Here not to QUIT but to control!!!

Alright, guys,

the title says it all.

So here's my story so far. I've been trying to get a hold on my life, and for that, I need a new job, a job that I like, a job that I studied for. As a matter of fact, I did study in something. I studied in Level/Game design. Do you start to see what's happening here? So I recently went to an interview for a job opening, a 6 months contract, I was **** happy to just have an interview, even though there was a possibility that I wouldn't have the job because of someone more interesting for the studio. The problem was when they told me that even though my skills are amazing they've realized that they needed to get someone with more experience. That bothered me a lot. Angered even. Because I know that I don't have that much experience, I only did some little project for game jams and stuff like that. So to get more experience I would've had to do stuff by myself. Maps in games or even designing games from the ground. That's where my addiction comes in place.

I'll never stop playing video games, it's my passion.

When I made my profile earlier I was not sure about what this place would bring me, I look at some people problems and realize that mines are minor. I mean I have a job, a girlfriend that I love very much, I see my friends, I take responsibility at home, pay my bills etc.

No, my problem is that when I don't do those normal things, I game.

So instead of doing something constructive for my career or trying different things that I am not used to, I quit or get bored fast and turn back to gaming, giving me excuses like I did enough work for today blah blah blah and if I have to start something on the next day well I just don't and switch instantly to gaming. It's the instant gratification of gaming that is my worst enemy right now. Why doing something new that I have a hard time doing while I could be playing something that I am good at and get rewarded in the game for doing so. I mean it's procrastination at its best. And then I would enter a vicious circle where I would feel guilty for not doing the things that are important and stress over it, to become so stress that I would drench myself in gaming to stop feeling guilty momentarily. But that would never help. I would get stuck in this circle over and over not making progress.

So I am not here to wash completely from playing video games as it would be absurd especially with the career that I want. No, I am going to use this forum as a journal to show my progress controlling my gaming time. One thing that is going to help me with that is meditation. I started to practice meditating three weeks ago and while I'm not doing it every day, I am getting steady with it and I start to see the result in my focus and my ability to concentrate ( and shut down distraction in a positive way ). I'll be using this as positive reinforcement and try to calm my urges a bit.

So here it is guys, my first log entry to my gaming control journey!

Thanks and have AWESOME DAYS PEOPLE.