I'm 46 year old, married, father of 3 boys ranging from 5 to 11 years old. I've been gaming all my life, since the days of the Atari 2600. TRS-80 Model III anyone? I used to play PC games and Console games in moderation, even wouldn't play for months at a time. Then came the iPhone and its apps. Over time the phone got better, the graphics got better and the games got better. I am an iPhone game addict.
The ease of access, being right there in my hand at any place and anytime. I was gaming at home and at work. It got worse when I started using In-App purchases. First I'd spend 2.99, 4.99, 14.99, no big deal...I can handle that. Then you find yourself hitting a wall, you need to get better, you want to get better, you like being the top player. Finally, I found myself spending 99.99 at a time with little to no hesitation. I've racked up tens of thousands in debt due to phone gaming and in-app purchases, something I would never have even dreamed of doing back in my PC/Console only days.
It caught up with me last year and I confessed my problem to my wife. We worked on how to attack the debt and I promised I'd never game again on my phone. That lasted for about 6 months. I thought, I'll just play at work. So I started playing again and started playing without purchases. Then over time I'd find myself becoming impatient with how long builds took or how long it took to get good characters or items. So I thought, "I'll only spend $25 a week. I can handle that easily." That lasted for about a month and I was back into my old spending routine again.
So here I am again, in more debt and now at a breaking point. I've wasted time and money on something intangible instead of spending time with my family and because of that, I risk losing it all. I've taken the first steps. Wife has all my credit cards, online access to all my accounts. My phone has been locked down so I can’t make any setting changes without my wife. Now when I'm at home, the phone sits in a charging station instead of in my pocket. Even as sick as I feel with everything I've done to my family, the urge to game just doesn't easily go away.
I'm an addict to phone gaming, I know that now. I can't explain why I did it even when I knew the damage it would cause. I'd just find myself getting sucked in and repeating bad habit after bad habit. So here I am trying again, looking for others like me that might be out there. My life is now controlled by conditions; conditions I must follow or lose everything. That's me, this is where I'm at in my life. Trying to repair trust that I've destroyed not once, but twice.
My name is Scott and I’m an iPhone game addict with debt issues.
STL Scott
Welcome Scott. You are not alone. I'm glad you are here!
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Welcome Scott, thanks for sharing. I can relate a lot.
This is a real addiction, and we need to support eachother if we want to be free from it. I can't do this on my own, i know that from experience. Have you found a face-to-face group in your area?
Thanks again for coming here
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
No, I haven't found anything in the St Louis area. I felt fortunate to find this site, not much is out there and other things I did find people found it silly someone could get into my situation.
STL Scott
Welcome Scott. I can relate to being out of control with my gaming and spending way too much money on it. The havoc I wreaked really hurt my relationships. I highly recommend checking out the voice and chat meetings, where you'll meet a bunch of friendly helpful supportive people like us. It helps a lot to know I'm not alone, that this is a serious issues, and that people have found solutions to the problems that come up with overcoming compulsive gaming. Here's the meeting list:
http://www.olganon.org/forum/line-meetings-message-board/all-online-meetings-computervideo-gaming-addicts
Thanks, I'll keep trying to make the meetings. I logged on one night last week and I was the only one online for a 9pm EST meeting. I guess availability can vary depending on the availability of a moderator.
STL Scott
Dear Scott, I thought the same way of losing trust of my wife and family. After sinking deep in my addiction and after reading other fellowships’ stories and listening to the Disease Model of Addiction (http://www.olganon.org/forum/videos-recovery/videos-and-audio-files-helpful-newcomers-what-you-can-do-your-extra-time), i released that it was not me who failed them, It was my addictive mind. I asked myself this question, was it ME who were talking aggressively to my wife when she questions me about what am doing in front of the computer the whole time? can i even recall my feelings when gaming? There is difference between a gaming abuser and an addict? addiction is a serious illness that can kill the real YOU. Now as i know the difference between the real me and my addictive mind, i can say that i trust myself but yes i admit that i am an addict and need help and will be happy to be forced to not have access to any game.
"Recovery is not about dealing with gaming. Recovery is about dealing with Life"
Hi Scott,
You have so far accomplished much more than so many other spouses who will never realize the consequences of gaming in their entire meaningless existence. Realizing how detrimental games are to your life is a very important step towards a better future, not only being away from games, but also having a better life. You are addicted to games. You want to stop but you can't. I was the same in these aspects.
The only way out of this vicious cycle of feeling guilty and relieving the guilt through games is to figure out a way to completely quit games and never play them again. This may sound difficult, but this is definitely necessary for addicts. I've tried and doubted that I need to quit cold-turkey, but, every single time I've relapsed, my life was destroyed again. And again. And again. Nearing the point where I wanted to die.
I did not want this. But it happened to me anyways. I had to disconnect from games and connect with reality. I had to stop gaming and start doing better things in its place. You will experience withdrawal symptoms, but as long as you expect them, you can endure them and carry on.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey of quitting games!
And I will NOT game today.
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
I definitely experience withdrawals, it amazing how much of a grip it has on me. It's not withdrawals from PC or Console games, not playing those doesn't even bother me. It's specifically phone games that I have withdraws from, why only these types of games is the part that really confuses me.
STL Scott
Could be a lot of reasons, Scott. For starters, phone games have much more incentive to feature addictive Skinner-box-like designs nowadays, thanks to the wonders of microtransactions. Might also be just what you're used to playing. At any rate, I get what you're saying—usually my addict brain will try to pull some moves with phone gaming when I deny it the real thing. All we get to do is keep fighting the good fight! Exercise, socialize, read, be in nature, meditate...the sober days add up, and they really do get easier and easier.
Taking Steps toward recovery since November 2, 2012. The difficulty of the path makes it worth the walking.