Just turned 30 - catastrophic failure

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Mikeroo
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Just turned 30 - catastrophic failure

I found this site in January, but still wasn't able to admit my addiction. Well... I just turned 30 and for the first time ever I took a good hard look at my own life and what an empty sham it is.

I started gaming around the age of 6 and never really stopped. I quit the first university I studied after two years and just now I am finally finishing my masters at another. My family is very rich and I am spoiled. I was never capable of supporting myself financially, always heavily relying on the wealth of my relatives.

I never had a serious long term relationship. Games always filled that emotional need for me. Games completed me. They made me emotionally stable. They allowed me to close my eyes to the realities of life. As ridiculous as it sounds, I always thought of real life as a necessary evil, as just a support system for gaming. I arrogantly laughed at others trying to achieve big things in real life. I never understood them, I was fully saturated by my virtual dopamine dispenser.

I had too much love, too much support, too much understanding for my asocial nature. I identified with it. Ironically, I drew a sense of power from it.

What a waste. I am starting at ground zero.

Thanks for reading, I needed to finally "put it out there".

TimsWife
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Proud of You!!

Hi Mike.  I am praying for and proud of you.  There is power in naming and admitting addictions.  Remember every day is a new day and so are the choices you make.  The past NEVER defines you.  My husband like you, used gaming and the internet and never had long term relationships either until me.  He then hid a computer and iphone so he could game behind my back.  I am very hurt he chose role playing and fantasy over our marriage.  We are getting there very slowly but honestly, I am shocked at his aggression and depression that comes with this when I caught on and he stopped.  It's like living with someone coming off heroin. Thanks for being on here.  It helps me to understand the "why" of this addiction.  God bless you.

Silvertabby
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Hi Mikaroo and welcome to

Hi Mikaroo and welcome to Olga.  Congratulation on realizing you are addicted to gaming.  That's the first step in recovery.  The next is to stop all gaming, if you haven't already.  It's not an easy thing to do, but many of us are doing it....one day at a time....and with the help of a recovery community.  I would encourage you to attend some meetings.  In them you can talk about what you're going through, connect with other gaming addicts in recovery, and find a sponsor if you choose to do the 12 steps.  Many find them very helpful in overcoming this addiciton.  You can find the meeting schedule here.  Keep coming back!

 

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson

AZGamersMom
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You are not a failure

Looks like you've taken the first step Mikeroo. Congratulations. I'm new here too. 

AZ Gamers Mom

wazzapp
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Thanks for sharing, I can

Thanks for sharing, I can relate to what you are writing

Keep coming back!

Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3

 

Dballz
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Hey man

Hey man

Just wanted to say you aren't a failure. I'm 25, and I've barely completed 2 years of college.  I work part time and still live with my mom rent free.  But I've recently made the hard choice of admitting that I cannot handle playing video games without it negatively affecting every single part of my life.  Like you, I had that "wow, I'm a failure." conversation in my head before I made the choice to stop.  But heres the thing, would you rather be 30 and making a hugely positive decision for your life, or be 30 and continue on in the lifestyle you've lived for all of your life?

You've got an adventure ahead, and you will fail sometimes, but YOU my friend, will never be a failure.  As long as you pick yourself back up and dust off your shoes, you cannot ever be a failure.

10/3

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