OLG-Anon for Spouses and Significant Others; what you can do.

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CyberJ
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Like a hypnotist's pendulum

Like a hypnotist's pendulum or hypnotic spiral when the subject's mind is focused on 3-D graphic scenery and moving images like avatars, it creates a hypnotic trance like state. Video game designer Erin Hoffman said it perfectly: "Addiction is not about what you DO, but what you DON'T DO because of the replacement of the addictive behavior." Leaving your mind open to the power of suggestion is their plan. Like gambling casinos in Las Vegas game creators use every trick they can to keep you focused and playing endlessly. Forget about school, work or being a productive member of society, play the game and forget about your family real life and friends, here you can become a lazy good for nothing deadbeat while making us rich! So sad :-(

Disappointment pain and tragedy in real life makes a person vulnerable to want to escape into a fantasy life. What's important to realize is that while under the influence of the hypnotic trance like euphoria state of these fantasy games with 3-D graphics scenery, moving avatars etc, we are positively reinforcing this fantasy in our subconscious minds. The result is fantasy soon becomes reality in our conscious minds. We program our conscious mind to believe in a fairytale that our unconscious mind wants to believe. Like the song 'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life' people always have a tendency to escape from reality wanting to see things through rose colored glasses. This reminds me of the Long Island Medium TV show with Teresa Caputo. The dead always seem to be saying so many positive and loving things about the living. This is why having a love affair in a fantasy game always ends up differently in real life because the fantasy is no longer there, welcome back to reality.

mommy3
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Cyberjesus wrote: Like a

[quote=Cyberjesus]

Like a hypnotist's pendulum or hypnotic spiral when the subject's mind is focused on 3-D graphic scenery and moving images like avatars, it creates a hypnotic trance like state.

CyberJesus,

I've never considered the hypnotic influence of games. Very interesting. Thanks for sharing.

doctorjane
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"Clash of clans" is my boyfriend's other woman

hi.  i am so glad to be part of this forum. out of sadness, i found myself googling "what to do with boyfriends addicted to COC" and it lead me here. i have been reading the thread and it has already relieved some of my burden right now. I am with a man who I love so dearly but who is, unfortunately, spending so much time playing clash of clans.  we have been together for less than a year but i am working very hard to make our relationship last. we are both doctors, in our 30s, both under subspecialty fellowship training. right now, we are under so much stress, especially him, because of hospital work. we barely see each other even if we work in the same hospital. i completely understand the stress of training that is making our relationship shaky; what i cannot accept is that i always share our very few times together with clash of clans. everytime he has time to sit down and open his ipad or cellphone, i lose him. then, i just eat on my own do something else or sometimes just wait for the "war"  to finish. at first, i just let him do this. it is very hard to be a doctor and he once told me that it is just his way to relieve stress. it makes him happy, i think, so i let him be. but it is really hurting me. i try to talk him out of this, in a very subtle way, but i dont think he understands. i even joke about buying a smaller tablet so i can tie it up my forehead so it may seem that i still have his attention while he is playing. we laugh it off but deep inside, i am so far from being really happy.  

i understand, my situation is very different from most of the members of this forum.  we are not married yet. we dont have kids. but what i share with all of you i think is that i really care about this person. this person makes me feel unwanted and unimportant. i am trying my best to understand him but most of the time, i just want to give up. i pray that this concern will reach the makers of this clash of clans and just destroy the game. i do not know what to do anymore.

Doctor Jane

Polga
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Welcome Jane

Welcome Jane

I'm sorry to hear about your problem and sadness. You are certainly not alone in your situation.

There is also a welcome letter with general advice for significant others here

I found it most helpful to read the stories of other members on this site to realise what gaming addiction really means.

It sounds like you are treading on eggshells around him; trying to be subtle but it's not working. I think you are going to have to level with him about your feelings in a very direct way and what that means for your relationship. That information may fall on deaf ears but at least you would have been honest and then it's up to him to respond honestly

If there is no change then the only thing you can do is to detach about his choices and look after you; find support elsewhere. Maybe he will come around, but maybe he won't change. It's a gamble. How long will you wait for him to wake up? You will need to accept the reality of the situation and make the changes necessary to get the life you deserve.

Keep coming back xx

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

gamerwifee
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I know exactly how you feel

I felt especially connected to your story. Let me tell you some of mine. My husband has depression/anger problems and claims that his gaming is his way to cope. That is why I enabled him for so long. But it has gotten out of hand and I no longer feel respected by him, where when we were first dating, I was way out of his league (in his own opinion) and he treated me like he was not worthy to be in my presence. You have to mourn for that man, because you may never get him back. I wonder sometimes if I'll ever get that man back that I fell in love with. I don't even need to be treated like a queen anymore. I just don't want to be ignored or yelled at or placed as second priority behind a game. I want basic human respect from him. I no longer think of him as the loving, strong man I chose to protect my heart and share my life with forever, but as an annoying roommate who keeps me up late at night with his gaming, fights with me a lot, and doesn't consider my feelings. I'm so embarrassed by the way he treats me and by his addiction that I haven't turned to anyone for help. Except here. Right now I don't have the option to leave him, even if I did want to, but I'm still trying to decide that. I need to gain my independence first so that I have options (advice I received on this site) and then I'll decide if it's worth staying with him. I've been telling myself for years that I'm doing the right thing by not giving up on him and working on changing him. But like you said, the choice has to be his. He has to change himself. Will the choice be easier for him with or without you standing by his side? For my husband, I fear that he will only make the choice after I've gone. That will be his rude awakening. My heart goes out to you.

Cat17
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New and feeling alone

I'm sitting here balling my eyes out reading stories that sound all too familiar.  I appreciate everyone and the stories and honesty.  I can relate with the embarrassment of not wanting people to know, and the struggle to stay or go because vows were made for better or worse.  I am the type of person with a servant's heart and I have been giving so much and have received little in return and I am dying inside.  I love my husband, but I feel like the loneliest person when he is at home playing games.  I see glimpses of what our relationship could be if games were not the center of his world and it gives me hope, although it's usually short lived.  I am going through such turmoil on the inside.  I feel sick and so desperately want to be able to do something, but reading all these stories has made me realize that I can't do anything for him, but only for myself.  I guess I just feel guilty for spending that time and energy on myself.  I don't know what to do about my guilt.  I go back and forth from feeling empowered and as though I deserve better, to a victim, to feeling as though I may have done something to make him become addicted.  I know it's not me, but it doesn't stop that thought from crossing my mind.  I miss love, touch, conversations, cooking together, intimacy, dates, jokes, cuddling, kissing, and so many other important aspects of being married.  I guess I'm grieving, but when someone dies at least people gather to give condolences; I don't have that kind of support.  I don't have or know of anyone in my life (until this forum) who is struggling as much as I am, and just hate feeling trapped and alone.  Lord help me have strength.  Thank you.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance -James 1:2-3

Polga
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Welcome Cat ! Glad you found

Welcome Cat ! Glad you found us.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

LMT
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Lys,

Lys,

I understand where your coming from.  Only my husband does not work.  I just recently decided to stay home with the new baby and work from home.  I am spending all my time to get hired to a work from home job, take care of a 4 year old and newborn, and all the other responsibilities of the home as well.  Our yard got real bad and etc.  Our house is messy and chaotic too and that is also my husband's excure to escape us.

 

LMT

ibsnoman
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Wife addicted to COK (Clash of Kings)

My beautiful wife has 7 COK accounts, plays the game when she wakes everyday, takes children to school, then when she returns home after taking children to school to sign on and plays the game until time to pick up the kids....she has an online parttime job and she plays the game while working (inbetween tasks). When I come home from work she is playing the game and "working". She will take a break to eat dinner, but is shortly back to playing the game and working and does not get off the game until she goes to bed and that is usually around 2 in the morning. I feel like she is no longer interested in me or our family. I have told her what she is doing is crushing me, but that has had little effect and from reading other post probably wont. I know now she is addicted to          COK....I am miserable. The other night in bed I rolled over to just hug her and told her I love you so much....she let me lay on her chest while she played COK on her tablet above my head.....I have asked her to come spend time with me to watch a movie after the children have gone to bed and she does...with tablet in hand....I then asked her to not bring tablet next time so now she doesn't come at all again. I love my wife....but she isn't my wife anymore.....I am lost, this has all transpired over the last 6-7 months. She is chatting within the game and she has also created a KIK account for the alliances she is a part of so she can chat some more......I am tired...afraid....hurt and crushed by her actions....Wish and hope for a quick end to this as I will not allow this to continue

Sno

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Welcome Sno !

Welcome Sno !

I hope you find some help using this website. I am so sorry for your situation and the pain that it has caused.

You are not alone in the struggle. Keep coming back !

First aid for spouses of gaming addicts here;

http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-spousessignificant-others/first-aid-kit-spouses-and-significant-others-video-game

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

kiltedphoenix
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Not My Fantasy

I seem to be losing, or may have already lost, my wife of 15 years to Final Fantasy XIV (FFXIV). If she is awake, that is what she is doing, with headphones on, talking on Discord Chat with her FC (Free Company, like a guild or team) friends, and even continues to do so those few times she gets up from in front of her computer. The only reason she leaves the house is to drive our daughter to/from school and to drive kids to/from various appointments while I'm at work. She gets up, logs in asap, and remains on until any where from 1 to 3 AM, and occasionally, not at all, an all-nighter. She completely ignores me and the 3 kids we have here, yet laughs, talks, and has a great time with her FC. She is now chatting outside of the game (text, FB messenger, etc) with a couple guys in her FC. I giver her a hug, from behind, kiss the top of her head and she acts like I'm not even there. She literally does NOTHING else. She was supposed to bring a camper down to her parents (5 hours away) and help her mom with something this weekend, but has cancelled because 2 players characters are getting married in-game and she doesn't want to miss it and doesn't trust her laptop to not crash. So she's blowing off her mom now too for this.

Things are bad, she is no longer wearing her ring, she will not say "I love you" back to me, and has made mention of divorce. She has been playing like this since January. Yesterday I had to leave work early to go puck up my daughter at school because she needed "a mental break" from the kids. Coincidentally the night before she was installing a new update to the game.

She is ruining her life and ours and doesn't even see it.

How do I help if she doesn't even see that there is a problem and probably doesn't care if there is? Do I just have to wait until she does?

Has anyone had a happy ending to a story like this?

Just Eric

Polga
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Welcome kiltedphoenix

Welcome kiltedphoenix

It sounds like she is an addict which has taken over her personality. Think of her as a heroin addict ...that is how serious things are.

My best advice is to read through all the threads in the post below. it will explain through other's experiences what you can do.

http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-spousessignificant-others/first-aid-kit-spouses-and-significant-others-video-game

You need to radically change the way you deal with her; this may include trying a family intervention to get her to take notice, or by you stopping enabling and completely detaching with love.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

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