Mad as h*ll!!

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sweetjess1951
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Mad as h*ll!!

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I'm done. I'm done with everything. I'm done with the video games, I'm done with the excuses and I'm done with the hate. Deep down, my boyfriend is a good, sweet, kind and caring person. But that person is long gone and a hateful, manipulative and addicted person has taken his place. 

For 2 years, the video games have been an issue. Our weeks consisted of him coming home from work, changing and getting on and staying on the video games, playing for 5-6 hours. For the longest time, I tried to reason with him. I tried to talk to him, ask him to stop, point out that there was clearly a problem. All that did was spark more anger in him. Sometimes it even seemed like he picked fights with me to be able to retreat to the video games with no problem. There were multiple times that he binged played for an entire weekend. I remember one time he got so mad at me because I downloaded the xbox app to see how often and how long he was on playing video games. He ended up marking himself as "offline" so I couldn't see when he was playing.

He even put up a separate tv in the living room, one so he can watch TV and the other so he can play video games. He even plays in a "hockey league" where, I kid you not, they have scheduled games each week. So for example, on a Wednesday, they would have a game scheduled for 7pm and 9pm. LIKE WHAT? Are you kidding me? And he would legit end our time together or hurry us home or avoid other activities because he had his scheduled game to play. 

I take responsibility for enabling the situation. I felt that if I did things around the house, cooked, cleaned, did laundry, etc. that he would appreciate me more. All it did was allow him to play more and more. When I would point out that he wasn't helping with the chores around the house, his response was that he pays the bills so I should help around the house (PLEASE keep in mind that I own my own home, pay for a mortgage for a place I never stay, and stay at his house every day because he claims to want me there).

I kept making excuses but I'm coming to terms with the fact that he truly has an addiction and its not going to change because he thinks there is nothing wrong. I get excuse after excuse - "at least he's not out at a bar drinking", he would say. The games created paranoia in him as well. He would be so removed from the relationship because of the video games that his insecurities would take over and I would be accused of checking out other guys. He would even make comments about the clothes I was wearing (even though I dress appropriately) and I would have to change because he didn't want me to draw attention from other guys.

He rarely eats dinner. If he does eat it, its because I cooked it. Otherwise, its chips or ice cream or some type of cheese and meat. He never dedicates the time to actually taking care of himself and making a healthy meal. The games have even led to more destructive actions. He is prescribed (not sure why) vyvanse AND adderoll and all though I'm not a doctor, he doesn't strike me as someone that is ADD. He needs the drugs to stay awake during the day to complete his tasks at work. He has a sleep disorder and sitting infront of a TV playing video games does not help AT ALL with getting a good night's sleep. He also started testosterone injections because he can't take the time away from the video games to go to the gym, but wants to have some type of muscle definition.

He's lost me. I'm done. I deserve better than this. I deserve better than a relationship where I spend every night on the couch by myself, while he is lost in his world of video games with his headset on. I deserve better than working all day and having to come home to take care of the responsibilites at HIS house. I deserve better than an angry, irritable person who acts like everything I do is so annoying. I deserve better than constantly being yelled at, walking on eggshells and wondering what is going to set him off next. I deserve someone who is present in the relationship and doesn't constantly blame EVERYTHING, literally EVERYTHING, on me. 

It just makes me sad. How can he be so blind to the fact that he is addicted?

Tobardus
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From someone that behaved

From someone that behaved exactly like your boyfriend or even worse I would say that the virtual world seems more sane. The rules and goals are more clear, the achievements more prevalent. The online community just indulges this even more. The habit sets in, the brain transforms, making it even harder to leave the virtual world behind.

I can only speak for myself but when my ex left me I didn't even know until some time later. I heard from friends I left behind that my ex is happy now. This is not a suggestion, this is just what happened in my case. I know this isn't really an answer to your question but it's the best I can do.

Disclaimer: I'm an addict.

sweetjess1951
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It’s just sad that he’s

It’s just sad that he’s wasting away his life playing video games. He used to be someone that was so sweet and caring. Now he’s irritated all the time, always angry. It seems like the only time he’s happy is when he’s playing video games. 

He still manages to do things outside of his gaming world, but we don’t spend much time away from home and if we’ve been out, the first thing he does when we get home is sign on to play.

He even gets mad at me if I kiss him goodnight when he’s playing. He’s yelled at me for making him die. How sad is that? That the person you claim to love is kissing you goodnight and you’re mad your virtual character died.

The worst part is that to him, it’s everyone else’s fault. I’m the mean one, the hateful one, the one that wants to be miserable. He manipulated situations to be able to play, guilt free. He picks fights to get out of his commitments.

At this point, I’m not sure he will ever truly see what he’s done. It will be too late if he ever realizes he really lost me.

Tobardus
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This is a long shot but has

This is a long shot but has something happened in his life that made him turn more towards gaming than usual?

Workplace turning bad... an event that changed something...

Disclaimer: I'm an addict.

sweetjess1951
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He had a bad childhood, but I

He had a bad childhood, but I don’t think that has contributed to the video games. He went through a divorce that really hurt him and I’d say since we started dating 2 years ago, he’s complained about how stressful work has become.

Tobardus
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My personal belief is that

My personal belief is that you shouldn't have to try to solve this yourself. If he doesn't want to attend couple counseling then you have to do what's best for you.

However, if he can't find fulfillment or achievement or meaning in work sometimes people turn to virtual worlds. I'm not saying this is the case of your boyfriend but do you think if work was better or more fulfilling he might not need games as much?

Again do what's best for you and please get second and third opinions too. The more the better. Sorry to be so straight forward, I know it can't be easy on you.

Disclaimer: I'm an addict.

sweetjess1951
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I’ve suggested counseling and

I’ve suggested counseling and he refuses. He tells me I’m the problem and I need to change. 

I don’t feel like at this point, if work was better, that he would not play as much. I feel like it’s become an extension of him, it’s become his life. He can’t go a day without playing for hours, unless we go on vacation, which is rare. Even if we get home late at night, he still has to play rather than going straight to bed.

Tobardus
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When he says that you're the

When he says that you're the problem I'm guessing he means that he doesn't have a gaming problem. Put yourself first if nothing changes and do what you feel is best.

Disclaimer: I'm an addict.

sweetjess1951
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Yes, so basically what

Yes, so basically what happens is I get stuck doing everything around the house, cooking, taking care of the dogs, laundry and then I spend my nights on a separate couch watching tv while he sits with headphones on playing for hours. I try to ignore it and not get upset but it builds and builds. And then something like me asking him to help me do something around the house and he doesn’t because he’s too busy playing video games sets me off.

And that turns into how I’m the problem, I have an anger issue, I can’t control myself. I’m mean and hateful.

Tobardus
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Again please seek several

Again please seek several opinions because I'm an addict and random person on the net but I would quietly look for options to move on.

Disclaimer: I'm an addict.

Polga
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Hi jess

Hi jess

Gaming addiction harms the brain. It sounds like the addiction has  taken over his 'good personality'. "The addictive personality" by Craig Nakken explains what is likely going on in his mind. It's a battle. To recover he needs to quit. This is very hard to do. The link for spouses in my signature has lots of information that may be helpful to you. Take good care of yourself

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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ARandomHero
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I would appreciate if you did

I would appreciate if you did the chores around my house. I think he takes you for granted. A part of me wouldnt allow it though I would be compelled to do the chores myself like clean the floors vacuum/mop/cook my food and do my laundry. 

Tobardus
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Hope things have worked out

Hope things have worked out no matter what path they lead you down as long as it's an improvement.

Disclaimer: I'm an addict.

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