New here, don't know what to do with partner

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Last seen: 4 years 4 months ago
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Joined: 04/06/2016 - 4:53pm
New here, don't know what to do with partner

Hello all

For the start i am a dutch girl living in the Netherlands :-)
My English writing isn't that well... good that my phone can help hahah... so you guys know why i make mistakes sometimes.

I am in a relationship of 2,5 years.
We life now together for 1 year.
For him it's the first time out away from his parents. For me not i have been living with my ex before for a period of 3 years.
I left my ex becouse we didn't match in... how to say in English...
I can work... i have a fulltime job i have my own car etc... my ex wanted me to stay home and just cook and clean he was mostly lazy. Started calling me things like fat etc.
So i went back to my sweet daddy :-)

A year later i met a nice boy he is still doing his high school, don't know if high school is same as HBO in Dutch. He made me feel alot better and more secure of my life.
By than i knew he liked games... but not tht he liked them SO much...

When we started living together i got a new job somewhere far away, more than 1 hour drive from home and i had to go for a month on a 2 hour drive education.

He helped painting the house do the floors etc.
But after that the pc went back in house he gamed for 2 months day and night... than 3 weeks holiday with me and after that again 2 months of gaming. Not looking for a job...

When his school started in September he still kept gaming untill oktober or so... than was my first break down... you see i keep going to my work everyday and he just spends his free time on gaming untill 01:00am and i pay everything he pays me a small amount every month cus he still has no job.
So i cried that i didn't want to life my live like this... etc.... and he promised to seek a job and game less..

Well again a few months went by of course he kept gaming... and putting a little effort in finding work...
In that time he started cooking and vacuuming.
He also tries to keep doing stuff with me in the weekends and some evenings.

But i got a new breakdown a large one.
I went one night to bed and started crying and crying i couldn't stop... after 30 mins he noticed some sounds or so and came to me asking what there was... i still couldn't tell what was wrong becouse i know he can also het angry bout me whining about his gaming so i just said i dont know.

But he knew what it was...
So he was able to stop gaming or limit to minimum for 3 weeks.

Now he starts doing it all over again :-(
Late nights, daytime and weekends.
Not as much as he did but still alot again.
He still goes out with me and with my family.

But i just don't know what to do now...
I want to be alone again... but is it me? Am i the one who sees it wrong? Am i just overreacting?
Do i want to be all my life with an addict?
I meen who says he will stop when he is 40?
You know i dont know if i am wrong or not...

Btw i have an alcoholic as a mother... so it also feela like i am doomed for living my life with an addict grrrrr.

Tomorrow i go to doc asking for some therapy or so.
But does any of you have advice or whats so ever to clear my mind just a little?

I wrote this fast so if there are things i forgot to tell ask me :-)

Such long letter hahah

Xxxx me

Sadness isn't that bad... but it should only contain 10% in your life

Polga's picture
Last seen: 8 hours 56 min ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome to Olganon HYA !

Welcome to Olganon HYA !

Some people have problems with a partner who games excessively  for years and years. It may be many years before he changes. Maybe never.

You are right to be concerned. It is not your problem. You want a normal relationship and you deserve one

If he is an addict he will find it very hard to control his playing of games. So you need to consider your future with this guy.

I recommend you keep coming back to read other posts by spouses of gamers, and all the sticky posts in the blue area at the top of each spouses forum.

People growing up with addiction in the family often subconsciously chose partners who are addicts....'codependancy ' is sometimes used to describe this. Check yourself out for this.


Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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Last seen: 4 years 4 months ago
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Joined: 04/06/2016 - 4:53pm
Thanks for comment

The main problem for me is also that i don't know if i am over-reacting.
Like yesterday he plays untill 00:30am.
And when i ask on a normal voice why it got ao late he just says it could have become much more later.

I hate it when he doesn't life up the promises he makes.
If he could just play a few hours it wouls be fine for me.
But he doesn't... than he blames his friends for coming onlinw late...
His reaction are like "i don't care what you think"

I genuinely think that gaming is the thing that really makes him happy.
I also think that when he goes out with me and watches movies with me it is also for the reason that when i again whine about gaming that he can say "yes but we did this and that together, you should also learn to have your own hobby etc" while i go once or twice a week to friends or family or i do something else... it is still not enough for him somehow... and not to forget the weekend days i am away to once in a while.

Oh btw... the moments i have breakdowns and he comes and sit and listen to me... after that he goes gaming again...

Sigh i have also no one here to talk about this situation. Everybody says to leave him or give him a chance but i am the only one in this kind of situation... again!

Sadness isn't that bad... but it should only contain 10% in your life

Last seen: 9 months 4 weeks ago
OLGA member
Joined: 08/11/2010 - 11:29am
You are not overreacting. And

You are not overreacting. And I can guarantee you from first hand experience that while you are at the movies his head is thinking about the game and counting the minutes until he can get back to it...

As for him being balanced, and moderating his time on the game, it is impossible : when addicted you never have enough. It is like trying to ask your alcoholic mother whether she could be drunk from Monday to Thursday and sober from Friday to Sunday - it is just impossible.

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