My husband is addicted to game of war and is spending lots of money on the game. Please help
hi there, my husband is addicted to the same game and is staying up all hours of the night to play it. He isn't handling personal matters that he is responsible for because when he gets off work its his gaming time until he falls asleep in his chair or comes to bed ready to pass out. I'm tired of micro managing his life and although it's hard im trying to cut back on how comfortable I make his life as he games all evening.. I recently stopped bringing dinner to him as he games and boy was he annoyed but I have to draw some boundaries. I'm in my own 12 step for food addiction and in nursing school and I can't be the only one responsible for making sure our bills get paid, taxes filed, etc. I'm trying to be a responsible adult but I'm becoming very frustrated and resenting the fact that he spends all his free time online chatting and playing with gamers. He prefers to do that instead of spending time with his family or taking care of our home obligations.... I told him that we are going to counseling. I also would want him to join this 12 step but I'm not sure how to bring that up
My husband is addicted to game of war and is spending lots of money on the game. Please help
hi there, my husband is addicted to the same game and is staying up all hours of the night to play it. He isn't handling personal matters that he is responsible for because when he gets off work its his gaming time until he falls asleep in his chair or comes to bed ready to pass out. I'm tired of micro managing his life and although it's hard im trying to cut back on how comfortable I make his life as he games all evening.. I recently stopped bringing dinner to him as he games and boy was he annoyed but I have to draw some boundaries. I'm in my own 12 step for food addiction and in nursing school and I can't be the only one responsible for making sure our bills get paid, taxes filed, etc. I'm trying to be a responsible adult but I'm becoming very frustrated and resenting the fact that he spends all his free time online chatting and playing with gamers. He prefers to do that instead of spending time with his family or taking care of our home obligations.... I told him that we are going to counseling. I also would want him to join this 12 step but I'm not sure how to bring that up
Acustodio, welcome to OLGA. I encourage you to attend the meetings for spouses. Perhaps encourage your husband to attend the meetings for gamers.
Husband of 14 yrs Game of War Addict Spending Thousands
My husband has a history of behavioral addictions. Every couple of years there's some devastating, shocking discovery of addiction, cheating and lies. I love him but its destroying me emotially and physically. We have 2 kids. He's spent over $6,000 dollars that I know about in just a few months. He's been neglecting me, the kids, the house and his job. He's taken loans from our retirement in 5 figures. He said he quit and lied, weeks later he was back at it. It's scary how easily I believe him when he lies. He claims to have really quit this time and showed proof of a closed account yesterday. When he's on the wagon, he's amazing in every way. Logic tells me I need to tell him to leave. My heart aches for him to stay. I'm so confused. Please help.
Welcome to the forum. This is such an emotionally draining situation for you. Have you thought about face to face support meetings such as Al-ANon? There should be a meeting near where you live. Many of the spouses have said they have really helped them.
Please read some of the spouse stories on here. Reading about others experiences and ways of coping I found invaluable. There is a search box at the bottom of every page for key words.
If you continue to stay togeher, think about how you can protect yourself financially. You could make it a condition that for you to stay together you are in control of all finances; for example all his pay must come into your account . He can have an allowance transferred into his own account to do with what he will. Do not pay him any extra to pay off his credit cards from now on... (or insist that he no longer has credit cards) Be in change of any other investments. Do not give in to any demands for extra money to him.
Thank you. I already told him I want to handle finances and I'm getting my own checking account. He just acts like it isn't that big of a deal, it's over, he's sorry. It's the same thing every time, he's a new man for a while, then something happens and he withdraws. He lies about even little things. And the devastating ones that happen every couple of years is always something different. At first it was 900 numbers, then pay per views, then an inappropriate Facebook messaging back and forth. Then it was poker, internet porn...He's had two full blown affairs that I know of and had been in treatment for drugs right before I met him.
It must sound awful, but we've been together for a really long time and in the year or two between these battles, things are good. He's done therapy, he's a great father and amazing friend and lover. I just want him to find what makes him escape so he can get better. All I'm doing is enabling him.
my partner is addicte to game of war he has spent over 20 thoundand dollars on it.he plays at work and home .he spends his days of in bed palying it,also hes forming friendships with other women in differnt countrys,he has blocked me on hi face book page so he can add these women and vid call them ,he also tells me to leave if i dont like it.but i know its the game doing this to him as hes a addicted .i dont no what to do
So I am a husband who was addicted to game of war and am now addicted to another, similar game. There are dozens of mobile games like GoW, and they are all designed to keep you playing, and spending money. The best comparison to this addiction is a gambling addiction, which we all know is very real. The addiction comes from the social aspect of the game (in game chat) along with the reward system, which is designed to always make you want more. You start with $1, then they offer a $5 "pack" which helps you succeed to a point, then it's $20, and eventually in order to keep up, you have to buy $99 packs because well, you've gotten this far and you're having fun, and the rewards for spending $99 are huge, so ...ok just one time. This is when the addiction really starts, just like gambling. Because now you are invested and you have a lot to lose. Others playing the game are in the same boat, so you start helping each other progress to save money because everyone secretly hates themselves for spending $99 on a mobile game. The only way to progress without spending money is to invest more time in the game. So people create multiple accounts to supply their "main" account. But it's still not enough because the game keeps upping the ante. You hear stories of people spending tens of thousands of dollars on the game and you don't believe it, but after a year or so, you realize that you've actually bought a lot of those $99 packs to keep up.
I've spent about $4,000 on game of war before I quit after 3 years of playing and it damaged my marriage. There is something going on in your relationship that makes him retreat to the game, but know that the game is designed to keep you there, just like a casino.
So I quit, cold turkey. I just gave my account to an alliance member who took care of my $4000 for a few months until she lost her phone, and my account was "zeroed" (completely wiped out)...and that is the kicker. All the time and money you spend can be eliminated in less than 15 minutes if your offline.
So after a few years and life happening, I started playing another similar game and the addiction is back. And again my marriage is in jeopardy. I thought I could control it this time, but again I am waking up in the middle of the night (also waking her up) so I can defend an attack.... Guys... it's not worth it.. Gals, it's not all his fault.
nfilice1, glad you found OLGA. I encourage you to attend the meetings for spouses. The link is http://www.olganon.org/olgarolg-anon-schedule-meetings
Does your husband recognize he has a problem with gaming and does he want help? If he does, ask him to attend the meetings for gaming.
Andrew P. Doan, MPH, MD, PhD
My Gaming Addiction Videos on YouTube: YouTube.com/@DrAndrewDoan
*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy, DHA or Department of Defense.
hi there, my husband is addicted to the same game and is staying up all hours of the night to play it. He isn't handling personal matters that he is responsible for because when he gets off work its his gaming time until he falls asleep in his chair or comes to bed ready to pass out. I'm tired of micro managing his life and although it's hard im trying to cut back on how comfortable I make his life as he games all evening.. I recently stopped bringing dinner to him as he games and boy was he annoyed but I have to draw some boundaries. I'm in my own 12 step for food addiction and in nursing school and I can't be the only one responsible for making sure our bills get paid, taxes filed, etc. I'm trying to be a responsible adult but I'm becoming very frustrated and resenting the fact that he spends all his free time online chatting and playing with gamers. He prefers to do that instead of spending time with his family or taking care of our home obligations.... I told him that we are going to counseling. I also would want him to join this 12 step but I'm not sure how to bring that up
AC
My husband is addicted to game of war and is spending lots of money on the game. Please help
hi there, my husband is addicted to the same game and is staying up all hours of the night to play it. He isn't handling personal matters that he is responsible for because when he gets off work its his gaming time until he falls asleep in his chair or comes to bed ready to pass out. I'm tired of micro managing his life and although it's hard im trying to cut back on how comfortable I make his life as he games all evening.. I recently stopped bringing dinner to him as he games and boy was he annoyed but I have to draw some boundaries. I'm in my own 12 step for food addiction and in nursing school and I can't be the only one responsible for making sure our bills get paid, taxes filed, etc. I'm trying to be a responsible adult but I'm becoming very frustrated and resenting the fact that he spends all his free time online chatting and playing with gamers. He prefers to do that instead of spending time with his family or taking care of our home obligations.... I told him that we are going to counseling. I also would want him to join this 12 step but I'm not sure how to bring that up
Acustodio, welcome to OLGA. I encourage you to attend the meetings for spouses. Perhaps encourage your husband to attend the meetings for gamers.
The schedule is here:
http://www.olganon.org/olgarolg-anon-schedule-meetings
Andrew P. Doan, MPH, MD, PhD
My Gaming Addiction Videos on YouTube: YouTube.com/@DrAndrewDoan
*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy, DHA or Department of Defense.
My husband has a history of behavioral addictions. Every couple of years there's some devastating, shocking discovery of addiction, cheating and lies. I love him but its destroying me emotially and physically. We have 2 kids. He's spent over $6,000 dollars that I know about in just a few months. He's been neglecting me, the kids, the house and his job. He's taken loans from our retirement in 5 figures. He said he quit and lied, weeks later he was back at it. It's scary how easily I believe him when he lies. He claims to have really quit this time and showed proof of a closed account yesterday. When he's on the wagon, he's amazing in every way. Logic tells me I need to tell him to leave. My heart aches for him to stay. I'm so confused. Please help.
KT
Hi KT
Welcome to the forum. This is such an emotionally draining situation for you. Have you thought about face to face support meetings such as Al-ANon? There should be a meeting near where you live. Many of the spouses have said they have really helped them.
Here is some general advice: http://www.olganon.org/spouses_of_excessive_gamers
Please read some of the spouse stories on here. Reading about others experiences and ways of coping I found invaluable. There is a search box at the bottom of every page for key words.
If you continue to stay togeher, think about how you can protect yourself financially. You could make it a condition that for you to stay together you are in control of all finances; for example all his pay must come into your account . He can have an allowance transferred into his own account to do with what he will. Do not pay him any extra to pay off his credit cards from now on... (or insist that he no longer has credit cards) Be in change of any other investments. Do not give in to any demands for extra money to him.
Keep coming back xx
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here
Thank you. I already told him I want to handle finances and I'm getting my own checking account. He just acts like it isn't that big of a deal, it's over, he's sorry. It's the same thing every time, he's a new man for a while, then something happens and he withdraws. He lies about even little things. And the devastating ones that happen every couple of years is always something different. At first it was 900 numbers, then pay per views, then an inappropriate Facebook messaging back and forth. Then it was poker, internet porn...He's had two full blown affairs that I know of and had been in treatment for drugs right before I met him.
It must sound awful, but we've been together for a really long time and in the year or two between these battles, things are good. He's done therapy, he's a great father and amazing friend and lover. I just want him to find what makes him escape so he can get better. All I'm doing is enabling him.
KT
We can't control them, but we can stop enabling, detach from their choices, set boundaries and look after ourselves.
I recommend the book "co-dependant no more" by Melody Beatie
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here
my partner is addicte to game of war he has spent over 20 thoundand dollars on it.he plays at work and home .he spends his days of in bed palying it,also hes forming friendships with other women in differnt countrys,he has blocked me on hi face book page so he can add these women and vid call them ,he also tells me to leave if i dont like it.but i know its the game doing this to him as hes a addicted .i dont no what to do
t,conroy
Welcome Tracey
You are not alone. Our welcome advice is here:http://www.olganon.org/spouses_of_excessive_gamers
Keep coming back to find out how you can help yourself and stop enabling him.
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here
So I am a husband who was addicted to game of war and am now addicted to another, similar game. There are dozens of mobile games like GoW, and they are all designed to keep you playing, and spending money. The best comparison to this addiction is a gambling addiction, which we all know is very real. The addiction comes from the social aspect of the game (in game chat) along with the reward system, which is designed to always make you want more. You start with $1, then they offer a $5 "pack" which helps you succeed to a point, then it's $20, and eventually in order to keep up, you have to buy $99 packs because well, you've gotten this far and you're having fun, and the rewards for spending $99 are huge, so ...ok just one time. This is when the addiction really starts, just like gambling. Because now you are invested and you have a lot to lose. Others playing the game are in the same boat, so you start helping each other progress to save money because everyone secretly hates themselves for spending $99 on a mobile game. The only way to progress without spending money is to invest more time in the game. So people create multiple accounts to supply their "main" account. But it's still not enough because the game keeps upping the ante. You hear stories of people spending tens of thousands of dollars on the game and you don't believe it, but after a year or so, you realize that you've actually bought a lot of those $99 packs to keep up.
I've spent about $4,000 on game of war before I quit after 3 years of playing and it damaged my marriage. There is something going on in your relationship that makes him retreat to the game, but know that the game is designed to keep you there, just like a casino.
So I quit, cold turkey. I just gave my account to an alliance member who took care of my $4000 for a few months until she lost her phone, and my account was "zeroed" (completely wiped out)...and that is the kicker. All the time and money you spend can be eliminated in less than 15 minutes if your offline.
So after a few years and life happening, I started playing another similar game and the addiction is back. And again my marriage is in jeopardy. I thought I could control it this time, but again I am waking up in the middle of the night (also waking her up) so I can defend an attack.... Guys... it's not worth it.. Gals, it's not all his fault.
:/