline might be a useful outlet for the OLGANON community.
The suicide specific calls can also call the Hope Line, 1-800-SUICIDE, which is a network of crisis centers that deal with those feeling suicidal. The website for the Hope Line is www.hopeline.com
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Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!
Very often some medication and therapy does big wonders. Depression can be cured, and no need to keep hiding it to others. call the helpline and go to the doctors.
There have been times in my past that suicide seemed viable.
I don't feel that way any longer.
But now that I've read a few posts here, I realize that my addictions to alcohol (no longer drink), cigarette smoking (quit that too) and excessive gaming were forms of suicide.
It seems to me that when indulging on all of the above, I was checking out of life, escaping as much as I could.
Now that it's been 8 months of game-free living, I realize that I don't want to check out any more. Interesting. I never thought of the addictions as ways to commit suicide.
Just like the rest of us here, i'm no expert in this field, but i would like to tell you my story since is connected to this topic. I hope it will help those in trouble ...
Here is my story.
Ever since i was small i had health problems (most of the time broken arms and legs, and later i discovered i have a heart problem), i could barely go out and play because i lack calcium in my bones, which made them fragile. If you wonder why i don't take calcium, is because my body deposit the calcium only on my joint (i tried this for 1 year and i started to have other problems).
My parents were fighting most of the time and sometime i was caught in the middle, i started to think that everything is happening because of me. My grades were not exactly great, do to the fact that i was hospitalized a lot. I lost all the confidence in me, so i got depressed really bad. I look for love in other places, but only to be hurt. So at the age of 15 i tried to commit suicide. I have taken 240 pills (of antibiotics). I ended up being in 3rd state coma for 5 days; my parents knew i tried to kill myself because i left them a letter.
When i wake up from the coma, all i could see was how much i hurt them, i wasn't happy at all, i thought if i disappear everything will be ok i didn't meant to hurt them. Like i said i was 15 years old.
I'm not going to lie to you and say creating yourself is easy, no, life will hit you harder then anybody else. But the truth is that pain will not kill you, it will keep you down if you let her, but it will not kill you - it doesn't have the power; and if you learn how to overcome that pain, then that pain it will only make you stronger.
Now, even if sometime is hard, i don't think about committing suicide again. I decide what i want to be and now i'm doing it. I learned to live, i'm still learning but the truth is that i'm enjoying life. I'm living the life i want, i feel free and is great. And i know that at the end of this journey i will become who i really want to be.
I guess what i'm trying to say is that no matter how hard it is .. living your life, creating yourself, learning all new kind of stuff, met new people, make new friends is amazing.
Everyone and each of us is unique yet similar, and that is the beauty of life. And everyone of each of us CAN become what they really want. I can guarantee you that if you work hard and never give up, you will become the man/woman you want.
"Our limitations are self imposed".
So please, i beg you not to think about committing suicide; there is no really reason to commit suicide, the truth is that all those reason come only from our imagination. Learn to appreciate everything that happens in your life - good or bad, learn from others .. there is nothing to be ashamed if you want to learn. So don't get depressed because you failed, rather, learn how to improve in that field .. and you will see that life it's a beautiful journey to self creation.
I wish you all, the power to overcome any difficulty, the wisdom to learn from your and other's mistakes .. and all the love so you can share it with others.
Alex.
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Life is not about finding yourself, is about creating yourself.
So please, i beg you not to think about committing suicide; there is no really reason to commit suicide, the truth is that all those reason come only from our imagination. Learn to appreciate everything that happens in your life - good or bad, learn from others .. there is nothing to be ashamed if you want to learn. So don't get depressed because you failed, rather, learn how to improve in that field .. and you will see that life it's a beautiful journey to self creation.
I wish you all, the power to overcome any difficulty, the wisdom to learn from your and other's mistakes .. and all the love so you can share it with others.
Alex.
Oh dear Alex, I'm so glad you are here and sharing your story.
A few years ago a friend of mine committed suicide. I'm still saddened over this. She had so many friends and family who loved her, but she could not deal with her private pain. Her death killed a bit in each of us. Because she chose to leave everyone behind, we all felt absolutely useless. We felt she didn't love US enough to stay and fight it out.
I'd forgotten I had these feelings. At her memorial service her nephew--10 years old--broke down and sobbed, he was sharing about how "he should have helped her more." It isn't easy to tell those she left behind that it wasn't our fault. Because, we feel so at fault. And at 10 years old to take on that responsibility, is tragic.
I've thought of suicide during my addictive years. It never occurred to me that those I'd leave behind might miss me. I never thought of them. And I didn't feel the love, that I now know they had.
We need to love ourselves more, to tell those we love that we love them, and ask them to share their love with us. We hear so much on the news about all the bad, horrible, crappy things, yet in our own families we don't say "I love you" much. We all need to hear it more.
I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, and it brakes my heart to hear that a ten years old boy had to go through something like this. What saddness me even more is that even a 10 year old boy, realized what grown-ups don't realize: "We need to help each other more". Like you said, is tragic. No one should go through something like this, and especially a child. I really hope, from the bottom of my heart, that the boy is ok now.
I don't know, but I have the feeling that she assumed the same thing as me: that if she will kill herself it will be better for everyone else, that she will take all your pain. I'm sure that if she knew how much she will be missed and how much pain she will cause, she would have change her mind. That's why; I hope that until now or at least from now on. when you think of her, you will remember the happy moments you shared with her .. I think that is the right way to remember friends.
Patria and Teykey1, I'm really sorry .. I never thought that my story will cause so much pain. That was not my intention; all I wanted was to show others that if you really want to become someone you can do it, and that everything we do is not in vain, like we assume most of the time. All those failures are actually small steps toward something great. Yourself!
That's why Patria, since you are a moderator, I would like to ask you to delete the post. I don't like to see people getting hurt. It brakes my heart to know i hurt someone.
Again, I'm really sorry for causing both of you pain.
You are right Patria, we don't hear "I love you" to often, and we are not saying "I love you" more often. About the loving ourselves part, I know you are right and I feel that if people will learn to love themselves they would be more happy, but I can't say too much. Like I said, I enjoy life but I still have my demons. :(
Alex.
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Life is not about finding yourself, is about creating yourself.
Please don't delete the post. It didn't bring pain, it brought up pain from the past which really opens doors. We do need to realize these things; we DO need to know this.
I always think of her and know she is in a better place. That 10 year old got a lot of love and support from his family. He broke all of our hearts, but it was a healing time, too.
Every time I considered suicide, it was always ended with the same thought. I have no reason to live, but I have no reason to die either.
I long struggled, intellectually, with finding a reason to live.A Suicide was not "the only escape from the pain" for me, or another similar emotional reaction.A It was more "What is there in life that makes it worthwhile?A Why choose life over death?"A Very strange questions, you might think.A And you'd be right; people might idly wonder what the meaning of life is, but very seldom does anyone push the question to the brink of death.A I did.A And if your world and worldview is ever shaken to its core, if you are ever made to completely reevaluate everything you know... God forbid!... you too might feel the temptation to question in this direction. But the moral is this: Our lives are not our own.A If you are a spiritual person who believes in a higher power, our lives are at least partly the higher power's.A With or without a higher power, our lives belong in part to the people we have connections with, connections which may not even be clear to us.A We can never know the true extent of our influence on others.A The suffering and missed opportunities that will ensue if we were not there, or if we died. And so living or dying is not just a preference or a personal choice.A Like it or not, our lives are not our own.A Admit it or not, there are people who care about whether any person lives or dies.A And it is to those people that we must turn to for help and a reason to live.A Perhaps to some professionals as well.A = )
This is the question exactly... what to live for.... not a easy answer and I dnt wish any1 in that situation of not knowing, I was there not to long ago and to survive is not easy without the answer cause it can be a spiral downward, if u feel that downward spiral, get help b4 u cant answer the question, What is there to live for?
But the moral is this: Our lives are not our own. If you are a spiritual person who believes in a higher power, our lives are at least partly the higher power's. With or without a higher power, our lives belong in part to the people we have connections with, connections which may not even be clear to us. We can never know the true extent of our influence on others. The suffering and missed opportunities that will ensue if we were not there, or if we died. And so living or dying is not just a preference or a personal choice. Like it or not, our lives are not our own. Admit it or not, there are people who care about whether any person lives or dies. And it is to those people that we must turn to for help and a reason to live.
Absolutely.
An AA friend of mine committed suicide about 8 years ago. She is hugely missed by her family and friends. It's hard for me to even talk about this as it still hurts to this day that we couldn't help her.
When my husband died last month I didn't want to be here. I just didn't want to be here alive without him.
I don't feel that way now. I have friends and family who would miss me and would feel badly if I decided to check out.
Each one of us is very important to someone. Hugs to all.
I'm so sorry to hear about your son.....thank you for posting this. I'm heavily addicted to gaming and contemplate suicide all the time and I think you've helped me...
"But now that I've read a few posts here, I realize that my addictions to alcohol (no longer drink), cigarette smoking (quit that too) and excessive gaming were forms of suicide. "
That's really really really deep. I never thought of addictions as suicide, but I think you've nailed it. When I was staying up all night and day playing League of Legends for days upon end (before I had a job), my hair started falling out, my beautiful singing voice became weak and raspy, my eyes were strained and posture slumped. Finally, my current girlfriend, a yoga instructor, pointed out to me that I was adding years of aging onto my young body....in other words I was killing myself without trying to kill myself. (however, I was feeling suicidal consciously,thus unconsciously I may have been commiting this slow suicide on purpose)
I cant believe Im there again, I dont see the reason to live anymore, the struggle to live isvery hard and all I can think about now is to sleep. I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up again. Life is too hard, so many things going wrong. what can u do when u lose everything and u have nothing left inside. And its so embarrassing to say this stuff cause it only feels worse. I put my pills away, but I just wanna take them all and stop all my pain. Dont hate me, its just how I feel and I dont know how long I can struggle for life.
Hey joyah. It only seems like you have nothing left inside. You have better and worse days, though it's hard to remember the good days when you're having a bad day. Keep taking care of yourself. We're all here for you.
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"She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)." --Lewis Carroll
hey joya , First of i wanted to state somthing realy cool , your name means the seeker in my language (persian) .why did you choose that name ? idk
this is my personal story i am in NO place to say im on a the right path or that i know any thing:
i my self have suicidal thoughts aswell sometimes i whish a plane crashed or somthing painless would happen so id take a dirt nap . i know the feeling sometime i felt my insides were like a hole of nothingness , no goal no motivation no reason , i had spent time studying religoin islam budihsm christianity jewism bahaism zarastoism taoism , reiki ,sacred geometry ,polytheism. i even studied masonary all to quench my thirst to find an answer find a goal a strive a why to live ? and ive realised that this universe is so vast that it will take me hundreds apon hundreds of lifetimes to get a good answer alone and i realised how my self my brain is small and how we human beings are small compared to it .
so what did i do ? i did the most stupidest thing an athiest/agnostic would do . what i trusted in what ? i have no clue , does it exist i dont know i cant prove it .i just trusted that there is somthing out there or in me that will help me that is helping me i just have to allow it to .dont get me wrong people say like oo so much bad stuffhow can there be such a thing happening . hell i was a victim of sexual abuse my self when i was 8, my dad died from cancer 3 months ago my brother is bipolar my family sufferd from finnacial stuff , my love cheated on me and left me . i cant explain it nor can i prove it but I recomend it (recomend what ? just trust that there is somting that can and has the power to heal your heart your soul your mind if you let it) . hope it helps
I've felt that way Joyah. ((Hugs)) Feeling come and go.
It's the ability to step back and see the big picture that makes the difference between hurting ourselves.. or making the choice to move forward through the pain...
Even though sometimes it seems like things won't ever get better, they do, eventually, I promise! Hang in there! Call someone if you need to talk, you have friends here!
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"A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears." ~Michel de Montaigne
And more (((BIG HUGS))) from me, Joyah. We will never "hate" you for feeling down. Just remember what we're saying because it's true even if it doesn't "feel" true when things seem so dark - This will pass! You know it passes! You've posted too many uplifting, heartwarming, and flat out funny posts here on better days. Hang on to the good days, Joyah.
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Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!
Hugs to all of you wanting to contemplate suicide! I have never considered doing it, and will never. It is not the solution to a problem. My recommendation: A vacation in a very scenic place like Alaska would really help a lot of you. A breath of fresh air and seeing nature will change your mind about life completely, and you'll realize how gaming is not worth it.
Joyah, I was told in early sobriety (AA) to keep a calendar of bad days and good days. It helped clarify that even though I thought every day was bad, I did have some good days.
What you've gone through is sad; I've lost someone I dearly love, too. But the ones who left would never want us to leave prematurely.
You are needed here Joyah. You are needed on this planet. In this world.
I'm glad you keep seeking to live life and keep moving forward! ^_^ It's so brave how you continually search for the truth. you must be such an intelligent amazing young person..so don't give up!
I've struggled with suicidal thoughts for the last few years, wanting to end the pain in my own life and not finding any reason to live in this "sick place".
But this last Saturday I stopped playing videogames and today I spent my breaks from work in the sunshine doing yoga on the ground, and I haven't thought about suicide at all today.
Sunshine and yoga won't heal all of anyone's problems...but I've found that disconnecting from videogames has already started to pull me out of my own cycle of depression and pain. I pray that your beatiful soul inside may guide you and give you the direction and healing you need in your life.
I think it was last week that I entered the chat room and you sent me a PM that said "Are you OK?" While I wasn't having a bad day at the time, if I had, like SO many days before when I came to this site (due to the angst and worry over my son), those words would have been like a warm blanket on a cold winter's day. Even that day, a good day, those words made me feel welcome and loved. Not everyone can have the deep compassion you have, born out of your past experiences. You are valued and precious. "Who you are" is a wonderful gift to give to others who desperately need nothing more than to hear the words, "Are you OK?" I know that you have much to offer. Hopefully by now, your sadness has passed. If not, you know there's people here who care. ((((Big Hugs too!)))
I feel so depressed all the time when I'm alone but when I'm with other people I pretend to be happy so they wouldn't have to see how sad and lonely I really am.
Things that make my life suck:
1. My girlfriend who i really love so much died of colon cancer. Everytime I wish I was the one who died instead of her :(.
2. My father is a selfish, dictator, foul-mouthed and heartless person. He forces us to do things without respecting our opinions/decisions like enrolling us in play, acting, singing classes then after that he will swear on his children thay they are a waste of his money and time. He never loved my mother and wishes to go back in time and not meet her. He forced me to take engineering course and this year I'm going to graduate and I feel useless and depressed because i wasted 5 years of my life not following my dreams (DJ, law) and just followed him in blind obedience. I know I'm supposed to be happy to graduate but I'm really not and I wish to commit suicide after I graduate and I just want the pain to stop.
3. I'm constantly being compared to my twin brother in school. He wants to be an engineer and he studies a lot so he get good grades and I'm very happy and proud of him and I'm not jealous but other people pities/make fun of me/insult me that I'm the loser and he's the winner. I studied a lot also during my first 2 years in college and got very high grades but during my 3-5 years i feel dead, boring and like a robot so I stopped studying engineering and just wanted to follow my dream (DJing, Law). Apparently they think I'm the black sheep but I never did anything bad to be one. I just wanted to create music and study law. This year I'm going to graduate engineering (ECE) but i feel like dirt and people will laugh at me and I'm going to be compared to my brother who will graduate magna cum laude.
4. In order to deal with stress of real life I became addicted to smoking, drinking alcohol,porn and promiscuity, video games, cut my wrists and I still feel depress all the time and just want to get a gun and shoot my head or hang myself.
5. There's this person who I have a long time crush and love very much and this person also showed me signs that she loves me but I don't even dare show how much I love her because I don't want to include her to my problems and I just want for her to be happy and safe and I know it's not with me. I'm saying this but it's killing me everytime not admitting to her that I love her so much.
6. I know I should tell this to my family but my mother has to deal with my father and she cries because of him and I don't want to trouble her and I have to be strong for her and pretend that everything's going to be alright and be happy so she won't have anymore problems. I know that I also have to put my faith in God and believe in Him but sometimes I'm questioning my faith and I'm very sorry for this.
7. I'm the president of an org in our school and I know I have to be a good example for others but with so much personal problems I think I might fail. Someone please help me.
8. Now, my plans includes to be rebellious and leave home and be a DJ at a club, commit suicide to end my suffering, have sex with a person who has a crush for me (man and woman). I'm so confused what am I supposed to do now?
Welcome to OLGA, Jpierre. You certainly are having a rough time of it right now, and although I can't relate to everything you said, there were a number of things you said that felt very familiar to me. I used to be suicidal all the time, but I'd put on the happy face around people because I thought I'd just be a burden to them. The despair and total hopelessness I felt during that time is as close to hell in this life as I ever want to get, and I remember being utterly convinced that not even God, whom I have always seen as both loving and all-powerful, could help me. I am no longer in that place of despair, my faith in God is generally stronger than it has ever been, and I am beginning to experience some peace of mind on a regular basis instead of a rare basis. I still have moments where I experience things that remind me of what I used to feel, but I am able to do what I need to do in order to never go back to that place again.
There were 3 things that I started doing differently back when I was feeling hopeless every day, and although it took a few weeks, I found that these things make a huge difference in my life. I do all 3 of them to this day, although I do one of them a good bit less than I probably should do it. The 3 things are 1) abstain from all my addictive behaviors today, 2) keep a gratitude list, and 3) get some exercise on a regular basis.
Gaming is just one of my addictions, and it definitely fed into the self-hatred and self-pity that were busy destroying my life. I have other addictions as well, and I need to abstain from all of them if I'm going to have a chance (if you want to talk about what it takes to abstain from addictive behavior, I suggest you start a thread in the "I need help for gamers" forum that tells people a little bit about you and ask for help with quitting the addictive behaviors). My gratitude list is a list of 5 things I write down every day about what positive things happened on the previous day. Some days this is easy to do, others it is very hard, but if I do it consistently every day, then it begins to have an enormous and positive impact on my outlook on life. Exercise...not sure why it's so helpful, but I think it helps my brain adjust to living life without my addictions. I do know that it's helpful for feeling better in general, and that's something I desperately needed and still need to some extent.
Those 3 things quite possibly saved my life. I stopped doing all 3 of those things at one point and wound up heading right back toward the miserable hell I'd been living in before I started doing those 3 things. Today I'm back to doing all 3 of them to the best of my ability (which isn't always very much, but it's working), and it is making a world of difference.
Finally...sometimes people need much more than some life-style changes. Please don't be afraid to get professional help...you're worth far more than you are capable of realizing right now, and we'd all hate for something to happen to you. Hugs...
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When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom
I am sorry that you have such a hard time dealing with life. I have created two personal blogs to help those who are suffering from gaming addiction, I hope you find it helpful.
http://olganon.org/?q=node/41964
http://olganon.org/?q=node/41941
A few things I would like to share from my personal experience in addition to the blogs:
1. I don't exist to please others, only my GOD and myself.
2. I can not control what others do to me but I can control what my reaction and action is.
3. No one can make me happy except myself. No one could love me more than myself and my God, so I need to take control and be responsible for myself.
4. Abstinence from addictive activities (gaming..etc..) can help me walking in the right path (my sanity)
5. I need helps from others, I can not do this alone. This concept takes me a while to learn.
6. Recovery is almost impossible in my opinion if you don't have your depression, anxiety, or other mental disorders treated first.
7. Learning how to live again is hard but it is very enjoyable, best part of the recovery.
8. Learning to have faith and trust in my higher power and to let go of all resentments and forgive those who did me wrong.
9. Focus in the moment, do what is best in the moment will ensure a better day for tomorrow. I learn to take one day at a time.
10. There is no greater gift to give to the world beside caring for one another and that I have a purpose in this life.
Hugs,
Maggie
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It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen
I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling suicidal. I had felt suicidal for a long time--in fact, this is the first forum I went to on this site, since when I first came here I was suicidal. But since that dark time, I have been making plans to move out of my house, and have quitting gaming so I could start doing the things I want to do with my life.
I want to let you know that we are here for you. Please don't give up.
I have a few words of advice--take them or leave them--but really I'm just trying to give you ideas so that you can help yourself. I answered all of your points.
1. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your loved one. Any way you can get some counseling/free counseling? I think you need to get out those feelings, you need to be listened to, you need to love yourself and take care of yourself after such a hard loss.
2. Try to limit your exposure to destructive negative people. A lot of my suicidal feelings root/rooted from my relationship with my parents too. Try to live for yourself, jpierre. Conventional wisdom says to get independent as soon as possible (which might mean finishing your college, since it sounds like you are in europe where it's hard to move out), so you can move out. I spend as much time away from my home as possible (Weekends away from home, Monday night away, Tuesday away, Sometimes thursday away). You are old enough to be making decisions on your own, decisions that benefit you. I'm sorry to hear about your father, who sounds abusive. But once again, try to get away from the people who are hurting you, or avoid them. I guess your father is paying for your education? Well let him pay for it but spend all of your time away from home (my advice).
3. Life is a race, against yourself. It's very general wisdom that, to find happiness and peace in life, jpierre, one cannot be comparing himself to others (unless it is somehow beneficial to you). A famous (real) fighter once was asked by an interviewer, "how does it feel to have all of those fans cheering for you? All of those people shouting your name?" The fighter replied that those people only cheer because he is winning; the fighter said that the fans are worthless, nothing to him. He said that he, himself, is his biggest fan. He cheers for himself, more than anyone else. The fighter is Mike Tyson, a champion boxer. A lot of people don't like his lifestyle, but I really liked that he is his biggest fan. I try to be my biggest fan too. So, who cares what all of those other people think?? Be your biggest fan. ^_^
4. It's hard to tell what is causing an addiction, but you are definitely having a tough time. I think Learning Serenity suggested quitting all the addictions, and this seems to be sound advice. In my own experience, escaping through addictions has done nothing...it just prolongs the healing. As soon as you quit the addictions, the healing process can begin, you can get to know yourself and be yourself. Just my advice.
5. Once again, only my advice, but I would suggest getting a counselor before you dive head over heels in love again. I've used girlfriends as counselors, and it really isn't fair to them...I've talked for hundreds of hours to girls about my problems...and yeah...I've usually just made the girls feel worse. Just take care of yourself first--it wouldnt hurt to be friends for a while with the girl first.
6. Can't really comment on this, don't know how to.
7. Everyone has problems, don't feel ashamed.
8. Like I said earlier, finishing college and THEN moving out seems like the safer better idea.
Good luck and don't give up! Things will only get better as soon as you try!
Sometimes, you don't need a calendar to know when it's Tuesday afternoon and the servers are down. Sometimes a poster like JPierre shows up, whose profile location is Pennsylvania, in the Phillipines. Nice story, dude. If you by some miracle chance are real, here's my advice. 1 and 5. Your gal died of colon cancer. Tough break, but makes it harder to understand part 5., did you have this crush on him/her at the same time your gal was dying? By the way, did you know that the Centers for Disease Control says that there is only a 0.07 percent chance a 30 year old will develop colon cancer by the time he or she is 40? I gotta say if she was within a generation of your age she had the worst luck ever. As for the crush, you had a girlfriend, you know what to do to get her attention. 2 and 3. Your mean dad trained you well. For one thing, the courtroom is at its heart a stage, with 13 people in the audience who matter most, the jurors and the judge. Acting or even singing classes might be a godsend one day. Second, law is a rough profession and it helps to get a rhino skin early, sounds like you have a good start. Third, understand that pre-law majors becoming lawyers are a dime a dozen and no more than 2/3 of graduates right now can get a job as a new attorney, but a law school grad who was first trained as an engineer will easily get a legal position after law school, by some firm with engineering firms as clients. So finish any missing prereqs and go get a prep book for the LCAT, pronto. 6. I can't speak to your family situation. Faith and Family alike are very personal things. 7. If you don't think you can cut it in your organization, transition out. No one will hold it against you. But if you do stick it out that's another line in your application to law school. 4. Hurting yourself won't fix anything, even when the servers are down. No suicide, please. Mental health experts can and should be a resource for you if this section is true. I won't be sarcastic here, suicide is never a joke. 8. What to do now? Go enjoy your game, of course-- and have a nice day!
I love the thought of being dead, only the pain of the suicide and unsureness of it working keeps me from doing it. I'll sign a DNR instead and hope the pain ends.
I'm sorry that you are going through a painful experience. When I read stories of other gamers it tells me that you are not alone to feel this way. I also understand that many of these people have managed to turn things around with the support of others and are now in a completely different place. Please do not lose hope; life can become much better for you. I firmly believe that. Take care of yourself.
Hi Polga, oddly after finding this place and posting that last week. I started doing some soul searching. I knew I wasen't happy, but was unwilling to change. Interestingly enough you can run from yourself, but you can't run from God. He broke me yesterday and I just couldn't do it anymore. I said my goodbyes to everyone in teamspeak today and will be giving my computer away Tuesday. I will still have my laptop for work and be able to do my weight loss class and stuff, but my gaming addiction will stop as I will be unable to even if I have a bad day. I feel like an alcoholic, just one sip and it's over.
the docs. always would tell me that considering it as a option is a sign that something is majorly wrong.
not that i consider the pros. and experts, but i think they have a point.
personally, i only think about suicide when things are really bad, not when i am having a good day.
i hope you find what you are looking for
leveling in steps, serenity, sponcys, sponsors, exercise, and sleep, (sanity has been downsized) sober from all electronic games since 11/19/2010
Thinking what life will be like without you in it is just as bad a wanting to commit suicide because it will lead to that anyways. Attack the thought while it is new and budding before it blossums is my suggestion!
Mario
Same here.I have considered Suicide many times,but somehow Im afraid to actually do it.I dont know why.Maybe because I love my mom(she's the only family i have)too much and cant see her in pain.
Well, since I like my life, but had some problems with going out in general since last year, I've had slight depression and completate doing this, but I realise that the world needs to have a bright flower, and my mood goes up and down in regards to this
Everyone plays an important role in the world. Like our body, we have different parts and different roles. I almost killed myself in the height of my addiction 12 years ago when my wife separated from me for 6 months. My life has been so blessed since then and I thank God for saving me. Because of Him, I have my wife back, my family, my friends, my surgical career, and companies making a difference in this world. We all are important!
Andrew P. Doan, MPH, MD, PhD
My Gaming Addiction Videos on YouTube: YouTube.com/@DrAndrewDoan
*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy, DHA or Department of Defense.
Flamevild, please, please reach out to someone you love in your real life and tell them what you're thinking. I'll also quote lizwool original post in this thread:
Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!
Very often some medication and therapy does big wonders. Depression can be cured, and no need to keep hiding it to others. call the helpline and go to the doctors.
pre- diagnosed with Autism.
There have been times in my past that suicide seemed viable.
I don't feel that way any longer.
But now that I've read a few posts here, I realize that my addictions to alcohol (no longer drink), cigarette smoking (quit that too) and excessive gaming were forms of suicide.
It seems to me that when indulging on all of the above, I was checking out of life, escaping as much as I could.
Now that it's been 8 months of game-free living, I realize that I don't want to check out any more. Interesting. I never thought of the addictions as ways to commit suicide.
Hi,
Just like the rest of us here, i'm no expert in this field, but i would like to tell you my story since is connected to this topic. I hope it will help those in trouble ...
Here is my story.
Ever since i was small i had health problems (most of the time broken arms and legs, and later i discovered i have a heart problem), i could barely go out and play because i lack calcium in my bones, which made them fragile. If you wonder why i don't take calcium, is because my body deposit the calcium only on my joint (i tried this for 1 year and i started to have other problems).
My parents were fighting most of the time and sometime i was caught in the middle, i started to think that everything is happening because of me. My grades were not exactly great, do to the fact that i was hospitalized a lot. I lost all the confidence in me, so i got depressed really bad. I look for love in other places, but only to be hurt. So at the age of 15 i tried to commit suicide. I have taken 240 pills (of antibiotics). I ended up being in 3rd state coma for 5 days; my parents knew i tried to kill myself because i left them a letter.
When i wake up from the coma, all i could see was how much i hurt them, i wasn't happy at all, i thought if i disappear everything will be ok i didn't meant to hurt them. Like i said i was 15 years old.
I'm not going to lie to you and say creating yourself is easy, no, life will hit you harder then anybody else. But the truth is that pain will not kill you, it will keep you down if you let her, but it will not kill you - it doesn't have the power; and if you learn how to overcome that pain, then that pain it will only make you stronger.
Now, even if sometime is hard, i don't think about committing suicide again. I decide what i want to be and now i'm doing it. I learned to live, i'm still learning but the truth is that i'm enjoying life. I'm living the life i want, i feel free and is great. And i know that at the end of this journey i will become who i really want to be.
I guess what i'm trying to say is that no matter how hard it is .. living your life, creating yourself, learning all new kind of stuff, met new people, make new friends is amazing.
Everyone and each of us is unique yet similar, and that is the beauty of life. And everyone of each of us CAN become what they really want. I can guarantee you that if you work hard and never give up, you will become the man/woman you want.
"Our limitations are self imposed".
So please, i beg you not to think about committing suicide; there is no really reason to commit suicide, the truth is that all those reason come only from our imagination. Learn to appreciate everything that happens in your life - good or bad, learn from others .. there is nothing to be ashamed if you want to learn. So don't get depressed because you failed, rather, learn how to improve in that field .. and you will see that life it's a beautiful journey to self creation.
I wish you all, the power to overcome any difficulty, the wisdom to learn from your and other's mistakes .. and all the love so you can share it with others.
Alex.
Life is not about finding yourself, is about creating yourself.
geez I almost cried.
Oh dear Alex, I'm so glad you are here and sharing your story.
A few years ago a friend of mine committed suicide. I'm still saddened over this. She had so many friends and family who loved her, but she could not deal with her private pain. Her death killed a bit in each of us. Because she chose to leave everyone behind, we all felt absolutely useless. We felt she didn't love US enough to stay and fight it out.
I'd forgotten I had these feelings. At her memorial service her nephew--10 years old--broke down and sobbed, he was sharing about how "he should have helped her more." It isn't easy to tell those she left behind that it wasn't our fault. Because, we feel so at fault. And at 10 years old to take on that responsibility, is tragic.
I've thought of suicide during my addictive years. It never occurred to me that those I'd leave behind might miss me. I never thought of them. And I didn't feel the love, that I now know they had.
We need to love ourselves more, to tell those we love that we love them, and ask them to share their love with us. We hear so much on the news about all the bad, horrible, crappy things, yet in our own families we don't say "I love you" much. We all need to hear it more.
And, we need to love ourselves.
Dear Patria,
I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, and it brakes my heart to hear that a ten years old boy had to go through something like this. What saddness me even more is that even a 10 year old boy, realized what grown-ups don't realize: "We need to help each other more". Like you said, is tragic. No one should go through something like this, and especially a child. I really hope, from the bottom of my heart, that the boy is ok now.
I don't know, but I have the feeling that she assumed the same thing as me: that if she will kill herself it will be better for everyone else, that she will take all your pain. I'm sure that if she knew how much she will be missed and how much pain she will cause, she would have change her mind. That's why; I hope that until now or at least from now on. when you think of her, you will remember the happy moments you shared with her .. I think that is the right way to remember friends.
Patria and Teykey1, I'm really sorry .. I never thought that my story will cause so much pain. That was not my intention; all I wanted was to show others that if you really want to become someone you can do it, and that everything we do is not in vain, like we assume most of the time. All those failures are actually small steps toward something great. Yourself!
That's why Patria, since you are a moderator, I would like to ask you to delete the post. I don't like to see people getting hurt. It brakes my heart to know i hurt someone.
Again, I'm really sorry for causing both of you pain.
You are right Patria, we don't hear "I love you" to often, and we are not saying "I love you" more often. About the loving ourselves part, I know you are right and I feel that if people will learn to love themselves they would be more happy, but I can't say too much. Like I said, I enjoy life but I still have my demons. :(
Alex.
Life is not about finding yourself, is about creating yourself.
Please don't delete the post. It didn't bring pain, it brought up pain from the past which really opens doors. We do need to realize these things; we DO need to know this.
I always think of her and know she is in a better place. That 10 year old got a lot of love and support from his family. He broke all of our hearts, but it was a healing time, too.
This is the question exactly... what to live for.... not a easy answer and I dnt wish any1 in that situation of not knowing, I was there not to long ago and to survive is not easy without the answer cause it can be a spiral downward, if u feel that downward spiral, get help b4 u cant answer the question, What is there to live for?
Absolutely.
An AA friend of mine committed suicide about 8 years ago. She is hugely missed by her family and friends. It's hard for me to even talk about this as it still hurts to this day that we couldn't help her.
When my husband died last month I didn't want to be here. I just didn't want to be here alive without him.
I don't feel that way now. I have friends and family who would miss me and would feel badly if I decided to check out.
Each one of us is very important to someone. Hugs to all.
jackedwards1,
I'm so sorry to hear about your son.....thank you for posting this. I'm heavily addicted to gaming and contemplate suicide all the time and I think you've helped me...
Laurel,
thank you...your post moved me to tears...your encouragement and the encouragement of your long time love has helped someone today..
braden
Patria,
you said:
"But now that I've read a few posts here, I realize that my addictions to alcohol (no longer drink), cigarette smoking (quit that too) and excessive gaming were forms of suicide. "
That's really really really deep. I never thought of addictions as suicide, but I think you've nailed it. When I was staying up all night and day playing League of Legends for days upon end (before I had a job), my hair started falling out, my beautiful singing voice became weak and raspy, my eyes were strained and posture slumped. Finally, my current girlfriend, a yoga instructor, pointed out to me that I was adding years of aging onto my young body....in other words I was killing myself without trying to kill myself. (however, I was feeling suicidal consciously,thus unconsciously I may have been commiting this slow suicide on purpose)
I cant believe Im there again, I dont see the reason to live anymore, the struggle to live isvery hard and all I can think about now is to sleep. I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up again. Life is too hard, so many things going wrong. what can u do when u lose everything and u have nothing left inside. And its so embarrassing to say this stuff cause it only feels worse. I put my pills away, but I just wanna take them all and stop all my pain. Dont hate me, its just how I feel and I dont know how long I can struggle for life.
Hugs Joyah. Only one part of you has to die and it is the part which is hurting you. Your gaming self.
leveling in steps, serenity, sponcys, sponsors, exercise, and sleep, (sanity has been downsized) sober from all electronic games since 11/19/2010
Hey joyah. It only seems like you have nothing left inside. You have better and worse days, though it's hard to remember the good days when you're having a bad day. Keep taking care of yourself. We're all here for you.
"She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)." --Lewis Carroll
hey joya , First of i wanted to state somthing realy cool , your name means the seeker in my language (persian) .why did you choose that name ? idk
this is my personal story i am in NO place to say im on a the right path or that i know any thing:
i my self have suicidal thoughts aswell sometimes i whish a plane crashed or somthing painless would happen so id take a dirt nap . i know the feeling sometime i felt my insides were like a hole of nothingness , no goal no motivation no reason , i had spent time studying religoin islam budihsm christianity jewism bahaism zarastoism taoism , reiki ,sacred geometry ,polytheism. i even studied masonary all to quench my thirst to find an answer find a goal a strive a why to live ? and ive realised that this universe is so vast that it will take me hundreds apon hundreds of lifetimes to get a good answer alone and i realised how my self my brain is small and how we human beings are small compared to it .
so what did i do ? i did the most stupidest thing an athiest/agnostic would do . what i trusted in what ? i have no clue , does it exist i dont know i cant prove it .i just trusted that there is somthing out there or in me that will help me that is helping me i just have to allow it to .dont get me wrong people say like oo so much bad stuffhow can there be such a thing happening . hell i was a victim of sexual abuse my self when i was 8, my dad died from cancer 3 months ago my brother is bipolar my family sufferd from finnacial stuff , my love cheated on me and left me . i cant explain it nor can i prove it but I recomend it (recomend what ? just trust that there is somting that can and has the power to heal your heart your soul your mind if you let it) . hope it helps
I've felt that way Joyah. ((Hugs)) Feeling come and go.
It's the ability to step back and see the big picture that makes the difference between hurting ourselves.. or making the choice to move forward through the pain...
(((BIG HUGS))) Joyah
Even though sometimes it seems like things won't ever get better, they do, eventually, I promise! Hang in there! Call someone if you need to talk, you have friends here!
"A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears." ~Michel de Montaigne
And more (((BIG HUGS))) from me, Joyah. We will never "hate" you for feeling down. Just remember what we're saying because it's true even if it doesn't "feel" true when things seem so dark - This will pass! You know it passes! You've posted too many uplifting, heartwarming, and flat out funny posts here on better days. Hang on to the good days, Joyah.
Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!
Hugs to all of you wanting to contemplate suicide! I have never considered doing it, and will never. It is not the solution to a problem. My recommendation: A vacation in a very scenic place like Alaska would really help a lot of you. A breath of fresh air and seeing nature will change your mind about life completely, and you'll realize how gaming is not worth it.
-The Jewish Gamer
More (((((HUGS)))))) from me to Joyah.
Joyah, I was told in early sobriety (AA) to keep a calendar of bad days and good days. It helped clarify that even though I thought every day was bad, I did have some good days.
What you've gone through is sad; I've lost someone I dearly love, too. But the ones who left would never want us to leave prematurely.
You are needed here Joyah. You are needed on this planet. In this world.
We love you.
Hi wantstolivelife,
I'm glad you keep seeking to live life and keep moving forward! ^_^ It's so brave how you continually search for the truth. you must be such an intelligent amazing young person..so don't give up!
I've struggled with suicidal thoughts for the last few years, wanting to end the pain in my own life and not finding any reason to live in this "sick place".
But this last Saturday I stopped playing videogames and today I spent my breaks from work in the sunshine doing yoga on the ground, and I haven't thought about suicide at all today.
Sunshine and yoga won't heal all of anyone's problems...but I've found that disconnecting from videogames has already started to pull me out of my own cycle of depression and pain. I pray that your beatiful soul inside may guide you and give you the direction and healing you need in your life.
hugs!
braden
Joyah,
I think it was last week that I entered the chat room and you sent me a PM that said "Are you OK?" While I wasn't having a bad day at the time, if I had, like SO many days before when I came to this site (due to the angst and worry over my son), those words would have been like a warm blanket on a cold winter's day. Even that day, a good day, those words made me feel welcome and loved. Not everyone can have the deep compassion you have, born out of your past experiences. You are valued and precious. "Who you are" is a wonderful gift to give to others who desperately need nothing more than to hear the words, "Are you OK?" I know that you have much to offer. Hopefully by now, your sadness has passed. If not, you know there's people here who care. ((((Big Hugs too!)))
Tyhank U so much, I was just being me that day, i didnt know it meant so much. Thank U. I am going thru alot rgt now and its extremely hard.
Can someone give me an advice?
I feel so depressed all the time when I'm alone but when I'm with other people I pretend to be happy so they wouldn't have to see how sad and lonely I really am.
Things that make my life suck:
1. My girlfriend who i really love so much died of colon cancer. Everytime I wish I was the one who died instead of her :(.
2. My father is a selfish, dictator, foul-mouthed and heartless person. He forces us to do things without respecting our opinions/decisions like enrolling us in play, acting, singing classes then after that he will swear on his children thay they are a waste of his money and time. He never loved my mother and wishes to go back in time and not meet her. He forced me to take engineering course and this year I'm going to graduate and I feel useless and depressed because i wasted 5 years of my life not following my dreams (DJ, law) and just followed him in blind obedience. I know I'm supposed to be happy to graduate but I'm really not and I wish to commit suicide after I graduate and I just want the pain to stop.
3. I'm constantly being compared to my twin brother in school. He wants to be an engineer and he studies a lot so he get good grades and I'm very happy and proud of him and I'm not jealous but other people pities/make fun of me/insult me that I'm the loser and he's the winner. I studied a lot also during my first 2 years in college and got very high grades but during my 3-5 years i feel dead, boring and like a robot so I stopped studying engineering and just wanted to follow my dream (DJing, Law). Apparently they think I'm the black sheep but I never did anything bad to be one. I just wanted to create music and study law. This year I'm going to graduate engineering (ECE) but i feel like dirt and people will laugh at me and I'm going to be compared to my brother who will graduate magna cum laude.
4. In order to deal with stress of real life I became addicted to smoking, drinking alcohol,porn and promiscuity, video games, cut my wrists and I still feel depress all the time and just want to get a gun and shoot my head or hang myself.
5. There's this person who I have a long time crush and love very much and this person also showed me signs that she loves me but I don't even dare show how much I love her because I don't want to include her to my problems and I just want for her to be happy and safe and I know it's not with me. I'm saying this but it's killing me everytime not admitting to her that I love her so much.
6. I know I should tell this to my family but my mother has to deal with my father and she cries because of him and I don't want to trouble her and I have to be strong for her and pretend that everything's going to be alright and be happy so she won't have anymore problems. I know that I also have to put my faith in God and believe in Him but sometimes I'm questioning my faith and I'm very sorry for this.
7. I'm the president of an org in our school and I know I have to be a good example for others but with so much personal problems I think I might fail. Someone please help me.
8. Now, my plans includes to be rebellious and leave home and be a DJ at a club, commit suicide to end my suffering, have sex with a person who has a crush for me (man and woman). I'm so confused what am I supposed to do now?
Welcome to OLGA, Jpierre. You certainly are having a rough time of it right now, and although I can't relate to everything you said, there were a number of things you said that felt very familiar to me. I used to be suicidal all the time, but I'd put on the happy face around people because I thought I'd just be a burden to them. The despair and total hopelessness I felt during that time is as close to hell in this life as I ever want to get, and I remember being utterly convinced that not even God, whom I have always seen as both loving and all-powerful, could help me. I am no longer in that place of despair, my faith in God is generally stronger than it has ever been, and I am beginning to experience some peace of mind on a regular basis instead of a rare basis. I still have moments where I experience things that remind me of what I used to feel, but I am able to do what I need to do in order to never go back to that place again.
There were 3 things that I started doing differently back when I was feeling hopeless every day, and although it took a few weeks, I found that these things make a huge difference in my life. I do all 3 of them to this day, although I do one of them a good bit less than I probably should do it. The 3 things are 1) abstain from all my addictive behaviors today, 2) keep a gratitude list, and 3) get some exercise on a regular basis.
Gaming is just one of my addictions, and it definitely fed into the self-hatred and self-pity that were busy destroying my life. I have other addictions as well, and I need to abstain from all of them if I'm going to have a chance (if you want to talk about what it takes to abstain from addictive behavior, I suggest you start a thread in the "I need help for gamers" forum that tells people a little bit about you and ask for help with quitting the addictive behaviors). My gratitude list is a list of 5 things I write down every day about what positive things happened on the previous day. Some days this is easy to do, others it is very hard, but if I do it consistently every day, then it begins to have an enormous and positive impact on my outlook on life. Exercise...not sure why it's so helpful, but I think it helps my brain adjust to living life without my addictions. I do know that it's helpful for feeling better in general, and that's something I desperately needed and still need to some extent.
Those 3 things quite possibly saved my life. I stopped doing all 3 of those things at one point and wound up heading right back toward the miserable hell I'd been living in before I started doing those 3 things. Today I'm back to doing all 3 of them to the best of my ability (which isn't always very much, but it's working), and it is making a world of difference.
Finally...sometimes people need much more than some life-style changes. Please don't be afraid to get professional help...you're worth far more than you are capable of realizing right now, and we'd all hate for something to happen to you. Hugs...
When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom
Hi jpierre,
I am sorry that you have such a hard time dealing with life. I have created two personal blogs to help those who are suffering from gaming addiction, I hope you find it helpful.
http://olganon.org/?q=node/41964
http://olganon.org/?q=node/41941
A few things I would like to share from my personal experience in addition to the blogs:
1. I don't exist to please others, only my GOD and myself.
2. I can not control what others do to me but I can control what my reaction and action is.
3. No one can make me happy except myself. No one could love me more than myself and my God, so I need to take control and be responsible for myself.
4. Abstinence from addictive activities (gaming..etc..) can help me walking in the right path (my sanity)
5. I need helps from others, I can not do this alone. This concept takes me a while to learn.
6. Recovery is almost impossible in my opinion if you don't have your depression, anxiety, or other mental disorders treated first.
7. Learning how to live again is hard but it is very enjoyable, best part of the recovery.
8. Learning to have faith and trust in my higher power and to let go of all resentments and forgive those who did me wrong.
9. Focus in the moment, do what is best in the moment will ensure a better day for tomorrow. I learn to take one day at a time.
10. There is no greater gift to give to the world beside caring for one another and that I have a purpose in this life.
Hugs,
Maggie
It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen
Hi jpierre,
I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling suicidal. I had felt suicidal for a long time--in fact, this is the first forum I went to on this site, since when I first came here I was suicidal. But since that dark time, I have been making plans to move out of my house, and have quitting gaming so I could start doing the things I want to do with my life.
I want to let you know that we are here for you. Please don't give up.
I have a few words of advice--take them or leave them--but really I'm just trying to give you ideas so that you can help yourself. I answered all of your points.
1. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your loved one. Any way you can get some counseling/free counseling? I think you need to get out those feelings, you need to be listened to, you need to love yourself and take care of yourself after such a hard loss.
2. Try to limit your exposure to destructive negative people. A lot of my suicidal feelings root/rooted from my relationship with my parents too. Try to live for yourself, jpierre. Conventional wisdom says to get independent as soon as possible (which might mean finishing your college, since it sounds like you are in europe where it's hard to move out), so you can move out. I spend as much time away from my home as possible (Weekends away from home, Monday night away, Tuesday away, Sometimes thursday away). You are old enough to be making decisions on your own, decisions that benefit you. I'm sorry to hear about your father, who sounds abusive. But once again, try to get away from the people who are hurting you, or avoid them. I guess your father is paying for your education? Well let him pay for it but spend all of your time away from home (my advice).
3. Life is a race, against yourself. It's very general wisdom that, to find happiness and peace in life, jpierre, one cannot be comparing himself to others (unless it is somehow beneficial to you). A famous (real) fighter once was asked by an interviewer, "how does it feel to have all of those fans cheering for you? All of those people shouting your name?" The fighter replied that those people only cheer because he is winning; the fighter said that the fans are worthless, nothing to him. He said that he, himself, is his biggest fan. He cheers for himself, more than anyone else. The fighter is Mike Tyson, a champion boxer. A lot of people don't like his lifestyle, but I really liked that he is his biggest fan. I try to be my biggest fan too. So, who cares what all of those other people think?? Be your biggest fan. ^_^
4. It's hard to tell what is causing an addiction, but you are definitely having a tough time. I think Learning Serenity suggested quitting all the addictions, and this seems to be sound advice. In my own experience, escaping through addictions has done nothing...it just prolongs the healing. As soon as you quit the addictions, the healing process can begin, you can get to know yourself and be yourself. Just my advice.
5. Once again, only my advice, but I would suggest getting a counselor before you dive head over heels in love again. I've used girlfriends as counselors, and it really isn't fair to them...I've talked for hundreds of hours to girls about my problems...and yeah...I've usually just made the girls feel worse. Just take care of yourself first--it wouldnt hurt to be friends for a while with the girl first.
6. Can't really comment on this, don't know how to.
7. Everyone has problems, don't feel ashamed.
8. Like I said earlier, finishing college and THEN moving out seems like the safer better idea.
Good luck and don't give up! Things will only get better as soon as you try!
Sometimes, you don't need a calendar to know when it's Tuesday afternoon and the servers are down. Sometimes a poster like JPierre shows up, whose profile location is Pennsylvania, in the Phillipines. Nice story, dude. If you by some miracle chance are real, here's my advice. 1 and 5. Your gal died of colon cancer. Tough break, but makes it harder to understand part 5., did you have this crush on him/her at the same time your gal was dying? By the way, did you know that the Centers for Disease Control says that there is only a 0.07 percent chance a 30 year old will develop colon cancer by the time he or she is 40? I gotta say if she was within a generation of your age she had the worst luck ever. As for the crush, you had a girlfriend, you know what to do to get her attention. 2 and 3. Your mean dad trained you well. For one thing, the courtroom is at its heart a stage, with 13 people in the audience who matter most, the jurors and the judge. Acting or even singing classes might be a godsend one day. Second, law is a rough profession and it helps to get a rhino skin early, sounds like you have a good start. Third, understand that pre-law majors becoming lawyers are a dime a dozen and no more than 2/3 of graduates right now can get a job as a new attorney, but a law school grad who was first trained as an engineer will easily get a legal position after law school, by some firm with engineering firms as clients. So finish any missing prereqs and go get a prep book for the LCAT, pronto. 6. I can't speak to your family situation. Faith and Family alike are very personal things. 7. If you don't think you can cut it in your organization, transition out. No one will hold it against you. But if you do stick it out that's another line in your application to law school. 4. Hurting yourself won't fix anything, even when the servers are down. No suicide, please. Mental health experts can and should be a resource for you if this section is true. I won't be sarcastic here, suicide is never a joke. 8. What to do now? Go enjoy your game, of course-- and have a nice day!
Leveling in Real Life
Thank you, Braden. You've shed light on some of the questions lingering in my mind for some time.
Maxi
13 years since first started gaming (2002 - 2015)
Reborn on July 29th, 2015.
I love the thought of being dead, only the pain of the suicide and unsureness of it working keeps me from doing it. I'll sign a DNR instead and hope the pain ends.
Hi Shadowbane
I'm sorry that you are going through a painful experience. When I read stories of other gamers it tells me that you are not alone to feel this way. I also understand that many of these people have managed to turn things around with the support of others and are now in a completely different place. Please do not lose hope; life can become much better for you. I firmly believe that. Take care of yourself.
INFO
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Hi Polga, oddly after finding this place and posting that last week. I started doing some soul searching. I knew I wasen't happy, but was unwilling to change. Interestingly enough you can run from yourself, but you can't run from God. He broke me yesterday and I just couldn't do it anymore. I said my goodbyes to everyone in teamspeak today and will be giving my computer away Tuesday. I will still have my laptop for work and be able to do my weight loss class and stuff, but my gaming addiction will stop as I will be unable to even if I have a bad day. I feel like an alcoholic, just one sip and it's over.
Sounds like a positive new direction for you. All the best to you Shadowbane. xx
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here