Step 1, Thread 2 - To post about Step 1, go to Step 1, Thread 5 as this post has reached it's limit of responses.

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Aryianna
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Step 1, Thread 2 - To post about Step 1, go to Step 1, Thread 5 as this post has reached it's limit of responses.

To post about Step 1, go here: Step 1 - Thread 5 To read what others have shared about Step 1, go here:  Step 1 - Thread 1 and Step 1 - Thread 2 and Step 1 - Thread 3 and  Step 1 - Thread 4.

Posted on: Sun, 11/03/2002 - 8:37pm
Posted by Aryianna

Step 1:  We admitted we were powerless over our game addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable

Principles - Honesty and Acceptance

ADMISSION STEP

Membership Requirement

This step states the membership requirement of O.L.G.A. We use gaming to avoid our pain.
We live in a fantasy world.
We cannot cope with our real life.
Our denial kept us from seeing how powerless and unmanageable our lives had become.

We must admit that our lives are disturbed. We must accept the fact that we are helpless before the power of gaming. We must admit that we are licked as far as gaming is concerned and that we need help. We must be willing to accept the bitter fact that we cannot game like other people. And we must make, as gracefully as possible, surrender to the inevitable fact that we must stop gaming. Is it difficult for me to admit that I am different from "social" gamers?

There are two parts to this step:  powerlessness and unmanageability.

Powerlessness
Powerless over our separation from our spiritual base, we use gaming to fill the void caused by that separation
Have you found yourself unable to control your online gaming?A  Did you feel that you had no power to put limitations on the amount of time you spent playing?A  Do you find yourself spending time in the game, even though you don't want to?A  Do you find you don't have the willpower to stop playing?

Unmanageability
Has your life become unmanageable as a result of online game addiction?A  Is your life out of control?A  Are there areas of responsibilities that you've been neglecting as a result of playing online games?

Recovery starts by surrendering and by admitting that there is something wrong.  Not everyone who plays on-line games are addicts, but those who are addicts are the ones who have lost control -- have experienced powerlessness and unmanageability.

We had to stop fighting a Higher Power, ourselves and others.

The solution:

  • Honesty
  • Open-mindedness
  • Willingness

Members, feel free to share your experience, strength and hope on this subject by replying to this thread.

Some of you have asked that I start off the discussion, since you really don't know how to go about sharing or what to share, so here goes.

Powerlessness as it related to my gaming meant that I was unable to log off at times that I had set for myself. A Often I would end up playing past 4:00 a.m. and had to get up around 8:30 a.m. to be at work. A Now I can't tell you whether it was the game or the guy who's part of my story (some of you know my drama story) that kept me logged on that long, but the point I'm trying to make is that at times I had no control over how long I would stay in the game.

As a result of my powerlessness (to control how long I would stay logged), my life had become unmanageable.  To this day, I still have a stack of mail that I need to get through and sort.  I had neglected bills, returning phone calls, going out with friends, appointments with friends for the game.

It's important for me to see my lack of control and the resulting unmanageability that followed in my life.  By admitting both, I am able to do something about my problem.

Okay, your turn!

 

Strikegun
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Posted on: Fri, 01/02/2009 - 11:24am

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I have a problem with addiction, fortunately, it wasn't drugs, but video games. I choose to stay home instead of spending time with family and I put things like practicing driving, school, and a job at the bottom of my list. Thankfully, the current expansion of Warcrack showed me how bored i was and I snapped out of it and decided to look for help, and my friend showed me you guys, she hopes to quit soon too.

I look forward to what all this place can do to help me get in control of my addictive personality and help me to enjoy things in life (and maybe be able to play a game or 2 casually with a friend from time to time).

Time to move on, hehe

michael
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Posted on: Fri, 01/02/2009 - 8:29pm

Welcome Strike..joy is in the journey!

 

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Posted on: Tue, 01/13/2009 - 7:14am

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Im new to this community which by the way looks to me like a big international family. Whats my gaming story? Well i started playing an MMORPG (Lineage2). At first (maybe because i was new) i didnt play that much. But after 6 months i was a hard core player. Now is the 4-th year i believe that i play this game. The game it self is not half bad. I did almost everything there is to do in this game, but i still manage to find something interesting to do. For example right in this very moment i am logged on with my character. Tommorow i have a final exam for which i have not studied. For the past 2 weeks i was telling my self "I have to study for the !@# @#$%exam!!! Well ok i will just after this raid." After 3 hours of raiding i would say to my self "i have to study. Ok just after this movie" and so on and so on. I became self aware that i am addicted a long time ago. Even now i will tell you that i am addicted, i cant stop, i know its killing me (not in the physical way). I have no friends, i cant participate in a talk with my friends since all i do is play stupid games (not only Lineage2, i play NFS: U2, AirRivals, Metin2 and many others). I dont hate Lineage2.
I manage to stop playing for around 1-2 weeks but after that i need to play. To see the character and the interface. Even if i dont do anything just sit down and watch the waterfall would make me feel happy. Im not the best company. I want to stop playing. I want to get rid of this addiction to games and pc's. But i believe i dont have the will power to control my self. I reached i point in my life where i cant go by with just saying "i have to stop". I feel like right now at this very moment i have to will power to do it. But i feel like its a meter away from my fingertips and i cant reach it.
I have never played Lineage2 after 12 pm. Although a couple of days ago i got up in 4 o'clock in the morning to siege a castle with my brother.
I currently am in the university. I have tons of stuff to do (related to the university) that i havent even started. I feel like my life is slipping away. As if im holding to a straw above a bottomles pit.
I came here with the hope that i can find people to talk to, people that have expirienced what i have. Well that is all i can think of now. I have to go to study for my exam tomorrow cause if i dont i will fail for shure and that is not an option. Ow one last thing. While writing this message i caught my self using MMORPG language, like btw & ppl. Thats not a good sign.

Powerlessnes? Yeah id say i have that one, since i cant control my self.

Unmanageability? Yeah id say i have that one too, i cant manage my life as to be balanced. The IG to RL ratio is not good. Its kinda like IG>RL. Which is what i want to change. Best case is IG

avyiz
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Posted on: Mon, 01/26/2009 - 6:24pm

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I have known for a while that I have a problem with video games. However, the pattern of my addiction is quite peculiar. This is what happens:

When I start a new game I devour it by playing 100-200 hours( I replay the games twice or thrice until all its secrets are discovered); once bored with the game I buy something else and another 100-200 hours go by. This cycle repeats itself until I run out of money, and that is when I begin to beg for money from my parents or other family members. That used to be the case when I was younger and my parents didnt mind, they unknowingly supported my early addiction by giving into my demands of money.

Nowadays, as a young adult my parents wont give money for such mundane things; "YOU arent a kid anymore" they say. With such negative comments you would think that my addiction would be cured! However, instead of curing itself it has grown even worse. Now it is hidden from my parents and family, everyday growing even more until someday it will devour me. My addiction has become less noticeable because I no more play in console, I have discovered the marvelous world of online gaming!!! now I spend 100-200 hours with a MMOG before changing to another one.

I find myself hiding what I do on the PC when someone enters my room unexpectedly thanks to the miracle of "Alt+F4". I have found ways to fund my gaming habit without my parents/family knowledge.

The results?
bad grades and an unhealthy lifestyle(snacks, coke and irregular sleeping sessions).

I have always been a shy kid that prefers to stay indoors. This situation quickly turned my attention to video games in my infancy. First came gameboy, then super nintendo, play station and finally MMOG. When I gain awareness of my situation in one of this periods with 100-200 playing hours I decide to quit. This temporary quit has occured several times in my addictive record. However, I havent been able to fill the VOID left without the games and that is when I fall back into the cycle of 100-200 hours shifts. NO FRIENDS, NO HOBBIES, no nothing to fill it in.

Now that I think of it not even while in the MMOG do I engage with other people for me it is simply a MSOG (Massively Singleplayer On-line Game) I avoid people in whichever reality I am in.

John of the Roses
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Posted on: Mon, 01/26/2009 - 6:17pm

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Welcome to On-Line Gamers Anonymous. Grats on realizing you have a problem. Please read more posts here and get to know more about excessive gaming and the difficulties which can become all too real. We have no initiation fees or dues and are a self-help Fellowship, the only requirement for joining is having the desire to quit gaming.

Our online meetings are a great alternative to posting on the forum boards, they are held everyday of the week and we offer different types of meetings. I hope you stick around and add to our community with your experience.

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone

xithix
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Posted on: Tue, 02/17/2009 - 4:04pm

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I have been powerless to control the time I spent gaming. Every time quit for a spell and went back playing, it was always "this time it is different" or "only a couple hours a day during the week." I even went as far as setting up the parental controls on some games to help as a reminder... though it didn't help even one since I always equipped with the password and an excuse to continue playing. Every time I play it is a binge, an urge to play until complete exhaustion, rest, and start over again.

I've suffered irregular sleep, loss of productive work days, and poor grades from gaming, and credit card debt and weight gain from cooperative practices. I have many hobbies I enjoy, people I would like to visit, and places I would like to see but "cannot find the time" when I am gaming.

I've found the time today, and hope to continue to do so in the future.

michael
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Posted on: Mon, 03/02/2009 - 4:33pm

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xithix...I can relate...welcome and keep coming back...it works!

All you have is today, and all needed is to stay away from the game today...forget about yesterday, or tommorow...Just today, 24 hours...half day gone already ;) and always remember, the Promises do come true:

a€oeIf we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us a€” sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.a€

Page 83-84 BB~

Be Good to yourself! Rule #62: "Don't take yourself too **** seriously! " 12x12 Book And dont forget to donate... Donate

Puppetdoll
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Posted on: Mon, 03/30/2009 - 1:20am

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Hi everyone,
This is my first post here.

My story isn't complicated, put it short, gaming was a way for me to escape from the stress and trouble in real life. The fact that in games where effort always = reward had completely taken my attention.

I'm in university, while in my first year my marks were around the top 10% of all closes, this year my latest midterm I found myself sitting a few standard deviations below average... It's a cycle that goes again and again - I game, I forget about my studies, I do everything last minute, regret about it and wonder what on earth is wrong with me..

I've been denying that I have an addiction problem for months - but after reading some of the articles here, I think it is really the time for me to realize something is wrong about me, and that I truly need help...

Hope I'll be able to find support here.

CL

michael
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Welcome Puppetdoll...your in the right place! Enjoy the journey.

Be Good to yourself! Rule #62: "Don't take yourself too **** seriously! " 12x12 Book And dont forget to donate... Donate

sas
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Posted on: Fri, 04/10/2009 - 1:15pm

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Hi, my first post, too.

So, step one: I admit I am powerless against this addiction and my life has become unmanageable.
I play such a silly game, it's not complex like WoW, it's just....Solitaire! Aaah, so embarrassing to admit it! And I just started a couple months ago. My mom has had an addiction to solitaire at least since she retired, and I always thought it was stupid. But one day I had reason to check out a solitaire link and figure out how it worked, and that night I spent 5 hours playing. I've spent many nights since then playing and it's not helping my chronic fatigue issues, really :). still, I've found I would rather play than talk to my boyfriend on the phone, or do work that needs to be done, or chores or whatever. I've found myself playing while my body is yelling at me to sleep...always thinking, just this last game. I've recently tried blocking the main site I use to play (I only know how to play one version so far), but then I found the code after a couple days to unblock myself, and was up til 4 am last night after thinking I made progress. So I'm looking for help, I'm looking for support, I'm admitting to myself and the world that I am powerless against the addiction and my life has become unmanageable. I pray I take the steps I need to and find the support I need to take care of myself responsibly.

Thanks for all of this!

Ju
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Posted on: Fri, 04/10/2009 - 6:13pm

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Hello everyone,
I am new here and i wanted to introduce my problem to you. I have a video game problem. Ive been playing video games since i was 5 or 6 years old. when i was 8 years old i got myself glasses, but that didnt stop me. Sometimes i realize my problem and try to quit it on my own. My personal record is 2 days. after its way too hard for me.The worst thing about all this is the following: I am a lone guy and i dont feel bad about it. I dont talk to people and people dont talk to me. So what? but still i know its not ok. Every day i see teenagers like me having fun, smiling all the time and laughing. I dont remember myself doing that when playing a video game and that just makes me feel sad. sometimes in some violent games i catch myself going berserk- i simply run around and kill everyone without thinking. So basically i have told most of my problem. Kinda hard to tell all this.

Gamersmom
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Posted on: Fri, 04/10/2009 - 9:19pm

 

Welcome Ju. Try smiling at the people around you as you walk down the street. Say hello to at least one person that you don't know every day. Take things one day at a time. Try to make it three days the next time you quit. You can do it.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

michael
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Posted on: Wed, 04/22/2009 - 3:30pm

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Welcome sas...always remember its a "we" program...The "i" always leads to trouble, you are never alone. We are powerless....;) I believe the "We" part of the 12 Steps is the most important part to understand. "i" alwys gets in the way. I also think its the foundation for the spirtiual journey one will take in a 12 Step group - in many ways setting the differnece in "self help" books and watching DrPhil or whatever...It is the strength of the program here that keeps me away from a game, one day at a time. Again, welcome!

Be Good to yourself! Rule #62: "Don't take yourself too **** seriously! " 12x12 Book And dont forget to donate... Donate

Dignified_dude
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Powerless...hmm

As I think about this one I would have to say it began once I started playing more than a few hours a night when I was working. I had a great job, good salary and alot of responsibility. Yet I neglected it...I would make excuses constantly to leave work early like around 3 or 4pm to get home a few hour early to go home and 'grind' gold materials, honor in BGs etc...before raid times. I was lying to my employer about docter appoints and even went so far as to fake a weekly 4pm meeting with a therapist about some personal issues so that I could leave work early to go home and game. I even started sabatoging my career knowing full well in the back of my head that losing my job would be a very bad thing..but the sick part of me wanted the time to game uninterupted..I was powerless to my addiction

I had become so powerless to my addiction I even made excuses to miss a long running tradition of going quail hunting with some buddies...a trip that usually lasted all weekend and required a camp out. It was always good times and good for me spirtually to be among some friends outside....all because I didn't want to miss my gaming time and raids

Truly pathetic is that I even made excuses to avoid seeing a woman that was interested in me because I knew getting more involved with her would mean less game time and an invasion into my privacy that would hinder my ability to neglect my life...like cleaning my place and general upkeep

SandSpyderX
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Hi All,

after doing everything the wrong way round, I feel the need to post here. I am the type of person who does not read user manuals because he likes figuring things out as he goes. So I started my own topic. I just read most posts in this topic and realised that my first contribution should have been a post here, instead my own topic. My sincerest apologies for this, and for not reading all posts, rules etc.

I am definetely an addict, I don't know where it ends, though. I do not abuse alcohol or drugs. I am definetely an Americas Army addict, definetely a game addict and am not clear if computers and related things are just my passion or also an addiction. (I think my passion for IT is normal though).

In my eyes (and the posts in this topic support this) I do the following / have the following symptoms:

- My No.1 free time activity is gaming or gaming related. If I can't play America's Army, i will play solititaire or hearts or 'desktop tower defence' or ... whatever.
- I try to shape my life to have more free time.
- I try to increase my 'free time' by procrastinating
- I avoid friends and family so I have more 'free time'
- I use tea time and lunch time at work not to stretch my legs and maybe eat something, but to squeeze in more 'free time'
- I always extend my set 'free time', during the day by a few minutes to an hour, in the evenings often far more

If these aren't clear symptoms ... what are

and here is another one, which is less of an online or multiplayer issue, but more stand alone games with a built in savegame function:

I have this underlying 'feeling' or confidence, or possibly even full blown illusion that I can just 'load' a previous version of my life when I make a wrong decision. I don't know how to explain this. I have not yet seen this addressed anywhere else here. I see it with most friends and family who game regularily. Somehow they are less cautious with their lives and do less short, medium or long term planning. We don't set any goals in our lives.

Oh, and I just realised that I registered on this page with my in-game avatar.

I run a webpage called XXX and am involved in the formation of Namibia's own E-Sport federation. I don't want to turn my back on either, but rather use my energy and influence in both to be there for others like us.

I am ready for step 1.

Dignified_dude
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SandspyderX...do not be too hard on yourself about trying to figure it out by yourself. Being one of a very analytical mind I tried to do the same at first myself. I'm still struggling with thinking I can out think this addicton. It's good you are starting to research the 12 steps and understand them. Keep this in mind as you do, Hundreds of thousands of people have used the twelve steps to successful get their addictions under control and go on to live healhty productive lives. Jump on over ot the www.aa.org and peruse their ste. Read the articles about the history and what not. It's very enlightening to see how AA came together and how it has helped so many cope with thier addictions.

Also...something I found very interesting to my analytical mind was a wrtieup about AA and the fundamentals by a doctor that spent his life treating alchoholics. In his letter he talks about amazing it is that the power of this organization and the format in which they are setup has worked on so many. He goes on to later expand on this letter in more detail later in another statement.

You can find that letter here

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_doctoropinion.cfm

So...again..I'm glad to see you here researching and reading about the 12 steps. Olganon being an organization that uses the principles founded by Alchoholics Anonymous seems to be the most successful I've seen so far at helping deal with gaming addiciton. We can't think our way out of it we need structured way of dealing with it and we need help from an external source. The 12 steps provide that.

Dignified Dude

Desire to Stop
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When I started AA I was taught that my 1st step there was admitting my life was unmanageable, and that I couldn't stop drinking. I've known other people who did written 1st steps (which it doesn't describe doing in the Big Book, but that is one practice that some people developed). So I don't know, I've never done this written thing before and since I don't have recovering step-taking gamers in my local community, I'll tell you about my powerlessness and unmanageability:

Once I start I can't guarrantee I can stop.

I'll decide I don't want to play on a specific day or weekend, and then create an excuse to "just log in for a moment" and will play for the entire duration of time I wanted to be out of game (and more).

Deprive myself of sleep, food, exercise, regular bathing to play.

Once thin, tanned and very outdoorsy, I am now 100 lbs. overweight, pale, and indoorsy. (Natural changes in my activity level that came about as part of being a mother, were dramatically exacerbated by starting to play an MMO.)

Jeopardize my employment to play.

Neglect a myriad of real life basic obligations to play (including housecleaning, bill paying, etc).

Will schedule my entire life around making sure I am available for game activities (this includes altering my AA meeting schedule, putting off activities with my child, avoiding or cutting short activities with friends & family).

Escaped into an MMO instead of dealing with the very long lasting unhappiness in my marriage.

Found it easier to build up my MMO characters in a way that I am terrified of building myself up in real life (pursuing goals, improving my basic situation) so would play more and more.

Willingly spend increasing amount of time with people in game I would never spend time with in real life.

Some other symptoms (and going to take this directly from pg 52 of the Big Book of AA)

We were having trouble with personal relationships check

we couldn't control our emotional natures check

we were prey to misery and depression check

we had a feeling of uselessness check

we couldn't make a living I'm employed, but have jeopardized my employment with my gaming activities, including poor performance due to lack of sleep from extended hours of gaming.

In terms of being unable to make a living--I am *not* financially self-sufficient, and have avoided bettering myself to improve my situation, while I spend hours, and hours, and hours "bettering" my MMO characters.

we were full of fear check
This takes on some pretty absurd levels, since I was once a very, very social person. My divorce had an effect on this, as during divorce it's not uncommon to "lose" friends (some pick you, some pick the other person). Between that and my weight gain, I've developed a very convenient fear of leaving the house--convenient in that I can stay pretty darned close to the computer

we were unhappy check

we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people check

And from xxviii of The Doctor's Opinion (with gaming terms substituted for alcohol)

Men and women game essentially because they like the effect produced by the game. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit is is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false.

Yes--my first registered account at this site was over 2 years ago. I remember calling someone via the phone number and crying. At that time I was unable to admit defeat, and even then I felt desperate and hopeless.

To them their gaming life seems the only normal one.

Yes, I find myself unable at times to share fully with my other friends because they aren't part of "this world", which is in reality an imaginary world. Haha, oh snap! I can't connect to my real friends because they aren't part of my imaginary world! (Oh man that sounds silly!)

They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by doing a little gaming>..

Yes, restless, irritable, and discontent, that would be me.

Back bills, unwashed dishes, overweight, stagnating professionally, putting off time with my child, shunning friends and family--all for a little more time in game.

Powerless and unmanageable check

Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.

Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.

John of the Roses
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You have thus written an understandable amount on step 1.

Good job,

Now step 2

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone

picklednoodles
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I'm going through the steps again, as the first time I wasn't very thorough about it. I've started writing my thoughts out more in recovery, and will be writing when working each step as a sort of meditation on them. Maybe my meditations on the steps will help others in some way. This is what I wrote a few days ago about step one:

"I admit that I am powerless over gaming, fantasy, my addictions, and that my life has become unmanageable. I try to life in a fantasy world; I feel I cannot cope with my real life. My denial kept me from seeing how powerless and unmanageble my life has become. My life is out of my contril unless I turn to my Higher Powers for help. Only they can give the peace and control I seek. I must give them my all, turn my doubts to faith and selfishness to love.

Since they ask that I stop gaming completely*, I must do so. I know that what they ask is what's best for me. I must stop kidding myself and stop leading others on. I must cut out all things related to gaming from my life. I am not a social gamer and have an unhealthy draw to fantastical things. Books and movies for me function as tools to access fantasy, they are not inherently bad for me. They are something I must learn to resist the fantasy in and better facilitate the benefits of them.

There is some basic hole in my self I'm trying to fill with my addictions. Instead I must turn to my HPs and ask them to help me understand this cause of my addiction and to either take this flaw from me or to help me heal and fill the hole with healthy things. From here on out, I will try to take life a day at a time and to each day, submit myself to my HPs and ask for their assistance."

*While I quit mmorpgs 6 months ago, I've been playing D&D, Facebook games, and periodically console games. I knew beyond doubt that I was powerless over mmorpgs, but I thought I had control over my use of these other games. I may or may not have had control over my use of them, but their use negatively impacted me regardless. I now refuse to use all gaming apps on Facebook, am selling my console and their games, and am trying to extricate myself from the D&D group I played with without hurting anyone's feelings.

"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win." -Jonothan Kozol

jfcct42
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Posted on: Mon, 06/29/2009 - 8:39am

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I quit smoking about 12 years ago now - I had to give up coffee and all alcohol at the same time - they were all linked for me. I was a great decision even thought at times it was hard.

I have given up MMORPGs about 30 times now. First I struggled with D&D when I was younger and obsessed by the "making your own story" aspect of things. I played console games and nothing really caught that original thrill until I tried DAoC - where literally, the conversations we had at the D&D table were all coming true with DAoC. The quests, the dungeons, the epic wars and battles. I struggled and finally gave up DAoC. Then I tried WoW because I thought I was "better" I would not let this game get to me. Apparently I am an idiot. WoW has been as hard for me to quit as smoking was. I know I can do it, because I have done recovery before that was hard. I think my problem is that with smoking I was able to identify what my linked behaviors was and eliminate those as well. With WoW, I don't think I have identified all of the things I need to remove from my life to quit forever. If I read about a patch or talk to someone who still plays, or think about raiding and the fun our guild had together, I am done and really kind of loose my head. I have done everything I can to delete characters, delete the game and destroy disks, etc... But, I have in the past, bought new disks, made the characters and leveled them back up. Part of the thing I really enjoy and that is key to my addiction is the progression of the electronic "self" - it is NOT being the best or having the best... it is the act of improving. So, re-rolling is not a deterrent for me.

So, I am back (I was here when I was struggling with DAoC, but that was so long ago I don't event remember my old account here - I created a new one and I hope, through going through these steps and reading these stories I can, once and for all, get clean from WoW.

Thanks for being here.

lisefrac
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Posted on: Mon, 06/29/2009 - 4:54pm

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Welcome, jfcct42. As a recovering WoW addict myself, I definitely resonate with some of the things you're writing. This in particular struck me:

Part of the thing I really enjoy and that is key to my addiction is the progression of the electronic "self" - it is NOT being the best or having the best... it is the act of improving.

Two observations here: I believe it is possible to turn this urge towards "leveling in real life," as someone's sig here says. I have always been the kind of person who is drawn to self-help and personal development texts, for a similar reason. The trick, of course, is recognizing the difference between reading about improving oneself, and actually improving oneself. But that's a separate battle ;)

At the same time, as my husband likes to remind me, "the less I seek my source for some definitive/the closer I am to fine," to quote an Indigo Girls song.

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I admit I am powerless and my addiction to gaming has rendered my life unmanageable because, I'd spend hours, days on end, online gaming. I dont think I would have ever gotten addicted to secondlife if i had never come across the RP aspect of the game. ( well that's questionable.. but it was one of the main reasons that got me hooked)

So, I would spend hours dressing and undressing my avatar, doing her shape over, jumping from sim to sim looking for hair, trying on different skin and of course bows and weapons, collecting and collecting piles of worthless virtual primage.

I started that game around sep 08 and that was when I had begun the fall semester and i was taking A&P!!! When the school year was over, I had missed more than half of the semester because I couldnt either wake up the next morning or I was 'bingeing' doing a two day long stretch gaming, I had failed everything, disappointed my parents, I was tired, my hair was falling out, I had bags under my eyes, I was losing weight rapidly because I would forget to eat, my sister hated me because she almost never saw me leave my room, and when she'd tell me about personal problems she was going through, I'd brush her off... and what hurts the most now that I think of it was that I didnt even care!.

And when I tried to cut back on the hours, I would set 1hr timers and when the ringer rang I would turn it off and continue gaming for another 4 + hours.. or however long, sometimes I'd loose track of time.

Ever since deleting my account, I haven't gained a thing from all the hours I've spent gaming, nothing I can show for my rl self, nothing that bettered my real life. Nothing at all.

Our truest life is when we are in our dreams awake.
-Henry David Thoreau
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Slow and steady wins the race.

dj1990
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I am falling. I know things can get much worse than they are now, and i don't want them to be. I am a gaming addict. When my niece was born 5 years ago I told myself I would stop gaming, or at least slow down. Now 5 years later I have not stopped, I have become worse. I can see the effects I have on my niece now she thinks of me as a lazy bum. I now have 2 new nephews and I dont want them to think of me like my niece does, and I want her to think better of me.

Over the last few years I went from a B+ to A student down to failure. My grade 8 year is where it fell apart Over the course of my high school years I have become the addict I am. I barely passed high school with a 59% average. I got in part time to university but only to end in bitter failure. Now I see.

I am powerless, rather I have the wrong power. I have pulled others into the hole I am in I remember a time when my father had strict limitations on my play time. I could only play for 1-2 hrs and only after I finished my homework I found myself "needing" to play more and more to the point that 2hrs seemed much to short. That is when I began "begging" for more play time I began asking my dad to come sit and watch me play until i had dragged him into addiction. Now we both are falling. I see my lil brother with symtoms that I had all those years ago. I want to stop but addiction has its hold on me I cannot stop on my own I don't want to watch as my addiction Pulls in yet another member of my family. I am powerless. My mother is the last of the real world at my home. She is working 2 Jobs and is strugling to pay the bills. My mother is on the brink of leaving my father and us, leaving me. I don't want this anymore.

My addiction has made my life unmanageable. I want to climb out of this hole I am in.

On Step 1.

godpleasehelp
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I realized long ago that I was a severely addicted to runescape. I've even quit for months at a time, yet for some reason whenever I get frustrated or depressed I convince myself that I can go back for a day or two to check up on my friends. It always ends up with me going back to being super addicted and playing for 6-8 hours a day. I've spent somewhere under $3000 on gold for the game. I've been playing it since mid 2004 and only quit for small intervals at a time. I know I have a problem, and I know it's no one's problem but mine and that I'm the only one that can stop it.

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I have been in treatment for computer game addiction and various other social and anxiety problems for just over two years. I turn 18 in less than 3 weeks, and am graduating from my program and returning home in a day shy of four weeks. I have made huge strides in all the areas I was sent away from home for, except not so much with the gaming.

I relapsed once in December 08, and most recently, two or three weeks ago, I somehow decided I could play computer games from 5-6 (there is one hour a day when we are allowed to at my program) without any problems. The first time I played was Mon or Tues. On Friday I was playing at 8:00 when the House manager walked in, heard the game, and took away my computer for a week. I was at an AA meeting last night, and for some reason it clicked in my head that I had been in treatment for over two years and still had never taken that first step. It is a fascinating concept; that I have fallen slave to a device created to make my life easier. For some reason I thought that when I grew older and was meeting my needs in healthy ways (working out, biking, having friends, falling in love for the first time with the most incredible girl, etc.) that the cravings would dissipate. I thought that I would be able to play a computer game, get bored with it, and then go do something else. I guess I thought wrong.

When I get home, if I choose to game, then it becomes my problem. The people in my program won't come save the day and take my laptop away. My dad will get angry and bad things will happen, and my life will deteriorate. I hope this forum can help me stay off the computer games, because my life is actually doing really well otherwise.

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I'm not sure where to start, since gaming has been a part of my life from early teenage years and progressed till about a month ago when I stopped playing the game that sucked me into an abyss that I realized would not end till I stopped it from controlling my life.

That abyss was world of warcraft. Since December 2006 my time was spent playing WoW and going to college The game became so addicting that I couldnt let go. While in college from 2006-2008 I spent all of my weekends playing WoW and sometimes I would drive home during the week just to play the game and then wake up early play the game then drive to class and spend the rest of the week in my dorm. The internet connection was terrible in my dorm but that didnt stop me week after week of lugging my computer from home to my dorm every sunday.

Sometimes I would think to myself, this is not how i want to live life. But I thought it would be foolish to have spent so many 100s of hours playing to just give it up. It would seem like a waste of time if I didnt keep playing.

My biggest problem now is filling the time that I would usually spend gaming with something more productive. i dont have a job and am in the process of going bankrupt.

lizwool
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Posted by Upanddownstudent
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Hello,

I guess games always been part of my life. I mean i had periods were no games was there but never at the summer breaks where I would play games endlessly. We have pretty long summer breaks in Sweden and now is one of them and the sun is shining outside. I realized I had a problem but the information but games addiction is hard to find so I thought I was just an irresponsible person and that made me depressed and more addict. So this site really helps alot for me.

When I moved away from my family and starting as a student that was where the problems started. In highschool i could play poker on the internet but still manage to do the homework but I really went from being a brilliant student to a meager one. I guess I am lucky in this regard.

After a few months as a student i started playing games and then I hated myself for not going to class and got very emberrassed to meet friends. I failed the courses and stayed home lying to my roommate who was my brother who also played games but could manage his studies.

Then my brother went away and I got a depression and stayed alone playing games and thinking about the theories about poker reading alot of books over again like an obsessed. When I went on a trip i realized i had no money and had to take a job, but after working I would only play games meeting noone.

Later I got back to my home town and started studies at a new university. I was very active the first year and a good student and also meet alot of people. Later I meet my girlfriend and working on a student parade stop going to university. I was very embarresed and got more into games. Since 1 year back it has been very bad. I was lying to my girlfriend and stayed home playing and when she got home I would stop. After several months I realized I was hooked up and broke all cds and met psychologist. I started reading about the game bridge, which is a card game and for me became my new obsession. I denied I had problems mostly and kept on reading about bridge and playing alot on the internet. Now I stopped with bridge but started playing old games when my girlfriend now is together meeting and working for her parents in Japan on the other side of the world.

I had a summerjob which included deliver newspapers to homes and had to use my parents car. I smashed the car and got a new one from my sisters boyfriend and my uncle. During this time when I wasnt working I was playing old RPGs on computer and reading about strategies. For me making the ultimate character been my obsession.

Now I destoyed all games on all computer and I can say I have problems with games addiction.
It is hard for me to start new activities but when I start I get very good. e.g. Here it is very messy I should clean.

I love seeing what is out there now.
Peace

Liz Woolley

ghost
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Posted on: Tue, 08/11/2009 - 6:36am

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Hi, I'm new. I've been addicted to games since I first picked up that nintendo controller. And as the years went on I became increasingly obsessed with them. I've never had a girlfriend, and I only have one real life friend that I keep in touch with. Throughout school my grades have both failed and were top notch because of video games: failed because gaming was all I wanted to do, and were top notch because I realized that if I did good in school, nobody would bother me when I was playing my video games. So I did graduate with honors because of that, but now that I'm out of school, I game 24/7 and still don't have a job or driver's license. It wasn't until I read the horror stories on wikipedia's article on video game addiction that I realized what a problem it can be. And reading some of the stories on this site made me realize that I'm going down the same path. It may be hard, but I believe that quitting will certainly be worth it.

last_mmo
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Posted on: Thu, 08/13/2009 - 6:39pm

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I'm not sure this is the right thing to say, but in some strange way it's nice to know other people are struggling with the same thing I am. I'd rather no one else have to struggle with gaming addictions, but it's cool to know people can relate. Does this make sense?

Lately I've begun to see where my life is starting to go down hill, and where consequences of my gaming are starting to catch up with me. I see potential to stop it here, now, and I really want to do that before more of my life and more opportunities unravel before me. But man is it hard not to game! It's so easy to get involved in a group of gamers and feel bound to them because of in-game 'responsibility' (I'm a 'manager' of sorts in a big group in Eve online - which at times is like a second job but it's still fun?). I don't want to let them down, but at the same time in order not to let them down am I letting myself down or letting my friends and family down? If I had to pick who I would rather not let down then I would choose my family and friends, but for the past couple years every so often I've been leaning action wise towards the gaming, which is a scary thought!

I'm classified by friends and family as a 'nice guy' but lately my gaming has quite possibly making me into an angrier person. One friend said to me that I go from really nice to very angry (and I was thankful for their feedback!), and while some kind of balance is important I don't want to be known for having such a fearsome anger, especially since at my core I'd like to believe that's not me.

Anyway, I need some time to get familiar with the site and read what people have to say. I look forward to getting to know everyone here a bit better and sharing stories. Thanks for taking the time to read what I have to say!

time_waster
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Hello and welcome to those who have recently joined the site.

To begin with, I've started playing PC games rather early. My stepfather (who is a programmer) introduced me to DOOM at the age of 5 which was quickly replaced by peaceful simcity2k and NFS series. Playing time was limited to 2 hours a week and if I messed something up or got an 8 or less at school (we got a 10 point system in our country) or watched a long movie on weekend I would be deprived from gaming for a week. Well, that system gave me a good elementary school record but on the other hand, it made me a big addict (I would do anything just to be allowed to play), playing time increases for good school performance also worsened the problem.
In the 6th grade I got my personal PC, Internet connection followed and you all know the rest except for the fact that I wasn't good at online gaming so I didn't play much online and opted to waste some time on SP instead (still the same addictive ****, though).

Now I have two years left at high school and I don't want to waste them. I've gone through step one three years ago and then two years later. I can't A£$^! it up the third time which is exactly now. All in all, it's all up to me and some feedback to get back on track while I still have the motivation to do so.

If only people had a dime for every hour they've wasted.

Onedayatatime
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Posted on: Sun, 08/23/2009 - 4:01pm

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Dear family

Saddly ive admitted i was powerless to myself and others many times, but Ive often decided to *** it all, and dive back in.  I just didnt care, i felt so much like a piece of *** that the humiliation of not playing with my 'best friend' was too much, my life has been a disaster, as a whole.  Drugs, sex, smokes, caffeine, food, any mind or mood altering method ive abused.  Some times powerless isnt even close to the full truth.  It seems far stronger than that, there are times i wish i could really got up into the mountain or an ashram or something and hide, because im so ripe for addiction, im afriad to play life.

Now mind you ive have had many many wins, in my life.  I have been gifted with some amazing talents and wisdom.  I am a gifted artist, I am also a gifted healer and coach, many people come to me with their troubles and i can really listen and guide them to there own empowerment.  A very yin/yang exsistence.  In many ways my adictions have prepared me to be really able to be in service to others, I can really say to them, wow i understand, that really is painful, ive also gotten that tee shirt, this is the way out.  

Yet I do get very tired of this, walking in balance, some times I just let myself  collapse, and I wake up with a new symptom, so i must dig deeper still, just keep at it even if it is for my life time, a step 3  moment, turn i over and trust things are perfect the way they are. 

Its very interesting that in some other additions this step was easy in the sense that i havent relasped.  gaming for me was just my safety line to numbing the pain, its didnt realy hurt others i told myself, I was so abused and damaged growing up that this is a really ok way to heal myself, and for the record there may be some truth to it at some time, just as working the steps for drugs showed me, with the God of my understanding that using was at the time the only way i knew how to survive and cope.  it may not have been the best way but it was the way i had,...untill i could wake up enough to more forward and let it all go.  I really needed a rock bottom to stand apon, and it was/is scary.  

Admission is the action for this step...and its simple ' I NEED HELP, I HAVE A PROBLEM' and its the begining of having courage, which implies the presence of FEAR.  For me taking the power back is to cover up my fear, My expeirence with this step is the admition of powerlessness is the begining of empowerment.  " Surrender To Win " at first it sounds crazy, but it is the key to this step.  Funny thing i just notitice typing is it doesnt make sense to the mind/thinking but feeling it, it feels sooo true, like a universal truth.

My life has been a seesaw of unmanagablity, its what i know, its comfortable and its insane.  I greatly appriciate all the posts and shares, its nice to know your not alone, that possibly millions of people are waking up to something is wrong, what can be done about it, and knowing for me that Im not the only one who has played 20hours at a time missed school,work lost friends etc etc etc... just for today makes it a little bit more managable to face my fears, to know others have gone this way before and have had courage is priceless. 

i wanto thank all the founding members and all the members who have come here seeking/ offering help, thank you all for holding the door open for others to walk through, God Bless

Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)

Arco
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Posted on: Sat, 10/10/2009 - 8:34am

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being powerlessness is a thing some people will never admit. fortunately it has become painfully clear that i am in fact powerless. its been obvious for a long time, the hard part was admitting it to myself.

I am powerless over my gaming addiction, and now ive finally admitted it to myself and another person.

as far as my life being unmanagable well im ashamed to even begin to speak the details  about that. lets just say yes. it has been unmanagable for a long time and im ready to change this.

just admitting these 2 things to myself makes me feel like a large weight has been lifted. even though i know that i have a few weeks of suffering ahead for this very moment i feel like im heading in the right direction for the first time in a long time.

for some people 1 minute of gaming is too much and 1000 is never enough

Puzzles
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      I am 13, and play a game called Furcadia, and have been playing it for three years. I was only ever able to quit twice, both times I was an emotional wreck. The second time I quit was two weeks ago. I promised myself that I would come back and be a better person, and that I would control the time I spent online, and live a normal life out of the holds of the internet. Sadly, I've found myself powerless, and unable to do something that should be so simple as that.

      My main reason for quitting was swimming. I am a child athlete and participate in swim meets at least twice at the end of every month. I'm supposed to swim at least 10 days a week and make 24 hours of practice, but I limit myself to at least 5. Each practice is 2 and a half hours long.

     I would much rather stay on my game and play all day, then go to swimming every day. I don't go out with friends either, because I only get a two hour break when I arrive home from school. This is my time to play on the computer.

      My schoolwork, however, is also suffering. I have given up on trying lately. I find no point in learning math and am failing many tests. Somehow, I just stopped caring. Homework as well, I am not doing. I used to have 90 and above averages and now they are slipping into the 80s.

        My parents won't ever understand me. That is one thing which I know for sure. To me, they plainly tell me to do what I have to, to go to school and swimming, and to stop complaining because I'm just lazy.

        They don't know how I feel though, how I've spent countless days wondering if there was something wrong with me, if I really am going to end up having nothing. I've spent hours crying silently, not wanting them to think a video game was the reason for my complete feeling of hopelessness. I've become ashamed to admit that I am addicted to a game.

          Sometimes I wish I didn't have to swim, that I don't have to be the best so I can get a scholarship to college, because my sister dropped out twice and left no money for me. I wish that I could just be normal and stop with this game.

Desire to Stop
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Posted on: Wed, 10/14/2009 - 5:11pm

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Hi Puzzles, and welcome--I'm sorry for your struggles.  Please feel free to browse the forums, and especially to read what people do instead of gaming, as well as the symptoms of withdrawal.

As an aside--very good college scholarships are available for those who participate in 4H (which deals with more than just farm animals; there are 4H photography groups) and fencing.  The fencing suggestion might sound so totally random, but there are few fencers, and many colleges offer good scholarships without near as much competition as some other sports.

Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.

Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.

Puzzles
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Posted on: Wed, 10/14/2009 - 8:02pm

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   Mmm, the fencing sounds like a nice idea, but I've been swimming too long to just throw everything away, much as I would like to. (Actually, been swimming since I was three. Only got really competitive four years ago.)

     Ontop of that, I've been thinking about what exactly makes me addicted to the game I play. I think its because I feel a sort of... responsibility to log on every day and say hello to everyone. This is what makes it so hard to quit: I've made so many friends there, and if I just got up and left, I would feel like I'm abandoning them.

       I'm not exactly the most popular person at school either, for whatever reason. I have friends here and there, and only one best friend, but somehow it doesn't feel like its enough. I get easily lonely now that my mother works and I come home to an empty house. I'm just a person who, not wants, more like needs friends, and this game fills this need for me.

wes87bar
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Step one is huge.  It wasn't easy to take embrace step one.  It was frightening to realize I was out of control.  It was shameful to realize how I let gaming become my number one priority.  It was humilitating to realize I had placed more value in online relationships than real ones.  It was shocking to face that I had become someone willing to lie about just about everything about myself online to maintain a persona that I had created out of thin air.  It was terrifying that I was putting everything at risk - my marriage, my job, my kids - because of gaming.  I had to face all that to really understand that I was powerless over gaming.  But really wonderful things grew out of all that fear, shame, and pain.  It was hard, but worth it.

 

wes

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Posted on: Sun, 11/01/2009 - 11:08am

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I've played games from when I was young but my family were poor and couldn't afford to keep up with the joneses by buying me consoles so my only play was at friends houses. I'd play video games at my friends house, but only as a small part of the usual childhood playing/hiking/studying etc. As games became cheaper I could start to afford to buy them. I remember one time staying up till past 1am the night before a GSCE exam (exams in the UK at about 16 years old) playing a game because I wanted to complete it. I got a good mark which I remember at the time left me thinking there was nothing wrong with doing that. My love of science fiction and fantasy books as a child led to me playing RPG's. Thinking back I was very lucky they didnt ruin my studies.

I got into university and think I made the most of it, playing only occasionaly. Ironically I watched my closest friend for the first 2 years end up playing an MMORPG all the time and ultimately drop out of university and cut off all of his friends. When I returned home for the holidays I didn't play many games as my friends had stopped playing. After graduation I ended up self employed and did that for 18 months only occasionly gaming with friends. 

Unfortunately by the end of 2007 I found myself in a job I hated. I had been fascinated by the phenomen of WOW and downloaded the demo in December 2007 and played it obsessively, all th while thinking I'm not like my friend who dropped out of uni, I'm stronger than him. I was a bit unwell and used it as an excuse to stay home and play (something I haven't told my flatmates about yet). All holiday season I played, being annoyed I had to stop for Xmas day and boxing day with my family as we were staying at my uncles house and he had no internet.

I returned to work in mid January 2008 and even though I didn't play as much as over the holidays and didn't fake anymore sick days I didn't go out of my way to find more clients, justifying myself by saying my free time is my time and I earn enough to live on. Work picked up but I would still play all day when I wasnt working, stopping when my friends were

Thinking back my playtime seemed to increase more and more from August 2008 onwards (around the time my gran was dying). She died in October then I lost my work for November which thinking back was around the I started raiding and that's when it became really bad. From then till now seems a blur. Up till then I only raided on nights my friends were busy but I started to raid on weekends and friday nights etc. I also started going home from friends houses early to raid.

I didn't work much in December, and Xmas was spent again at my uncles but this time he had the internet so you can guess what I did. A further blow then came when my work for February and March 2009 was cancelled. I "coped" by diving into the game, playing from when my flatmates went to work until they got back and then after they went to sleep (I guess I was trying to hide the extent of my gaming from them). My flatemates could see playing more and expressed concern which I would always brush off. I stopped phoning friends with the justification "I'll only end up spending money I don't have, playing doesn't cost me anything". Some of my friendships have been really strained by this.

The formula of patchy work (with no desire to find more) and lots of WOW carried on. Last wed (28 Oct) I said to my closest friend "I cant seem to sleep right after I raid" and she said well don't raid at night then.

But guess what - when she came home at 11pm Thurs I was raiding, despite having to get up early for work with a new company. The look of dissapointment on her face made me realise I was not doing what I had to said to her what I wanted to do - I was compulsively playing when the overriding logical part of me didn't want to. I typed wow addiction into google and read a few sites, leading to this one. That night I decided to quit raiding and deleted the addons etc that go with it. I woke up very early on Friday morning and thought no it all has to go. I cancelled my subscrition and deleted the game and went to work. Work was very hard and I was a bit of an emotional wreck on friday night but I spoke to my closet friend (she was away on holiday) and told her I'd quit.

So far I am 2 days in and am really gaining encouragement from this site, and am slowly telling my friends about quitting so am receiving help there. I'm going to attempt to contact a close friend I have lost contact with and hopefully we can rebuild out friendship. I still see traces of WOW around the house,  but luckily we are moving soon so I hope this will help things. I couldn't make a 1st step post this yesterday, my head was too much of a blur and I had to think about things. The hardest point was mid afternoon, but I made it through.

As a final observation I saw someone playing WOW who had the same name as my uni drop out friend used, I really hope he hasn't started WOW. I am not sure if I should try to contact him (he is on my facebook). I remember he tried to get me to play DAOC so perhaps I should leave him in the past, rather than try to reach out to help him.

chamonixb4U
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Posted on: Mon, 11/02/2009 - 9:49pm

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Step 1:
We admitted we were powerless over our game addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable

yes, I am powerless. have been powerless. and the more I managed my virtual life, the more I "unmanaged" my real life.

if I go ingame again, I dont know how many hours, days, weeks or months it will be until I emerge again.  I dont know when I come back out again I will have a job, a house or any money left.  I have no power over the time spent ingame.

lizwool
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Posted on: Wed, 11/04/2009 - 1:50pm

Posted by jeremy

Posts: 5
Joined: 2008-08-17
IP: 208.32.120.10

How do I start? My marriage seems to be over at this point because of my complete lack of progress. I haven't stopped playing video and hentai games (at work) and still look at porn. I know porn is outside the focus of this group, I just wanted to include it for context because it is not an OK thing with my wife. I was in this group over a year ago, but as I said I haven't moved forward at all.

I want to be well, but I want to keep playing. It makes me feel good and helps me to avoid things I don't want to deal with. I don't know how to cope with stresses and unpleasnt things. There are a lot of difficult things now with my life and relationship as a result of video games. I'm choosing to stay in the roller coaster cycle now. Is there way out of all of the messes I've made? Has anyone come out of this screwed up place?

I know that I have need to be healthy whether my marriage succeeds or not, if my marriage fails I don't see the point in stopping playing.

I'm vascillating between the two outcomes stemming from a single choice and stay in the place where I'm avoid making a decision by playing video games and only making things worse.

What gives, why am I addicted to a toy? I don't understand. It seems silly and embarassing.

Liz Woolley

catherinek
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Posted on: Wed, 11/04/2009 - 2:38pm

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Jeremy,

As you will see on this site, it is not silly, and indeed nothing to be embarassed about.

You are here. Hello.

BigH501
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Posted on: Thu, 11/05/2009 - 10:23am

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IMHO, until you come to the conclusion that the games are not good for you and that you want to stop them no matter if your marriage succeeds or not, you are not ready... 

[Serious]

" ... don't question it just go" "... where the body goes the mind will follow"
.
Borrowed from "Desire to Stop"

conpanbear
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Posted on: Mon, 11/09/2009 - 9:02pm

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@ Desire to Stop: I never thought of doing a written 12-step diary, but I think that's a great idea that I will adopt.

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our game addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.

I've been saying for a while that I have an addiction to video games, but never really thought I needed to do anything about it. Gaming is much more socially acceptable that a substance addiction. It's not like it can really ruin your life, can it?

Unfortunately, deep down I know that it already has to some extent. I find myself dreaming about games I'm playing, daydreaming about going through a level, spending less time - physically and mentally - with my beautiful partner. I never had many friends in the first place, and I don't spend time with my few close friends anymore.

My gaming addiction has interfered with my university studies. I would find myself playing my DS Lite instead of working on assignments or studying, even against my better judgement; I obviously had no control of my habit. This would send me in a spiral of guilt, anger, and a sense of defeat.

You see, I actually have had issues with depression, which stemmed in part from my fear of failure. The way I see it, I use video games to avoid confronting reality, which at this point in time, seems very difficult. I feel like I don't have any motivations or aspiration. Because of my low self-esteem, I can't seem myself as a contribution to society. I can sense myself failing at uni , and life in general.

When one plays games, there's a sense of purpose. All your goals and aims are laid down for you. If you fail, get a Game Over, there's always a continue option. There seems to be less pressure to succeed, first time, every time.

I would find myself picking up the DS, even when I didn't want to play. I would play, and not even be aware of turning the device on. I would play for hours, and find myself thinking, "Why am I playing this? I don't even feel like playing," and yet still keep playing.

I used to have passion for things in real life. I used to write fiction. I used to love learning about the world we live in through studying Physics, Mathematics, Statistics, Biology, and so on. I used to love to draw - especially anime. I used to love reading, and now I can barely care to read a book, unless it is manga. I feel lazy in my life. The only real life activity I seem to continue to do and enjoy is martial arts.

I want to find the old me. I want to live my life, and be proud of who I am. I'm am ashamed of myself because I don't seem to do anything to contribute to society, because all I do is play games, and this helps no one, not even me. So why do I do it? I am powerless in the face of my addiction. I don't want to be powerless anymore; that's why I am doing this. I want to reconnect with myself, with my family and friends, with the world. I want to be whole again.

Freedom
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Posted on: Mon, 11/16/2009 - 3:09pm

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Powerlessness

I guess sometimes in my gaming experience I did feel some powerlessness.  I guess strangely I relate because growing up I felt the same way where someone was controlling my life or putting me down.  I found when I would say just another hour it would turn into 12hrs and I would miss out on other things in my life.  Everything was negleted

Unmanageability

My life did become unmanagable I was spending so much time in game that nothing was getting done.  I wouldn't shower, eat.  I got totally immersed and lost, it was so seductive I hated it but I just wanted more at the same time.  Every time I said I had a hold on it boom 12hrs more.

There is something wrong here and I must change. This will not control me.  I want to live my life fully.  I have a problem and I must change.  I  want to help my gaming friends.  If I need counselling I will seek it

Its so good to hear I am not the only one, I know its cliche but I don't care!

cpalczewski
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Posted on: Thu, 12/10/2009 - 7:34pm

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Hi,

I am powerless over my online gaming.  I do it all the time at work, and all the time at home.  When things are not going right in my game, I get upset.  I truly am powerless, I am here to start step one, by admitting I have this problem. 

~Chris

Claudius
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Posted on: Sat, 12/12/2009 - 1:14pm

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Hi, I'm Claudius. I'm a game and entertainment addict.

I am definitely powerless over my gaming, and even though my life got messed up because of my inability to deal with my problems and face my feelings, I kept doing it over and over again. I'd come back from work and spend almost the whole night playing, even though I had to go to work on the next day. I had to study, but I never did. All I cared about was to improve my skills on the game¦ I looked at myself as both cool and pathetic, for I was good at what I did and yet I didn't have anything other than that. Tests kept coming in my life, and I was never able to deal with them, due to the accumulated pain. Instead I'd just try to find emotional relief in the emptiness of gaming¦

I'm absolutely powerless over gaming, and my life has definitely become unmanageable due to it.

So, I've now gone into withdrawal!

Thank you!

Thank you.
C.

cjl
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Posted on: Sat, 12/12/2009 - 2:42pm

IP: 216.75.224.2

Hi, I'm Chris and I'm an online game addict.  I am powerless over my addiction. I have spent many years as a game addict.  I started when I was 10 years old, and it has been 35 years. I have been a compulsive user of a variety of games. 

My life is unmanageable.  Through gaming, I have been isolated and alone.

It has now been almost two weeks since I played a game.  It's been a roller coaster -- high hopes and low moments.  This is the longest I've been without games for a while.

Peace

miki002
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Posted on: Tue, 12/29/2009 - 4:21am

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Hello all, im miki, im playing online games for a long time now, before was just offline games, consoles, and now they are all together. i started playing the latest online game about 9 months ago, and i cant get out of it. for 9 months i have played 127676 minutes or that is 2127.933 hours, or  88,6638 (full 24h) days. beside gaming, i still get some time to hang with friends, do some work, work around home, and im post graduate student. My problem is that i dont have enough time to do my task for colage, or for quality sleeping. i sleep 2-3 hours, and i play games like 14-15 hours a day. My parents are not so upset, beacouse i find time for everything, even my girlfriend approves my gaming as long i do all other things i need to. i feel lack of resistance from my envirnonment, cause they know i manage time in a way that all are happy.

i need help to reduce the time playing games, so i can get the colage tasks done, and get some nice sleep. i know i cant stop, cause i've tryed like 1000 times now, from year 1994 till now.

greetings

LaurelS9
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Posted on: Tue, 12/29/2009 - 6:45am

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Howdy, miki002.  I don't know if we can help you reduce the time playing games.  You sound like you're addicted, and there are no half-measures to deal with addiction.  You either don't play at all, ever again, or you stay in your addiction.  Sorry to have to tell you this.

Today is only day 30 game free for me, but already my life is so much better!  Reality is the only world worth fighting for, and if we don't fight for this planet, we will lose it. 

So, please keep reading the OLGA posts, and let us know how it goes. You're not alone.

 

mandraken
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Posted on: Fri, 01/01/2010 - 8:46am

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Hi I am mandraken

Powerlessness, Unmanageability, Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness.

I play till morning my online game.

My life is still manageable, but have ignore my immediate responsibilities to my health and others that depend on me.

I admit there is something wrong and I am willing to go through the steps to gain control of my life.

"Advice is free, how you use it gives value to it much more"

Online Gaming: November 2004 to July 2010 (6 years)

Stop this addiction early so you can better yourself in reality than some virtual version of yourself.

The purpose of life is the following:
Its not about me . . .

John of the Roses
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Posted on: Fri, 01/01/2010 - 5:41pm

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Thats good Mandraken, that you are noticing this shift in your consciousness in your life.  I would reccomend utilizing the assistence of someone else, a sponsor, who has worked the steps themself as someone who could guide you through the steps.  Sponsoring yourself is a bad idea.  Good luck.

 

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone

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