Gaming is destroying my family.

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Highlandlace
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Gaming is destroying my family.

Hi there,

I'm new here so please bare with me if I ramble on, I really don't know how to start off...

I am the wife of a gaming addict. We have 3 children together - 16, 9 and 3yrs.
My husband suffers from borderline personality disorder, along with anxiety and depression.
He has been addicted to gaming since he was a teenager and it has recently gotten worse.
My husbands life revolves around gaming, he will play all night and sleep all day leaving me to raise the children, cook, clean and look after the house. For the past 3 yrs he has slept on the sofa - his choice. He hasn't helped to raise our 3yr old and knows nothing about her. He has no patience, always seems cold hearted and shows no interest in his family.

He has tried to limit the hours he plays but it doesn't work, he gets dragged in deeper and deeper into fantasy land.
I feel like a single parent having to do everything alone. My self confidence has gone down hill, I'm lonely and depressed and I haven't had a break in 3 yrs.
My husband started playing ESO and he got hooked, big time... He would play for 12hrs a day, sometimes more... It would really annoy me that his responsibilities had gone out the window. He'd have loads of fun playing and talking to people online but couldn't share the same with his family. Long story, short... I ended up snapping the disc.
We have spoken about his addiction and he does understand that he is addicted but he hates me for snapping the disc... I know it was wrong but I honestly felt driven to it.
He says that life is boring without the game, he says that I am trying to control him, mould him into someone else.
He say's I only want him to get better for mine and the children's sakes, rather than for himself.
I have stuck by him through everything and the only emotion he shows is for that fkn game-sorry-.
I am physically and mentally drained. Everything I do is for my family... I have only had 30 mins child free in 3 yrs as my husband doesn't even look after the children long enough for me to have a bath alone...
I love him but I cannot continue to be a doormat and I definitely can't keep raising my children around this type of negativity, it isn't fair.
I feel like walking out but I have nowhere to go. I want him to get the help he needs but he thinks I am the one who's being selfish by taking away his only enjoyment...

Hopefully all of the above made sense. I'd really appreciate some guidance.
Thanks for reading ?

Mischief
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Same Situation

Hi Highlandlace

I dont have much guidance apart from what has helped me so far as we are pretty much in the same situation, i will give you a bit of background and then pointers that have helped me deal with this.

My husband and i both work he is addicted to gaming that has progressed to every free hour he has in the evening as well as weekends he is either gaming to ridiculous hours in the monring or he is sleeping due to a late night before.

I am a mother of 2 young girls as i say also full time working 8 to 4pm and then the work continues at home, with the cooking cleaning lunches home work kids animals hahaha you name it we know it. i get up at night with my 2 year old and handle everything in the monrings hubby just gets himself ready and off to work.

Hubby doesnt lift a finger at home with anything, the kids have to call him 4 to 5 times to get his attention so yes it is incredibly hurtful, we have no us time together as that is all taken up so pretty much it is basically like its me and the kids and he is a room mate.

What i have noticed is that you the more that you fight and pretty much shout at a wall the more of your energy you are taking the more of the energy that you could have spent on the kids as that is what they deserve is you, we can not change other peoples choices of what they do in their time but we can give our time and energy to the ones that deserve it.

I have started keeping my energy for what matters most, my kids as well as myself i have detached from him so keeping convesation to a bare minimum as he wont listen much any way and just being with me reading, watching a show and spending time with my girls.

That is all we can do as they say take a horse to water but you cant make it drink, i live in the hope that one day he will wake up and realise the time he has lost with the girls and me but no one but himself can see that and until that time comes i will just be for me and my girls.

if you need support i am here.

Tobardus
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I know this is probably a

I know this is probably a futile suggestion but could you possible suggest to him that he can "game all he wants" after a certain hour like 8 or 9 pm as long as he spends a bit of time helping out and spends time with you and the kids? Present it as he can "game all he wants" and you just want a little bit of his time and it's not much to ask for. Then if that works maybe you can move the goalpost in small increments?

Disclaimer: I'm an addict.

Highlandlace
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We have tried that method

We have tried that method numerous times, it doesn't work.
He will literally play all night through to 5 or 6am the next morning. He's exhausted the next day, wakes for dinner around 4pm and goes back to sleep until the kids go to bed at 8pm.

I just feel at a complete loss.

Tobardus
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Really sorry to hear. I wish

Really sorry to hear. I wish there was a way you could do an intervention.

Disclaimer: I'm an addict.

Highlandlace
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He's withdrawing from the

He's withdrawing from the game at the moment. The Ps4 is still in the living room but hasn't been switched on, he has no interest in it if he doesn't have ESO... I actually convinced him to check out this site and the 101 things to do beyond gaming, he laughed in my face. In his words, everything was pointless and stupid.
Last night he told me hated me, I had ruined his life and that he wanted to kill himself.
I offered to spend some time with him but he wasn't interested in anything I suggested.
Fast forward to this morning and I call our G.P to get my husband seen this morning.
He's going there to tell our Dr that it's all my fault and he is suicidal because of me.
I don't know whether I should just purchase the game again and leave him to talk to his online friends. He only met them a few weeks ago so I'm pretty upset that he would choose to do that over his family.

Tobardus
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This all seems a bit extreme

This all seems a bit extreme to me and I've done some crazy stuff in my life. I think you both need help and fast as the situation does not seem sustainable. Are there family, relatives, friends that could aid you?

Disclaimer: I'm an addict.

Tobardus
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If you haven't already I

Disclaimer: I'm an addict.

Polga
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Welcome Highlandlace

Welcome Highlandlace

I am so sorry to hear how hard it has been to live with this situation.

The gaming addiction mixed with borderline personality must be very hard to live with. As he is in addiction he will be very much lacking empathy and be going through a lot of suffering and inner negotiation and denial. Lashing out is part of that mix. The addictive personality will have a strong hold over him.

You need to take care of you and do what you need to do to get peace.

Get legal advise; the first session is often free. find out what your rights are if you should decide to split. rally support from family or friends as a temporary place to go if needs be. Even if you decide to stay at least you know you have a choice.

I recommend you carefully read through most of the links in the first aid kit. You may find something to help you. You are not alone

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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