Broken Family

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monson
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Joined: 04/03/2016 - 5:58am
Broken Family

My story...

I recently moved out of the family home with my daughter who is 8months old because i recently discovered my partner of 7+ years was having an emotional relationship with another woman online through a game he plays on his phone. That was my wake up call to how bad his gaming really was and what has become of him playing the game -(cheating on me online). I was willing to move on and forgive him for having this online relationship with another woman if he was going to change and put effort in with me and our daughter give up the games.  He wasnt willing to do this because playing his games is his firt choice and it makes him happy. He doesnt understand he has a problem and i cant live my life like this anymore. He is blaming me for our family being broken because i "went through his phone" when i should of talked to him about it first . The gaming got worse over time and i decided to see what was really going on so i looked at his phone and found out he was talking to another girl online telling her he loves her. 

Im struggling to understand how he has picked the games over me and our daughter he has no interest in me anymore and is willing to give up our family being together so he can keep his games. Im so lost over all of this because i cant understand how anyone could pick a game over having and family. 

 

I forgot to add this woman is married with 3 kids and lives in another country wtf

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Monson

Welcome Monson

Glad you found us. The reason he picked the games and not you is a result of his addiction.

A quote from a blog on Olganon "Addicts rationalize what they do and they put themselves first. They ALWAYS put themselves first. They have to fuel their addictions"

The dopamine rewards from gaming frys their brains, makes them lack empathy with partners and family, and still feel that 'they are right'  and they will not stop gaming unless the consequences of gaming are more painful then quitting and they can see that their life has been ruined by the gaming.

If they are able to quit then their brain can recover and they become themselves again and may be horrified by their previous actions.

There is a thread here about understanding addiction here

One of the testamony posts it links to which is very relevant to your question is here

Also here

An addicted gamer descibes how they lost their family here

You cannot argue with an addict and be understood by them. The addict lives to feed their addiction and they will manipulate. lie and even repent if it means that things can stay 'as normal'.  Trust your gut about what you need to do. He has the problem and only he can deal with it, only when he is ready. You can make choices to make your life better.

We see stories of spouses leaving and then making up and the spouse says they will quit etc. Then they relapse and things go back to square 1 again. Bear this in mind. If he truely wants to recover then it will still be a bumpy road ahead. Once the gaming stops then all the problems between you no longer have a hiding place, so it can get worse.

I recommend you keep coming back to read other stories to help you know more about this problem and plan you life accordingly. The blue sticky threads on both spouses forums are a good place to start.

All the best to you.

 

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

thingsomany
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Joined: 04/03/2016 - 3:55pm
Hi...

I have definitely suspected some kind of unfaithfulness, but alas I cannot prove this. Besides his addiction, he acts strange regarding going to and from work. I can't put my finger on it. Thing is, in the past I would have been very curious, but at this point I am done with this pitiful excuse for a "marriage" and am more and more disgusted with him/feel bad for him by the day. I have told him I am planning on leaving yet he doesn't care. He will nod his head, claim to understand that our marriage is over when I tell him...but the next day he will make a comment like "when we have a baby" or other such comment implying that nothing is wrong. He's sick or delusional or something... to top it off I am alone. I have one close friend nearby, have lost touch with most of the friends I used to have because of distance and time. All I have is my dog.

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