I Need help so bad.... Scratched the surface with sobriety from drugs, now video games appear to be the deeper threat

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Thundon
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I Need help so bad.... Scratched the surface with sobriety from drugs, now video games appear to be the deeper threat

Whenever I go to an Alcoholics Anonymous or Marijuana Anonymous meetings I generally begin my story with "My first addiction was video games. I isolated in virtual worlds because I had no friends, but then I found weed and alcohol to be the catalyst for beginning to have a social life."

I type this before all of you today with a solid 6 years sober off of marijuana and alcohol. I have been happy with the spiritual life that I have grown and with the sober community that I have built up around me, but my life is still in shambles.

At 6 months sober, I was on top of the world. I was in a long term treatment center and at 6 months they let me enroll in community college. The first day of school I leaped out of bed at 6:30am with tremendous energy. I had worked the 12 steps, recovered from drug addiction, and was ready to begin the newest chapter of my life. For about half a year I was a wonderful student. I would return back to the treatment center, eager to do my homework, and would do every last assignment. I aced all my classes.

But then a shift happened... I graduated treatment with 1 year sober and I got my phone and laptop back. My 5 year regression would begin then...

I got accepted into my city's 4-year University, but my performance would never be as good as it was in community college. I moved out of my sober home and into a house with my new best friend. We both played League of Legends, and we would do it all day, every day.

I skipped class. I stayed up until 3-4am gaming. My sleep schedule was a wreck. I stuffed my face with sugar and constantly gamed. Occasionally I would feel productive by going to the gym, but would blow off all the truly important stuff in my life by gaming or watching Netflix. I failed classes, had to drop out of classes, and barely managed to graudate with a 2.0 GPA in my core classes.

I could go on and on about the consequences of video games in my life and how they have manifested for me, but I'd like to fast forward to what's happening today.

I can't stop gaming. I lost my job and spend all of my time gaming. Hours and hours and hours. I'm either at an AA meeting or video gaming, ignoring my responsibilites and I just ran out of money. I have $8,800 credit card debt, $13 in my bank account, and a student loan payment about to bill me next week and I don't have the money to pay it, nor a job.

I just keep playing video games. I tried deleting all the video games off my computer, but I just ended up perpetually on my phone playing Hearthstone. Eventually, I redowloaded the games on my computer. Finally, I was fed up and deleted Hearthstone, WoW, Steam, and League of Legends off all my devices including phone. I feel proud temporarily, but then I find loopholes.

For the last few weeks, I am constantly gaming on browser games. All sh**ty stuff too. Minesweeper, Bloons Tower Defense, Slither, and Skribbl. I just can't stop gaming. It's the first thing I do when I wake up and I just stay up late watching TV or playing games. 

My monetary situation is about to come CRASHING down on my head and it's all because I played video games instead of picking up my responsibilities. I'm out of time and I'm terrified. I'm so scared. I'm so scared that I'm about to finish this post, hit submit, and then muscle memory click over to some video game and procrastinate even further.

I need help so bad.... I can't iterate enough how terrified I am.

Friends and family don't understand. They just don't think I have enough willpower. I mean... I don't. I can't do this alone anymore... I need help before I become homeless.

/endrant

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Thundon

Welcome Thundon

You are not the only one to find video game addiction more terrible than dugs/alcohol

I know of several members who report that gaming addiction is more pernicious than substance abuse

You are not alone

You may find it supportive to listen in to the mumble meetings. Check out the meetings link for addicts in my signature

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Ritchy
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Joined: 06/04/2015 - 3:09pm
welcome

Hi, glad you found us here.  Your story sounds similar to mine in several ways. I'd be glad to talk some time.  Also recommend the mumble meetings.  They're full of friendly, supportive people.

There is hope!  You're not alone.

LovingMom97
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Last seen: 16 hours 41 min ago
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Joined: 07/14/2019 - 8:15pm
ReStart Life is tech

ReStart Life is tech addiction rehab. My 22 year old son went last year and did great! He thought he had it made and left Phase II in December no matter how much we told him to stick with it and do Phase III. He was and is in denial, but you sound like you are not in denial and want help. Please call them!!

KL

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