Here to help - lost marriage to video games and online affair

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dazedandconfused
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Here to help - lost marriage to video games and online affair

Hello There,

I just wanted to start a thread offering support to anyone who is currently dealing with being in a relationship with an addicted gamer. 

First off I would like to begin by telling a little bit about my story.  About 3 years ago, I was 5 years into my marriage, 8.5 years into my relationship with my now ex-husband.  I gave up a lot to be with him.  I gave up my home and being near my family and friends to go live with him, gave up my job when I moved and had to re-organize all my schooling in order to be able to complete it long distance.

 

My husband always enjoyed gaming, however up until this point it was a healthy hobby that he did not spend excessive amounts of time on.  I started to notice him losing interest in real life activities such as going out for dinners, socializing with friends even watching television with me.  My husband was spending all his time online playing Final Fantasy.  He was losing sleep, no longer coming to bed until an hour or two prior to getting up for work, becoming irritable and appeared to be losing himself in this virtual world.  It even got to the point where he became frustrated with himself implementing a night time "cut off time" where he would stop playing no matter what and go to bed.  However, he could not even adhere to this self-made rule.

I began to notice he was treating his online friends more like his real friends and falling farther away from his real friends and family and of course away from me.   I found out a short time after that he had started a "relationship" with another online gamer.  But it was far worse than an online crush which would have been bad enough, however my husband decided to fly out to meet this individual and this began their real life relationship and the end of my marriage.   I tried to offer him opportunities to work on our relationship which he declined to acknowledge was an issue because he "was trying to work on his feelings to see where he stands" and I was supposed to just blindly be supportive of his affair.  Allow him to have how cake and eat it too.  A year after I discovered the affair and he and she had had more visits between them I chose to file for divorce, pick up and leave everything once again and return home to my family and friends where I belong.

I am happy to report that now 3 years later, although the struggle was long and exhausting I am finally fully independent and back on my feet.  I have a full-time job and purchased my first home all by myself.  I am a more confident woman than I have ever been and am living proof that there is life after gaming.  You just have to put in hard work and a lot of patience.  I would like to offer my support to any and all who are still trapped in this type of situation or who are just coming out of it.  I discovered this website when I was at a low point in my life feeling rejected and not good enough.  Now on the other side, a bright, independent young woman I am here to offer strength and inspiration to all.

Much love

**EDIT** For the initial thread and discussion on the significance of online affairs in the gaming world see the original thread here:

My husband is an online gamer and is now having an emotional affair online

Maggie
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Hi Daze, Welcome to Olga! We

Hi Daze,

Welcome to Olga! We are glad you are here. You are a brave woman and I bet it was not easy to do what you did. I don't envy what you had gone through. I think our families who are still suffering can not see the light at the end of the tunnel yet although they have some hope. Either the hope to make the marriage works or to get out without losing themselve in the process or to get out clean and start fresh. Feel free to share your experience here.

Hugs,

Maggie

It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen

Tommi
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Dear Dazed, Thank you so

Dear Dazed,

Thank you so much for your share. If you truly feel this site and fellowship has been helpful to you, I request you consider spending a couple of hours a week here helping other struggling Olga-anon members. As a recovering gaming addict, I serve by the motto - we keep it by giving it away.

While we have a good number of recovering gamers, like me, active here, there are only a few family members. And I think the need for helpf for family members is even greater than gamers.

It would be an understatement to say we need more recovering wives and family members here to support the newcomers.

I hope you find it in your heart to help.

Tommi (Olganon Admin)

Olga/non member since Dec. 2008 Check out my latest video on Gaming Addiction and public awareness https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-6JZLnQ29o

dazedandconfused
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Thank you Maggie!  I think

Thank you Maggie! I think it's a very difficult situation to talk about sometimes because many people don't realize what a severe addiction it is or how much hurt and damage it can cause. This site helped me so I am more than happy to share my story. :)

dazedandconfused
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Hi Tommi! of course I would

Hi Tommi!

of course I would be more than happy to help however I can. Obviously I'm always available through private messages which I will answer promptly. I will try to also hop on the chat. Was there something else you'd like me to do as well?

Melissa Evermore
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Hi Dazed :-) Great to hear

Hi Dazed :-)

Great to hear from you. I'm headed in the same direction as you; I've arrived at the point where I accept that there is nothing I can do to "fix" my game-addicted partner and that there is no way to have any kind of happy future with him. I haven't bitten that scary bullet of starting out on my own yet but it's inspiring to hear that you did, and are doing well.

-Mel.

Gettingalife
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Thank you so much for

Thank you so much for returning and sharing your victory, Dazed! There are so many who pass through this site who can benefit from your experience.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

dazedandconfused
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Thank you to all of you who

Thank you to all of you who welcomed my back after my hiatus of getting myself back on my feet. I will tell you all one thing for sure. The individuals I surround myself with since the divorce are wonderful to me and I could not have asked for better people to support me through life. The men I have met since becoming single have also been wonderful and given me new hope that there is someone out there who is right for me and that not all relationships are brutal, lonely and sad. However I do encourage all after leaving a situation like this to be alone for a whole. Date yourself, get to know who you are again post long-term relationship I'm sure you will be pleasantly surprised by what you find there. :). And you will never settle again. Because next time around you'll know your worth.

rpeco310
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My Husband is an online gamer and is now having an emotional af

This is my first post and I actually don't even know where or how to start. I felt like I wanna cry knowing that I am not alone. My husband is a game addict, i will go to the office, he is playing his game and I will came back from work that he is still playing. He wont stop unless he is sleeping.
Just recently, I find out that there is a girl who flirts with him. not sure tho if they have a relationship or not. I dont really know what to do and how to handle this. please help.

rpeco310

Polga
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Welcome rpeco310

Welcome rpeco310

See the link for spouses of gamers in my signature below, you will find information there which may help you. Read it carefully. There is a thread about finding support and attitudes around online affairs and such. Hope it helps you make a plan.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

1justfedup
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I’ve uncovered my husbands online gaming emotional affair!

I’ve discovered my spouse & his gamer friend chats which disclosed flirtatious conversations that also mocked me, telling me I’m clueless and that he’s with me only as an obligation.  When confronting him about it, he minimizes my hurt and the situation.  I am dealing with the gaming and the aloneness, all this during a difficult time during my fathers passing and while I am a pt caregiver for my aging Mom, and holding down a part time job. He actually told me if I wasn’t checking in on him I would be better off as I saw something I wasn’t suppose to of seen.  He said it was private, and if I wouldn’t have looked I wouldn’t of been hurt.  The gaming takes his priority over all social or family events, chores, meals, even sleep, and personal hygiene, as he puts himself often in a crunch to wake from the few hours of sleep prior to going work. I’m devastated, tired & fed up. I see no end in his gaming. 

Polga
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Welcome 1justfedup

Welcome 1justfedup

I am so sorry to hear about the hurt you have received from your addict's treatment of you. This addiction changes their personality in a bad way. The lack of empathy is a key aspect. You do not deserve this treatment. I hope you can find a way to explore your feelings about being in this type of relationship. This website can give you tools to survive and grow stronger. Give yourself lots of tender love and care. Seek support from others who can give you the love and care that your husband cannot. There is a thread about getting support which you can find from the link for spouses in my signature below. You are not alone.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

bharkema
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Thank you for sharing.   My

Thank you for sharing.   My 13 year marriage is in crisis because my husband is addicted to Final Fantasy.   He has requested a separation because of my desire to “control” his behavior.   I am heartbroken but am trying to be strong for our 3 year old daughter.  

Polga
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Welcome bharkema

Welcome bharkema

I am so sorry to hear of your heartbreak from his addiction. You are not alone. I pray that you will find the strength you need to take care of yourself and your daughter. Take care.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

YamaMama
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Quitting Gaming

What helped you to quit gaming? Im interested to know and congrats btw!

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