Destiny is Destroying my marriage

9 posts / 0 new
Last post
MistyAnne
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 6 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 05/30/2015 - 9:35am
Destiny is Destroying my marriage

Hello guys, I have a Husband that is addicted to the game Destiny, I never should have bought the game for him in the first place. It started as a friend of his from work wanted help with the game. So he asked for the game, I didn't really want to do it but he promised me it wouldn't become a problem. I bought him his Playstation with our taxes because he wanted one so bad. But shortly after buying it I noticed that he was gaming alot more, he had had a playststion while he was in the military and would game on his down time with his friends. I bought the playstation for the family not just for him but no one else ever gets to play it. Anyways, after he got the game Destiny we had made a deal, he would only play for 3 nights out of the week so as he gets his family time in as well. But after he got laid off, he started playing everyday. It seems like he's not even looking for work. Yes he is on unemployment but it is not enough to survive on and it won't last forever. I have to stay home to be with our special needs baby, but I'm starting to look for jobs myself. This is the second marriage for the both of us and we have 3 kids together. I am getting tired of taking care of everything that everyone needs and clean think of getting a job, but before I think about that I have to think about what I am going to do with our daughter, the other two kids are old enough to get their basic needs met and I don't worry about leaving them with him, just our smallest one! She's the one that needs the most, but I also think why do I need to go and get a job because of this game... WE (My Husband and I) agreed I would stay home and take care of the kids. I'm just getting tired of it. Last night was a big eye opener for me... my sister took our kids so that we could have a date night because I told her I really needed it. Well, his date night idea was to go for a walk... we went to his friends house so he could BS with the guy, I did talk to his wife and my friend but we were supposed to be spending time together alone. Then He came home and turned the game on, He's made so many NEW friends on that game. I can hear him Laugh and Joke with them and wish he would do that with me, when I get him to talk to me it like one word answers and such. I sit there and Cry and it seems like he doesn't care, I ask for him to come to bed and he litteraly throws a (BIG KID) fit. It really is driving me crazy and I feel so alone... I've been trying to get help for I don't like 6 months or so. I am glad I found this site I have been reading posts from others and think to myself this is me, this is how I am feeling right now. SO I thought I would share my story... just looking for help and support. Cause I have to think about more than just me, I have a special needs baby that needs more than this.

Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.
Benjamin Disraeli

PrincessDreaming
PrincessDreaming's picture
Offline
Last seen: 5 months 3 weeks ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/03/2015 - 2:34pm
Quote:

Quote:

I can hear him Laugh and Joke with them and wish he would do that with me, when I get him to talk to me it like one word answers and such. I sit there and Cry and it seems like he doesn't care, I ask for him to come to bed and he litteraly throws a (BIG KID) fit. It really is driving me crazy and I feel so alone.

 

That's what hurts me the most too in the relationship with my gamer boyfriend. Just wanna say that I totally understand you. Unfortunately I don't have anything helpful to say - just that.. you're not alone. It's so hard to live under these circumstances - especially with kids involved. So sorry you have to go through this too.

Polga
Polga's picture
Offline
Last seen: 10 hours 34 min ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome MistyAnne

Welcome MistyAnne

I feel sad that your children are not getting the attention they deserve from their father. We hear about this so often on this site. Please seek some support for you and your little ones elsewhere. We cannot control the gamer. I hope you continue to find inspiration on this website from other people's stories and experience. You are not alone. Hugs XX

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

souenruka
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 4 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 07/13/2015 - 11:17pm
Hello all,

Hello all,

I have just discovered this anon group today. I cannot even begin to describe the relief I feel to know that I am not alone in this. My husband of 11 years is addicted to Destiny. Last December my brother-in-law made the grave mistake of buying my husband a new Xbox. Shortly after a brief Call of Duty obsession, Destiny was introduced. Here we are, a few months later, and he cannot live without it. Going without it literally affects his moods. He has (mostly) agreed to wait until our kids are in bed (or at least 9pm) before turning the game on. He will play between 9:30pm and 1am-ish on nights he works the following day, and he will play from 9pm-ish until 2:30am on nights he will be off the following day. He is also quick to log on if our daughter is napping and son is distracted. During these game times, he is locked in raids and therefore cannot hold conversations with me or get up to do anything. Every once in a while, if I 'nag' him enough, he might put down the headset and controller to talk to me for a second. I feel lonely most nights and play on the computer to stay occupied. I have asked him many times if he would like to watch something on TV with me like we used to do, but he claims we don't like the same things, or that he has already seen something and is not interested (We used to watch The Office, Walking Dead, Downton Abbey, etc, together before Destiny). I literally fantasize about 'accidentally' dropping the xbox onto the tile floor so that it no longer works. I know how that would go over, so I don't. My brother-in-law even feels bad for me, never expecting things to get this extreme. My husband says he has only played for 800 hours total (33 1/2 days), and I think it is honestly more than that.... I am so grateful for this site, and anyone who knows where I am coming from. Thank you <3    

xraywife79
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 11 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/08/2017 - 11:23pm
Hey ladies! Me too!

My husband started playing Destiny about a 1yr and half ago. At first he couldn't play it much becaue he was an over the rode driver. He was only home 2 days per week but started using one of those nights to stay up and play. We have been married for almost 10 yrs. We have a 7 yr old son.  I have always had a lot on my plate: Work, I go to school, I'm on the PTO, I take care of my mother, take care of my son, I have a best friend, etc.  I have worked as a PRN at the hospital for the last 5 yrs and recently moved into a weekend job. Because I felt sorry for my husband and all that he missed out on over the years, I agreed to let him quit his job and take the upcoming summer off. (Summer 2016). He planned to look for a job once our son went back to school and even go back to school himself. When driving his truck he always talked about the things he wanted to do an would cherish the opportunity to spend more time with me, our son, and go back to school. He had even gotten his GED. I had no reason to believe he wouldn't do these things.I had always met my goals and kept my promises. Why wouldn't he?  So here we are Jan 2017. He did some lawn care for his mother and my best friends dad over the Summer. That's it. Both my husband and 7 yr old spend endless hours gaming. I haven't the energy to fight them. I'm working on my bachelor's, picking up extra shifts, doing PTO projects like yearbook duty, supporting my mother, and trying to find time to cook for them all. My husband does laundry, dishes, feeds the dogs...which is a big chore because one is on insulin, and runs errands for my mom. He is doing those things....I still do them too. But he used to always say he would wash my car more or clean the bathroom more, or go on walks with me and help us all have more active lifestyles. He used to be proud of me and my accompishments and wanted the same. UNTIL DESTINY!   For him it's merely socializing. He lost his best friend 2 yrs ago and was in the truck all that time and doesn't have a big friend circle. But he plays this 25-30 hours per week. He stays up late, takes naps or sleeps late...or whatever.   I wouldn't care about any of it if he was done with school and was established. I just don't know how much longer to let it go on. I feel bad when I bring it up. He doesn't like confrontation so he just lets me vent and goes on about his business. I just feel like he could be spending his time better. This is all big turn off. I would feel different if I walked in the door late at night from work and he was studying for a test. Or he wanted to sleep late because he was up late doing something productive. Why does he get to sleep in??? I do all I do and I rarely get a break! If I want to sleep in or watch the tv I have to plan time around his gaming schedule. It's ridiculus and I think it's ruinng our relationship and our child. Our children watch us all the time and learn from us.  I've often thought of playing with my husband but I dont' have time. Someone has to get the kid to school, I have class, and I have work. We are too old for this. I'm 37 and he is 46. Break time is over! He needs to deliver. The only reason I stayed up late to write this was because I just got home from work. I came in full handed, hungry, and he is sitting there on the couch with head phones, laughing and having a good time. I get a wave and a smile. Which is pretty much the norm these days. All I do these days is stew in my resentment for him and feel stupid for being one of those wives that thought her husband was different. I would put a ball bat through the Xbox but I honestly think he would divorce me. Outside of this one issue we have no problems. We get along, we have things in common, we don't fight. I just dont' know how to handle this situation. I grew up with a dad and brothers and none of them had this problem. They worked. They didn't have time for a gaming addiction. What do I do??!!

Mandy Palmer

xraywife79
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 11 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/08/2017 - 11:23pm
I understand.

9:30 to abot 2am really does seem like Destiny time. I have my own fantasies about the XBOX...like leaving it plugged in and on during a lightening storm or jamming a screwdriver around inside it.  I just keep thinking my husband will get tired of it. I spend my nights in the bedroom watching Netflix or studying for my classes. We only hangout if we are having dinner, going ot the grocery store, or I plan an outing away from home without friends. I wish my husband would get a job and go back to school and make real friends.  I'm not sure a forum is going the help me though :(

 

Mandy Palmer

Polga
Polga's picture
Offline
Last seen: 10 hours 34 min ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Mandy

Welcome Mandy

Not everyone gets addicted to games; bewteen 5 to 20% of the population are predisposed to addiction. You could say that your husband is one of the unlucky ones. Once in addiction, the personality and brain function changes. He will not want to quit if he is having fun. Only when bad consequnces happen will he want to quit.

If you want to stand a chance to fight this then keep coming back to read the spouse forum (there are 2)

Find the ways you are contributing to his addiction, then stop. Protect your child from being an addict...read the parents forums.

I am so sorry that you are worn out from work etc, but you need to prioritize what is important to you .. a therapist may help you explore this. We cannot control an adults addiction, but we can look after ourselves. Also you can protect your son. You just have to decide what is important to you. You may need to get you feeling well enough to take this on, as a first priority.

To protect your needs, you need to consider your boundaries to stay in the relationship and how you will let him act around you ( NB you need to be signed in to see the links below)

http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-spousessignificant-others-olg-anon-members-only/boundaries-what-they-mean-and-how

Learn about enabling and stop enabling him

http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-spousessignificant-others-olg-anon-members-only/about-enabling-spousessos-addicted

learn how you can "detach with love" to keep yourself sane.

http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-spousessignificant-others-olg-anon-members-only/detachment-what-means-and-how-do-it

Keep coming back !

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Brittaya
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 3 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 07/02/2016 - 10:43pm
Hopeful

We've been struggling over here with my partner's Destiny addiction for almost 2 years. I was at my wit's end this past fall, ready to leave the relationship and just give up, that's how bad it had gotten, when I found a book at the library called Beyond Addiction. It changed everything for us. I finally got my partner to quit in October. It ended with him punching our garage door so hard he almost broke his knuckles. He could barely even hold the PS4 controller and that's when he realized how bad it was. We're a few months in to recovery. I feel like I have my partner back finally (most of the time). He's a completely different person without that game.

The problem we're having now is that his Destiny friends (including his brother) have had an ongoing D&D game for years and he goes once a month. I want him to be social and I can't ask him to just quit seeing his friends, but they don't believe it's an addiction and they spend their time trying to force my partner back into playing the game. His brother went so far as to offer to pay the $80 PlayStation Network subscription fee. My partner said no, but of course every time this happens it triggers all the cravings to play and flips the switch in his head to him hating me again for no reason (except of course knowing that I'll be hurt if he plays). And to top that off, these same friends want to start a second D&D group so that my partner will be seeing them twice a month instead of once. I don't know what to do. I've told him I'm scared. I don't think being around them is good for his recovery or our relationship. Anyway, I'm hopeful that despite all this he'll continue on this path so we can be happy together. Our lives are so much better without Destiny destroying everything.

chellemac4
chellemac4's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 1 month ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 10/17/2017 - 2:34pm
Oh my God, I am not alone... thank you!

I thought I was crazy for how upset I get over my husband's addiction to Destiny.  He just retired on July 31 from the military and he is almost 44 years old.  We have four children and he knew it was always my dream to be a stay-at-home mom.  He told me to quit my job (I was a 14 year teacher) and finally be a stay-at-home mom because he was going to get a full-time job, and we would not need my income anymore (with his retirement coming in).  So I did, I quit my job and even started homeschooling one of our children who has a lot of academic gaps, but here is the problem... he has done NOTHING but play Destiny for 15 hours a day, 7 days a week,  He has yet to look for a job (nearly 3 months now) and we are living off of credit cards,  The part that angers me the MOST is the online chats.  He hoots, hollers, and laughs with these total strangers but can barely speak a word to me or our children.  I have been dealing with this since August of 2014, and I am at my wits end.  I have tried everything, but nothing can pull him away.  I am in the process of getting things together to leave and it is breaking my heart, but I can no longer stand watching him in that chair or listening to the stupid online chats.  I have never felt so lonely and neglected, marriage is not supposed to be this way.  My children have so much disdain for him that they won't even look at him anymore,  Destiny destroyed my marrage and stole my husband from me.  Thank you all so much for this thread.  It is so comfoting to know that I am not alone in this misery.

Chelle

Log in or register to post comments