My name is Maria, I am 33 years old. I have been gaming since I was in high school. I started to game as a result of being bullied in my eleventh grade. It was so bad I was put into classes just so I would never walk near or around the person. Ended up taking all art classes including a English and History class. In the English I would write a lot, poems or stories I made up. After school though I would come home, do my homework then eat dinner, then sit at my computer playing games maybe till about 10pm.. it was a pattern I grew into and no one thought anything of it. I continued to game even after high-school into my college, which I am a certified Web graphics artist, and yet I still gamed. I had a few close friends I would hang out with from time to time so I spent maybe 5 to 7 hours a day playing after they would have left or not game at all if I had them over the weekends to hang. Again this went on to no one's understanding. But I also didn't have a family or much to worry about then. Five years ago I met my husband and we did the whole dating thing for a bit. He had me move in and he to gamed yet he didn't get into the MMO's like me. I gamed when we where not together or if we wanted some "me" time. On August 1st 2014 we welcomed a wonderful addition to our little family.. I had all together stopped gaming during the month or two before I had him which I had him a month and a week early do to pre-eclampsia. We went through a rough time and yet I continued to not game all till Sept 2015...
At which I got into a new game and got way to invovled... at some point during that time before my son turned one and I found out both my parents, Whom I hold to be my closest and the ones that always have been my support, would be moving. And not just a state away almost across country. But it wasn't just this that I believe tipped me, there are events in a women's year that should be celebrated.. once in a while I wanted to be noticed or surprised with something special by my husband. So I believe I started to digress and just gave up on things. I know not all men act or do things the same or believe it's a need to say or do sweet things. And yet in the back of my mind it reminded me of how I was treated by others I use to date. Now I'm not in anyway saying my husband is anything like those people because he is far from it and far more a man then any of them where. But my mind isn't as well as I liked it to be.. of course that's how women are wired.. haha..
I feel with all that adding up I fell into a state of denial and digressed more into the world of fantasy, MMO's. Unfortunately I let things go to far and allowed myself to get to involved I that world and at times forgetting being a mother and a wife. I wouldn't ignore my son at all, I always would be around and with him playing. But after he went down for nap or bed I would be on game.. my husband was at work till late do to us having no day care for our son and I would work early am. But I would play till he was home often ignoring him. It got so bad I created relationships with people I met, some of which were not healthy and right. I allowed one man to get to involved with me and it blew up. My husband asked I delete my accounts at which I deleted the game account but not the forum. I lasted a week and failed him yet again.
Again cause I was so into that world I allowed myself to fall back into it only on forum. We ended up calling my parents speaking to them about what I had done. I deleted the forum account right as I was getting off the phone with my parents. The next day I deleted all MMO'S off my computer. My parents stopped over to talk to us and my mom shed some light onto what I might be suffering from since she has it too. I am going to see a psychologist, to help with my social anxiety and it might be depression.
My fear is, I write a lot and I draw a lot. I enjoy both with all my heart but most of them or based off of fantasy characters I make up in games yet adapt them to a different environment in my stories.. I fear I'll be made to stop this.. and that is a way of release or keeping busy. It will help me to never look at the computer. I have no desire to play anymore and no care anymore to even turn my computer on. Which I'm glad for. For one it not only do I have time to do my hobbies I have time to clean and when my son is up from his nap we play and do learning games together, like we had during this time of gaming.
I made a mess of things with my husband and cause of gaming I almost lost him and my son who is the may important person in my life. My son is my light and my beacon, I look at him and say "today I won't game and today I'll be glad cause I have you." No matter what the day is like this little boy makes my life ten times better. I love my husband very much for putting up with me as long as this was going on. I've always loved him.
I need help some guidance in this all. My few questions I may have would be. Am I going about this all right? Will me drawing and writing hurt? And I will say I did met two friends, a couple I spoke to outside of game, they have a daughter my son's age and a teenager. They both have left the gaming too yet still want to talk to me since the wife confided in me about her issues with her teenager. I believe as long as no mention of game we can still talk?!
I do want to make my life better I need too. Not just for me but for my family and the sake of my well being. I am going to seek a psychologists help but I need some help from those that have been through it.
Thanks for Listening. :)
There is always light at the end of the tunnel, you just need to make your way through the darkness to achieve your goal.