I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I'm done. I'm done with everything. I'm done with the video games, I'm done with the excuses and I'm done with the hate. Deep down, my boyfriend is a good, sweet, kind and caring person. But that person is long gone and a hateful, manipulative and addicted person has taken his place.
For 2 years, the video games have been an issue. Our weeks consisted of him coming home from work, changing and getting on and staying on the video games, playing for 5-6 hours. For the longest time, I tried to reason with him. I tried to talk to him, ask him to stop, point out that there was clearly a problem. All that did was spark more anger in him. Sometimes it even seemed like he picked fights with me to be able to retreat to the video games with no problem. There were multiple times that he binged played for an entire weekend. I remember one time he got so mad at me because I downloaded the xbox app to see how often and how long he was on playing video games. He ended up marking himself as "offline" so I couldn't see when he was playing.
He even put up a separate tv in the living room, one so he can watch TV and the other so he can play video games. He even plays in a "hockey league" where, I kid you not, they have scheduled games each week. So for example, on a Wednesday, they would have a game scheduled for 7pm and 9pm. LIKE WHAT? Are you kidding me? And he would legit end our time together or hurry us home or avoid other activities because he had his scheduled game to play.
I take responsibility for enabling the situation. I felt that if I did things around the house, cooked, cleaned, did laundry, etc. that he would appreciate me more. All it did was allow him to play more and more. When I would point out that he wasn't helping with the chores around the house, his response was that he pays the bills so I should help around the house (PLEASE keep in mind that I own my own home, pay for a mortgage for a place I never stay, and stay at his house every day because he claims to want me there).
I kept making excuses but I'm coming to terms with the fact that he truly has an addiction and its not going to change because he thinks there is nothing wrong. I get excuse after excuse - "at least he's not out at a bar drinking", he would say. The games created paranoia in him as well. He would be so removed from the relationship because of the video games that his insecurities would take over and I would be accused of checking out other guys. He would even make comments about the clothes I was wearing (even though I dress appropriately) and I would have to change because he didn't want me to draw attention from other guys.
He rarely eats dinner. If he does eat it, its because I cooked it. Otherwise, its chips or ice cream or some type of cheese and meat. He never dedicates the time to actually taking care of himself and making a healthy meal. The games have even led to more destructive actions. He is prescribed (not sure why) vyvanse AND adderoll and all though I'm not a doctor, he doesn't strike me as someone that is ADD. He needs the drugs to stay awake during the day to complete his tasks at work. He has a sleep disorder and sitting infront of a TV playing video games does not help AT ALL with getting a good night's sleep. He also started testosterone injections because he can't take the time away from the video games to go to the gym, but wants to have some type of muscle definition.
He's lost me. I'm done. I deserve better than this. I deserve better than a relationship where I spend every night on the couch by myself, while he is lost in his world of video games with his headset on. I deserve better than working all day and having to come home to take care of the responsibilites at HIS house. I deserve better than an angry, irritable person who acts like everything I do is so annoying. I deserve better than constantly being yelled at, walking on eggshells and wondering what is going to set him off next. I deserve someone who is present in the relationship and doesn't constantly blame EVERYTHING, literally EVERYTHING, on me.
It just makes me sad. How can he be so blind to the fact that he is addicted?