How do you know if your spouse has an addiction?

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Mermaidgirl
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How do you know if your spouse has an addiction?

My husband has been gaming over 10 years now with the same game. (Rome) That's the only game he plays. It is a long strategy game which takes maybe 40-50 hours to solve. He is aware of the waste of time it is and feels guilty playing it so he tries to hide it from me. He will be on his computer "working" with one monitor and have the second monitor up playing Rome and then when I walk in he will minimize the screen. If he hears my footsteps he will stand up and walk out of the office before I get there. He acts as if he cannot wait for me to leave the house so he can play without having to worry about me knowing. I have told him that I don't care if he plays but limits his time. It's feel like the bad guy constantly because he is trying to hide it from me. I would rather him just play in the open instead of being so sneaky about it. I know he feels bad about it and is really trying to contain self control in regards to how much time he spends on the computer, I can see that he tries to take breaks when the children need something and he will take them to soccer or fishing occasionally.

What I am asking for advice on is how I can keep from being the enemy when he is playing. I bite my tongue so much and try not to say anything regarding his gaming but he still tries to hide it from me. He always thinks he can keep it under control and sometimes he can but then it starts slowly taking him over. I can tell that he cannot wait for me to leave so he can play his game. I am certain that this behavior builds up resentment towards me as I also resent his game and the time he spends playing it. One year he gave me his game for Christmas because he felt guilty. Then he just downloaded steam and plays it straight from internet! We are respectful to one another and non confrontational so it becomes hard to communicate and if I try to bring it up or have a conversation about it he will just not answer and does not want to talk about it. 

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Mermaidgirl

Welcome Mermaidgirl

Our welcome advice is here

http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-spousessignificant-others-open-forum/help-my-spousesignificant-other-addicted

This questionaire may help indicate the answer to your question.

http://www.olganon.org/?q=self_tests_on_gaming_addiction

What you describe about his behaviour relates to the experiences of many of the spouses who come here. Keep coming back to find out how you can handle the situation in the best way possible. You cannot change him but you may be able to help him wake up.

Start with the sticky posts on both spouse forums

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

herewegox3
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Divorced because of this game

My wife started playing WoW really heavily 2 months ago. She did it to escape our problems, but it created even more. We're now getting a divorce, and she moved out this morning. The final straw was when I asked her to please not go to Texas, to a strange man's house that she only knows from Warcraft, for a guild meetup. She couldn't and still doesn't see the sketchiness of the situation, and is still going to go. Who knows what this person is capable of? My (soon to be ex) wife doesn't realize that this guy is only presenting ONE side of himself on this game. AND- he's flying her out to Texas on his airline miles. This game is poison. This game contributed to our problems, and was the final nail in the coffin for our marriage.

Matthew

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