Im just curious to know if anyone out there was expecting a very hard time with this.. and as days / weeks / months passed by you realized it wasnt such a horrible thing?
I smoked for many years and right before my daughter was born, even tho i had MANY attempts to quit before that somehow i just KNEW that i would quit for sure that time, i had no feeling like that when trying to quit prior. This was a 2 pack a day smoker, cut off cold turkey and somehow got through it, sure there were tough times the first week.. but really after the first week for me it was pretty smooth sailing.
I feel that feeling again.. a feeling that just KNOWS im done, that i HAVE to be for me and my family. Its not a feeling that comes along often at all. Lets hope its the same circumstances as last time ! :)
Hey Paradox,
I think it's wonderful that you are experiencing these feelings of closure about gaming. The stronger your motivation to quit, the better.
In some way I've found recovery easier than I expected at the start. When I first thought about quitting, I could hardly imagine doing it. Quitting was literally the last thing I really wanted to do. The thought of life without gaming was depressing and terrifying to me. Now that I am 70 days game-free, these thoughts are kind of funny to me. I can make it through the day without gaming just fine on most days. Most days it is not a struggle.
On the other hand, recovery is work. It will take a lot of time, and a lot of effort, to heal from the problems in my life and myself that I was escaping from in the game world.
I used to be a smoker also, two packs a day. I quit smoking cold turkey maybe 7 or 8 years ago. It was a lot easier for me than quitting games. I don't need to be in touch with a recovery community to stay away from cigarettes. If I lost touch with other ex-gamers I'd probably be gaming again within a week. I never got the pleasure from cigarettes that I got from gaming.
Hi Paradox,
Glad to hear that recovery doesn't seem overwhelming to you when you think about it. I too have had a fairly easy time with the gaming addiction part of it. I think in large part that is because my addict brain knew it would have other outlets to work on destroying my resolve with. I am a co-dependent, and addicted to other things like the internet and pornography. So while the gaming has been easy to let go, other things that could eventually lead my life back to the place of misery are there waiting to take me up.
I really recommend listening to these talks: http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/43902
They discuss the disease model of addiction and helped me to better understand my addict brain and what happens to me when I have cravings to play, or look online, or look at pornography. That understanding and the ability to come here for support everyday are the reasons that I have 15 days sober.
Keep coming back!
Hi Paradox,
Glad to hear things are going smoothly for you so far. Yay! I'd just recommend that you try to keep alert, because once you totally relax your brain my try to convicne you that you're not addicted any more, and that it's not a big deal to play "a little bit". So keep checking in with us, ok?
"She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)." --Lewis Carroll
For me, staying clean has not been much of a struggle, but it has been painful. I hit my rock bottom - I fully accept my need to never game again. For me, recovery is dealing with the shadows of my past; mental habits, cravings, obsessive memories. It's also dealing with all the crap that the gaming was medicating. Sometimes I wish I was still blissfully ignorant, although I realize now the self destructive resentful addict brain is in charge here. Sometimes cravings or obsessive thoughts just sneak up on me and I'm blindsided.
I guess the longer I stay clean, the more I realize what is at stake and how easy it would be to give up.
Keep enjoying the benefits of game free life!
Thanks everyone. I definitely plan on sticking around even though at this moment i almost feel relieved for some reason. I will constantly remind my self of all the hours I can have back to live life... that's my thing is when I'm playing games 5 hours feels like its been minutes to me when I look back.
Now that I've been doing other stuff instead of just sitting on the computer I can't believe how much time there is to do stuff. Gaming and just general internet use really just took my life away where I forgot what a full day off with out any games or internet was like. It sounds bad to say that but that's why I'm here.
This is great news, Paradox! Even your tone of voice has changed since your first post in here. Just like it was already mentioned by operetta, make sure to check in and be on guard. And yes, there is truly so much to do now that you don't spend so much time gaming; it must feel you're living a life again, almost like a fresh start. Imagine a clean piece of paper where you have all the power in the world to start painting anything you want on it, making new memories, new hobbies, new adventures with your family, new friendships, etc. Good luck to you and keep us posted on your progress! You'll always have support here!
Hugs,
Oksana
"We can suppress anger and aggression or act it out, either way making things worse for ourselves and others. Or we can practice patience: wait, experience the anger and investigate its nature" (Pema Chodron)
For me, once I stopped with gaming, it was also surprisingly easy to stay off. Yes, I've had a couple small relapses, but overall it's as you say. Almost a half year ago, I came at a point where I just couldn't continue living like I used to. So I gave up gaming and started living.
The hard part wasn't not gaming for me. The hard part was dealing with the underlying problems and getting in touch with my feelings again. Being in therapy, discovering what life is like without gaming, building my relationships with my friends and girlfriend, while studying and doing internships, that's what was hard, while not gaming is relatively easy.
Paradox,
My addiction was a long one, really long one. I had tried to quit many times before and sometimes I went days without playing. One of my biggest problems was that I was afraid to uninstall and delete the games, I still had them on the PC ready to play 10-20 minutes to relax. But thos 20 minutes became 8-10 hours, and I was hooked again.
Only when I decided I had to wipe them from my PC and from my mind did it work, and as you say, it did become much easier. I knew it would take time to download, install and then game without getting anything good for my family or myself. So as time went by I just used the computer to work, 0 games. And I can tell you that I feel so much better, it has been seven months since I wiped my PC from all the games I had in there. And I have not looked back.
It is a true relief and as oppereta says, stay on your toes, you never know when temptation will come back, and when it does, be ready!
Be-living!
Consider yourself very lucky to find quitting gaming easy. For me, it was very difficult. It took about 4 months for me to get done with the withdrawals and another couple of months to get some stability back into my life. It was crazy. After 3+ years, the struggle to want to game comes and goes and isn't anywhere near as intense as in the beginning, but I still have to deal with it.
Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson
I certainly have found that the promises have been fulfilled in my life, and that replacing self-loathing with self-love has made my life much more managable. I wouldn't say its nescessarily easier, but certainly much more joyful.
I just want to throw in an update. Its been 4 days since i touched a video game and having no urges at all. I have been spending very little time on the internet, some time watching TV but mostly just hanging out with my kid and fiancee.
I cant quite help to start to think if i just didnt know the difference between not knowing what else to do in my life vs being addicted to video games. Like i said ive had no urges, i was bummed the first day a bit but it was no stress to sell my game characters and put my new gaming computer up for sale... something id never dream of doing a week ago... the thought would have NEVER occured because it would have been such a crazy idea.
Even though i spent the majority of my time playing games and on the net for the past 10 years, im starting to think the only reason is because thats what i dug myself in to do and didnt want to do anything else... eventually it just became my lifestyle. I cant help to feel conflicted with what i am. Am i addicted? Did i just play games for so long it just turned into my daily routine? When i first came here i was very sad, knew that i couldnt keep playing games... even admitted when NOT playing my games i would think about playing them. Not wanting to go to stuff because id rather play games. Is this not addict behaviour?
Dont take this the wrong way.. this isnt my way of saying "Hey look i dont think im addicted, im gonna go back to playing games now" I really do not EVER want to touch a game again. I guess im just kind of confused with myself right now, i cant quite gauge whats going on in my head and feelings. In the past if i went a day without playing all i would do is want to play. Now i tell myself im never gonna play a game again, and im alright with it.
It sounds like you found something more important for you than gaming. What I hear is your child and fiancee are worth getting better for. I have heard it said that not everyone experiences withdrawls, but that doesn't make them less of an addict. The way you describe trying to stop earlier in your life still sound so familiar.
Hope recovery continues to be easy for you!
Congratulations on 4 days game-free!
I'm happy to hear that you aren't plagued by cravings to game. That's wonderful!
I'd advise you to remain focused on not gaming. My addict brain is pretty clever and always look for a back-door method to get what it wants. In the past, I would often reward myself with a game. When I get the occasional craving now, it often comes in the form of: Look how well I'm managing my life without games...maybe I can moderate my gaming after all! The addict brain is cunning and baffling.
I have a question for you: after 10 years of games taking over your life, wasting so much of your time you can never get back, causing so many negative consequences you can never undo... and after only 4 days of being game-free...why are you preoccupied with the question of whether it's an addiction or not? Why not simply focus on living game-free one day at a time? :)
i just want to say thanks for this... I read everything you wrote and this resonated with me. You're not alone in this feeling - I wasn't sure what my deal was either but I think I just spent so much time doing NOTHING else it just began to define who I was.
regardless if it was addiction or not we recognized a pattern. A problem. And we came here. And I am so thankful because I don't know if I could have opened my eyes fully otherwise...
Last game played: 7/28/14
Hi,
Thanks for sharing your story, I think the answer purely lies in the fact that YOU WANT to stop playing, you have seen the ugly truth of your gaming life and this has given you the strength and conviction to beat this. Its wonderful that you have rediscovered the simple pleasures in life and I wish you all the luck in the world.