Hello All.
I feel a little strange, writing this, putting feelings to words. It makes everything more tangiable.
I first entered secondlife 5 years ago as a "oooo whats this" kinda thing... it was fun, nothing great... but it started to spread into my life, and take up more time... I left, many times, though refused to close my account with stupid excuses such as "it has been there so long" or "I have so much on there" and thus the hold was never broken, I -always- went back.
About two years into this, i began to discover the more... sordid... side of SecondLife, and divulged deeply within it, the fantasy of the make believe was intoxicating for me. I am married, happily, in my real life... I never saw what I was doing as a threat or betrayal to those who I loved, but deep down, I know now that I was wrong.
Constantly, I would go back, and it would create RL problems, and I would leave, and put it behind me. And this continued over and over in a vicious cycle, my obsession unabaited. It destroyed my other half completely, and corrupted me to my core... my little games.
Finally, 4 months ago, I closed my account, my 5 year old account. I had to... it has now been 4 months since I have touched secondlife, but its poison has never left my thoughts... I constantly find myself thinking about the world there, and the people i had known... or not known so well, as it may be.
I have found recently it is increasingly harder... I have tried turning to other, more innocent MMO's to block out my thoughts on it, but it does no good. I am struggling, and came across this site, and decided to post this...
I wanted to affirm my addiction, and acknowledge to myself that it is an addiction, and I also wanted to know how people in the past have dealt with the feelings of withdrawal from SecondLife imparticular.
Thankyou for reading...
Lovingly,
Pasia
Pasia.
I just hit the 'post' button, and now I read your first post. Man... we live the same things, don't we.
First; welcome to OLGA. This is the place to go to, really. It gives me so much support, especially when struggling, as we sometimes do.
I started to read here, to interact, and it lifted me from the lonely place that I am in sometimes. I suspect that it can do the same thing for you.
Welcome Pasia.
Johnny.
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
Welcome to OLGA Pasia and congratz on your 4 months away of that game.
Like you i've been involved in this game for quite a while and i left it half a month ago... i know it's fresh and this last days i'm a bit emotional about it, specially everything related to my behaviour in that game. I thought for myself "this is virtual, innocent, no harm"... but we can say that you can get hurt and nothing innocent.
One of the best thing you did is to accept your addiction and work on it... what it helps me is when i write a post what i'm going through and also when i read other posts and the comments from other members encouraging me to never give up.
See you around ^^
It is hard, and emotions stir turmultuously because of that "game".
Reading the posts you, Maud and Tory have made here, has probably helped me to no end today, and it is what made me join and post... for that... I thank You... you may have helped me avoid relapsing.... have a nice evening, speak to you all soon
I know Pasia, our brains mess with us a lot but we have to be aware of that, this "moments" will be there for quite a long and we have to deal with them... it's hard, really hard, but we gotta find a way to do it.
I'm glad to read that our posts help you... coming back into real life is not easy but it's fun!!!... i'm getting in touch with some friends, going out a bit more... is better than stay in front of my laptop with my game load doing nothing.
See you soon ^^
Oh Pasia.. did you come to the RIGHT place!! Welcome and bravo to you for being able to stay away from there for FOUR MONTHS???
There are a few of us here recovering from this exact brain warping experience and so you may find yourself in very supportive company here. I was only twisted up in that place for a year, but a year too long I'm afraid.
I see you have read some of my blog posts and really, that appears to be where I am most coherent, so please continue to read them. I have never before been a 'blogger' nor someone who writes a journal but I have to now admit that the blog I've been writing on Olga is very therapeutic - its really helping me to see the 'whys' about it and sometimes even a clear pathway OUT of it.
I would urge you to try to replace that little 'missing' feeling with actual life activities and not divert to another form of virtual or 'game' pastime. I think that' game' specifically does a number on our brains, and we all need to get back into 'wired' actual life thinking. Oh my... did you see where I posted that I was irritated that I didn't have a teleporter at home? LMAO
I'm SO happy you found this place.. it reassures me that I am a) not the ONLY one that game twisted up and b) there are people who can really understand.
Keep coming back.. it works and we welcome you!!
XOXMaud
I am recovering from a gaming addiction, which has robbed me of my actual life for the past year or so. Presently on a fairly annoying emotional roller coaster and not to be taken too seriously ;)
OH, and PS Pasia,
I really congratulate you on cancelling that account!!!
Oh my word.. after only one year I was in obsessively in love with my avatar, and so after five I can only imagine your pain and heartbreak.
Maybe we should have a memorial service one night, in here, for all those avatars laid finally to rest. RIP
XOXMaud
I am recovering from a gaming addiction, which has robbed me of my actual life for the past year or so. Presently on a fairly annoying emotional roller coaster and not to be taken too seriously ;)
i have never written in forums so i dont know how this goes .. but i was searching stuff about secondlife and this forum that gives support to addictive players touched my heart so very much that i had to register and share my story ..
about 3 years ago i made an account on secondlife .. i was alone in reallife , my mom and grandma had recently died .. i didnt want to mingle and socialize in reallife .. and yet i felt so lonely and needed company ... secondlife seemed a perfect way of spending time ... as time went by .. and i became more entangled in it .. secondlife took over my reallife .. i wouldnt eat . i wouldnt answer phone calls from my real life friends , i wouldnt attend any of the neccessary stuff i had to accomplish during the day .. all what i cared for was my secondlife and my friends on there .. i would literally spend from 16 to 20 hours online playing secondlife everyday .. i had a few heartbreaks .. the pain was horrendous .. and would leave me shaky .. till the last heartbreak that i had to go through .. which litterally made me feel almost dead emotionally .. then i reached to the point where i didnt want to mingle with people on secondlife .. i would literally log in and stare at the void hours on end ... my computer was getting pretty laggy and ruined for all the high graphics that was being played as well so enventually one day it broke down .. i was tight on the money so i decided that i wasnt going to repair it . gradually i forgot about secondlife i started playing a war game on facebook called stormfall .. i poured myself into it yet again .. but this was a bit differant .. it didnt take over my life like secondlife .. even tho it could get time consumming and addictive as well ..i also had my fair share of drama there .. and also reached to the emotional death there .. panic attacks .. tears ... rage .. anger .. you name it .. people could be so cruel to one another online bc they feel there is no consequence to it ..recently i have reinstalled the secondlife viewer .. and i have been logging in again .. i know i probably shouldnt go back at all .. and ill probably will get addicted .. but i would like to think i have gained more experienced now .. and can back off when it gets too much .. what do you guys think ?
SK
Some people can moderate but real addicts just can't. Many of the gamers here have reported that their minds tried to rationalise with any reason to play again because the unconscious addict brain is cunning and ultimately wants the dopamine 'reward' of the game. But they have regretted trying it because they ended up back in the same old destructive cycle with their lives getting out of balance.
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here
Hey Shan - for me, I can't moderate. I go back and the addiction quickly kicks in and I'm spending far too much time, like 15-18 hours a day, so I have to stay out and keep out, or I'm toast, and in that destructive cycle Polga notes (and thanks Polga for all your work here!) Good luck Shan! All the best.
Hey, abosultely the cycle resonates with me. It was my replacement for the warmth of human company and my avoidance of the fear of rejection. I used to think I had to have fantasy to survive. But I didn't and the thoughts have finally started to go away after 2 years of avoidance with relapses and struggles. They still come back every once and a while. But there is so much in life to fill your heart up with once you turn away from the cycle of distraction. Especially the joy of investing in others.
'the joy of investing in others' - such a neat and apt phrase !
Happy Christmas !
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here
The subject headline says it all.
I joined Second Life five years ago. It was really to fulfill some voids in my real life. Mostly sexual. I've been in a real life relationship for ten years, but it's pretty much non sexual. The last time me and my live in real life partner had sex was two years ago.
Took a break from Second Life for a few reasons, but the main one was because my old laptop had basically stopped working. Purchased a new one last summer. When I discovered that I was able to get back into Second Life - that was the worse thing anyone could tell me.
Everything was fine at first. Picked up where I left off, which was having virtual sex with anyone. Got jobs in Second Life as a stripper and as an escort. The sleazier the better!
Then I met someone. At first I was distant towards this person, but eventually I caved in and fell in love. In both Second Life and Real Life.
With this person I broke my boundaries. Previously I swore not to mix SL and RL together, but I allowed this guy to penetrate both my lives. He told me the sweetest things ever. This guy made me feel as if I had mattered. We went from having virtual sex to having sexting sessions through a messenger app. He would send me the most kindest thoughts every morning in my text app. I was happy before I had met him, but this guy brought something different. Soon I was chatting with him everyday, for mostly seven to eight hours a day. We later "partnered" in Second Life.
Unfortunately we both had real life partners we were living with. I was willing to leave mine but he was unable to leave his. That hurt
Eventually, I felt led on and used. After a while, he stopped texting me in the mornings, and wasn't attentive during our conversations. It felt as if he wasn't even paying too much attention to me. I took this as a cue, and one day cold dropped him. I realize now that he had built all these expectations, which led to this very intense emotional affair.
It's also soured my experience with Second Life. Haven't been able to go back. It hurts too much. I'm also lucky that I have real life friends who care about me, and are genuinely concerned about my well being. My real life relationship however, I suspect is on the way out, but that's due to other factors.
There's a lot more to this story. Only giving everyone here the Reader's Digest version.
Thanks for reading my abridged story.
Hi All,
Chiming into what BurnedBySL stated "soured my experience with Second Life". My experience is very similar. I was so emotionally wrecked by my experience in SL that I vowed never go to that place or any other virtual world again.
If you are truly ready to leave it behind just uninstall the viewer and delete the account. I know - easier said than done but trust me, it is worth it in the long run. I am 15 months SL free and no relapses :-)
Take care.