Step 1, Thread 3 - To post about Step 1, go to Step 1, Thread 5 as this post has reached it's limit of responses.

IP: 68.36.9.216

So My first step came about 2 months ago when my wife told me she was leaving me.  I could not figure out why she was leaving.  Being a problem solver I grabbed some marriage material and started to read.  I figured out that I had been addicted to gaming for 7 years and had ignored every chance my wife had tried to get close to me.  I begged her to stay and that I had changed but she told me that it was too late that the 2 times we had gone to counseling and the 7 years she had asked me for my love was the time to quit.  I had an amazing wife and a amazing life that I did not realize or get to experience due to spending sometimes in excess of 60-100 hours a week playing games.

Hi Kevin.  Welcome to OLGA.  You've come to the right place to get support and encouragement to stop the insanity of excessive gaming.  I hope you will come back every day and make use of this site to help you in your quest to stop.  We all can relate to what you're going through and we are also working on our own recovery from excessive gaming.  Come back often, read the posts, post, and come to some of the chat meetings.  We're all in this together.  Best wishes for your recovery from excessive gaming.

IP: 95.16.163.105

Powerlessness:

At times I would lie in bed, and again it was so incredibly late, knowing that in a couple of hours I would have a meeting at work. I would say to myself: a€oeyou sucker! What are you doing!? Why are you doing this to yourself!a€ Angry and frustrated.

Unmanagable:

During the worst periods I would play until 4 or 5 in the night. I needed to get to work in the morning, but of course I would come late to work. So around 10 I would be there. During working hours I could not concentrate, was maybe having a couple of productive hours, but then I would read on the forums about the game I was playing. Instead of working until late to compensate for my lost hours in the morning, I would leave early, so I could play sooner. During the weekend it was just continuous.

Unmanagable, because of sleeping so little, eating unhealthy and very little, smoking a lot, all social contacts going to hell, during working hours very isolated and introvert, a shadow of my former self. 

IP: 73.44.231.247

Thanks, Steele, for sharing your first step.  I relate completely.  Especially, the staying up until all hours and then having to get up and go to work and function.  It wasn't pretty.  I also have to drive a lot so I was driving on too little sleep and probably a danger to myself and others.

IP: 99.118.118.45

Kevin84 I can completely relate to your situation.  I have been mindless and lost in addiction for 12 years. I could never see it. I have lost many relationships over this addiction, but yet could never admit that i was powerless, I just threw myself back into it to deal with what I was feeling. 

 I am back there again. I have been in a relationship with the most amazing woman for 5 years and have spent every ounce of that lost in addiction. We have a beautiful daughter. A month ago, I started realizing what I was doing to myself I read a few articles and it started to click that I seriously have a problem. Then she came to me and told me she was leaving. It devastated me, but there i was still turning on the PC and jumping into WOW to raid. Then I started to fight, I turned it off. But not for a reason that was good for me, just to show her "hey i can turn this thing off." I had every intention of going back to the game after this process was completely over and she had moved out. I knew I had a problem, I knew I was addicted, but I could not admit that I was powerless.  Last night I started to download a new game and I didn't want to. I knew that If I continued down that path I would lose any chance of us growing back together, that I would neglect my daughter and I would lose myself.

I got there last night. Instead of playing I reached out to my brother, a relationship that I have completely neglected for the last 12 years and he listened, I talked and then there it was I am 100% powerless over gaming. I have destroyed relationships, career paths and neglected every aspect of my life. 

IP: 118.92.112.133

I've lived in a SL fantasy world for over two years, and gradually my real world has become less and less manageable. My emotions are all over the place. I've not been pulling my weight on the homefront, with work, with everything. I've neglected friends and tried to rationalise it by blaming them.  I've blamed everyone else for my being unhappy. At times I've felt very unhappy in my gaming world but not really thought I needed to leave it.  And even now I am ashamed to say it is the breakdown of the relationship with my SL partner that has caused me to consider what I'm doing to myself. And that is pathetic.  I read entries here, I stay away from the computer as long as I can, tell myself I will restrict myself to an hour or two to just play my in world games and not go looking for my SL partner who is avoiding me. I hang on to his message that we will talk soon but am spending too much time thinking about all this. I think if I can bring myself to leave the game I will feel better in time. I have made an effort to see more people and work more in the last few days, since visiting here, but more and more I am thinking I am powerless over this game and cannot control myself. I have told myself days ago I will leave. I havent. I have set myself a deadline for that, I wonder if I will follow through.I now feel like I want to delete this piece of drivel but I'll post it. I need to open up more and face my weak behaviour.

IP: 71.35.185.183

Hi changling.  You're not alone.  We are all powerless over our gaming just as you are and we're all helping each other with our support and encouragement to remain free of gaming and the destruction it had brough to our lives.  As addicts, the only thing we can do is quit gaming altogether and take back our lives.  It's impossible for us to moderate....believe me, we've all tried.  If you need some help in leaving SL, here's a great post that gives you step by step instructions of how to do so:  http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/24264 (copy the link and paste in address line).   I wish all the best for you in getting free of gaming.

Dear Changeling,

Welcome and i understand your pain and uncertainty. You are in the right place and congratulations on having the courage to be honest with yourself and with others.

I was once where you are now. What worked for me was:
- i removed SL from my pc
- I said to myself I will not go to SL, or have any contact with SL (including email, facebook, FAQs etc) for today
- the next day I did the same
- instead of going to SL I spend time on this website reading other addict and family members posts
- I prayed to my Higher Power to give me the strength to stay away from the game for one day and I asked my Higher Power to take responsibility for my friends and partner ingame (it was no longer up to me)

After a number of 24 hours without contact in SL and some clean time I closed my accounts, emails, deleted friends, etc, etc

I wish you all the strength to do what you need to do. You will surely find your own way, but it must lead to the same place - being game free. You owe it to yourself.

Yours in recovery,
- pete

IP: 71.105.88.218

Dear changling21,

What you describe sounds a lot like how I felt right before I left Second Life.  I left and never went back. I didn't have the long-time emotional ties that you had but I had worked up to spending hours and hours there- I fast tracked.  I imagine without the emotional charge of a [co-dependant relationship] in Second Life it will all feel pretty flat to you.  A good time to depart, if you think you would rather spend your time in real life...and why not have the real thing instead?

You are going to feel better every day.  Especially at the point that you begin to spend those precious hours with someone in the touchable here and now.  That will feel truly magical.

You are and will need to grieve over your loss.  I promise you, though, it is most likely you will look back and wonder, "Why?" someday at the castles in the sand you built with this person.

Serena

IP: 70.127.110.136

Well, you might feel better, or you might not, the point is, if SL is interferring negatively with your real life, then you, like me, have the need to get out and

"live life on life's terms"

I have a real life partner. And its not always magical. Actually, it's usually not magical. Real life is tough. Work, family, responsibilty, not that full of tingles.

Don't get me wrong, my husband and i have some really good moments a lot more now that I've stepped back from gaming. And we both have made some really honest inventories of our relationship, but life, is life.

Good, bad, happy, sad, it's worth living.

Posted by mubb

changling21 wrote:

Quote:

I am ashamed to say it is the breakdown of the relationship with my SL partner that has caused me to consider what I'm doing to myself. And that is pathetic. 

changling same here, i run away from the game for the same reason, at some point i questioned myself if i was an addict or not and yeah i felt bad for this. But unfortunatelly i'm an addict, that game practically dissapear mi real life.

It's not pathetic, i see it now as that experience made me touch deep and thanks to that i finally decided to quit.

I'm away now for 2 months, i still think about my ex sl partner. At the beggining was something i had in my head all day... today is less and it's very easy to change my mind to other stuff. I recommend you something that worked for me: i forgave him and in my prayers i thank him because what he did to me made me realize i have a problem, i came here and i'm out of the game.

See you around ^^

IP: 118.92.112.133

Thank you so much for the responses. 24 hours so far without going into SL.  I'll read and reread these and other contributions here. This site is a blessing.

IP: 69.179.24.116

I've spent the last 20 years in some form of game addiction. I have owned almost every game console, and several gaming PC's. This slavery to games has hurt me in High School and College, but I didn't realize it. As long as I had my gaming fix, I didn't care about life.

To be honest, I don't know why I am realizing it now. I was perfectly happy with gaming one month ago. Perhaps I am waking up because I turn 29 in July? I don't know, but I guess I have just arrived at step one. I am so glad I stumbled onto this website. It's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this hell.

IP: 99.118.118.45

Changling21 - 1 Day at a time is all that you can do. Search around your area and see if you can find a OLGA group or a cyber group that you can start attending. Unfortunately for me there wasn't a group in my area for me to attend, but I reached out to other support groups like AA, NA and others. We are the same, I just have a different drug of choice, the program is the same and I am currently working a program with a an AA friend of mine as a sponsor. I have not gamed in over two months now and it truely is a blessing. I can relate to your story in many ways, as I have never been a part of SL, but I was a part of World of Warcraft and Everquest. I was a guild leader recently in WoW and alot of my motivation to play the game was not to let my guild mates down, what would they do if I wasn't there. That consumed me many times especially in the last month I played. I didn't want to play the game myself, but I couldn't let them down. That was my excuse for playing. They didn't need me there, they had surrived many nights without me there. I had socially destroyed myself with friends and familly that it just became my excuse.

Andrew28: It took me a very long time, many relationships, careers and friends lost along the way to come to the very same point. We will never really know why we came to the point were we could admit powerlessness, but that we came to the point is truely all that matters. Embrace it, work towards a better healthier life. Just as I said to Changling above. Seek a group in your area or reach out to other groups. Just becauase your not AA or NA, doesn't mean they will not embrace you and take you in. In the end we are all addicts with just different drugs of choice. Seek someone to talk to you, someone to help guide you through the steps, as I am doing myself. If there is not a group in your area, when you are ready you will create on as I will.

IP: 68.82.36.25

Hello everyone, especially those who are also new here, like me. I'm still getting a feel for this site and for the whole 12-step concept. I don't know yet whether I'm going to go in for meetings, but I do want to make at least one post for each step, as I progress. I hope that writing about each step as I do it will ensure that I really think about the concepts that are involved. So, powerlessness and unmanageability, here goes.

At least in the context of online gaming, here's what powerlessness feels like for me:

I've given in to the impulse to play "just a few games" of Bejeweled Blitz. At first, it feels good - comforting, stimulating, a relief from whatever tension I was experiencing before (anxiety over work, maybe, or a messy house, or IBS-related pain). At some point I might hit a high score and think about stopping, but of course I don't. Eventually - 45 minutes later? an hour? - I realize that I'm not really having fun any more. There's a dull ache in my tailbone from sitting in one position for so long. My fingers on the keyboard, not to mention the game itself, are slower now, and my laptop fan has come on. Most bothersome of all, though, is the panic I'm starting to feel. I know I've gotten sucked in again, that I'm not doing whatever it is I had planned to do with this time, and I hate myself for that; but I keep on compulsively starting new games. I start to bargain with myself. "I'll stop when I set another high score."

Well, 45 minutes later, I still haven't set another high score; in fact, my scores seem to be getting worse. So I try to renegotiate the deal. "OK, I'll stop when I accumulate 4,500 coins and play three rounds with the extra-time boost." If I'm lucky, that will work, but it probably doesn't. More than likely I keep playing, feeling the prickly heat of acute anxiety in my face and neck. "Next time I get a score of over 100,000, I'll stop." This time, let's say the bargaining works. But by the time I finally score high enough to be able to break away, it's 3:30 a.m., my muscles are all stiff, and my head feels like it's been filled with cotton balls. I struggle to stay focused on the present moment, instead of reproaching myself again and again with all the things I could and should have done in the time I'd spent playing Bejeweled. "I can't turn back the clock," I remind myself, "All I can do is go forward from this moment and try to do better." But my self-loathing follows me to bed. I'm starting to have trouble believing myself when I say, "Tomorrow will be different. I'll start fresh in the morning."

Well, last night, something finally snapped; I joined OLGA; and today WAS different. I didn't necessarily get all that much work done, and I still won't be asleep before 3, but I haven't played a single game of Bejeweled Blitz. And writing this post has engaged my mind, so that there isn't a cotton ball in sight.

I'm going to put off posting about unmanageability until tomorrow. The first step is a big one, so I'd say it's worth two posts...?

Good night,

Cara

IP: 177.135.121.226

Cara, your post reminded me of how often we gamers say "just one more round" as we keep playing. I suppose one of the reasons we play is because in the game we are in control of something, or overcoming a situation. But at the same time we lose control of ourselves.

IP: 68.82.36.25fer wrote:

Cara, your post reminded me of how often we gamers say "just one more round" as we keep playing. I suppose one of the reasons we play is because in the game we are in control of something, or overcoming a situation. But at the same time we lose control of ourselves.

You're absolutely right, fer, and you expressed it so elegantly. I suspect that this control issue is also at the heart of other obsessive/compulsive problems. For example, I was anorexic for a time as a teenager, and I would definitely say that in taking control of my body, I ultimately lost control of my SELF. What a nasty paradox.

IP: 12.175.230.36

Hey All, My name is Jim and I have so much trouble with a game called Evony. It has almost ruined my life. My family mainly my wife not paying any attention to her but playing the game and chatting with everyone in the game. It took my wife to tell me that my attitude has changed and she could not stand to be with me in public or for that matter any where. The funny thing is I do not really like games, I like things that make me think and use my brain like puzzles but this game just about has it all, makes you use your brain, think, strategize, and I think that maybe why I got hooked to it in the first place. I have not played for a short time but do have the urge to head back and play again. This is going to be one heck of a fight on my part. The only thing I have going for me is that Spring is coming and I have things I can do outside and wont be stuck in the house like during the winter. I found this site while searching for help and had no idea that it could be an addiction. Now I know better. I have spent most of my time here reading what everyone had to say and realized that its a real disease. Thank you so much for all your stories and truth it made this a lot easier to write for me. As for my game playing days they are done. Now to get back to my further seeking the LORD within my life and leaving everything up to GOD. God Bless everyone of you, I will be praying for all.

Jim

IP: 177.135.121.226

Hey Jim, welcome to OLGA. What a blessing to hear what you just said. Good luck on what you decided to do. In my experience, the resources on this site and especially the people here are a great help. Reading the posts, writing my thoughts, getting feedback and participating on meetings has been helping me a lot to stay game free. It wasn't easy to quit and the first few days were especially bad. But I'm free for a few weeks and loving it. I hope you will feel the same soon.

IP: 66.133.246.79

I have been free for 46 days and I still have thoughts of playing... but I don't entertain those thoughts anymore. Keep up the good work. 

IP: 99.110.2.187

Hello,

I have thoroughly enjoyed this site so far. I have started my new life 3/29/11 but had a relapse yesterday at work. I've played games for the majority of my life, as a kid I had a gameboy and also progressed through computers (Tandy1000 and Atari 2600 to Atari 520 st to IBM's) and have always had a computer to game with. I realized some years ago that I focused on gaming too much but managed to put off change until recently. The catalyst for my change was going into a rage at my boys (10 and 12) over something small because I was doing poorly at LoL (League of Legends). I remember thinking to myself, "What am I doing? They don't deserve this!" So I went back to my computer and as I loaded my next game I brought up google and did a "video game addiction" search and found this site. The funny thing is I am a Therapist and am currently working with substance abuse so I am familiar with the 12 steps. It was a light bulb moment when I read this sites adaptation of the 12 step program. There is sooo much more I want to share but suppose I better save some for future posts. I will share this before I go though, I was married to an amazing woman for 15yrs before she lost a battle with cancer. That was a few years ago and I just got remarried to a wonderful caring woman who loves me and is learning to love my boys. I owe it to her, to my boys, to my family to get my head back into the game of life. 

Type at your faces again soon =)

Tom 

p.s. Cyber Junkies was a great book! I was pleasantly surprised to see Liz and Olganon mentoined in it.

IP: 71.35.185.183

Hi Tom and welcome to Olga.  I'm so glad you found us.  I congratulate you on realizing your need to stop gaming and doing it!  I know how hard it is to make that decision.  We have a chat meeting every night at 10 pm EST.  I hope you can join us there.  I wish you all the best in learning to live a game free life! 

IP: 50.148.115.123

Ok, here is my response. I tried to limit my computer time for a span of 3 months starting at 5 hours but it isn't working. I get sad and depressed because I am always on the computer and Gaming all the time. My friends message me and such and I text/call them too late because I am in a game.

I have to finish this level. I feel bored but I must complete the game. I am tired. I want to go to my families house. I wished my friends could call me so I can hang out with them. So many things that I have said or thought up in my mind and I say that tomorrow I am going to limit myself but I go past the limit. It seems that all I do is game, go to church, and sometimes visit my friends, but that isn't enough. I need to cut back and destroy my computer addiction. I need to go Cold Turkey. 

I wished I could evangelize more but this addiction that Satan has placed on my life has made me useless in doing this. I understand that I have got to stop all this crap and start doing realistic stuff.

IP: 177.135.121.226

Hey computerfreako, welcome to OLGA! Most of us have found it impossible to limit or moderate our game time. Someone said it very well: even if we could moderate the time spent in game, our mind would still be there. I went game free a month ago. It was hard. But now I'm starting to get excited about other things again.

Hi computerfreako2.  You've pretty much summed it up.  Gaming is a downwoard cycle.  We all tried to limit our playing, but it just doesn't work.  The only way is to quit once and for all, get rid of yoru accounts, uninstall all your games and then beging the recovery process, starting with withdrawals.  It's a long, hard road back to living in the real world again, but the only way to do it is start and take it one day at a time.  We're all here to help you.   Hope you can find your way.

IP: 66.133.246.79

I have one month from games. I can tell you that I even still have withdrawal symtoms. Sometimes, thoughout the day, I will think of a gaming account or a large amount of gold I left in the bank... or something like that. I will feel temporarly down about it. I will wish I could go back into that account and see that gold again... but I know that it is just my illness talking to me once again. I know that after the excitement wears off and I see and seend the millions in the bank... I will once again be trapped into playing daily. I will once again be trapped into thinking about it daily. It is funny how video games uses excitement to try to hook you back in... but I know what is behind the excitement: slavery. 

mario

IP: 96.54.162.111

Ok, so, I guess I'm on step 1. It's funny actually but I just told someone tonight that I had joined this website and that I realized I had a problem I can't fix by myself. That's step 1 and I didn't even know it. I'm addicted to Second Life. I played for nearly 3 years. I've quit before but I didn't reach out for help, I just thought I would be able to quit. I met my partner in Second Life over a year ago and we're making movements towards starting our lives together (it involves my immigration to her country) but it's a slow process. She quit Second Life about 5 months ago and had actually developed a hatred for gaming/gamers... so when she quit, I quit too. I was fine for a couple months and then something tragic happened in our RL -- her mother passed away, and as a way to cope with the trigger of my own grief and the pressure to support hers (I lost my dad to the same cancer last year) I went back to Second Life. The other night she had reached out to me via Skype and I didn't answer, I was engrossed in Second Life... when she found out I was logged in she was very upset, and we nearly broke up. It's time. I need to stop and I need help.

I've been working with a counselor for over a year for many reasons, I was depressed, I have anxiety, I've been abused. And now overcoming gaming addiction is becoming part of my counseling, and from that, an understanding of why I became addicted to gaming in the first place. I hope I can offer that to others, the knowledge I'm gaining... and find some support here from others on steps ahead of me.

I still haven't officially "quit" but I'm getting ready to. I've warned some people that I "need to talk" and I guess I feel like I need to say goodbye to those people. I mourn the loss of the avatar and what she represents for me, and I feel guilt about leaving people behind. I also feel guilt about walking away from the money spent on virtual things that leave me nothing to show for them outside of the game. I guess this is normal. And all the while I'm trying to figure out how I got here in the first place, it's like it's overtaken me. So, this is my step 1.

IP: 177.135.121.226

Welcome to OLGA, truth-in-my-pocket! Congratulations on taking this step, I know it isn't easy. I also had to "talk" with "some people". I think that when friends really care about you, more than about your avatar, they will support what you need to do to set your life straight. It was very difficult and painful to delete my avatars and get rid of my stuff. I gave it all to my gaming partner. But I knew I had to delete them or it would be too easy to come back at any point. That first decision is difficult, but it is also liberating. Be prepared to deal with withdrawal symptoms in the first few days or weeks. Keep in touch here and you'll find support and information.

IP: 96.54.162.111

Thank you so much, Fer.

I'm working on it... I picked up all of my in-world items, including my store. I have rented 1prim hosting sites for my xstreet box because try as I might I still can't reconcile the fact that SL does bring me 'some' income. I'm not working right now, so the extra $100 a month does help me. I haven't had the 'talk' yet but I plan to, tonight. I don't know what I will say. I tried leaving them before and they told me I was being manipulated by my partner, that I should 'be able to play by my own choice' and they offered to help me moderate my time in-world. I see this as enabling, and the back of my mind there is a voice saying "it won't work." Because, it won't. I'll get sucked back into gaming and before I know it I'll be living my life in-world again and I just can't. 

I told my partner last night that I joined OLGA and she was so proud of me. So proud. That felt better than any new purchase in SL, or interaction with another avatar. So, I want to keep going. I'm relieved today... but I know the withdrawls will kick in. I actually saw a commercial on TV for something and had the urge to make one in SL. I caught myself thinking it, and just chalked it up to withdrawls, and changed the channel. 

IP: 196.210.208.131

Hey Everyone

I dont really consider myself a heavy gaming addict but i am a gamer nonetheless, that wants to stop. Im reaching 21 in a few months and i really dont want to continue being a gamer. I see it as still being a child and a waste of time but even knowing this, i STILL do it.

My main problem is the coming back part. It happens when you have nothing to do or when a new game comes or coming out( like the new elder scrolls: Skryim, must resist!!!!) out or if your bored. I am an only child and do not need many friends, im happy with just a few.I play with many of my friends online as well. Ive been playing since i was 5 or 6, which means roughly 15 years of playing pc/playstation. When my pc got stolen a year ago for a month (they broke in the house), my life pretty much stopped and i was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bored. It was quite ridicolous that during that whole month i couldnt stop thinking of gaming, like my purpose had magically disapperead.

I dont have a specific game, addiction but just all games in general. Not sure if i can stop it, i should have gone to the army for self-discipline but i hate the country that i live in so theres no way im going to fight for it (also many other reasons).

i hope i wasnt too boring, thanks for taking the time to read this.

IP: 71.126.226.15

Hi Striking,

     I feel your pain - I loved the Bethesda games and had already pre-ordered Skyrim not long before I joined OLGA.  Since then, however, I've cancelled all my upcoming pre-orders and started to destroy my discs, one per day.  There's a number of strategies folks here have to not game, and I suppose I call mine "Aim lower".  I'm not here to save the kingdom from the evil darkspawn monsters, I'm not here to save the world from the god of destruction; I'm here to do my dishes and check out new flicks from time to time.  And make my friendships better.  And serve God when I can.

IP: 177.135.121.226

Hey Striking, welcome to OLGA! I can relate to that feeling of thinking about game all the time, even when I'm not playing. Even this night I dreamed I was playing...

Have you read the self test? 

http://olganon.org/?q=self_tests_on_gaming_addiction

Keep coming back and sharing your thoghts. Also, we have daily meetings, see our calendar.

IP: 196.210.208.131

**SMALL UPDATE**

25 April 2011 will be the first day of my non-gaming life. I deleted all of my games which was much harder than i thought it would be. I guess your heart keeps saying NO but your mind says yes and so it took me a hour to delete all my games ( due to a constant inner battle), the delete process actually took 5 minutes LOL.

2 days before i did message here, but decided to have one last gaming weekend before i stop for good. My main motivation is university studies, im a 3rd year student doing one of the hardest degrees so i cant actually afford to play and i know it only gets worse! Im also hoping to get a gf, she is single etc but not sure if she likes me, she is away and will come back thursday or friday not sure exactly. i read from someone that getting a gf is good distraction from gaming, so hopefully they are right. Also starting of doing some hobbies, it might sound weird but i wasnt sure what exactly i would like so i just went to an astrology site and found out what my sign usually does for fun and said ok, lets do that! lol Hopefully it wont be THAT bad but hell lets try it anyway.

Thanks Fer! Im going to read the self test :), thanks for the link, im not sure when to go to step 2 since im still new here but im sure i will figure it out.

Hey Morganthau, i hope the steps you are taking are helping you. Im sure you have alot of potential you havent discovered yet, we all do! I wish you luck and all the best!

IP: 177.135.121.226

Hi Striking. Congratulations on your decision. I hear you when you say how difficult it was to delete your games. I got rid of items and characters that had great emotional value to me. It wasn't easy to press those buttons but each one I pressed made my resolve stronger, because I was passing a point of no return. I think that was important to give me some strength on the next phase, that was staying away.

What I did when I was at the same point you are, was to take it one hour at a time and find things to do instead of playing games. I didn't care what those things were, as long as they were keeping me distracted. After a couple weeks it started to get easier.

IP: 97.89.71.143

 Step 1 : My Powerlessness I remember well the day of my enlightenment or the day I knew I had no power over this addiction  and needed help. My addiction was scratching lottery tickets. My fiance had given me $1500 for rent on a building we rent. Which he did every month and for the last 9 months I have taken some of that money and scratched. I always found ways to replace what was spent;either borrowing money from loved ones or when I had to I would pawn my jewelry. This day I blew it all( In one day on scratch tickets )..I set at the gas station 30 minutes from home with no gas,hadn't ate all day and no where to turn. I knew there was no borrowing the money or trying to replace it this time ... I set in my car crying ..confused, terrified and lonely! I finally said now what? How are you going to get out of this one? I realized I couldn't do this on my own I needed help ..I prayed and once i finished looked down and saw on the back of ticket a number to call for if you or someone you know have a problem with gambling.

IP: 64.231.227.230

I was completely powerless over my game addiction. At first I didn't think I had an addiction...I thought I had control over it. Up until a week ago, I was still thinking I didn't have an addiction. Now I think "addiction" is the best word for it. But, whatever you want to call it, it damaged my real life. My real life went downhill.

Hours would fly by and I was still on the game and not done half of what I wanted to do there. The most disturbing to me was that my brain felt hijacked and I have never experienced something like that in my entire life. It felt "stuck" in that world. When I was out of it I was thinking about it. When I couldn't be on it, I was reading the game forums. It had this hold on me that I just couldn't seem to shake.

My house got messier and more cluttered. People would drop by and I'd pretend not to be home. The phone would ring, but I didn't want to take time from the game to answer it. Mail piled up. Things got paid late. Family was asking where I was because they hadn't heard from me in a while. My marriage was affected negatively. Pretty much all my relationships were affected negatively. I was spending time and money on virtual things. When I thought I was done with buying virtual stuff, I ended up buying more. (These virtual worlds are constantly advertising products). I was forgeting to eat and looking ill. I was not sleeping enough. I would dread social gatherings because I just didn't want to face happy people.

I was using the game to numb the pain. It allowed me to forget for a while, but it wasn't worth it. Now I feel that I have even more issues, the pain that was there, as well as this addiction and the aftermath of the addicton. For someone like me, online games multiply problems instead of solve problems.

Yes, its a bit like going on a drinking binge. While you are drinking the world seems rosy. But you wake up with a sore head, feeling remorseful and your problems have not gone away - only gotten worse.

- pete

Yes, its a bit like going on a drinking binge. While you are drinking the world seems rosy. But you wake up with a sore head, feeling remorseful and your problems have not gone away - only gotten worse.

- pete

IP: 178.167.192.254

well i started getting addicted to online games when my friend said its good and i should join 

and i joined and i couldnt stand her being better than me so i set out to catch up her and i did and now both of us are addicted constantly trying to beat each other,i still do everything i need to do.. just i made a lot of new friends on the game and i rush the things i do to come back and play the game 

IP: 98.246.81.200

I stopped being a gamer earlier today. Over the last four years I have failed at basically everything I've set out to do. Gaming isn't the only reason, but it's a very big part of it. So many times I've thought that I needed to cut back, but every time I'd just fail, I wouldn't stop myself from playing. Again. Even that failure just sent me further into depression and so I would spend more time doing what I did to not think about my real life: playing video games. I think today I just finally realized the depth of my addiction. I can't just play a little. I think for me it's playing a lot or not at all. I'm helpless to stop once I've started. I've boxed up and uninstalled every game I own, and I'm going to get rid of them. I have family nearby, and I've asked them to keep me accountable for that. It's amazing, the withdrawal symptoms are like how my dad was when he was going through rehab for alcoholism. My hands are shaking so bad it's almost difficult to type, and my vision is shimmering. I can feel a ball of stress in my chest, and I've chewed my fingernails to the quick. It's 10:45PM PST on the 16th of June, 2011, and I am helpless.

IP: 184.178.217.150

Genome wrote:

Quote:

 It's amazing, the withdrawal symptoms are like how my dad was when he was going through rehab for alcoholism. My hands are shaking so bad it's almost difficult to type, and my vision is shimmering. I can feel a ball of stress in my chest, and I've chewed my fingernails to the quick. It's 10:45PM PST on the 16th of June, 2011, and I am helpless.

Genome! Way to go!!! Praying for your strength, courage and resolve to continue with the 12 Step!

IP: 71.177.194.119

Yup, withdrawal symptoms, which I am now going through, are a b****.  A lot like withdrawing from alcohol and cigarettes.  I'm sick, got flu-like symptoms. Major sore throat.

In fact, a lot like cigarettes.

Does anyone know if it's the adrenalin?  Being UP for 8 years certainly has me feeling like I'm crashing right now.

But, it's worth it.  It's really worth it.

IP: 173.2.167.156

I started playing playstation when I was 11. I never thought much of it. When I came home from school I would escape my bad days with violent or addictive games. After a while I convinced myself that games are better than friends. This mentality made me a loner for years. After my girlfriend left me and I started college, I did the bear minimum away for college. Of course I brang the games with me. Even though the grades were okay, I escaped every other school problem with video games and online cartoons. I had to drop out due to bad money management among other things.

I restarted school three months later but my favorite game was at an arcade 7 blocks away from the school. I spent alot of money at the arcade and did the bear minimum again there.

Now I work and dont go to school but I'm saving up for more games and a monthly private internet line for my game. Yes I have no control I'm an addict.

IP: 67.185.86.193

Howdy, TekkenAddict...you sound like am addict, yes.  I see you admit to gaming too much and the financial consequences which you don't really seem to attribute to the addiction.  It's like you got the 1st part of the 1st step down, but not the unmanageability part.  Anyway, if you get to the pain that does not go away, you'll know you're at rock bottom...and you know you're at rock bottom when you quit digging.  So, keep coming back!

IP: 173.2.167.156

I appreciate the reply. Management and control are a problem for me I admit that. Still without games its hard to feel happy and when I have them I play too much. What should be done if the thing that make me happy also make things worse? Is there a way for me to enjoy my games and develop some routine so I can manage it? Is that even possible at this stage in my life? Need to find out... 

But your right. I should find where the pain comes from before I decide to get anything.

IP: 67.185.86.193

Been there, TekkenAddict.  I love my games and they did give zing to my life for a long time...however the price is too high.  All attempts to moderate have failed...miserably.  I'm afraid it's one of those things that cost too much to try to control...they control me, lol.

After making mega obstacles to keep me at 2 1/2 hrs a day, and the struggle each time to get off, I realized it wasn't worth it to try to moderate...total abstinence from gaming is the way to regain my life...there is something else that gives me greater joy than gaming, anyway.

IP: 75.139.237.64

I hit this step years ago but the problem was that I did not want any help for it.  I felt like I needed to game and needed a place to create a new entity, a new me that was NOT the real me.  I have been playing games since I was in middle school, so mid 90's, and I have not decided to quit completely until just a couple of days ago when I was confronted by my wife and parents.  I could tell that I was ruining a good marriage and relationship with my family as well.  Now here I am at 27 years old and admittedly broken for lack of better words.

The straw the broke the camel's back was the fact that me and my wife are working hard to get out of debt and we have been doing incredibly well.  The problem for me was...she put me on a $50/month allowance and we cut up our credit cards.  When I positively absolutely needed to buy a ship from the Cryptic Store since I was playing Star Trek Online, I went out and applied for a new credit card to go around my wife's back.  She was so devastated because I betrayed her trust and went behind her back, that she would not talk to me and even told my parents about it.  That's when my parents had a long discussion about my gaming habits and how it ruined my college grades and now it was ruining my marriage.

So here I am ready to finally change and get rid of these games because I don't think I can even play these games in moderation.  Me and my wife have tired several times to play games in moderation and it just never works.  So here I am....broken and in need of accountability and encouragement to be completely rid of these games so I can get my real life back on track.

New member,

Manny

IP: 71.177.194.119

Welcome to OLGA! You are absolutely in the right place :)

IP: 122.57.116.80

You are indeed in the right place Disaster77.  I'm sorry that you have had to find your way here, because it shows you are realising that you have come to the end of yourself.  Now that you are here and your family love you so much that they have intervened, use this site and the people here to help you, and give away your gaming.  Work now on re-establishing relationships with your wife and family and gaining their trust back.  We are here to support.

IP: 75.139.237.64

thanks Chop.  It was nice talking to you the other day.  I appreciate your help and I thank you for your support.  I hope I'm not starting to experience withdraws because I have been having dreams about Star Trek Online which was the game I was playing up until recently, just before quitting gaming and coming here.