I've been in the game off and on for 2 years. I was successful in the past with being able to walk away for extended periods of time, but this time I've been on for 5 months straight. I know I have to quit, but I simply don't want to. I get sad just thinking about it.
Can anyone offer any words of wisdom?
Welcome to "recovery". I'll tell you straight up, if the gaming is inteferring at all with your "real life", then you may just have to let it go forever. But I'll tell you, even I can't think of my gaming as something I'm going to have to give up forever. The only way I can fathom this is to give up my gaming one day at a time. "Just for today" I will not install, play or fantasize about my game of choice.
My choice is not to game. I'll do anything not to. Hope this helps.
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone
Thanks, John. Yes, it is interfering with my real life - especially my marriage. I'm very embarrassed to say this but in the back of my mind when I'm fighting with my wife about it (which happened again last night), I find myself thinking things like, "If you divorce, you can play the game without these problems, etc."
As she was talking (screaming) to me last, every single thing she said was right. I knew that, but I found myself defending my actions still. I'm more worried about breaking the heart of someone on the other side of the screen than I am worried about the feelings and emotions of my wife there in the same room with me. I'm so ashamed of myself. Maybe talking in this forum will help me do the right thing.
RLC addict, take it from someone who lost her relationship from choosing gaming over him - a 10 year relationship - you don't want to go down that path. I experienced that feeling of "wow now I can game whenever I want without having to worry about someone watching and complaining about it" when he left. It took me 2 more years to finally reach a point where life wasn't worth living and although it felt like I was ripping a part of my body off of me I uninstalled the games and unfriended all game friends in skype and other places. That was over 6 months ago and with the help of a recovery fellowship and working the steps I haven't found I even miss gaming and am so grateful to be out of that nightmare that I thought was so much fun and so important. Even though it "feels" like you love this person online you will be amazed how fast (within a month or so) that person will fade and be just what they were - part of the online virtual RLC world. It's not real and never will be. Plus you are not loving this online person but are destroying her life by keeping her connected in an online fantasy world. Don't trade what is real for that. Have a real life and let that other online person have a chance to get their real life back too.
Hugs, Lisa Video game free since 4/17/2014
You know, of course, you are right in thinking in the back of your mind, that your gaming is causing your wife terrible stress & agony. She is slowly losing her husband. Believe it or not, she is fighting for the marraige to survive and once again prosper.
Lisa said that she went through the same situation, chose gaming over her mate and lost that person... forever. I too, almost lost my wife to gaming, but the look in her eyes, when she said, "I hate the game!" was so vivid that I closed the game right then, uninstalled it & became willing, to go to any lengths to save my marraige. That included getting rid of in-game friends and contact information.
Being addicted (yes, addicted) to online gaming & relationships is a difficult role for me, one that has had me in its grips for so many years. Since I uninstalled the game nine years ago, I have reinstalled it countless times, only to come to the realization that I was expecting something different to happen every time I did. That's the definition of insanity!
Today, I have thirty two days from active gaming, and I'm grateful to the fellowship I've found here & to these forums for saving my life & my marraige & even my dignity. For sure, this time I am truly done with virtual worlds and online gaming. I hope you can wake up too.
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone
Lisa, you said it perfectly. The thought of uninstalling the game does feel exactly like ripping my heart and soul from my body. I've been trying to prepare my in game friends for my departure, and the one that means the most to me is now trying to get me to meet in person. I've tried to make her realize that the game is ruining her life too, but she doesn't see it. She says "I can quit anytime I want." I can only imagine how many times people here can relate to hearing that phrase.
And John, you're right of course. I do know that my actions are causing possible irreparable harm to my wife and our marriage.
Thank you both for your support. Perhaps coming to this forum was exactly what I needed to help me make this difficult step in the right direction.
I completely relate to this. I had this thought several times during my addiction and several times I justified my addiction to my self. Looking back on it now I am completely ashamed of these thoughts but during the grasp of my addiction all my motivations revolved around my addiction not the real things and people in front of me. Recovery for me is all about coming to terms with truths and being honest with myself and others. My addiction was filled with lies I told my self and others so much so I do not think my addict mind could really tell the difference between truth and lies.
Quitting is not easy but being here with the group really helps. Try to come to a meeting.
"Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, Thats why it's called the Present"
RLC--I'm glad you found the fellowship. I'm also glad you are starting to break through the denial. Denial is part of the disease of addiction--it's part of the brain malfunction that makes us continue doing something we know is useless or even bad for us.
Addiction is an elevator going down a dark hole. There is no bottom to the hole. There is only a decision to get off the elevator. And start walking up the stairs.
I hope you will find a way to make your decision sooner rather than later.
I also hope to see you at a meeting. Meetings are even more helpful than forums.
Best wishes.
I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.